Uncle Apple Strudel and Granny Smith used to get their families together every other weekend, back when everyone was younger. Two very young Braeburn and Big Mac have a hideout they always loved to play in, away from the boring conversations of the grownups. One especially hot, languid summer day, their play turns a little more experimental...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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woah.
im straight but this was a pretty cool story.
I wonder what Braeburn was gonna say....? 4/5 MOUSTACHES!
I wanted to like this story; really I did. But for me, first person is a huge turnoff. It isn't bad, but it isn't something I'd consider a favorite, either.
1459261 It was Big Mac that was going to tell him a secret right?
Haha! Big Mac got me for a sec there!
1459330 That's weird. It's actually a relatively traditional narrative, first person past tense. It's as if Braeburn is sitting next to you and telling you a story of his past. As versus an all-knowing unseen entity narrating a story in 3rd person. Whatever floats your boat though.
Good little fic. I don't care much for clop, but this wasn't. More like slice of life, even if the circumstances were um... shall we say, less than orthodox? lol. Still, have a thumb!
Okay... I like this, and I upvoted it.
But it seems really, really messy in terms of things like punctuation, word choice, and other formatting-type things.
Like look at:
"Yep" He shifted a little, grabbed me between his arms, and he caught me in a long, right hug, his muzzle firmly in my mane. In turn, I sniffed at his straw-like mane.
And compare with:
"Yep," he murmured as he shifted a little. He grabbed me between his arms and caught me in a long, right hug, his muzzle firmly in my mane. In turn, I sniffed at his straw-like mane.
Things like that seem to add up all through the story in a way that made me go "ggggggggggugh", but I like what you did here overall.
Yes.
I don't mind this sort of thing. So I enjoyed it.
Sweet in an odd way. I had to read this because it involves a friend's OTP, and I actually liked it too..=p
you must write more of this story, please!
1460241 Gah! No! Typos! Punctuation, my Archenemies! It was supposed to be a tight embrace, how the heck did it become a right embrace? What's a right embrace even supposed to be?
1460169 Precisely!
1460035 I thought it would be a great way to play with tension, just before AJ's interruptive irruption.
great story. I wish you would have made it longer, but i feel you had the element of story-telling well nailed down. Interesting concept, the braeburn x macintosh pairing has been done somewhere else, but this is surely a unique way of interpreting you loyalty to the ship.
1460169
Yes, I know. And I generally don't read anything in first person (not just fanfic, but published fic as well). I think I have a hard time imagining the narrator if they're constantly being referred to as "I".
1461862 Let me stop you right there; I don't do ship loyalty. I'm a shipping pirate; I'll pair anyone with anyone, laughing as I unleash the boundless powers of love! All it takes for me to write a couple is one thought;
1461956 FINALLY! Somepony who gets me! I'll pair any two ponies as well!
As for your next possible story... How about spike x celestia?
1465421 i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/121/526/Celestia%20challenge%20accepted.jpg
looks interesting..... must watchout for more....
indeed
1465765 or you could expand this story to make it much more...steamy.
1482642 You could not believe how close you are to guessing the plot of the next chapter.
Fluff. Fluff is something I really REALLY need to write more of. I'm sick of coltcuddling drama with a few fluffy moments here or there, I really just want to write fluff like this for a change.
Oh wait, the story.
I liked it, upvoted it, and blablabla, the errors are a slight turn off as a reader, but the sheer adorable nature in so few words make up for it, and if they don't to others I don't care. Just imagining a small Braeburn giggling and squirming as Big Mac constantly teases him like that is sheer adorable. I smiled way too big when Big Macintosh told Braeburn his "Secret".
GAAAH, MORE FLUFF!
Eh, could use some more editing. You abuse semicolons like they're some kind of red-headed stepchild, but in terms of what this set out to be, it was okay, I suppose. Not quite my particular brand of coltcuddling crack that I tend to love, but you can't cuddle all the colts in just over a thousand words.
I will say that linking that image was hilarious.
Here's a suggested soundtrack
Anyone wishing to proofread will be very very welcome.
Another suggestion:
1485174 Is there really going to be a next chapter or are you simply toying with me?
Very nice and super cute.
It's true what they say, everypony is gay for Braeburn
1570843 It's planned. It's just that, every time I've sat down to write it, the mood wasn't appropriate and it ended up being crap, even by my low standards. When you're writing atmospheric, fluffy pieces like this, mood is vital.
1571009 Thank you. The challenge with writing a sequel is tho make it stay that way. Or maybe I should go the Oyasumi Punpun way and spend that cuteness and innocence capital into drama and angst...
this needs a sequel!2
This we very cute and seemingly inoccent. I like the playful and sort of cunfusion in the romance, even if theyare suppose to be related.
Here, have a cute pony gift. Nice writting tecnique btw
i.imgur.com/T5Ho6VA.gif
Such a cutoff.