This story is the result of me being bored while being heavily exposed to Shakespeare and Old Elizabethan English in my university classes... Wanted to take a crack at writing in the older style as an exercise for my class. Let's see if I succeeded or failed miserably...

Also, I was heavily sleep deprived and didn't realize that I published it before editing... I apologize if it's unbearable to read because of my idiocy. I checked the time stamp for it and stuff...and I could have sworn I was sleeping at the time it gave me...

*GASP* I write and post fanfiction in my sleep! How long has this been going on?!

Nope. It's not unbearable, but definitely a great read.

i cant find the right words hrmmm, tho has created a piece of literature worthy of note :)

ga I'm terrible at that

Very nice.

A nice little story, you are very talented.

I really enjoyed this little story. I find language and syntax fascinating and almost always have a soft spot for characters who don't speak quite "right". You pushed a lot of my buttons with this little piece and I liked it

It's a great read, but you'd think someone who was intimately acquainted with the language when Shakespeare analogue's works were created would realize he never really was limited existing words and usage.

>>14509331450933

I figured, but I was also using a simpler form of the language to show that while Luna is learning and toning it down, she still has a long way to go.

She never really had a good grasp of adapting language speaking wise, even during Luna Ecplised,so she most likely adopted his speech patterns without fulling adopting the methods he used when he spoke because she was most likely turning into Nightmare Moon at the time.

That was fantastic you have earned a favorite and a watch sir

Wow.  I can't believe that after a full year since Luna Eclipsed aired, this is the first time I've ever heard it pointed out that Nightmare Moon had no problem with modern language.  My mind is blown.  Headcanon ... rearranging.

The writing on this still feels a bit rough (Luna can't hear herself speak, but her sister can?), and there's a lot of exposition that crosses over from show into tell, but I'm still faving it because you touch on some concepts here that are worth exploring.  As you might be able to tell from my own writing, I find Luna an awfully interesting character, and you're getting my mind stirring in useful ways.  Thank you for writing this.

If you ever come back and revisit this, it might be an interesting experiment to put it into first person from Luna's perspective -- so much of this story is about what's going on inside her head.  Of course, then the problem of talking about language issues becomes awfully thorny ...

Wow, featured on Equestria Daily. Not bad.

Well done as a slice of Luna's life, and deserving of its EQD feature.

I can't find any fault with the Shakespearean speech, though I am by no means any kind of expert. I actually spotted some tense trouble with the narration. It's late, though, so I didn't catch it all. I might come back tomorrow to point out things that look like errors to me. Here's one:

"No matter the pony, she wished and hoped that each one lives a long, fulfilling life filled with happiness and love" -> I think it should be either "lived" or "would live". "Lives" is present tense and definitely doesn't belong.

A worthy effort, most gratifying. We find thy usage of Shakespearean tongue illuminating, thou art congratulated.

This was a nice little read, and something I hope you explore a little more. It took me years to appreciate what Shakespeare offers in terms of communication, and the chance to read Luna like a character in one of his plays would be a real joy to read. I hope you explore this more with Luna - I'll be watching to see what else you come up with.

Thank you!. I think this is the first fic I've read that has Luna speaking in proper Early Modern English, and not Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe that usually happens when people try. The emotion is conveyed well and it is all very well written, also.

The only nitpick I would have is the choice of ShakeHayspeare quoted at the beginning. That line comes from a very long-winded blowhard, proving himself to be such while denying it at the same time. It could work if Luna is trying to make fun of herself and her speech patterns, but I didn't get that sense of self-deprecating cynicism at that point in the story. That's just me, though.

>>14440221444022

Perchance thou didst intend to use 'Thou hast'? It seems thy words have failed thee.

>>15117951511795 that they have indeed

I regret leaving this in my read later list until now.   SilverTongue, you should sleepwrite more often, this is just beautiful.

>>14420371442037

First of all, this is one of the best examples of early modern Equestrian, and one of the best Luna characterizations I've seen.

Second of all, this:

A smile that dearly missed that was reciprocated by one of her own.

Finally, somebody who can effectively write Luna's dialogue. Those who can successfully write good Luna dialogue seem to be few and far between here.