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  • 87w, 5d
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  • ...
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Source

For a thousand years, Princess Luna was erased from the history books. During that time, many things had changed, but none have affected Luna more so than the change in language. Even after many months of passing time, she wonders about language and words as she struggles to gain a better understanding of how to communicate with her fellow ponies.

First Published
15th Oct 2012
Last Modified
15th Oct 2012
#1 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

This story is the result of me being bored while being heavily exposed to Shakespeare and Old Elizabethan English in my university classes... Wanted to take a crack at writing in the older style as an exercise for my class. Let's see if I succeeded or failed miserably...

Also, I was heavily sleep deprived and didn't realize that I published it before editing... I apologize if it's unbearable to read because of my idiocy. I checked the time stamp for it and stuff...and I could have sworn I was sleeping at the time it gave me...

*GASP* I write and post fanfiction in my sleep! How long has this been going on?!

#2 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Nope. It's not unbearable, but definitely a great read. :raritystarry:

#3 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

i cant find the right words hrmmm, tho has created a piece of literature worthy of note :)

ga I'm terrible at that :applejackunsure:

#4 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

Very nice.

#5 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

A nice little story, you are very talented.

#6 · 110w, 2d ago · · ·

I really enjoyed this little story. I find language and syntax fascinating and almost always have a soft spot for characters who don't speak quite "right". You pushed a lot of my buttons with this little piece and I liked it :twilightsmile:

#7 · 110w, 1d ago · · ·

It's a great read, but you'd think someone who was intimately acquainted with the language when Shakespeare analogue's works were created would realize he never really was limited existing words and usage.

#8 · 110w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1450933

I figured, but I was also using a simpler form of the language to show that while Luna is learning and toning it down, she still has a long way to go.

She never really had a good grasp of adapting language speaking wise, even during Luna Ecplised,so she most likely adopted his speech patterns without fulling adopting the methods he used when he spoke because she was most likely turning into Nightmare Moon at the time.

#9 · 110w, 1d ago · · ·

That was fantastic you have earned a favorite and a watch sir :moustache:

#10 · 108w, 6d ago · · ·

Wow.  I can't believe that after a full year since Luna Eclipsed aired, this is the first time I've ever heard it pointed out that Nightmare Moon had no problem with modern language.  My mind is blown.  Headcanon ... rearranging.

The writing on this still feels a bit rough (Luna can't hear herself speak, but her sister can?), and there's a lot of exposition that crosses over from show into tell, but I'm still faving it because you touch on some concepts here that are worth exploring.  As you might be able to tell from my own writing, I find Luna an awfully interesting character, and you're getting my mind stirring in useful ways.  Thank you for writing this.

If you ever come back and revisit this, it might be an interesting experiment to put it into first person from Luna's perspective -- so much of this story is about what's going on inside her head.  Of course, then the problem of talking about language issues becomes awfully thorny ...

#11 · 108w, 5d ago · · ·

Wow, featured on Equestria Daily. Not bad.

#12 · 108w, 5d ago · · ·

Well done as a slice of Luna's life, and deserving of its EQD feature.

#13 · 108w, 5d ago · · ·

I can't find any fault with the Shakespearean speech, though I am by no means any kind of expert. I actually spotted some tense trouble with the narration. It's late, though, so I didn't catch it all. I might come back tomorrow to point out things that look like errors to me. Here's one:

"No matter the pony, she wished and hoped that each one lives a long, fulfilling life filled with happiness and love" -> I think it should be either "lived" or "would live". "Lives" is present tense and definitely doesn't belong.

#14 · 108w, 5d ago · · ·

A worthy effort, most gratifying. We find thy usage of Shakespearean tongue illuminating, thou art congratulated.

#15 · 108w, 5d ago · · ·

This was a nice little read, and something I hope you explore a little more. It took me years to appreciate what Shakespeare offers in terms of communication, and the chance to read Luna like a character in one of his plays would be a real joy to read. I hope you explore this more with Luna - I'll be watching to see what else you come up with. :twilightsmile:

#16 · 108w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

Thank you!. I think this is the first fic I've read that has Luna speaking in proper Early Modern English, and not Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe that usually happens when people try. The emotion is conveyed well and it is all very well written, also.

The only nitpick I would have is the choice of ShakeHayspeare quoted at the beginning. That line comes from a very long-winded blowhard, proving himself to be such while denying it at the same time. It could work if Luna is trying to make fun of herself and her speech patterns, but I didn't get that sense of self-deprecating cynicism at that point in the story. That's just me, though.

#17 · 108w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1444022

Perchance thou didst intend to use 'Thou hast'? It seems thy words have failed thee.

#18 · 108w, 4d ago · · ·

>>1511795 that they have indeed :twilightblush:

#19 · 108w, 2d ago · · ·

I regret leaving this in my read later list until now.   SilverTongue, you should sleepwrite more often, this is just beautiful.

#20 · 108w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

>>1442037

First of all, this is one of the best examples of early modern Equestrian, and one of the best Luna characterizations I've seen.

Second of all, this:

A smile that dearly missed that was reciprocated by one of her own.
is weird. The whole paragraph sits oddly, and later you use the word body twice in relatively quick succession. Otherwise, nicely done.:twilightblush:

#21 · 105w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Finally, somebody who can effectively write Luna's dialogue. Those who can successfully write good Luna dialogue seem to be few and far between here.

#22 · 77w, 5d ago · · ·

This needs a sequel !!!!

You exemplify Lunas emotions perfectly! and bring tears to my eyes!:pinkiesad2:

#23 · 25w, 1d ago · · ·

“Madam, I swear I use no art at all. That he’s mad ‘tis true…’tis true ‘tis pity, and pity ‘tis ‘tis true… A foolish figure, but farewell it, for I will use no art…”

'tis a pity 'tis true

“Dear sister, what has become of our language? Words…most glorious and sweet, they were. Softly caressed by thy lover’s tongue or words most foul spewed by a yellow bellied coward… So expressive they were. ‘twas the subtle touch of mother with her newborn babe, or as vicious, as vicious and cruel as a vengeful foe…”

a lover's tongue / one's lover's tongue

yellow-bellied

What hath

'Twas the subtle

a mother

“Thy logic is sound, as your words art weighted by truth. If true, what will become of me and my archaic ways?” She stood up in frustration and turned inwards to her bedchamber to escape the world around her. She stopped in the center of the room. Speaking again, her voice had changed to a hoarse, regretful whisper, “To be loved, or despised… I know not. I bear no ill will, ‘tis true. Their will towards mine aged behavior is most unpleasant indeed. ‘tis a feeling like no other. An enduring distrust that mine empathic soul has not had the opportunity to experience shy of a millennia.”

thy words are weighted

mine archaic

'Tis a feeling

millenium (singular) ago

“Thou speakest as if thy request is a simple one, one in which success is sure to follow…but when my words art flowing and weaving, withholding my words is a obstacle that not even my dear sister can comprehend as the flowing streams of time have been in thy favor, a most gradual and evolving process. ‘tis a luxury that I do not have in my possession. I must learn thy kingdom’s unfamiliar language that belongs to the subjects within. The difficulty, ‘twas unexpected, leaving me to hide in my closet in shame over the failure of such a task. Mine use of the Royal ‘We’ and The Royal Canterlot Voice still continues.”

when my words are

'Tis a luxury

“The comfort I receive from thee is most welcome. My gratitude extends beyond the farthest star in my sky. Thy warmth is pleasant, my very core it fills to the brim with love and tenderness. I thank thee most sincerely dear sister. The feelings of joy from whence they came art inexplicable as they rest peacefully in my bosom at the simple thought of having a kind and most caring elder sister such as mine.”

It fills my very core to the brim

From whence these feelings of joy came is inexplicable / These feelings of joy - from whence they came - both are inexplicable / From whence did these feelings of joy come? They are inexplicable (Rephrase somehow. Very awkward sentence here.)

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