Counting the Days

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Trapped beneath the caves of Canterlot, Cadance endures the time she lay imprisoned after being captured by Queen Chrysalis. Day after day goes by, and the only comfort Cadance has in her underground prison is the hope that someone will help her escape. But even that small flicker of hope begins to fizzle as time keeps passing and no pony has come.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 12 )

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TheAshenKnight

TheAshenKnight #1 · Aug 9th, 2012 · 2 · ·

Well, now this is an interesting idea. It's certainly unique, and I've never thought of this aspect before. Just how long was she trapped down there, and what did happen?

What's even more interesting is that almost the entire story takes place within a tiny prison, with a few flashbacks in it, little dialogue, yet doesn't need it to be powerful. You've done a great job capturing the emotion of it all. While there is some telling going on (Which is needed in a few cases. I believe you included it where it needed to go.), there's also a lot more showing, which I believe greatly helped with that image. It's sad, desperate, etc. It seems like everything here was essentially done right, especially the invitation thrown in by Chrysalis. While she herself never actually said anything, the taunt there was amazing. It was such a simple move on your part to include it, but it had a huge impact to the feeling it all gave me. That was probably my favorite part, to be honest.

I did notice a hiccup in the formatting here or there, however. You accidentally forgot a space between April 21 and the word 'in' in the invitation. There might have been more things, but I can't really recall them, and honestly, it doesn't matter that much. Typos happen, and sometimes there's nothing we can do can fix them. Even pre-reading doesn't catch everything.

All in all, this was very, very good. Hopefully it gets some recognition for what it is... wonderful. :)

Silver Tongue

Silver Tongue #2 · Aug 9th, 2012 · 1 · ·

1056460

Thank you! I'm really glad I was able to get the emotions across properly. Chrysalis completely screwing with Cadance's mind without even being there is actually my favorite part as well, especially since it took a bit of time making sure the taunt was written the way I wanted it. That scene didn't want to cooperate with me. Stupid scene...

I went back and fixed the errors you pointed out. Thanks for mentioning that.

Now I need to go smack myself and my beta for not catching that...

TheAshenKnight

TheAshenKnight #3 · Aug 10th, 2012 · · ·

1057853

It sure seemed to me like you conveyed it well, even in the taunt scene. (Especially in the taunt scene. That was incredibly powerful, especially for such a little thing.) If you did have some trouble with it, it looks like you managed to overcome it. :)

Well, the one error. x] You're welcome, though.

Haha, I don't know about that. ;P Everyone makes typos. I've left out an entire sentence by accident before. Needless to say, it was a bit confusing.

Coming back to this a few hours later, I'm surprised this doesn't have more hits, though. It certainly deserves them IMO.

Silver Tongue

Silver Tongue #4 · Aug 10th, 2012 · · ·

1059522

In my mind, format errors are still errors and they must be destroyed from existence!

Didn't notice it since it was written in italics and it looked like there was a space. Stupid, deceiving italics... Not a bad job for editing it at 3 am with my beta..

My head hits the desk when I forget to put things in. Hate it when that happens.

It probably just got a slow start. It posted really, really, early. So it was probably really easy to miss.

Arzoo

Arzoo #5 · Aug 11th, 2012 · 1 · ·

Decent writing and a relatively original plot (I don't think I've seen many other stories about Cadence's imprisonment). Makes me wish there was more to this, but even as a brief one-shot it still deserves more attention!

Csquared08

Csquared08 #6 · Aug 12th, 2012 · · ·

The way that ended, I want more. But at the same time, what is there makes me perfectly content as well. So, overall, well done. This is a solid little one-shot.