My Robot Luna as finally arrived! But why is she so life-like? Is there a twist to this story?
Well, whatever it is. I'll work around it!
--------
Heyo! Darkyellowz here with a story I wanted to do in a LONG time. I wanted to do it about the Fluttershy Unit, but I never got around to it. Read up about the Princess Luna Unit. And my brain was fed up with me not doing anything. So I hope you enjoy this story as much as I do.
Cover Image (c) ~ My main artist Rachel.
Everything else goes to their respectful owners.
Chapters (1)
Intresting, but if she does not know yet that she's a robot then why do you call her Luna unit?
There are some things you need to work on. For one thing, you'll need to express the character's feelings a bit more. It feels like I'm just reading a movie script. Also I think you don't need to mention about the side adventures. In fact I think you could work on those a little more and make those side adventures into full length chapters. I can't favorite or like because of this, but I'll put it in my read later list.
1441566
Well, as the character (Who I'm thinking of calling Steve or something. Working out an Australian name here.) said to her, it casts her as an individual. This became more then a reason for her to accept.
1441592
Well, I really wanted to write out the first chapter of Luna Unit with a basic sketch idea. So I'm going to put more detail into the next one. And the Side Adventures were only added in because I had Author Notes there. Made the mods angry because it was against the rules. But you can think of them as those little adventures from anime shows with the chibi versions of the characters. I always found those entertaining.
I noticed a few errors here and there, you might want to get a prereader for that before you submit. Otherwise, pretty good, though I'm not quite sure where you'll take this. So far it seems a little too... simple. It's just been dialogue between the narrator and Luna Unit (I adore the name btw), and you haven't weighed any conflicts in the story. It's still early but I feel there's quite a few improvements you can make. I'd like to see a little more from the narrator and his thoughts and feelings, like ChaoticNote mentioned.
I'll favorite and like though, since I can't resist the idea of a robot Luna.
1441950 Those little adventures would be fine...if it in comic strip form. The amount of effort you put in each story is shown by your work. Remember that.
1441964
Thanks for the compliment and criticism. (I should probably say that to everyone who gives me both.) As stated before, the first chapter is just a sketch. So I hope you love suspense and mild-romance!
1441968
Though it may be rude typing this is in. Thank you senpai, I shall go and learn my mistakes and be a better fighter. I, AS RYU, SHALL NOT LET YOU DOWN SENPAI.
1442030 It wouldn't be appropriate to call me senpai since I am currently enrolled in a school. Still I wish you luck on your endeavors.
1441950
Alrighty
Likelikelikelike
Nice fic, I hope to see more.