Nopony can deny the fact that Princess Luna is a nightwalker while her sister, Celestia is an early bird that avoids staying up late. Both sisters do not have much time to spend together and that is why Celestia suggested that they could do something together at nigthfalls and at dawns. Luna happily agreed on the idea but...
“What do you want us and you do together?” Luna asked her sister.
“Oh, some usual stuff two average sisters do. Like gosspining about other girls, making each other make-ups and so on,” Celestia answered.
“Um, dear sister, aren’t we too old for such things?” Luna was confused by Celestia’s proposal.
“Oh!” Celestia giggled. “Forgive me Luna. I always forget you are no longer the same adorable little filly you used to be.”
“I’ve never been a filly,” Luna remarked coldly.
"You obviously were a filly. Yes, I know you’ve always been tall and shapely but filly is a state of mind,” Celestia explained.
Luna frowned. This was not the first time she was subtly insulted by her sister so she was able to rmeain silent. She knew she was not good with retorts. Every time she had tried to return a sharp answer, Celestia’s retort stung her even harder.
“Well, Luna. We can play some game for such intelligent and wise mares as we are.”
“Whatever,” Luna said indifferently.
“Great. Let’s play the old and noble game of chess!” Celestia exclaimed and put a chessboard on a table.
“Chess? Oh, Celestia. Give me a break. You know we are not good at this game,” Luna moaned resignedly.
“Luna, please! That’s just a game! And I’m not that good at this either. Just a bit better than you maybe,” Celestia said and encoureged her sister to take a sit.
“Why do I have to play with black pawns?” Luna whined.
“Because you are the Princces of Night. The night is black so the color really matches you and your personality,” Celestia explained.
“You want me to play with black pawns because you try to make me a bad character.”
Celestia laughed. “You don’t need my help to do that, Nightmare Moon!”
The blue alicorn bit her lips but didn’t answer. Still laughing, Celestia moved her pawn and said: “Your turn.”
Luna sighed.
Celestia was indeed better at chess than Luna, who didn’t even care abouth the game. She hoped to spend some time with her sister but instead she served as a training dummy for her. After tenth lost game, Luna said she had enough.
“Oh, come one! We have just warmed up,” Celestia said grinning.
“But we are bored. And I really need some sleep. It’s 11 a.m.!” Luna was visibly tired.
“You just cannot stand losing. I can understand that,” Celestia said triumphantly.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
“So, see you in the evening. We are going to have a rematch!”
“I don’t want to live in this castle anymore...” Luna murmured and went to her apartment.
The evening seemed to be pretty similar to the morning, save for the fact that Luna was horribly sleepy after a sleepless day. She had a terrible day because she couldn’t stop thinking about her relationship with Celestia. Her sister was arrogant and sometimes really nasty, and she didn’t even have the guts to stand up for herself. She knew that she had to put stop to this once and for all, and she knew that somepony needs to help her and she even knew who can that be.
But, before the revenge – another several games of chess.
“Can we agree that I will lose ten times? That would be easier and much less sad for me,” Luna asked her sister, pleading with the largest and poutiest eyes she could muster.
“No way, Luna. You agreed on my proposition that we spend time together and, because I’m the superior Princess, that is I who decides what we do!” Celestia said coldly.
Luna rolled her eyes and moved her pawn.
After a crushing defeat, Luna thought to herself, If we cannot beat our sister, we shall find someone who can! With that, she quickly exited from the room and, in a flash of blue, was gone.
***
Twilight was reading a book when Luna suddenly appeared in her house.
“Oh, Princess Luna! What, what are you doing here?” Twilight was startled by the blue alicorn.
“Welcome, Twilight. We are glad to see you and even more glad that we have not awaken you. We think that everypony should stay up late,” Luna greeted Twilight, who gave her an uneasy smile. “We do not disturb you?” Luna asked.
“No, not at all. I’m also glad to see you.” Twilight was somewhat confused. She had no idea why the Princess would visit her during night. Well, the part about night was pretty obvious but the visit was really surprising.
“We need your help Twilight,” Luna said softly and then suddenly switched to the Royal Canterlot Voice: “WE WANT YOU TO DEFEAT CELESTIA!”
“Excuse me?” Twilight thought she heard ‘Celestia’ but it couldn’t be that.
“Oh, forgive us. Bad habit. We want you to kick Celestia’s ass,” Luna explained.
“Say what!?”
Luna realized what it sounded like and added quickly: “In chess of course.” She laughed nervously. “You know, the game. We heard you are a clever pony and we believe you can defeat her. Defeat her so meany times she would cry!”
“Excuse me, Princess but I’m not sure this is a good idea. Princess would think that I want to humiliate her or something,” Twilight tried to excuse herself from Luna’s plan.
“And this is exactly what we want you to do. Celestia shall finally cry!” Luna exclaimed and laughed sinisterly.
“Can I know why you want to do that?” Twilight asked
“She makes fun of us all the time. But it is payback time. We will not stand her behaviour anymore! We have had enough of this stupid game! I want my sister back! If you defeat her, she will not want to play chess anymore!”
“Have you tried talking to her about that, Princess?” Twilight asked curiously.
Luna thought for a moment. “No, we came straight to you.”
“Okay... But what if Celestia doesn’t want to play against me?” Twilight asked.
“Do not worry about this. We have found a spell that would surely help you in the task. She might not want to play against you but she will surely play against me!” Luna explained and cast the spell. Dark gloom filled the room. After a while, two Princesses Lunas were standing in the middle of the room.
“Oh... I feel taller,” said one of the Princessess.
“You look great, Twilight,” the second Princess said.
“I feel weird...” Twilight moved her new long neck. “What is going on. Do I have... wings!?” Twilight was astonished. “I got wings! I got wings! I’ve always wanted to fly!”
“Calm down, Twilight. These are just for your appearance. You do not possess pegasus’ magical ability to fly,” Luna said coldly.
Twilight saddened. She walked up to the mirror and looked at her image. She looked great. Well, she was the Princess after all. At least it looked like she was.
“We will teleport you now to Canterlot. In the morning you shall meet Celestia. Try not to interact with guards or they might see through the illusion,” Luna instructed Twilight.
“I understand Princess. You can count on me!”
“Oh, and do not go to sleep. We are the Princess of the night. We do not sleep at nights.”
“But I’m tired, Princess.”
“Do your best!” Luna said and cast the teleportation spell. After Twilight disappeared, Luna looked around and smiled. “Where is her little servant?” She spotted him sleeping in his basket. “He will surely freak out when he sees me in the morning in Twilight’s bed.” Luna giggled and lay on Twilght’s bed.
Twilight appeared in Luna’s apartment. It was dark and cosy because after a millenium she spent on the Moon, she preferred smaller premises.
“So that’s where Princess Luna lives,” Twilight thought. “I think I’m gonna stay here until dawn.” She yawned. “I should really have some sleep.” Princess Twilight lay on the bed and quickly fell asleep.
“Luna! What are you doing! Wake up!” a bitter voice awoke Twilight.
“Where am I?” she moaned.
“You are in Canterlot. And you are late!” Celestia said coldly and added cheerily “You are late for our game of chess!”
“Of course...” Twilight got up and fell.
“Are you all right?” Celestia asked.
“Yes. I just, um, I just dreamt that I was a midget pony,” Twilight lied and grinned.
“Right... Bounce back and let’s play.”
Twilight followed Celestia as they walked down the longest corrider she had seen in her entire life. It was good for Twilight she went behind her mentor because she had visible problems with walking on such long legs but she managed not to fall again. They finally went into room with the chessboard.
“Can I play with white pawns?” Twilight asked. She enjoyed the game but nopony ever wanted to play against her because she could beat anypony in several moves.
“Luna, how many times shall I... Wait, did you just use the I pronoun?”
“Oh, yes, looks like I, we, got rid of the royal we.” Twilight laughed nervously.
“Better late than never,” Celestia said indifferently. “Let the game commence!”
So the game began. Celestia was surprised by the fact that Luna was actually focusing on the chessboard. Usually, she just looked indifferently at the wall.
“So, Luna. You are pretty determined to win today, aren’t you?” Celestia asked.
“Oh, no, no, no, no. I just enjoy the game with my ment..., um, sister,” Twilight answered and grinned.
Celestia frowned but didn’t say a word. Twilight actually played and this was going to be a long game, unlike others.
“Oh my, you are actually using some strategy!” Celestia tried to distract Luna with her comments.
“Yes! I used my favorite Sveshneighkov defense and now I am two moves from an inevitable checkmate!” Twilight answered excitedly.
“What!?” Celestia was shocked. “You... You win...”
“Yes, I do!”
“Okay, who are you and what have you done to Luna?” Celestia frowned.
“Oops.”
Celestia cast some spell. After a flash of light struck Twilight, the illusion slowly faded and revealed the terrified lavender unicorn.
“Twilight Sparkle. I can’t believe,” Celestia said grimly.
“Please, don’t banish me!” Twilight cried.
“I can’t believe Luna cheated!” she shouted angrily. Twilight looked puzzled.
“Princess?”
“She’s been always doing this! She never could play fair!”
“She wanted to beat you in chess because this way you would never want to play again and she could spend some time with you!” Twilight shouted and cover her head with her hooves.
“What? Twilight Sparkle. Did she tell you that?”
“Yes! Please, forgive me!”
“Oh, what have I done... You know, Twilight. I think I was a terrible sister recently,” Celestia said sadly.
“Looks like you were, Princess,” Twilight interjected but bit her tongue at Celestia’s angry look.
“It was nice to play against you Twilight but I need to save my relationship with Luna and it would be better if we did it without other ponies’ interference. I will teleport you back to Ponyville now,” Celestia said.
Twilight grinned. “Will you write a friendship report to me, Princess?”
Celestia looked abashed by this question. “Yes, maybe.” She quickly cast the teleportation spell and Twilight was gone. Shortly after that, Luna appeared in front of Celestia.
“I’m sorry, sister,” Celestia spoke. “I should have been more sensitive and pay more attention to you not to the stupid game. Will you ever forgive me?”
Luna smiled. “Of course we forgive you!”
Both sisters hugged.
“Oh, Twilight asked me to remind you about the friendship report” Luna said.
Celestia frowned. Something definetely was not right with that.
THE END
“Spike! Wake up!” Twilight shouted at his assistant, who was lying unconscious on the floor.
Spike opened his eyes and looked nervously around. “Twilight! I had a really weird dream! I dreamt that I woke up and you were Princess Luna!”
Twilight giggled. “What a ridiculous idea, Spike!”
Comedy with "Luna vs." in the title.
inb4 featured.
staying up lat? you mean late. rmeain remain. some more spelling errors
Nice idea, but it could use a good proofreading or two.
1420578
Yeah, with a proofread, I feel like this is the type of thing that could get featured.
I'm not sure if that counts as a compliment though, but for what it's worth, this is much less dumb than some of the other one-shots that have been featured lately (can you say Luna Eats and Oreo?). Actually worth reading, for once.
1420838
It's Luna doing shit, ofc it's going to get featured.
It's well written; I just hate these bandwagon concepts.
iz lolz
1420931
But a lot of them are well written. This is written better than most, but still. Again, worth the time, but not amazing.
This is something that I could actually see being a real episode in the show. Could use a quick edit though.
1420578
>Comedy
>Random silliness
>Less than 3000 words
inb4 featured
>inb4 about 4th place in The Box of Feature
I love how Luna explains to herself why she gets the black pawn.
I take it Sir Author was slightly...
incapacitated when he wrote this.
--Pixels, with gggccvijhysrgbvhxkcfchaveacookieiufivifcgcovertheinternetcookieofcoursegffhggchchcjcyyytr kgjullllll
Really! Deleting comments is the highest form of douchebaggery.
Inb4 More complaints about good story having spelling errors.
AND featured
P.S. Who else immediately went to google Sveshneighkov? Not that I even know what Sveshnikov means.
Possible Lunestia?
Sorry, it was a good read, but the many typos and mistakes in spelling have forced me to dislike.
A proofreader would help.
Seems to me that Celestia is far too....Condescending. I mean, I know she likes to act informal, but she's being plain mean to Luna. I really couldn't imagine Tia being so rude
Just...one...proofread...ohgoditskillingme...
Maybe have someone look over this story before you post in the future, might get rid of a lot of tiny grammar mistakes
1423326
static3.fjcdn.com/comments/Nuff+said+_2202ca75470304ff347209073b44cb2c.png
Now, let's see...
*cracks knuckles, then puts on a hat that says 'Official TWE Nitpicker'*
I'm going to randomly stab into your story, gut a section out, revise it, and show you what you could do better.
Starting here:
Oh my. There is an exceeding lack of detail and description here, and I've spotted a few places where you could manage to throw in some punctuation. Let's revise, shall we?
All this really needs is a bit of editing and it can make for a good story! However, until then, due to all of the grammatical and punctuation errors, I am forced to downvote.
Just find yourself an editor and everything should go as planned!
/HyperRandomness, Official TWE Nitpicker and general revision creator.
1423542
I'm glad I copied the link to see what that that picture was. Morgan Freeman never loses.
1423542
While I prefer two spaces between sentences, both one or two spaces between sentences are currently acceptable. The justification for the single space is that the double space used to be necessary due to the typesets of typewriters and that modern computer typesets fix that issue.
Wow. I didn't expect so many people would like this. Sorry for tiny grammar mistakes - I'm not English.
1423542
Thanks for your comment. I added the commas and the sentences you suggested.
And it's actually hard to find an editor.
1423820
Hard to find an editor?
fourthsource.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/man-pointing-at-self-200x300.jpg
1423958
I meant about an editor who would be willing to actually proofread the story every time I need. If you are, then you're "hired" :P
It could`ve been nicer.
Pacing is rushed and ponies bounce between emotions way too quickly, especially alicorns.
1423970
All I need's the where and when.
SPELING RRORS EVRY WHEN! Nah just kidding, great story. ( Though i do recommend spell/grammer checking every now and then.)
1423542
Oh Hyper Randomness. I love people like you. Beta work keeps me in the fanfiction business and make my stories suck less. Because there will always be some tiny and not so tiny mistake in my work. It helps fan-fiction be better and teaches better grammar via osmosis. (Ideas. Implementation? )
And now for story review:
Premise 4/5 (Very Workable)
Plot Execution 3/5 (Needs fleshing out. Why is Celestia beeing mean? (big sisters can be) Scene transitions need work. A bit of flshing out with description. (A BIT. Don't go purple proze on us.)
Grammar 2/5 (Ah. It's not really that bad. Passable but not great. I do about as well as you do when I rush and don't feel like going over it yet again when I could be reading soem cool story. Like you did. :P)
Overall: 3/5 (Ok but you can do better! )
1425143
Um, thanks?
I'm not entirely sure if that was a compliment or not.
If not, oh well!
Make more "Luna v.s" fics!
Isn't it an interesting concept? Could two omnipotent and all-powerful beings play a game of chess fairly? I mean, there is no luck in chess. There is only a certain amount of moves you can make, so they would know exactly how to react to each others movements. The one to move first would be the one to win. No matter what, right?
1420931
I was doing bandwagon concept before it was bandwagon concepts.
It was a fun read. Really need's some proof-reading but other than that, i can honestly say i enjoyed it... Well done
I found this to be okay I think celestia was waaaayyyyyyyyyy too far out of character. However I found it funny that at one part you luna was a he you wrote his instead of her. It was okay your characters need work because celestia isn't a bitch and no-one messes with luna.
Zangorwarrior read this on YT.
This... wasn't very good...
Two Best Sisters Play Chess :D
1425269
Here you are!
Luna vs. Grim
That was funny!
(i read this at school and everypony looked at me because i was laughing so hard)
great fanfic
1631664
Thank you
I'm glad you like it
The like bar jumped a bit when I thumbed this up. i feel powerful
I want to love this story.
I really do.
Luna is my favorite pony.
Numero Uno.
But at the end of the day, your storytelling skills need to be honed by means of getting into the details of the story and the grammar needs to be decent.
1796106
It's one of my earlier works with no proofreading/editing
And well, when I write fan-fics, I try to leave as much as possible to a reader. Some people seem to be fine with that.
Well, found and read this (thanks to you including it in the Celestia and Luna group). I'm used to reading around spelling, so I more am a little annoyed at the OOC acting going on for Celestia. (I'm one to talk, though, and you have probably gotten better. The statute of limitations for critiquing this fic is off.)
It has a good premise and one I like, though. But I'm a sucker for chess stuff. I would make some long chessy rant about the Sveshnikov defense (as I am not a fan of it nor any other Sicilian variation), but since Twily is playing against a semi-novice player it catches them off guard and becomes a... fair play.
1796123
Tell me about it.
My readers would tell me that every single time.
They always seem to find that tiny nick in the chapter.
This is the part where I fell out of my chair laughing. [Sveshnikov was a grand master chess player. (I saw what you did there )]
The English is rather off in this story, but it was funny enough to compensate. ^^