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Celestia and Luna want to spend some time together as good sisters do. Celestia decides that they should play chess. Unfortunately, Luna doesn't enjoy the game as much as her sister. Moreover, she is irritated by her sister's behaviour during the game. Will Luna find the way to get Celestia out of the chess craze and save their relationship?
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Comedy with "Luna vs." in the title.
inb4 featured.
staying up lat? you mean late. rmeain remain. some more spelling errors
Nice idea, but it could use a good proofreading or two.
1420578
Yeah, with a proofread, I feel like this is the type of thing that could get featured.
I'm not sure if that counts as a compliment though, but for what it's worth, this is much less dumb than some of the other one-shots that have been featured lately (can you say Luna Eats and Oreo?). Actually worth reading, for once.
1420838
It's Luna doing shit, ofc it's going to get featured.
It's well written; I just hate these bandwagon concepts.
iz lolz
1420931
But a lot of them are well written. This is written better than most, but still. Again, worth the time, but not amazing.
This is something that I could actually see being a real episode in the show. Could use a quick edit though.
1420578
>Comedy
>Random silliness
>Less than 3000 words
inb4 featured
>inb4 about 4th place in The Box of Feature
I love how Luna explains to herself why she gets the black pawn.
I take it Sir Author was slightly...
incapacitated when he wrote this.
--Pixels, with gggccvijhysrgbvhxkcfchaveacookieiufivifcgcovertheinternetcookieofcoursegffhggchchcjcyyytr kgjullllll
Really! Deleting comments is the highest form of douchebaggery.
Inb4 More complaints about good story having spelling errors.
AND featured
P.S. Who else immediately went to google Sveshneighkov? Not that I even know what Sveshnikov means.
Possible Lunestia?
Sorry, it was a good read, but the many typos and mistakes in spelling have forced me to dislike.
A proofreader would help.
Seems to me that Celestia is far too....Condescending. I mean, I know she likes to act informal, but she's being plain mean to Luna. I really couldn't imagine Tia being so rude
Just...one...proofread...ohgoditskillingme...
Maybe have someone look over this story before you post in the future, might get rid of a lot of tiny grammar mistakes
1423326
static3.fjcdn.com/comments/Nuff+said+_2202ca75470304ff347209073b44cb2c.png
Now, let's see...
*cracks knuckles, then puts on a hat that says 'Official TWE Nitpicker'*
I'm going to randomly stab into your story, gut a section out, revise it, and show you what you could do better.
Starting here:
Oh my. There is an exceeding lack of detail and description here, and I've spotted a few places where you could manage to throw in some punctuation. Let's revise, shall we?
All this really needs is a bit of editing and it can make for a good story! However, until then, due to all of the grammatical and punctuation errors, I am forced to downvote.
Just find yourself an editor and everything should go as planned!
/HyperRandomness, Official TWE Nitpicker and general revision creator.
1423542
I'm glad I copied the link to see what that that picture was. Morgan Freeman never loses.
1423542
While I prefer two spaces between sentences, both one or two spaces between sentences are currently acceptable. The justification for the single space is that the double space used to be necessary due to the typesets of typewriters and that modern computer typesets fix that issue.
Wow. I didn't expect so many people would like this. Sorry for tiny grammar mistakes - I'm not English.
1423542
Thanks for your comment. I added the commas and the sentences you suggested.
And it's actually hard to find an editor.
1423820
Hard to find an editor?
fourthsource.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/man-pointing-at-self-200x300.jpg
1423958
I meant about an editor who would be willing to actually proofread the story every time I need. If you are, then you're "hired" :P
It could`ve been nicer.
Pacing is rushed and ponies bounce between emotions way too quickly, especially alicorns.
1423970
All I need's the where and when.
SPELING RRORS EVRY WHEN
! Nah just kidding, great story. ( Though i do recommend spell/grammer checking every now and then.)
1423542
Oh Hyper Randomness. I love people like you. Beta work keeps me in the fanfiction business and make my stories suck less. Because there will always be some tiny and not so tiny mistake in my work. It helps fan-fiction be better and teaches better grammar via osmosis. (Ideas.
Implementation? 
)
And now for story review:
Premise 4/5 (Very Workable)
Plot Execution 3/5 (Needs fleshing out. Why is Celestia beeing mean? (big sisters can be) Scene transitions need work. A bit of flshing out with description. (A BIT. Don't go purple proze on us.)
Grammar 2/5 (Ah. It's not really that bad. Passable but not great. I do about as well as you do when I rush and don't feel like going over it yet again when I could be reading soem cool story. Like you did. :P)
Overall: 3/5 (Ok but you can do better! )
1425143
Um, thanks?
I'm not entirely sure if that was a compliment or not.
If not, oh well!
Make more "Luna v.s" fics!
Isn't it an interesting concept? Could two omnipotent and all-powerful beings play a game of chess fairly? I mean, there is no luck in chess. There is only a certain amount of moves you can make, so they would know exactly how to react to each others movements. The one to move first would be the one to win. No matter what, right?
1420931
I was doing bandwagon concept before it was bandwagon concepts.
It was a fun read. Really need's some proof-reading but other than that, i can honestly say i enjoyed it... Well done
I found this to be okay I think celestia was waaaayyyyyyyyyy too far out of character. However I found it funny that at one part you luna was a he you wrote his instead of her. It was okay your characters need work because celestia isn't a bitch and no-one messes with luna.
Zangorwarrior read this on YT.
This... wasn't very good...
Two Best Sisters Play Chess :D
1425269
Here you are!
Luna vs. Grim
That was funny!
(i read this at school and everypony looked at me because i was laughing so hard)
great fanfic
1631664
Thank you
I'm glad you like it
The like bar jumped a bit when I thumbed this up. i feel powerful
I want to love this story.
I really do.
Luna is my favorite pony.
Numero Uno.
But at the end of the day, your storytelling skills need to be honed by means of getting into the details of the story and the grammar needs to be decent.
1796106
It's one of my earlier works with no proofreading/editing
And well, when I write fan-fics, I try to leave as much as possible to a reader. Some people seem to be fine with that.
Well, found and read this (thanks to you including it in the Celestia and Luna group). I'm used to reading around spelling, so I more am a little annoyed at the OOC acting going on for Celestia. (I'm one to talk, though, and you have probably gotten better. The statute of limitations for critiquing this fic is off.)
It has a good premise and one I like, though. But I'm a sucker for chess stuff. I would make some long chessy rant about the Sveshnikov defense (as I am not a fan of it nor any other Sicilian variation), but since Twily is playing against a semi-novice player it catches them off guard and becomes a... fair play.
1796123
Tell me about it.
My readers would tell me that every single time.
They always seem to find that tiny nick in the chapter.
This is the part where I fell out of my chair laughing. [Sveshnikov was a grand master chess player. (I saw what you did there
)]
1796275
One guy wrote in the comments he actually looked up Shveshneighkov in google
Good that some people got the reference
First reader of new chapter!!
I'd actually prefer the Cochrane Gambit variation of the Russian Game, or the Brooklyn Variation of the Alekhine Defense. I enjoy playing hypermodern.
Also, Gamer Luna!
fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/120/f/d/gamer_luna_by_atryl-d4y22nm.png
The English is rather off in this story, but it was funny enough to compensate. ^^
2106154
Sounds good to me. Twilight would be using the most advanced strategies, while Pinkie would be winning by apparently random moves - it would turn out later that Pinkie is a savant and sees everything what's going on the chessboard despite not understanding that
