What seems to be a normal day for Rarity and her little sister Sweetie Belle turns into a devastating experience for one fashion pony. When her sister doesn't return from a sleepover at Sugarcube Corner, Rarity takes upon herself the mission of figuring out just what happened. She encounters many hardships along the way to getting her dear sister back, but there's always that bright ray of hope in every desperate situation. As it turns out, Rarity may have found something (or somepony..?) that will keep her going, and that ray of light going strong.
Cover image courtesy of:
http://x-joll-x.deviantart.com/
Chapters (8)
Poor rarity (STILL PISS THAT PEOPLE REFuSE TO ACKNOWLEDGED RARITY PARENTS) but still good story
Oh, you've got me intrigued! Seems like a good concept and pretty original. I can spot a few spelling mistakes, so maybe you should do a quick read over just to weedle them out.
95827 Thank you very much! I'll look it over in just a bit. I really appreciate the feedback
So much shipping.... Even cheaters! This is going to become a mud-fest, fast. Well, I hope not, but who knows?
Anyway, review time.
After the first couple of paragraphs, I just turned off my sonic fine-tooth comb. The issues... They are numerous, and take so much away from the story!
The Good: Loving it so far, if a little hard to tell what the hay is going on at times. But, everything will work itself out. Eventually. Right?
The Bad: Lawdy. The writing, frankly, was riddled with errors. Places where there could have been glorious detail, there was not. Places that required little detail, (The phrase you kept using, "Her good friend" comes to mind) got far too much. Before you write the next chapter, take a look at some actually published books, or famous one inside the fanon (EX: Past Sins) to get a feel for good writing.
The Ugly: Not much. Just put here to complete the gag. However, the whole cheating thing, if it is indeed multiple shipping (I could just be pulling a
and be reading too much into this) could be cut down a little. AND WHERE IS SWEETIE?!?!?!?!?! 
Looking forward to more!
-The Librarian
95909 Thank you very much for your criticism. This is actually my first time being dedicated to writing a story, so I would expect that I'm nowhere near being a very good writer. I'll make sure to take work on the areas that need the most work when I get started on the next chapter.
Couple big things to help you improve:
1) SHOW, don't TELL the story
2) Get to know your characters better. Fluttershy and Rarity are best friends (Not just being part of the mane 6, they're really good friends) Fluttershy doesn't always trail off mumbling, usually it's just around new ponies. Again, go watch a few Fluttershy episodes. (Go watch a few episodes featuring Fluttershy: 7, 17, 20, and 22)
Or if you don't want to do that, wikia has transcripts of the episodes. (SCORE)
What she does tend to do, however, is value the other person's feelings more than her own. (Her often overused quote: "...if you don't mind, that is.")
What is everyone talking about? I don't see anypony cheating.
96033 I understand how they're getting that idea, but it actually doesn't involve any cheating. XD I might just rewrite everything rather than keep these two chapters.
I noticed a few small grammatical errors, but that's acceptable.
Here's one if you wanted to fix it: "She then place her supplies..." *Placed
There were also sentences where there should (or shouldn't) have been commas.
Overall not a bad effort, but still a bit short for my liking... Then again, I make my quota 3,000+ words per chapter nowadays and I think my average is 4,500 or something.
Waiting on the next chapter. This is one of very few stories I'm following and I don't bother looking for new ones, so there are few still updating.
I'd probably be happy to pre-read stuff for you if you wanted me to. I'm a good pre-reader as I'm fairly pedantic about spelling, grammar, and punctuation; however I do have trouble checking it on my own stories. Mainly because I don't re-read my own stories. I just write them and post them; if I find any huge errors while inserting italics, I'll fix them, but I don't have a pre-reader.
A random thought came to mind while reading Ch3 that Pinkie went Pinkamina during the night and took Sweetie down to the basement, then lied about it to cover up. She's distraught about it, but lying; saying she just disappeared. Or perhaps she can't remember what happens when Pinkamina takes over...
Away with you, grimdark thoughts! This is ponies we're talking about, not horror!
Sorry, I'm just vocalising (or writing, anyway) the thoughts going through my mind.
153232 I would be very glad if you wanted to pre-read my finished chapters! I had a friend who was supposed to but he failed me.
153235 that was my thought from the beginning
This is really getting good.
Eager for more.
I could go and pick out a few mistakes I saw, but I'm too tired. This is a pretty decent story, and I'm a tough critic.
Three months between chapters, though... Damn, even I don't leave things that long. I think my longest period of complete stagnation was one month; maybe four weeks.
At any rate, this is one of about 5 fics that I'm tracking. Hoping to see more soon.
407454 I have an absolutely horrible problem with procrastination... I apologize for that!
First for this chapter
also, very cool. At first I thought it was Spike, but then I thought
nah.avi
Ovarall: Cool chapter, loved it a lot
425337 You know, that's actually quite an interesting guess! I very much appreciate the feedback.
95814 Rarity's parents have been acknowledged!
A few small things...
"visually shivering a little" should be 'visibly shivering a little'
I saw one lowercase letter after a full stop. Might have missed more, but I think it was the word "then"
And, as always, watch out for the use of unnecessary commas. You're getting better on that, but I saw a couple.
Keep up the good work, mate :3
482730 Curse grammatical errors! Thank you by the way!