The First Offense

by Snaperkids

Unexpected Visitors

The night fell over the land as it did every night but this night seemed to be different to James somehow. Usually the night would arrive by way of Manehatten with the moon rising directly behind it. Tonight, however, the moon rose over the plains that span out towards Fillydelphia. To most this had no meaning, but to James this merely aroused his suspicions.

"Hey, can you help me with this bag of flour? “Geoff said snapping James out of his spaced out state.

"Yeah, I'm coming," he responded. He walked over and helped get the bag on the work table on which they were making the dough. They had been making dough since the shift began (nearly three hours ago) and were almost finished.

"How many more do we have left to make? “Geoff inquired.

"We have two left then we can start baking them, “James said finishing off another piece of dough. "Now we have only one left. You do the last one while I get the ovens ready."

Getting the ovens ready to bake was one of the jobs that forced the night shift to require two people. It was also one of the hardest jobs on the shift. Getting the ovens ready meant shoveling coal into the fire boxes, managing the fires in the fire boxes, and keeping the ovens from getting too hot. All of this took huge levels of concentration and a constant watch in order for them to heat up to the right temperature.

James and Geoff had decided before the start of the shift that James would be responsible for getting the ovens ready. To James, this was just another job, but he would do it none the less.

The ovens didn't take that long to heat up, and once they did, James and Geoff relaxed and started talking. The conversation skipped from subject to subject but it finally ended back up on the subject of the war.

"Do you really think I'd care about the fighting," James stated defending his decision to join the military if the war broke out.

"But why? Is it really worth dying over? “Geoff responded.

"Yes! If I die in the fighting I die a relative no one; if I die here I still die a relative no one. I at least want to make a difference with my death. "

"Okay, but there are other ways to make a difference besides joining the military."

"Shh."

"Sorry for stating the truth but..."

"Be quiet, I think there's someone over by the work table." James then proceeded towards the table on which they had made the dough on earlier and now was the spot designated for cooling the freshly cooked bread. He looked around it and, upon seeing no sign of a person being there, retuned to where he had been sitting with Geoff.

"Everything okay?"

"I think so. I could have sworn I heard someone over there. It's probably just the lack of sleep making me here thing. Anyways, I know that there are other things I could do but I feel that if someone attacks you or your country you should fight back." It was at that precise moment that there was a loud series of metallic clangs and clatters as various tons and pans hit the floor. By reflex James jumped to his feet snatching the shovel he had next to him for shoveling the coal. Geoff also leaped to his feet, albeit a tad slower than James, and grabbed the rolling pen that he had carried over from the work table. They both looked at each other and without speaking came up with a plan.

They approached the table, James heading straight towards it and Geoff arcing around in a broad circle as to outflank whoever was behind it. As soon as James got within earshot of the table he heard a faint, harsh whisper asking for stillness and silence. James motioned for Geoff to hold back for a bit while he looked to see what was going on behind the table. Fluidly, quickly, and silently James pulled himself on to the table and peered over the far edge. To his shock and annoyance he saw a pink headed, tanned skinned girl and a dark blue haired, pale skinned girl sitting on the floor with their backs to the side of the table. James lifted himself off the table and motioned for Geoff to come over to the table.

"What are you two doing here," James said with an annoyed tone. The sound of his voice made both of them jump out of their skins and go stiff. "Well are you going to answer me or just sit there?"

"W-we were hungry s-so we decided t-to come down here and g-get a snack," stammered the pink headed figure, the face of whom was quickly turning a very bright shade of red.

"Get up," James said with a very irritated tone. Both of the girls slowly rose to their feet. Geoff, upon seeing who was behind the table, quickened his pace towards the table.

"Now, care to explain to my why you thought it was a good idea to come down here for a snack in the middle of the night?"

"Simple. We do it just about every night," the blue haired one stated in a matter of fact tone. This response was met by an elbow to the chest from the pink haired girl.

"Shut up."

"Why should I Celestia? It's not like it's gonna make much of a difference now."

"Luna, they know that we snuck down tonight but they didn't need to know that we do this on a regular basis."

"Excuse me interrupting your argument princesses but it's not like I didn't already know that you sneak down here."

"And how do you know that?" Celestia asked with a sassy tone in her voice.

"You two may be very adept in magic and politics but masters of stealth and deception you aren't. I'd walk by here on nights I can't sleep and either hear your voices or see you move," James chuckled.

"So let me guess, you’re going to tell about our nightly trips down here," Celestia said with a sharp glare.

"What and lose any chance of having someone else's company on nights like this? Heck no! I was actually just going to pretend this never happened," James responded while flashing a grin.

"Anyways," Geoff, who had fallen silent through all of this, said, "James, we need to get back to work. Princesses, if you want anything to snack on we have some of yesterday's bread over there."

James followed Geoff back to his post with a little bit of a strut in his gait.

James and Geoff continued the routine of baking bread. About an hour later James asked, "Hey Geoff, I'm gonna go grab some more coal from the storehouse. I'll be back in a bit."

"Okay, just try to be back as fast as you can." On that note, James took his leave of absence.

Comments

[Fareseed]

Will read this later.

[darkcloud64]

hmmm i cant wait to read

[Thorlol]

Wait wait wait wait.

Are they in Canterlot?
James and Geoff don't really sound like pony names. Even if it is humanized.
Also you don't have two speakers in the same paragraph but could you maybe double space. It's still 'wall of text'ish.

[Evil Homer]

I.... don't know about this one.
I'm guessing it's humanised ponies, the princesses will become their friends and they'll hang out in the night bakery while the boys are working. There will be hijinks, possibly some teenage type hormones being acted upon but nothing too graphic or going too far and the princesses will use their pull to get them into the guards or something like that.

So far, I'm not invested in the characters. I feel there's some potential here and I don't want to dismiss it out of hand but I feel there might not be enough of a hook to keep my interest.

[Snaperkids]

1407701 The OC names will be explained later in the story. I will go back and double space the exchanges so as to make it easier to read.

[Snaperkids]

1407701 I understand your confusion on the names. All I can say is that the abnormal names have a purpose that will be explained in later chapters.

[Snaperkids]

1408901 I will agree that the chapters don't have much of a hook, but the story will pick up in chapter 3. Just wait for it. I also may rewrite the first chapters. I wrote them three years ago, and I have greatly improved in my writing.