Shining Armor always wanted Flurry to become a strong and great royal guard just like him. She always had powerful magic since her birth, and that's why it came as a surprise when she instead chose painting as her career. He was reluctant, but Cadance managed to convince him.
Flurry had spent her whole life going against her parents wishes, she didn't want to be like them. She wanted to be herself. And at least in this school, she could express herself however she wanted.
But of course, things can't be that easy, can they?
Made for the Shining Armor contest.
I know it's mostly a shitposting contest, but I wanted to write Shining. And I think this turned out well, although if I had a higher word limit, I would've written more and fleshed it out just a tiny bit more. Still, I hope you'll read this and enjoy it.
Thank yous:
Silk Rose for the cute cover.
Pseudobob for proofreading a bit.
i know that art style :)
Someone used the coupon
11852305
I used plenty of em already...
This story was great! Thank you for letting me make the cover.
Goth Flurry is so cute!
What makes you say that? Some of the entries in this contest sound really interesting!
I had the same problems with my submission hitting the word limit. It sounds like that's still possible if you wanted to do that, but you'd apparently have to PM the judges to ask; I personally kept it under 5000 for a submission because I had wanted to work on other stories. https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/1033811/the-shining-armor-is-a-terrible-dad-2024-competition! (supposedly costing a point per thousand words, if an author feels like it's worth the point(s) to tell their tale or short story)
I assume 6000 would still be reasonable, though, if you got permission.
11852379
The shitposting part is mentioned in the contest rules in the group description, but the submissions that I saw have been pretty high quality short stories, and surprisingly included authors that had wrote many other stories on fimfiction.
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I loved the story and depictions of the character's actions, and the cover art is charming.
Also, are you looking for feedback on grammar for the contest, or feedback on your story in general, via story comments, DMs, or otherwise?
11852461
I wanted to do a bit of trolling and made my story exactly 5k words long, just because I could
I'm up for any kind of feedback, good or bad, constructive or not, we all have freedom of speech after all. When it comes to grammar and prose, as a non-native speaker I often get lost so... If you saw something wrong, do tell and I'll correct it
11852470
(A word processor notes that 'make-up' and 'makeup' are both used and suggests sticking to one in the story. Other than that, nothing much.)
I saw lowercase flurry instead of Flurry as a proper noun for a pony's name.
https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide#Said-tags mentions a part about "Said tags are never capitalised." - I agree with that for thoughts, though I'm not 100% sure of this. The comma in the alternative replacement is optional.
Some quotes and suggestions for replacements:
"were -> was" seems like an appropriate replacement
"Face it Shining" -> "Face it, Shining" https://www.grammarly.com/blog/comma/ personally seems appropriate in that instance, though I forget why.
I personally love going for triple (repeated) digits or multiples of a hundred when I can.
11852470
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/217460/shining-armor-is-a-terrible-dad-2024-competition/thread/535585/contest-scoring-questions#comment/7948111
I asked about this. Thankfully, any number up to 5499 gets the same score as 5000 if you need it for edits, apparently, e.g. 5111
May need a part 2 or a sequel story. Absolutely love it.
You probably mean "all"
Name. Needs to be capitalized
I mean this story is fine i guess nothing that great (forgot t comment when i first read it)