ARTICLE 2 Part XX
ARTICLE 2
Part XX
Luna closed her eyes, a patient smile on her face as the cool night breeze drifted across the empty field. The stars were out and a tasteful crescent moon cast the courtyard in silver shadows.
Her ears swiveled toward the distant sounds of pegasus wings. A few moments later a heavy chariot landed a dozen yards away. She lazily opened her eyes as the transport came to a slow stop directly in front of the dark alicorn. Two pegasi pulled the cart. Shane, a small unicorn, and an earth pony shared the transport. The human was sitting on his pack, his helmet dutifully between his boots and his rifle across his lap. Shane blew an angry jet of smoke from the corner of his mouth before regarding the alicorn with a tired smile. “Hey, Blue.”
Luna smiled back. “Hello, Major. Right on time,” she commended.
Shanes smile fell a bit. He looked around the darkened field and let his shoulders slump under the weight of his armor. “Yaaay,” he droned.
Luna’s own smile faltered somewhat. “Your hunt was unsuccessful,” it wasn’t a question but she posed it like one.
Shane sighed and rubbed the back of his head. “You could say that.”
“Did you find nothing at all?”
“Found an old coke bottle,” he muttered.
“...coke bottle?” she asked confused.
Shane shook his head, remembering to alter his words for the ponies. “An old glass bottle,” he explained. “Garbage.” The human flicked the cigarette off into the dark. “Met some of the natives,” he added.
“Oh? Whitetails?” Luna asked.
The human hummed an affirmative.
The unicorn in Shane’s escort spoke up. “He tried to kill and e-HMM!”
Shane clamped his hand over the mare’s muzzle like a viper. Shooting the equine an equally venomous glare. “What happens to snitches, Sandy?”
The unicorn pinned her ears back and recited something from behind the human’s hand that Luna couldn’t make out.
“That’s right. I’m gonna let go of your face now and no more words are gonna come out of it. Right?”
The unicorn nodded.
Shane released the pony and returned his attention to the dark princess who was leveling at him her most unamused look. Luna shifted her gaze to the unicorn mare. Sandy averted her eyes and did her best to turn invisible. Luna sighed and rolled her eyes. “I think I am happier not knowing,” she relented.
Shane smiled. “You’re smarter than you look, Princess,” he winked at the alicorn. He rolled to his feet and hefted threw his gear over his shoulder. He turned to the ponies in his entourage. “I’m done with you four. Go back to the AO, and find Yellow Jacket. Tell her I’m giving her operational command and that she is officially in charge of every swingin’ dick out there, whether she likes it or not. If the Centurions have a problem with it, tell them to call me.”
Sandy cast an uncertain glance toward the green-eyed earth pony in the carriage. She shrugged in response. Sandy turned back to the human and delivered a sharp salute. The stallions began to beat their wings as the chariot lurched forward. After several yards the transport was in the air and began sailing South-west into the darkened sky.
Shane and Luna watched the ponies leave for several moments before he turned to the alicorn. “Well… I’m back…”
Luna nodded. “Indeed.”
Shane sniffed at the awkward silence. “So what now?” he asked. “You all seemed pretty adamant that I be back on time,” he frowned expectantly.
“I have nothing for you to do. My court is adjourned for the night. I assumed you would want to get some sleep. You have had a busy weekend.”
“I’m not really tired,” he complained, scratching his chin.
“What would you prefer to do?”
“Wanna go get fucked up?”
Luna scoffed, and regarded the creature with amusement. “We shall pass, this time. But you are welcome to accompany us to our chambers if you are in need of company. We have some paperwork to catch up on.”
The human sniffed and wiped his nose. “Alright,” he shrugged.
~~~~~
Luna pushed a small pair of spectacles up on her nose and she squinted at the small print on the parchment in front of her. She levitated the quill up with her magic and crossed out a line and began to re-write.
She cleared her throat. “How about this,” she shouted toward the bathroom. “The Equestrian Department of Horticulture hereby doth recognize the Wild Blueberry Commission of the Northern Province of Equestria, in its right to impose a tax of two point five percent to henceforth be levied on proceeds from sales of all Blueberries gathered from the wild, as to incentivize the production of domestically grown agricultural businesses in the area.”
“Take out the ‘Doth’,” Shane shouted back from the bathroom where he was currently lounging in the dark alicorn’s massive bathtub as he scrubbed three days of sleeping in the dirt from his body. “Just say hereby recognizes. Its tax code. Not Ye Olde Englishe Poetry,” he admonished.
Luna frowned. She thought it sounded fine the way it was. She debated with herself for a few seconds before scratching out the word with a little more force than was necessary. She could hear water splashing from her bathroom. The door was open but Shane was apparently still wearing his skivvy shorts as to prevent the princess from ‘getting a free show’ as he described it. She had yet to go in to verify this as the last time she walked in on his bathing he throw a boot at her head.
“Also why are you taxing people for eating blueberries that grow in the wild in the first place?” Shane asked. “Seems kinda fucked up.”
“We are not taxing them for eating wild blueberries.” Luna corrected. “We allowing a tax to be applied to businesses that SELL wild blueberries. It is a small tax and will help promote the struggling farming infrastructure in that area.”
Shane made a dismissive grunting noise. She could hear the sound of water sloshing as the human extracted himself from the tub.
“Are you finished in there,” she asked sipping from the glass of Crystal Brandy the human was kind enough to share.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “I could sit in there all night but I’m starting to get pruney,” he complained from the other room.
Luna turned back toward her papers. “You like the water don’t you?” It was clearly more of an observation than a question so the human didn’t answer, instead busying himself doing whatever post-wash self care that humans did. Luna could only take educated guesses based on the sounds he was making.
There was a long silence before the human spoke up again. “Do ponies cut their hair?”
Luna frowned but didn’t look up from her papers. She was unsure how to interpret the question. Ponies were covered in fur head to hoof. Proper care of ones coat was an essential part of everyday life. She did her best to understand the curiosity from the human’s perspective. “Are you trying to ask if mane stylists exist?”
“....yes.” He answered uncertainty.
“Yes they exist,” she replied. Before there was another short silence. “Why?”
“I need a haircut,” he muttered. “It’s getting long. Do you think Rarity can cut hair?”
“Why Rarity?” Luna asked setting her papers down.
She couldn’t see the human shrug but she was sure he did. “She seems the type, I guess. Can she?”
“We do not know. You could ask her, I suppose. Although I’m sure One of mine or Celestia’s groomers would be able to accommodate you,” she offered as she finished off her glass and set it aside. There was a pleasant warmth in her stomach and the hint of a gentle buzz about her head.
Shane stepped out of the bathroom in a fresh set of desert trousers, skivvy shirt, and clean pair of black boot socks. His pistol belt and holster tucked under one arm and his blouse thrown over his shoulder. A small symbol was emblazoned on the left breast of his shirt. A blue diamond shape with a red number one. She assumed it was a unit or legion marking or something similar. She would ask about it later.
The human dropped his things on Luna’s bed and grunted, popping several of his joints as he leaned down to pull on and lace his boots.
“You crackle like a burning log…” Luna noted with a smirk.
Shane snorted. “That would be my cartilage,” he grunted. “Or lack thereof. Just one thing among many that I’ve sacrificed for my country...” He stood back up and interlocked his fingers above his head, stretching and popping several more bones in the process. “I could get used to having a royal bathroom though. I could swim laps in that tub.”
Luna hummed in response, only half paying attention as she wrote another line on her parchment. Shane dragged a large cushion by Luna’s desk where he deposited himself with his bottle and handgun. The action did not go unnoticed by the alicorn. He began to pull his weapon apart using his old shirt to wipe off the smaller parts.
Luna let him be. He cleaned his weapons often, even when he had done so mere hours before. She suspected it was somewhat therapeutic or perhaps mechanical to it. Like how some ponies would knit or whittle to keep their hooves occupied.
They sat like this for some time. Luna continued to plow through her paperwork, occasionally pausing to eyeball the human from the corner of her eye. He would frequently pause his busywork to stare aimlessly into the fireplace, before catching himself and returning to his sidearm.
“What troubles you, Major?” Luna finally asked as she magically drifted her empty glass toward him.
Shane blinked and filled the alicorn’s levitating glass. “Nothing, just thinking.”
“About home?” she probed, pulling the now filled glass back to her desk.
“I guess,” he replied cryptically.
“What is it that thee misses most about it?” she asked as she took a long sip, hoping the question wasn’t overstepping any boundaries.
Shane didn’t seem to mind the question. He hummed contemplatively.
“Sex, probably.”
Luna choked a little on the brandy but managed not to spit. “What?”
Shane turned toward the alicorn perfectly serious. “You know...sex?” he made a crude finger-in-hole gesture with his hands as if explaining it to a simpleton.
“We know what sex is!” she glared. “We were just expecting you to say something like family or your friends.”
Shane made a noncommittal noise and returned his attention to wiping off the last part of his weapon. “I feel like that kinda goes without saying.” He held up the barrel to the light looking for leftover dirt. “I’m allowed to miss other stuff too, ya know.”
“We we’re just not prepared for that answer,” she shuffled her wings back into place.
Shane cast a sideways smirk at the princess. “For a million year old lunar goddess you’re pretty easily to fluster. I’d have figured you’d been around the block once or twice.”
Luna’s wings lifted defensively “We are not a million years old and we are NOT flustered! And what do you mean by around the block?! ...art thou trying to imply that we are easy?!”
Shane threw his hands up innocently barely able to keep the grin off his face. “I’m just sayin’ a million years is a long time. I just assumed you’d be somewhat ...experienced ya know? Like I just kinda assume you… ya know ‘seen some shit’, right?”
“The things We have seen would drive most mortals mad, human.” Luna frowned threateningly.
Shane raised his hands once again. “Alright, calm down. I’m not tryna start anything. You’re very powerful and scary and I’m sure you’ve seen dark and terrible things,” he surrendered. Luna nodded and settled back into her chair. “Apparently none of those things were penises though…” he muttered.
Luna shot a bolt of electricity at the human who barely ducked in time. “ALRIGHT! FUCK! IT WAS A JOKE! Fucking chill! God!”
Luna harrumphed as she tossed her mane and shuffled her wings. She settled back behind her desk. “For someone apparently so desperate to bed thou seem to make an extraordinary effort to be unlikable.”
Shane began to pick up the pieces of his gun and began to put them back together. “Desperate to what? Bed a pony?” he laughed.
“Yes...Why not?” Luna asked, very ready to be offended.
“Give me some credit. I’ve got some scraps of dignity left to lose before I start shagging the natives.”
“Oh, but you’re considering it?” Luna teased.
Shane laughed. “Luna, honey, I am a United States Marine. There are only ever two things on my mind. Sex or murder… Sometimes both,” he nodded. “And for the record, I considered it about ...twenty seconds after realizing I was gonna be stuck here forever and you all had vaginas.” Shane finally pieced his weapon together racking the slide satisfactorily and setting it on his lap and refilling his glass.
“Been peeking have you?” the alicorn teased.
“Yeah I have,” the human admitted a little too readily. “You don’t wear pants and clearly have a tenuous grasp on the concept of modesty. It’s hard to miss,” he explained as he sipped his drink. “Fortunately for you... I have not, as of yet, felt inclined to act or comment upon any of my keen observations.”
“How flattering that we meet thy lofty criteria of ‘exists’ and ‘has vagina’.” she drolled.
Shane pouted at the dark alicorn. “I think my standards are a wee bit higher than that…”
“Is that so?”
“I do also generally check for a pulse first,” he clarified loftily.
Luna scoffed. “Pig.”
Shane laughed and rolled to his feet. He moved over to Luna’s bed, grabbing and wrapping his gun-belt back around his waist. “Don’t you fret, Princess. Give it enough time and who knows? You just might get a shot at aaall this.” He motioned up and down his person.
Luna huffed and rolled her eyes. “Lucky for me? You think very highly of yourself indeed, Major. ”
Shane hummed and stretched. “Well if I didn’t, no one would.”
Luna laughed at that. “Is this truly your current state of mind, Major. Or are you just attempting to get a rise out of us.”
Shane smiled back as he collapsed back into his cushion. “Little bit of both, I think?” He laced his fingers behind his head and closed his eyes. “I don’t know why but I been thinkin’ about weird shit recently,” he confessed.
“Oh?” Luna encouraged as she returned her attention to her papers. “Are you going to tell us? Or are you still referring to your newfound sexual confusion?”
He ignored the last bit. “It’s nothing really, just random stupid thoughts that I never thought I’d have to think,” he continued with a smirk “Like this has been bugging the hell out of me for days.” He scratched his jaw thoughtfully. “The week before I left my house to go on this mission…” he began dreamily, his eyes still half closed. “My lawnmower broke. Gas was leaking out the carburetor, I texted my brother-in-law to see if he would mind looking at it since he and my sister were watching my house while I was gone.” He opened his eyes and pursed his lips. “Never texted me back. Never found out what was wrong with it. Never will...”
Luna let him talk. She didn’t really understand much of it. But could piece together the gist of what he was saying. He always got chatty like this when he drank. It, while amusing in its own right, never seemed to have a real point. He just wanted to talk for the sake of someone willing to listen. He obviously didn’t have many ponies he could really relate to or confide in. She and Celestia were likely the closest things to friends or relatives he had now, and even then only by virtue of being the most familiar with his situation. It was a tenuous relationship on its best day. Which is partially why she so valued moments like these.
“I guess it doesn’t matter,” he continued. “The mowers probably gone now, along with the house. My family probably sold all my stuff when I died.”
“You didn’t die, Major.” Luna corrected.
“You know what I mean.” Shane just waved a hand nonchalantly dismissing the correction before becoming quiet again. “The point I’m trying to lead into, is that I’m worried this place is starting to get to me,” he stared at the ceiling uncomfortably. His sudden shift in tone grabbing the alicorns attention.
Luna looked at the human over the rim of her glasses. “How so?”
“Like… how long is it gonna be before I stop seeing people in my dreams and start seeing ponies?”
Luna froze set her papers down and began to listen very carefully. “Did you see a pony in one of your dreams, Major?” Luna did her best to keep her voice calm. It was most likely a natural dream.
Shane shrugged. “I’m just trying to think of an example,” he deflected. “The point I’m trying to make is that I’m surprised by how quickly I’m becoming used to things like talking animals and magic.” Luna frowned at being referred to as an animal but she managed not to interrupt. “I had friends in the Corps who immigrated from non-english speaking countries and enlisted for citizenship,” he went on. “They all said the same thing, there’d be a moment where you start to dream in the new language.”
“Do you think that’s such a bad thing?” Luna asked quietly.
“I don’t know,” he answered softly. “The way they always described it made it seem kinda bittersweet. I think I get why.”
“Because it seems like you are losing a part of yourself through assimilation?”
“I guess,” he shrugged. “It’s not like I think I’m gonna forget what it’s like being human,” he clarified. “But ...at some point I’m probably gonna forget some of the small stuff. I wonder how long it will be before I forget about my lawnmower. Or if I’ll ever catch myself using words like ‘somepony’. And… I don’t know just weird thoughts like that have been in my head.” His words drifted off.
Luna pondered for several moments. “I am sure to some degree it is all inevitable. I think just by nature of being aware of it you’ll be able to mitigate its effects. My suggestion to you would be not to try too hard to fight it. Guard your core values jealousy but time will wear on your memory. That is unavoidable. I have lost countless memories to time, Major,” she consoled. “Old records and stories do them little justice. I occasionally hear mention of myself in historical texts and forget the mare they are referring to is me. But certain memories will never leave me,” she reversed. “Some even thousands of years ago. Ancient history by any right, yet I could still close my eyes and see them. As if it were only this morning.”
She closed her own eyes for a moment before opening them and looking at Shane who was watching her with an easy smile.
“I have found that it is not your memories that shape who you are,” she explained. “Your experiences have already shaped you. The significant ones will be retained. Like a river may not recall every single rainstorm that forged it. But the river knows what its path is, and pushes forward regardless.” Luna removed her glasses. “An imperfect analogy, but do you understand what we are trying to say?”
“That we are more than the sum of our parts?” Shane ventured a guess.
“I suppose that would be a succinct way of putting it,” she noted. “My point simply being that I would not let it trouble you overly so. It is a natural part of life and an unavoidable by-product of age.”
Shane hummed, apparently satisfied with her response as he turned toward the fire to ponder her words. Luna slowly sank back into her work as the quiet grew between them. The crackle of the fire and rustling of parchment the only sound for several moments.
“What did the Griffons want?” Shane asked suddenly. “Celestia said I got a letter.”
“You did,” she confirmed. “Would you like to read it?”
“I assume you already have, so I’d prefer the short version.”
Luna thought for a moment. “It was an invitation. From the Queen herself. It arrived shortly after Magneus sent his report back home. Which is unusual in of itself if you were to ask us.”
“Why is that unusual?”
“It arrived two days ago. Your formal public reveal was only three. Which means the invitation was likely drafted and sent before then, meaning she already knew about you.”
“Interesting,” he sounded amused. “What’s her name?”
“The griffon Queen?” the human nodded. “Almandine. Almandine Gelana. She inherited the throne after the untimely passing of her father Carnelian a little less than a decade ago.”
“Let me guess, she’s struggling to fill daddy’s shoes?”
“Quite the contrary actually,” Luna corrected. “She’s proven to be quite capable. Not terribly surprising really. She’d been groomed for the throne since birth. I think you’d like her. She’s a very direct, no-nonsense, type. Not one for the touchy-feely or fainthearted. Smart as a whip and very witty. I think you would get on well with her.”
“Should I go?”
“What?” Luna paused uncertainly.
“You think I shouldn’t?”
Luna opened her mouth but didn’t speak for a few seconds. “You can if you wish. We were not lying when we said you are not a prisoner here. Truthfully though I didn’t think you would want to. I had already begun drafting a polite declination.”
“Political intrigue isn’t exactly my strong suit. Would refusing cause you all a lot of trouble?”
Luna scoffed. “We appreciate the sentiment, Major. But you could not blow your nose without causing us trouble. We can make the arrangements if you really wish to go, but it may be some weeks and perhaps some-” Luna considered her choice of words. “...education of local etiquette before we could schedule this trip. We must discuss it with Celestia first. I hope you understand.”
“Sure,” Shane nodded understandingly and rolled to his feet. Stretching one final time. “I think that’s it for me, Princess.”
“Goodnight, Major. Sleep well. Twilight will be at your room in a few hours. She has a few more magic tests we would like to run. They shouldn’t take long.”
“Thanks for the warning.” Shane gathered his things and made for the door.
“Major?” Luna asked with a wry smile. The human paused and cocked his head at the lunar alicorn. “Have we ever appeared in your dreams?”
Shane scoffed and shot the princess a cocky grin. “Why? Would you like to?”
“We are just curious,” she shrugged her wings.
“If I said ‘no’ would you be disappointed?”
“On principle? Somewhat I suppose,” she admitted with a grin of her own.
“Not that you wouldn’t be welcome,” he laughed. “...but you may be less flattered by what you see than you’d think,” he added.
Luna shook her head. “We shall keep that in mind, Major.” Luna promised. The human’s levity at the suggestion betraying his lack of true understanding of what he was indirectly agreeing to.
Shane laughed again and shook his head. “Goodnight, Luna.”
“Goodnight, Shane.” Luna smiled sweetly. After all permission was permission. Ill gotten or otherwise.
~~~~~
Cadance cast hesitant glances over her shoulder in the darkened room. She had no “real” reason to sneak. She was perfectly allowed to be here. However her sudden “appetites” may arouse suspicion and raise questions she was trying her best to avoid.
She winced as the harsh light of the massive refrigerator cast long shadows over the dark royal kitchen. Squinting she began to scan the shelves, for what she did not know. But the hormones flooding her senses demanded that she eat….something. She could quite put a hoof on what. Her horn sparked as she levitated out a carton of mint ice cream and several boxes of graham crackers. All semblances of dignity forgotten as the Empress forwent utensils and stuck her muzzle directly into the carton.
She levitated out a cracker and scooped some of the dairy treat onto the cinnamon wafer shoving the entire thing into her face. She chewed thoughtfully. “This isn’t it…” she thought to herself. That hunger in the pit of her stomach went unsated.
“Watcha’ doin’?” a bassy voice spoke into her ear.
She only screamed for a second as she clasped a hoof over her mouth and grabbed the closest kitchen utensil. She leveled her soup ladle at the voice as he poked his head into the light.
Shane blinked at the alicorn, cocking his head and eyeballing her ladle judgmentally. Cadance dropped the implement on a nearby counter falling back on her rear and clutching her hooves to her heart as she managed to catch her breath.
“What are you doing?!” She demanded as the enormous biped stepped into the glow of the refrigerator.
“I was going to bed. I saw the light on and got curious,” he explained simply.
Cadance relaxed somewhat. “Did you have to sneak up on me like that?” Nothing his size had any right moving that quietly.
Shane frowned. “There wasn’t much sneaking to it,” he clarified. “Seems more like you were just too preoccupied having relations with the tub of Rocky-Road to notice.”
“It’s mint chocolate chip.” She fired back, getting oddly defensive for no reason.
Shane et it slide, looking around the dark kitchen. “Unusual time for snack isn’t it?” Shane leaned over the small pink alicorn, scanning the items in the fridge himself.
Cadance recoiled. “Do...do you really not remember the other night?” she was almost hopeful. “What we talked about? In your cell?”
Shane’s face was blank for a second before he cast a glance back at the pink crystal empress with a smirk. “Ooooh, you started getting cravings.” He teased the alicorn poking her in the side playfully. “Kid’s not even here yet and you’re already lettin it call the shots.” Shane tsk’d.
Cadance blushed. “So you do remember.”
“Of course I remember,” he said sounding offended. He nudged the alicorn out of the way and began nosing his way through the contents of the refrigerator. He opened a small jar giving it an inquisitive sniff. He frowned and replaced it before selecting another jar. Opening it and apparently finding its contents much more satisfactory. “Here,” he offered the alicorn the jar. “Try those.”
Cadance took the jar from the human hesitantly. “Pickles?” she asked incredulously.
“Bread and Butter,” he proffered. “Trust me,” Shane said.
“I don’t like pickles,” she protested, levitating the jar back toward the human.
Shane pushed the jar back toward the alicorn. “Bet,” he challenged. “The ice cream didn’t help did it?”
“No…” she admitted.
“Try one,” he tempted.
The alicorn rolled her eyes. Levitating a small pickled spear from the jar, nibbling off the edge experimentally. It was soury sweet and vinegery. She had to admit it had a satisfying crunch. It was salty and she found herself licking her teeth as it slid down her gullet. She took another bite, this one larger. She swore to herself. This did hit the spot. She scarfed down the rest of the pickle and fished out another.
Shane smiled triumphantly.
“I suppose I have to give you that one,” she caved. “Since when did you become an expert on alicorn pregnancy?” Cadance asked as she crunched through another spear. “Or were you a midwife in a past life?”
Shane scoffed. “I’m a man of many talents, your Emperessness. Lookin’ good, and stackin’ bodies are just two of my more serviceable skills.” Shane picked a pickle out of the jar for himself. Leaning against the countertop as he crunched on it. “My sister got pickle cravings when she had her kid,” Shane yawned through the explanation. “You tell your dumbfuck husband yet?”
“I’m still waiting for the right moment…” she murmured ashamed.
“You keep waiting and he’s gonna get pretty suspicious when a baby pony falls out of you one day,” Shane teased.
Cadance blushed. “It’s just… what if he isn’t ready? What if I’M not ready? We can barely find time for each other now that we have an entire country to run. How are we gonna find time for the baby? How am I supposed to lead a nation AND be a good mom? What if they resent me for not giving them enough time? What if they think I care more about the Empire than them? Will my subjects think I’m shirking my duties?” she stopped herself, realizing she was unloading a lot of very personal baggage onto a total stranger.
The human didn’t look like he minded. He was just smiling at the alicorn’s outburst. “Been waiting to get that off your chest haven’t you?”
“Yes…” she admitted. “I’m sorry. You’re just the only one that knows…”
Shane shrugged dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it’s a hard thing to keep secret. You’re making it harder on yourself than you need to though,” he reminded. “You should probably tell someone who matters. Maybe start with the father of your child? He may be a stupid boot but he’s your stupid boot. It’s not right that you’re hiding it from him.”
“Do you have any foals?” she asked, the barest hint of hostility entering her voice at being lectured..
His smile fell away. “No,” he admitted. “None that I know of at least,” he corrected, flashing a ghost of a smile. “But I know a thing or two about dealing with personal shit and feeling like you have no one to talk to about it.”
Cadance winced slightly. Maybe she was being self centered. She and Shining Armor had been blessed with the miracle of a child and all she could think about was how it would change their lives. The human had lost everything and he had no one. Yet here he was, offering her words of encouragement when in all reality it should be the other way around. Frankly she was somewhat embarrassed.
“I’m sorry. It must seem fairly rude of me to dump all of this on you. You of all ponies,” she added. “I’m just… scared,” she admitted, possibly more to herself than to the human.
Shane regarded the small pink Empress for several moments. “Well get un-scared,” he advised plainly as he nudged the alicorn with his knee. “Cause that kid's coming whether you’re scared or not.” Shane looked at the band on his wrist, remembering the timekeeping device was still broken. “I’m going to bed.” The human pushed himself away from the countertop and headed toward the door he came in. “Goodnight, Princess.”
“Shane?” Cadance called before the human could make it out the door. Canance thought about how to properly phrase her request. “Will you…” she wasn’t sure what she was even asking for. “You’ll help me... right?”
He laughed. “You don’t want my help, Princess,” he assured her over his shoulder as he continued toward the exit. “And you don’t need it,” he added looking back at the pink alicorn. “Go back to bed, Princess. It’s late and you’re jacked up on baby hormones. He’s gonna wonder where you got off to. And if you are hell bent on keeping him in the dark you may wanna think of an excuse for the morning sickness comin’ your way.”
Shane disappeared thought the doors and left the pink alicorn empress alone in the soft light of the refrigerator.
Cadance frowned, unable to help but feel like she had just received a scolding from her headmaster. She kicked the refrigerator shut. And headed for the exit.
~~~~~
Twilight nodded at the now familiar guards as she wandered the darkened dungeon halls on her way to Shane’s cell, preparing ply the large creature with coffee in an attempt to coax him awake.
She didn’t need to. Shane was already awake and dressed. He was sitting on his cot back against the wall one leg cocked up on the other. He was absentmindedly playing with a large silver coin, attempting to get it to flip across his knuckles and back without dropping it.
He noticed the small lavender unicorn enter with a flick of his eyes. She offered the human a good morning but he didn’t answer. He tried once more to get his knuckles to carry the coin from one end of his hand to the other. There were bags under his eyes. He didn’t look like he’d gotten much sleep.
Twilight chewed the inside of her cheek, wondering if the human was in one of his ‘moods’. Shane dropped the coin, swearing softly to himself. He finally looked up and appraised Twilight. She said something again.
Shane took the earbud out of his ear, Twilight could faintly hear music.
“What?”
“I said good morning,” she repeated, offering the human the coffee.
“What time is it?” he asked, thanking her for the drink.
“Early. The sun’s about to come up.” Shane made a noise that implied he understood. But otherwise seemed to zone out once again. “You lose track of the time?” she smiled gesturing at the wristwatch on his arm.
Shane seemed confused for a moment before realization washed over him. “It broken,” he tapped the timepiece sadly.
“Why are you still wearing it?”
“I mean the timer still works, and the stop-watch and stuff. It just isn’t keeping time anymore,” he defended somewhat sheepishly. “Honestly I’m just so used to wearing it.” he looked down at the black digital face of the watch contemplatively. The Casio logo had long since rubbed off. “Just feel naked without it I guess.”
Twilight frowned. “Have you been up all night?”
Shane shrugged. “I was up late talking to Luna. Just started thinking and never got around to sleeping.” His explanation seemed deliberately vague.
“What were you thinking about?”
“How old is Cadance?” he asked out of the blue.
Twilight was somewhat surprised by the question. “She’s a few years older than Shiny and you. Twenty-nine if I remember right.”
“Shiny and me?” Shane asked.
She nodded. “You two are the same age.” Shane made a face at that but it faded quickly. “Why do you ask? Or are you saying you were up all night thinking about my brother’s wife?” she prodded playfully.
“I was wondering if she could die. Or if she was like Luna and Celestia. She’s an alicorn right?” Twilight’s smile disappeared. It wasn’t like the same thought hadn’t crossed her mind before. “Does immortality come with the alicorn territory or vice versa?”
It wasn’t a thought Twilight liked to ponder. She knew the idea made Cadance extremely uncomfortable. Immortality seemed like a terrible terrible blessing. Cadance was practically a sister to Twilight. She couldn’t imagine having to watch everyone they loved grow old and die.
“We’re not sure,” Twilight finally spoke. “There hasn’t been another known alicorn for over two thousand years. So far Cadance has aged normally. But according to Celestia, so did she for a time. She said she was about in her mid to late thirties when she stopped visibly aging.”
“Does she talk about it a lot?” Shane asked quietly.
“I only ever asked her once. I was fairly young but one day it dawned on me that Cadance was an alicorn just like Princess Celestia. I put two and two together, and ran teary eyed to the Princess and begged her to tell me.” Twilight sat on the padded floor and swished her tail a few times. “It seemed rude to intrude on something so personal but she didn’t seem to mind. Or at least I don’t think she did. It’s hard to tell sometimes. Princess Celestia is a complicated mare.”
Shane hummed as he contemplated Twilight’s words while toying with the coin in his fingers.
“Pretty heavy topic for so early in the morning,” Twilight noted, clearing her throat to break up the growing silence. Shane still didn’t say anything. Twilight levitated her, steadily growing, human-book out of her saddlebag along with a quill. “I was hoping you could tell me a few more things about human society before we have to be at the academy.”
Shane didn’t seem to even hear her. She lowered the book uncertainly. “Unless you weren’t feeling up to it.”
“Can we go to the library?” he asked suddenly.
Twilight perked up. “The library?”
“Somewhere I can find a book to learn about something?” he clarified.
Twilight gasped and beamed, causing the human to recoil. “Of course we can go to the library! We can go right now! Come on, I’ll show you!”
The little unicorn shoved the floundering human off his cot and toward the door.
~~~~~
Celestia daintily wiped any traces of her breakfast off her muzzle with a napkin. Luna suppressed a yawn, clearly eager to get to bed. Celestia glanced over a few of the documents Raven had dropped off before her court had started.
“We had a thought last night,” Luna began.
Celestia set her documents aside, giving Luna all of her attention.
“We believe we may need to speak to Shane about his behavior in front of the public now that the world’s eye is upon him.”
“All this time and you’re just now having concerns about his behavior?” Celestia raised an eyebrow speculatively.
“That is not what we meant,” Luna frowned. “It merely occurred to us that his behavior while abrasive does not strike us as overly… alien.”
“Well he isn’t technically speaking an alien,” Celestia noted. “He is from another dimension. It would be more accurate to say he is from a drastically altered version of our own reality than it would be to say he is from another planet.”
“That is exactly our point,” Luna asserted. “If we are to promulgate the fiction that the human is indeed an alien, we feel it would be in our better interests if he acted a little more so. If it is discovered that he is a transdimensional creature we are worried it may reawaken ponies interest in attempting to open portals to his or other dimensions.”
Celestia contemplated her sisters words. “It seems unlikely that anypony would succeed. Ponies have been trying and failing at that endeavor for a millenia. But I see your point. I’ll discuss it with him.”
There were a series of knocks at the door before a onyx haired unicorn poked her head inside. “Um, your highness. I’m sorry to bother you but there a mare here from the library with an urgent matter that she insists needs your attention.”
“Can it wait, Raven? I am a bit preoccupied at the moment.”
“I’m so sorry, Princess but it’s the human,” Celestia frowned wondering what mess the biped had gotten himself tangled up in now.
“What seems to be the problem? He hasn’t harmed anyone has he?”
“Well no, he hasn’t but…” she paused, unsure how to address it.
“-but?” Celestia prompted.
~~~~~
The librarian was an elder unicorn. She had a dull cornflower coat with dull grey hair. Age had taken the luster out of her coat and mane. Her eyesight wasn’t what it used to be but a set of thick eyeglasses helped with that. One thing that had never deteriorated with age, she was proud to say, was her hearing. Although today she wasn’t quite sure if that too had finally failed her.
After the initial shock of seeing the alien from the newspaper walk into the royal library wore off. She began working on puzzling out what he had said.
“T-terribly sorry, c-come again, dear?” she stuttered.
“I’m looking for a book on alicorns,” he said plainly.
That much she understood.
“Specifically their weaknesses.”
There it was.
The part she couldn’t quite wrap her horn around.
What did he mean by weaknesses? Celestia had a soft spot for cakes and pastries. Everypony knew that. Did he mean literal weaknesses?
“You’re asking for a book on alicorn weaknesses…” she repeated.
The human frowned, apparently becoming frustrated at having to repeat himself. “Yes.”
“I don’t think I have any books like that,” he furrowed her brow.
The creature seemed disappointed. “Is there like a Forbidden Section I could check in? Magic libraries always have Forbidden Sections.
“No I’m afraid there’s nothing forbidden here. The library is open to the public. Although it’s only staffed five days a week during business hours.”
“Do you have any books at all about alicorns? Like any history books about them being defeated and how that was accomplished in great detail?”
“You aren’t trying to hurt the princesses are you?”
“Whaaat!” he laughed. “Nooo! I’m just trying to learn how to kill them so I can avoid doing those things. Like you know… I don’t know anything about them and I don’t want accidentally kill them by doing something that I didn’t know would kill them.” He nodded. “By accident of course.”
“And you’re asking about alicorns specifically because?”
“Becaauuuse…” he struggled for a few seconds. “Well they’re seemingly immortal, right?”
“Yes.”
“I already know how to not kill mortal creatures. And obviously the things that kill normal ponies haven’t killed them right? So it’s possible that things that don’t kill normal ponies MAY kill alicorns, right?”
“I suppose,” she admitted.
“Kinda like how Dorothy didn’t know the water would kill the witch in Wizard of Oz.”
“Wizard of what?”
“So if you have something, anything on alicorns. Like anatomy or history I would consider it a great help in furthering you know like, peace and stuff.”
“Anatomy will be in the medical section of the Life Sciences under A. History is its own section. If you’re looking for more information about the Princesses though I might suggest starting with a history of Equestria. The Princess’ history is Equestria’s history after all.”
The human nodded, seeming sufficiently satisfied with her answer. As soon as he was out of sight the mare hopped off her stool and ran to find the nearest guard.
~~~~~
“Did you find the librarian?” Twilight asked from her study table after the human returned with three books tucked under his arm.
“Yeah, she was useless,” he complained.
Twilight frowned. “What are you even looking for?”
“Something about alicorns,” he dragged a too-small chair over to sit by the small lavender unicorn. The light from a nearby window swelled as the sun cresting over the horizon. They had about an hour or two before she needed to have Shane at the academy.
Her frown deepened. “So what’s with the sudden curiosity?”
“The curiosity isn’t sudden,” he assured. “I’m just suddenly deciding to investigate it.”
Twilight shook her head, not particularly inclined to play the human’s word games. “Well whatever the reason is I don’t think you’ll find a whole lot outside of historical texts. Plenty of biographies have been written about the princesses though. What are you trying to learn anyway?”
“How to kill them, primarily,” he said thumbing open the first book in his pile.
“How to what?!” Twilight growled.
“Oh come on,” Shane cast a sidelong glance at the unicorn. “You can’t seriously tell me you’re not curious. You all have a set of immortal undying rulers and not a one of you sees any issue with that?” Shane thumbed a few more pages in his book. It looked like a book on physiology. “You think she has like a Dorian Grey thing going on or is it more like vampire rules?” he asked out loud.
“You think Princess Celestia is a vampire?” Twilight repeated sardonically.
“Mmm, not really, Luna maybe. She seems more the type. Vaguely gothic, dark, you know the ones.” He waived in a generalizing motion.
“Neither of the Princesses are vampires,” Twilight shot down.
“We’ll see…” he replied, returning his attention to his book.
Twilight shook her head, not happy that Shane was trying to learn to kill the mare who was practically a second mother to her, but confident that he wouldn’t even if he figured out how. Celestia had stood victorious over some of the most powerful and terrible foes that darkened the most desolate corners of Equus. If alicorns were so easily killed she wouldn’t be here.
She pulled out her human book, deciding to take advantage of the short amount of free time they had left before reporting to the academy. “Will you finish telling me how internal combustion works?”
Shane sighed and shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not really a mechanic, Twi. I changed my own oil once and was so proud of myself I talked about it for like two years. Most cars are electric nowadays anyway.”
“Will you try?” she pleased with big-ass adorable eyes.
The human sight again. “Fine,”
Twilight beamed and dipped her quill in a small glass ink pot, tapping the nib a few times for good measure.
~~~~
*Ting Ting Ting*
Shane glared at the unicorn’s quill from over the edge of his physiology book. Twilight’s quill hadn’t slowed for nearly twenty minutes. She tapped the nib on the corner of the pot after finishing another line.
The engine was simple conceptually but to make it all work in sync seemed an impossible mechanical task. Several pistons ran in their cylinders powered by small electric detonations of liquid or gaseous fuel which in turn turned a crankshaft which was connected to a camshaft and a timing belt, then the human’s description had failed her. He had no real idea of how it worked beyond that. He could explain the basic function of the various mechanisms. He knew what a radiator or transmission did. But he clearly had no real idea HOW they did it.
* Ting Ting Ting*
Twilight dipped her quill again tapping the nib on the glass. The human shot her another irritated glance. A drive shaft connected to a differential… She paused. She should probably draw a picture of that. It was difficult to put into written words.
She dipped her quill again, once more tapping the nib to remove excess ink.
*Ting Ting-*
Like a viper Shane reached across the table and snatched the small glass inkpot away and unceremoniously threw it out the open window behind them. Twilight gaped “Shane! What in Eques-” she turned back around just in time to see him snap her good quill in half before dumping its limp corpse on the floor. “HEY!” she began irate at the sudden unwarranted violence against her writing implements. “What do you think-”
She was interrupted again Shane held something under her nose. She recoiled and saw he was offering her some sort of modified fountain pen. It was black and semi-clear plastic. The ink was contained in a long thin cylindrical container. Which could be retracted via a clicky button on the top.
Shane shook it under her nose, encouraging her to take it. She finally did. Fountain pens were expensive and rather inefficient, but this one didn’t seem to leak or drip at all. She scribbled a little on the paper in front of her. It wrote smoothly and didn’t bleed or scratch.
“Wow,” she finally said. ALl her anger forgotten. “This is a really nice pen.”
“A pack of ten is like five bucks at Office-Depot. Just keep it,” he finally said, returning to his book in silence.
Twilight was too busy being delighted to properly reply. She wouldn’t have to constantly dip her quill or worry about smeared ink. At least until the internal cartridge ran out. She should patent this. Was that ethical? She wondered. To claim a human invention as her own? She flipped to a fresh page and began to sketch a drawing of her new pen with the pen itself. She wondered if Shane had another she could give to a manufacturer as a sample.
“Catching up on some reading, Major?” Celestia approached their table from in-between a set of shelves. She didn’t look overly amused.
“Celestia! I’m glad you’re here actually. Tell me, how do you feel about garlic?”
“I’m quite fond of garlic, although it does tend to give me heartburn.” she answered without missing a beat.
“Huh,” Shane’s pondered. “If I steaked you through the heart would you die?”
“I suppose I would.” She looked over his small collection of books. “Anatomy?” Shame hummed an affirmative.
Celestia grinned. “I suppose it’s good you’re learning more about ponies. If you mixed up withers and rump with a less forgiving mare there may have been consequences.”
“What?” Twilight asked feeling appropriately lost.
“I touched Celestia’s butt because I didn’t know what withers were,” Shane said plainly.
Twilight giggled.
“Laugh it up,” Shane thumbed his nose. “At least now I can tell everyone I got to pony second-base with a Princess.”
“When I heard the human was in the Library trying to kill alicorns I was expecting something a little more grand than studious research,” she sighed.
“Did that fucking librarian snitch on me?!” the human shouted.
“Shhh!” Twilight admonished.
~~~~~
Shane frowned at Twilight, looking hesitantly at her glowing horn. Then at all the surrounding medical and magical experts packed into the lab.
“Are you sure there isn’t another way to test this?” He asked very uncomfortably.
“It’s perfectly safe, Shane. Go ahead.”
He shifted in his seat. “It’s not really safety that’s concerning me,” he chewed on the inside of his cheek.
“What the issue then?” she asked impatiently.
“I don’t know,” he admitted “It just feels kind of… lewd.” He eyeballed the the glowing lavender horn on Twilight’s head.
A few of the pegasi or earth ponies in the lab began to stifle giggles, much to the indignation of the present unicorns. The running joke that the horn was an erogenous zone for unicorns apparently not losing its comedic effect even so many years after unification.
Twilight blushed slightly and shot Shane an irritated look. “It’s not lewd. Now shut up and touch my horn.”
“See, phrasing it like that doesn’t help…” he complained as he pinched his nose
Twilight groaned, “Will you just do it?”
Shane shook his head, mentally steeling himself as he wrapped his hand around the young mare’s glowing horn.
Twilight sucked in a short breath. As the magic flowing through here horn slowly retreated back into her. It wasn’t painful in any way but the sensation was certainly new. Magic simply retreated away from the contact like two opposing magnets. She knew she could never let the human hear her comparison lest it justify his use of magnetism to explain arcane energy, but in this particular scenario the analogy seemed fairly apt. .
“Can you increase the output?” One of the mares in a lab coat asked Twilight.
Twilight’s jaw tightened as she forced more energy through her horn. The retreating magic brightened and slowed, putting up more of a fight against the repelling effect of Shane’s hand.
“Are you alright, Major?” the same mare asked.
The human nodded, but beads of sweat were collecting on his forehead.
“See if you can push it,” she ordered Twilight.
The unicorn gritted her teeth as she channeled even more energy through her horn. The magic was now gaining ground towards Shane’s hand. As soon as now near blinding purple energy made contact with the human’s skin he hissed and pulled his upper lip back, with discomfort. The muscles and tendons in his arms doing their best to maintain contact.
The second Twilight’s magic reached the tip of her horn, there was a sizzling sound and Shane yelped, ripping his hand away from the unicorn’s horn.
Twilight, not expecting the resistance to suddenly vanish, inadvertently released a massive burst of magic sending a purple shockwave through the lab, shattering instruments and windows alike and knocking Shane clear off the table and several ponies off their hooves. The wave dissipated harmlessly against the walls.
“Is everypony alright?!” Twilight asked in a panic.
Shane laughed and pulled himself upright. “That’s one way to wake a fella up.” He shakily got to his feet shaking his hand while surveying the damage.. “Little backed up there, Twilight? Been awhile, has it?” He flexed his fingers wincing as small patches of new flesh were exposed to the air.
Twilight blushed. “That’s not funny. You just surprised me.”
Shane grinned, nudged one of the stallions with his knee. “You see that? Got that girl to shoot her load one-handed. I still got it.”
“Shane!” Twilight growled.
~~~~~
A few band-aids were sufficient to cover the small thermal burns on the humans hand after a few skin samples were taken. The results of the preliminary tests were divisive to say the best. Magic could interact with earth objects sporadically, seeming to follow no discernable pattern.
Twilight could lift the human’s shotgun, or his music player, but couldn’t lift him. She could use magic to untie his boot but not remove it. Another unicorn was able to lift him but could not create a shield that could keep him out.
They collected a mountain of data, almost none of it made sense. One thing they very clearly established was that the human was not immune to magic, nor did he really negate it. It was more accurate to say he diverted it. Spells that seemed to work on his body or objects from his world, worked for some unicorns but not others. Implying that the issue was likely the spellcaster themselves.
The initial assumption was that it was merely a matter of power. Twilight being one of the more powerful unicorns on Equus was more successful than some of the medical ponies, and the Princesses seemed to have little trouble with simply manipulating either the human himself or his things. Cadance had lifted Shane onto Shining Armor’s back when he passed out at the bar. Twilight recalled her doing so without much apparent effort.
It was at least a working theory. Twilight rolled her shoulders and sighed as she walked outside, her horn was sore. It wasn’t even noon and she was already tired. Shane was out here somewhere smoking. Or he better be. She allowed him to go alone only if he promised to be back inside in ten minutes. A time limit he was currently pushing.
She found the human around the corner of the building a half-smoked forgotten cigarette in his left hand, his right tapping warily on the grip of the holstered pistol on his leg.
Twilight paused as she came around to see a lone griffon hen sitting next to the human. She had beautiful jet black feathers and ashen grey fur with little white spots on her chest and paws.. Her long tail curled around around her legs, occasionally twitching with excitement.
Alarms immediately went off in Twilight’s mind. Who was this? What did she want? The unicorn slowly approached the pair. Almost immediately the griffon noticed her, locking her sharp golden eyes onto the mare. Shane didn’t fail to notice the griffon’s reaction. He turned and regarded Twilight for a moment, chewing on the inside of his cheek.
There was an awkward silence that lasted at most a few seconds but felt like an eternity. The griffon cleared her throat and turned her attention back to the human. “It was an honor to finally speak to you, Major. But I must take my leave. Until next time.” Her voice was rich and exotic. She didn’t sound like she was from Griffinstone, or anywhere in the Griffon kingdom for that matter..
Shane didn’t answer her. The griffon lowered her head toward him. She looked back at the unicorn once more. “Lady Sparkle,” was all that she offered as she inclined her head.
The griffon spread her wings as her powerful rear legs launched her into the air. In a few short flaps she was gone. Shane watched her go, working his jaw back and forth a few times like he was chewing.
“Shane?” Twilight came to his side. He sniffed and turned his attention to the cigarette in his hand. It had gone out. “Who was that?” She asked.
“I don’t know,” he said flicking the cigarette away.
“What did she want?”
“...I don’t know.” Shane repeated, pushing away from the side of the building. “Come on,” he muttered. “Let’s go back inside.”
Shane made his way back to the entrance. Twilight cast one more look at the sky, almost expecting to see her up there watching. But the skies were clear. Not even a cloud.
Twilight sighed and trotted after the biped. It seemed today would be another day of unanswered questions.
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Oh shit, another one so soon?
9313367
a stretch of almost six months is soon to you?
Awesome! I had just reread this the other day! Good to see Shane finally expressing himself more. The sex talk with Luna was priceless!
9313371
For this story
I think you mean rear not read
Let not et
Most not mot
Hmmm, exotic, sexy griffin... YES!
9313371
Look at the chapter publication dates.
9313371
Considering the time inbetween new chapters, relatively speaking this chapter came quickly.
Not like he has the luxury of sitting at a computer all day and complain about sitting too much. Then again, maybe he gets that once in a while. Hell if I kmow, I'm not in the military, he is.
I'm really surprised to see ANY new chapters this quickly.
Majors magic is behaving chaotically. I wonder if its a certain someones fault.
Well, at least Pinkie has a good idea what to get the Major for Hearths Warming.
A Non Working Lawn Mower.
For the tinkerer in your life, The Non Working Lawn Mower is guarenteed never to work, no matter how much time and effort is spent on it, or how close it gets to being operational.
The weaker simpler version of that spell, the random breakdown spell, would be intresting in a combat situation in a mechanical based situation. Probably why everyone is still on blades and plate?
Looks like the Major never got into Steam Engines as a kid. Great place to start because Internal Combustion became possible with advances in tolernces and accuracy and material technology, higher temperatures, pressures etc.
Now the Major has kittie birds flying clean accross semi hostile country just to drool at him? Looks delicious?
It’s always great to read this story. Wonderful chapter. Thank you.
Of course he wants to know how to kill Alicorns. Killing godlike creatures is a human tradition.
No joke, I was taking my dog out for his morning walk just a few hours ago and I just randomly started thinking about this story and how much of a bummer it was that it wouldn't be updated for probably another six months. Then I come back to see it's been updated only a few hours ago.
Love this story, please don't abandon.
9313371
You must be new here.
I look forward to seeing how Shane reacts when Luna shows up in his dreams.
It's always good to see an update for this story. So why the magical inconsistencies? And how long will it be before Luna visits Shane in his dreams? What will she find there? Why am I asking all these questions? I don't know for sure, but I can't wait to find out.
Twilight wonders if it’s ethical to patent a human pen while drilling Shane about the workings of an internal combustion engine.
That bit about the lawnmower and dreaming in another language was disturbingly poignant. I’ve read a ton of HIE but I’ve never seen something so simple leave me staring at the wall in thought, wondering if it rings true for every other protagonist.
You aren't the only one, but it takes the time it takes. I know I'm not alone in being grateful whenever you update this tale. The very fact you wish you could update faster is good news for everybody that likes this. Thanks for entertaining us.
Before I finish reading this chapter, I just want to say I greatly enjoy this story.
This is the best and most accurate Marine in Equestria story I've ever come across.
"It's okay, I'm American..."
The combination of Luna snooping around in his dream and Shane’s ability to divert magic sounds like an explosive mix. Let’s hope it involves the two getting stuck in a perpetual dream, preferably in a locked room with a heart shaped bed covered in rose petals.
Glad to see this is still going.
Griffins be Griffining.
9313590
He's going Batman on the other 'Supers apparently... you know, for research... "just in case."
9313795
The hard part to make with mechanical/disposible pens is the teeny tiny metal ball in the tip (0.5mm typically). The tolerances for those is well beyond "eyeballing it". Although with enough magic (or clever use of less magic) I suppose a unicorn could clone a master copy of the difficult bits and go from there? Ink would be the next issue. Ballpoints use a thicker paste that lasts longer but rollerballs use liquid ink that flows nicer yet runs out faster. If the technological jump is too far, there's always fountain pens. The metal quill tip would prevent plucked pegasi and all but eliminating the constant *tink tink tink* into the inkwell would dissuade Shane from stabbing unicorns with their own writing quill.
Nice
Shane confiding with Luna is my favorite part of this chapter. Even after years of reading HiE, I'm still able to come across new impactful dialogue - particularly about the dreaming - that I've never been exposed to before. I also loved how Shane totally flipped over the somber atmosphere with Twilight, suggesting they go to the library. He inadvertently knows how to cheer her up.
At first I believed that griffin Shane was with was another changeling, but afterwards I realized that'd be pretty stupid of it. Griffins aren't exactly the most common creature in Equestria, so that's conspicuous. Also, she apparently has an accent that doesn't sound like it comes anywhere from the griffon kingdom; that's sure to draw even more attention. I just assume she has something to do with the Queen sending Shane an invitation.
All caught up and I love the main guy.
I relate so well with him, and the last chapter is about 300% short on sexual references... But it's one of the best chapters in one of the best HiE stories I've come across.
I just love the banter in this story.
Well you have you admit, she is kinda pale looking.
OH MY GOD! Knight Breeze's What I Am updates and I leave THIS comment:
IT'S A GODDAMN THANKSGIVING MIRACLE!!!! I should make wishes more often!
I like that you still haven't abandoned this fic; it's one of, if not the, best HiE fics around. The banter is just icing on the cake.
9314424
I believe she's the same griffon from the previous chapter.
Another excellent chapter.:D
Good to see this being updated again.
Needs more 29 References.
I love this showing up in my updated more than any other fic. God I love this.
Should be "ye miss" or "thou miss" not "thee misses". "Ye" is formal (or plural) while "thou" is informal. Ye/thou is the subject of the sentence, while you/thee is the object of the sentence.
A NEW FUCKING CHAPTER!!!!!! I LITERALLY JUST CAME
Good gravy, a new chapter. Happy days indeed.
LMAO wooho an update! And a damn good one, too.
Fun fact, horses can’t throw up. So the concept of morning sickness as we know it doesn’t really apply for horses. Probly means Applejacks « baked bads » had some lethal consequences too, but that’d be a bit dark for a show made for children.
Good story, but the time gaps/hiatuses hit like a truck.
9314816
I totally don't remember her then and you've made me look like a complete fool.
New chapters don't come too often. I don't blame the author, though. I have dozens of other fanfics in my Tracking & Read It Later that take long periods of time to update. I forget a good amount of events in them over time.
Uthis bugged the crap outta me and now I know why. Shane would have to be at least 34 to hold the rank of major assuming he was able to do all his shit perfectly.
He acts like a Lance Corporal.
Before promoting to major, you must have 10 years of service, and at least two years serving as a captain. Most captains, though, promote to major, after five to six years as a captain.
9318026
Talking ponies also dont exist fam.
But to your point your right.
I was gonna explain the reason for his rank later. So put a pin in that one.
He acts like dickhole because I'm a dickhole and I think its more entertaining that way. People who are sober and polite are boring and read like robots.
Artistic Licenses and such...
Is that this symbol?
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c2/1st_Marine_Division_insignia.svg/220px-1st_Marine_Division_insignia.svg.png
Glad this was updated! And glad it does in fact contain 150% more lewd jokes in it!
9318095
No you don't get to have fun things
Funny, just before this chapter was published I was thinking about this story, in particular having a chuckle over the bit where Celestia tells Shane to touch her withers and he touches her flank. Then not only do you update that very day, but you include this:
thumbs.gfycat.com/HeartyHospitableDuckbillcat-size_restricted.gif
Now, I'm gonna say to you what I said to Google when it showed me a new ad for something I had just eaten: GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!
Seriously though, that was actually one of my favorite comedic moments in this story, and I'm glad it got a callback. Looking forward to seeing how all these plot setups are gonna pay off!
Noticed typos, didn't care. New chapter had me ecstatic. The jokes were a riot, gonna just say that now.
Also? the suspense with the gryphons is driving me CRAZY!
And lastly... hope you're doing well. You've been missed, as ever.