A human bean with an over active imagination and really likes Sunset Shimmer :P Currently accepting Guitar playing Girlfriend Applications ;)
Sunset Shimmer, the mean Queen B of Canterlot High School gets her life changed by a young genius scientist. A month and a half before the Fall Formal.
She learns new things about herself and gains a new lenses to life. A new lenses that just might be too much to handle for the human unicorn as she begins to understand the error of her ways.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This seems like it will be very interesting
a few typos to be found.
steel not steal booted for example.
also, you are jumping between tenses.
otherwise, the premise is interesting.
*chuckles* Ah, I see she's doing the Twilight thing. The "We're friends now, deal with it."
I'll say I like the snarky comebacks Twilight is throwing back at Sunset every time she tried throwing one at her.
It adds a whole different work on (Human) Twilight that's hardly done before. I'll especially like it when Twilight finds out Sunset wasn't joking about an alternate universe into a world of magic - at least she left out the part of them all being ponies - and I would say you added a decent amount of meanness to Sunset's personality though I do feel like Diamond Tiara was a tad more docile from how she may react (though that's your call on your story.)
A few grammar problems here and there but overall not bad. What might make it more interesting is if we see in Twilight's life once or twice as well and her thoughts of her new friend(?). - Maybe even have Twilight [compliment / criticize] Sunset's [appearance / personality] - This is my own ideas and feel free to use or ignore them if you will. I'll keep an eye on this story and see where it will go.
~
Have a wonderful day!
This is a different take on SciSet and I love it, keep up the great work.
I adoreee how you are writing these two, great work!
Now I wonder what moment of the canon films this could be a reference to... HMM
In all seriousness, am LOVING this.
It will obviously be a long road ahead, as Sunset has only started to slowly tiptoe down the path of change and redemption, but I have a feeling that first full step is not too far away!
Huh, wasn't expecting Sunset to break so quickly. Well, good! Now the healing can begin
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For the first time she had gotten consequences in the human world and had to admit what exactly it is she had been doing over the years. Doing so has broken something in her (kinda like in the movie). :)
I was having a real shitty day, thanks for the update.
This is getting GOOD (But it was already amazing, so getting better? Hmm, I need to think about it, lol)
Like I said last chapter, it is obvious Sunset has a long way to go, but she is REALLY starting down the path of change now!
Asking to be taken off the list of running for Princess of the Fall Formal is a BIG step.
Another awesome chapter!
Thanks for the chapter and art! Great work
Well... this is gonna be interesting...
Oh wow, Magma's a manticore!
Sunset, NO!
yes, the ending of this chapter was impressive, it was sudden, there is intrigue, I'm waiting for what will happen next
I would love to see Celestias’ explanation of Sunset.
OOOOO WHAT A CHAPTER
I am glad Sunset has Twilight and Twilight's family there to help her
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Is there really random Russian words and sentences and paragraphs in this story? If so, then why?
Beautiful chapter :)
Really intriguing read, of a scenario where human Twilight met Sunset before the first movie and ended up being the first person Sunset couldn't affect with her initial bullying ways (since her life at Crystal Prep is bad enough that nothing Sunset can do would make her feel any worse), forcing Sunset to do some reflection and have an earlier redemption.
So, will Sunset try to help restore the friendships between Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity that she initially tore apart, as a means of trying to atone for her previous actions?
Screw you, Celestia.
And I'm worried about Twilight.
Been a while since I read a story where Sunset's the bully. This is an interesting take on it going back to the beginning meeting the human Twilight so soon and she has her detector. Sunset was being quite harsh and it seemed to bounce right off. Hehe. I am intrigued let's see where this goes.
So, it is to be Sunset who brings the five back together after effectively canceling the movie's plot.
Wow, that is hugely different!
GO SUNSET! WOO HOO!
You know you really don't go easy on Twilight. The designers gave her glasses and really bad vision and then you went the next step and gave her bad hearing as well. It does make me wonder if her Pony counterpart had somehow corrected this stuff with magic.
Great chap per usual!
Wow, that went surprisingly well. I that for sure that at least Applejack and Rainbow would be pissed at being deceived by Sunset(and understandably so). It's good to see the girls acknowledge their own faults in not talking things out and allowing bitterness to set in. Hopefully this is a sign of things looking up for Sunset going forward.
For better and (depending on the MLP fan you ask) for ill, these girls are quick to forgive.
I'd say for the better, because overly harsh punishments are not my cup of tea.
Very cute. However, at the end Twi should be tapping a toe on the GROUND and not the GROIN. Because, ouch.
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Lol, thanks for catching that!
Well... that did not go as I expected.
5 year deployment?! Good gods. Hope he at least got some shore leave in that time. Also, if you beat someone and they don't fight back it's assault. An expellable offense. Use that big brain of yours, Twi and fight smart.
I believe you meant for Sunset to say WITHOUT me there to ruin the formal.
Nice dream sequence, Twilight.
I also agree that this went surprisingly quick. I figured she'd sneak away to avoid expected retaliation and they would catch up later followed by the inevitable group hug.
Also, I believe you misspelled Applejack when you were talking about the phone hacks.
Really good seeing Sunset managed to get the Rainbooms back together. Nice how they are willing to forgive Sunset too and potentially include her as their friend (without the baggage of her she-demon thing), seeing how their inability to properly talk to each other after the fake emails and texts enabled Sunset's plan to work in the first place.
Seeing how the CHS statue got destroyed earlier than canon by Sunset instead of Midnight Sparkle, how likely is it that the magic leak getting worse happens earlier with the geodes getting created earlier?
There is more to the story of Celestia's folly, Sunset... That does not mean your feelings are invalid though.
She rediscovered The Journal extra early... I have this feeling she'll need it later.
Celestia sent her the bill for damaging the portal gateway.
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Lmao
Flanksy has been born and Sunset's heart is getting accustomed to the warmth of friendship. Soon, that warmth will begin to heal her scars.
Oh, and you might want to give this chapter a proof-reading pass if you haven't already. There are some odd spelling errors here and there (ex: Flansky instead of Flanksy). As someone who proof-reads his own work: I get it.
Flanker the super villian. This is funny to me on more than one level. Glad Sunset is opening up.
Thanka for chapter
Really good.
You know between Rainbow Dash getting a bit suspicious when Sunset brings up how she is so good at dodgeball and Applejack getting suspicious of Sunset's uneasy reaction when passing the pig pen, wonder if the Humane 5 will ever find out about Sunset's past and how that influenced her initial mean bully behavior, as well as the fact she is from a different world?
Also side note, given you have mentioned Sunset and Sci-Twi in different outfits than their canon ones (albeit Sci-Twi's likely more a case where she simply just has a casual outfit when she isn't in school) and mentioning Fluttershy wears a sweater with flats (implying she may have a different outfit too from canon), what do the outfits of the Rainbooms look like in this story?
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Thank you and don't worry it'll all come together
Also I'm so glad you asked! Yes, all their outfits are different from canon because I hate their outfits, at least the ones from the first three movies, so I gave them some thing more modern. I do plan on describing the rest of the girls soon, I just haven't had the chance to integrate those descriptions yet. If anybody is interested, I'd love to draw some my redesigns and put that in the chapters somewhere. Or in a blog post, but I'm not sure if anybody actually sees those lol.
Thanks for your comment and interest!
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I'd be interested seeing your drawings for your redesigns for the Rainbooms' outfits.
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Also, I can't really see any of your four blog posts on my end.
Also, kinda confused on Cadance being described as a relationship counselor. Does this mean she isn't the dean (later promoted to principal by Dance Magic) of Crystal Prep like she is in canon or did she only get the dean job later on?