i love reading, and i have many stories i wish to tell... i just get in over my head or impatient at times. that and my worst enemy is capitalization.
It only took a moment for them to die, got all smushed against the side of a bridge. Not a pleasant way to go, eh? Least, I didn't think it was.
The ponies didn't care though, they just scrubbed the green blood off that white bridge as if they were no more important than the stains they left behind.
So I made a song, I like it, I wonder if the others will to?
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Woah, where do you get that badass, dark, and bleak picture!?
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Neat story.
When I, personally, judge a work and ask if it’s good. I look if the work fulfills the goals the artist set out. In this case bridge+Changeling+sad+1000 words.
And that’s done A-okay. But that’s it. I am kind of left asking where’s the punchline? What’s the point of the story? What are you trying to tell me? Is it saying, if one’s comrades in arms were to die one would be depressed? I mean, yeah, sure. Is it saying that if you fail queen and country, you would be driven to suicide? Probably not.
It’s like reading a story only about an old person dying of a heart attack. Yes, that is sad, but nothing worthy of rereading. In the same vein seeing a short story about a changeling committing suicide is sad. But there is simply nothing to learn. Where is the struggle? The struggle for the changeling ended before the story even began.
If you peel off the ironic ‘London bridge is falling down’ replica, which fits the whole work thematically, there is nothing. That being said a story doesn’t need to have a point. Maybe the pointlessness was the whole point.
My unsolicited observation aside, nice story.
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hey, I solicit all discussion on what I write. I especially appreciate messages like this one where more thought is put behind it.
and yeah, I could definitely see how this work seems pointless in the end. I'm not very good and putting a lot of meaning into so few words. I only really meant to write it to capture the almost eerie feeling that I get from the London Bridge song. It seems so strangely optimistic while describing what was probably a tragedy. Here, it's in reverse. In the wake of victory, of a bright future for some, another had to die.