Author's notes
This was a story that just popped into my head one day, while wondering idly where cutie marks actually came from. I started writing it with great enthusiasm, got distracted for a while (okay, a year) and eventually came back to it. I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out, and I hope you all enjoy the ending!
Much of the bureaucracy in this story is drawn from my own experience, having worked in a corporate environment for most of my adult life. It really can get crazy here, especially if you've got... shall we say, less than ideal management?
Just for fun, here are Tallywaddle's Rules of Effective Gnome Management:
1: Make sure some other gnome takes the fall.
2: Flattery gets you everywhere.
3: Detachment is the key to effective management.
4: Never pass up the opportunity to tell others how great you are.
5: Everygnome has his price.
6: An effectively complex bureaucracy can hide a multitude of sins.
7: Always ask for a bigger budget. Always.
8: If it works, it was your idea.
9: If it doesn’t work, it was some other gnome’s idea.
10: Make sure to practice your sincerity every day, and deploy it as needed.
11: A smile goes a long way towards hiding your true intent.
12: Use promotions to ensure loyalty.
13: The best privileges to give are the ones that cost nothing.
14: Threaten to take away privileges if productivity slackens.
15: Confidence is more important than actual expertise.
16: Get someone else to do it
17: Unpleasant tasks go to the gnomes that annoy you the most
18: Transfer the troublemakers. Let them be some other gnome’s problem.
19: If you remind them of a kindly old grandpa, they’re more likely to trust you.
20: Whatever you do, do NOT draw Celestia’s attention!
Thanks for reading, and I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it!
~Hoopy
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I... I'm so sorry for you. How many souls did you go through?
5055981
Believe it or not, I'm still on my original. It's a bit dingy, tattered and banged up around the edges, but it runs fine. Well, provided I don't go up too many hills, of course
May your upvote ratio continue climbing. Hopefully itl get a featured slot soon.
5056053 My soul died when I was 7 and was replaced by a spirit shard of an ancient Egyptian goddess!
Or so the head voices tell me...
Wonderful story, even if my brief shipping career was quickly dashed.
Great story. And we got all those finale chapters at once!
So awesome.
11
its
12
no period
personal
tense change
14
accidental new line?
Beautiful stuff Hoopy, you knocked it out of the park as always.
This was a fun story. I still don't like the idea that cutie marks come from a web of lies and deceit though. The mind control is a bit off-putting as well, especially at the end. Definitely a challenge to paint sympathetic or even neutral characters out of this mess. You uh... well I'll give you neutral at least. Grumm was kind of fun... ish... come to think on it what was so fun about this story anyway?
Oh right! The fight scene!
cinematropolis.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/davidthegnome.jpg
Yeah I dunno. It was so un-fun that it went around the fun scale and back to fun again? It was thought provoking in a "stop thinking about it you dumbass" kind of way. I feel like this story was worth reading, but can I really up vote it or down vote it? I'll have to play the fence again, I'm afraid.
That was a fun read and an interesting headcannon well done Hoopy well done indeed
That was a fun enjoyable little story.
5075978
Sadly, I occasionally got confused myself. Especially between Tiddwiddle and Tallywaddle. Should have used a different name for one of them! Starting with a different letter. At least, then people could go "Oh, this is S-guy. This is T-guy. This is L-guy" and so on, if the names were too much (which, admittedly, they probably were). Well, lesson learned!
I'm very sorry I put off finishing this for so long, but I'm very glad I finally did. If anyone asks, it was in committee.
In any case, loved it from start to finish. Thank you for it.
Finished it! Fun story!
5062881 Because that was the only thing the cutie marks came from, not gnomes firing Cutie Cannons. Oh wait, the latter is precisely what it was.
5791860
Yes I'm aware that the premise of this story is that Cutie Marks are caused by gnomes firing cannons thanks to a secret agreement with Princess Celestia to deceive her entire populus for... reasons. I'm just not sure whether I like that as a premise. It dips a little too dark to be most effective as japery.
It could have been a lot worse, though. And I might be entirely wrong. So I'm neutral on the story, overall. It's rare that I can't have an opinion for or against a story, so that in itself is something of a ...distinction, if not an award.
5792015 I hardly think there's any 'deception' involved.
And what 'japery' is there in giving ponies their talents? That is serious, not the least bit a joke.
5792506
There are these funny looking little gnomes, and they've got guns that fire butt marks onto little pony children, and they take their job so. Very. Seriously. If that's not japery, I don't know what is!
5793901 It is a serious thing they do, so it cannot be japery. I am also getting fed up with you now and this can just be over and we never hear from each other again.
This is one of the bests things I've read on this site.
Sequal maybe?
This story is so weird, because I thought it was going to be more "chasing the CMCs around, trying not to be seen", and I got gnome office drama instead. Lots of fun, though! :D
7624741 Make it so you need to pull the trigger too.
Well done.
Probably for the better that you didn't try to make some acronym à la LEPRecon to make it so conventional wisdom about marks is just Conveniently Mishearable Jargon.
This was so damn fun, and not at all what I expected. A really interesting idea about how Cutie Marks are made, and loved seeing things play out like they did. Just, all around a great story.
You can has review!
Too bad we didn't see when the crusaders managed to get their cutie mark...
9417402
IKR, taking this story into account, I so want to see that moment from the CMAA's perspective. Everygnome in control on the edge of their seats. "All three of them are over 90% and rising! All field teams, get ready, this could be it!"
And the massive surge of magic and them getting lifted into the air was a result of just how many gnomes took a shot at them, turns out a few dozen Cutie Cannon hits at once have some odd effects, but every gnome both wanted to try and be the one who got one of them their mark, and wanted to be damn sure this stuck.
9579488
Maybe somegnome asking "Did we overdo it?" and being answered by "there is no overdoing with those three, we almost had it many times for many years" or something like that