Hello. I am Mortis. A bat pony alicorn prince. I do RPs and write stories. If you want to RP just let me know.
Twilight and the rest of her friends get summoned to a world where music is magic instead of "friend". The king of the world or as it is called there "Master Conductor" saw that they restored harmony to their world and after several disturbances to his own world that he couldn't solve alone he knew he needed help. However he had not intended to summon all of them only Twilight.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not a bad start but felt too sudden. I needed a sort of build up.
11596506
Your comment has been heard loud and clear! I will try and fix it up! Sometimes you just want to gush everything at once! I'm not used to writing in this style. I tend to use: "Twilight: Spike! Take a Letter!" format because it is quicker. Any suggestions or tips?
11596511
It needed a sort of build up; Twilight would undoubtedly bombard Mel with a lot of questions, particularly in regards to details of the situation, what to expect, preparations, general knowledge of the world, etc. Also, considering how sudden she's being called she would either panic for lack of preparation or on guard and disoriented like what happened in Equestria Girls.
As for her friends, they're fine I guess but it's missing a bit of that reaction we saw in say the Power Ponies episode. Not exactly like that (considering everything they've experienced), but something of the sort.
Also consider that they've just finished a fight with the Legion of Doom and would therefore be on alert or defensive.
11596536
Thank you! I understand! I can certainly do that! Tomorrow I will post a new chapter in addition to rewriting the first one.
Hmmm, seeing that Rainbow's theme includes "Awesome", one has to wonder how it starts before bridging in and how the others will sound.
Applejack's is probably work-song related with a 'heavy' beat ("Raise this Barn" style) ...
Rarity's would be orchestrational with a humble start (and some Sweetie injected chaos) ...
Pinkie's is a jazzy due to Pinkie's over the top laughter/joy ...
Fluttershy's would be lullaby-based (or maybe just bird-song?)
Twilight's would start as an 'ivory tower' that transitions into 'leadership' ... (probably involving the MLP theme in the transition) ...
11596748
Indeed. Your comment helped me have a place to start so I don't have to start from scratch.
Nice, tapping into EQG's 'Battle of the Bands' but, in took adding Sunset into the mix to beat the sirens ... (Twi trying a voice shot was just bad tactics) ...
Hmmm, wonder what a heartsong would do here (or any musical 'outbreak' for that matter) ??
Ahhh, just the right touch of Sweetie ...
Nice spotlight on 'Awesome' ...
[Instinctive natural, that's Dash, works better when doing ... ]
However, harmonizing six soulsongs is going to be tough (hmm, probably need a bridge that can go link to each for that extra power boost) ... Medley time!
Is this a crossover?
11614094
Not quite. The way I see it crossovers would be if I made refences to other media but this world and all the characters are my original ideas though some of them are based or inspired by media I have seen.
Noticed a couple grammatical errors in this paragraph.
When you said “I didn’t think he would bring you all here too” did you intend to say “I don’t think he intended to bring all of you here too”?
Lastly, Twilight never mentioned Mel’s name before, so it’s kind of odd sounding with her saying Mel like they know him already.
11621443
The change in writing style does confuse me. Thanks for pointing out the inconsistency. I shall fix that right away.