Cousins

by TheAlmightySage

Happy Little Cloud Cannon

Happy Little Cloud Cannon

At an undisclosed location in Tumberville, Cloudsdale two ponies are at their rendezvous point....

"I dunno Surprise this doesn't look like it'd be very good for a stealth entry", a skeptical orange pegasus filly with a purple mane and wearing a black commando turtleneck sweater said as she examined a rather large bazooka like pegasus launching device, or Cloud Cannon for short as Surprise had called it.

"How do you figure? It's painted the same color pattern as the sky so it pretty easily blends into the background of the sky", a perky white pegasus pony with a poofy blonde mane and vibrant purple eyes countered rather enthusiastically, "The sky, Stalker. It blends in with the sky. How is that not stealthy?"

"Well for one: I'm not exactly Best Young Flier material Surprise so a cloud launching platform is a bit useless", the filly stated in a rather annoyed tone.

"Stalker, you literally have two years till Flight Camp", the white pegasus groaned.

"Still pretty useless till I get my official flying lessons."

"Fine fine I guess that's a good point", Surprise sighed as she kicked the cloud surface of Cloudsdale "ground".

"Second: I seriously I doubt this thing is quiet when fired", Stalker said as she tapped the steel barrel.

Surprise's right eye started twitching ever so slightly.

"Plus it's shoulder mounted. Whose gonna be the pony wearing and aiming it?", Stalker said eyeing the cannon over.

Surprise grinned like a Cheshire Cat as she sauntered over and picked up then slipped the Cloud Cannon onto her shoulder, "Simple my little Stalkerloo. I, Surprise, the mare of many talents and skills, shall wield it!", Surprise exclaimed with the Cloud Cannon on her right shoulder as pointed it dramatically at the empty sky.

"You're just hurting for cupcake money after last week's "accident" and want the Friendship Patrol to overpay you to fire me at unsuspecting ponies as part of a prank", Stalker deadpanned.

"That is soo not true! Besides it's not my fault the exploding whoopie cushions shipping box was not properly marked and exploded when I dropped it!"

Stalker continued her deadpan stare.

"It's completely unfair that I have to pay for all the repairs to the joke shop!"

"Because you didn't know the meaning of the word "fragile"?", Stalker asked with a smirk.

"Well duh I don't read fancy", Surprise explained rather desperately, "It's been like a whole three days since I had a cupcake!"

"So that's why you want 120 bits for this cannon. Because that's how much a gross of SugarCube Corner cupcakes cost!", Stalker said as she pointed a hoof accusingly at Surprise.

Surprise's right eye twitched as she ground her teeth and grabbed Stalker and lifted her up by her commando sweater.

"DON'T YOU BUCK THIS UP FOR ME!", Surprise shrieked shaking Stalker wildly in desperation, "I NEED MY CUPCAKE MONEY!"

The scene would have continued like a moon sugar junky desperately trying to convince a pawn shop owner of the legitimacy of her goods, if not for the familiar sound of time and space being folded and manipulated as the manifestation of a blue police call box called the complete attention of both Surprise and a now very dazed Stalker.

-- meanwhile; like a minute or two ago --

"Always shudders when we land on clouds", the Doctor grumbled thoughtfully as he set and locked the TARDIS in it's landing spot.

"Probably has to do with the Cloud Circuit being kept in place by duct tape", Ditzy observed as she finished off a banana nut muffin.

"Ah well um....maybe", the Doctor stuttered with a sheepish grin as he set the parking brake on the TARDIS.

"Did we set down near Surprise?", Ditzy asked as she looked out the TARDIS' door window seeing nothing, but clouds, "You said you could land near by her since it's usually pretty hard to find her and I need signatures for this type of delivery."

"It should. Unless I put the coordinates diagonal and we ended up at the Factory again", the Doctor said looking over the coordinates again.

Ditzy shuddered at the very mention of that place. "Can we please never talk about the Master's disgusting place ever again?"

"Agreed my dear assistant. Although I do believe I will have to deal with it at some point", the Doctor stated with steely reserve, "But for now we need to deliver that letter of yours", he finished with a cheery smile.

"You mean the letter I need to deliver since you are not testing those antigravity shoes", Ditzy said as she flew between the Doctor and the TARDIS' door.

"Of course, of course", the Doctor sighed in defeat hoping to have pulled a fast one on his assistant.

"Besides you can tinker with the TARDIS' control console thingy while I'm out", Ditzy said as she slipped her mail bags on.

"Well yes that is true", the Doctor agreed a bit reluctantly as he went to the door, "Here at least let me open the door while you get your saddlebags on."

-- presently --

The Doctor opened the door of the TARDIS for his assistant and to maybe take a peek and check the landing area for a antigravity horseshoe test spot, but instead was only greeted by a dazed orange pegasus filly sticking out of the barrel of a large sky blue shoulder mounted Cloud Cannon aimed directly at his face.

"DIE! ALIEN SLIME!!", Surprise shrieked as she aimed the Stalker loaded Cloud Cannon at the Doctor.

"What!?" The Doctor blurted.

Only to receive the extremely loud report of KABOOOM as Surprise fired the Cloud Cannon with extreme prejudice at the would be slimy alien world conquerer.

Which would've been more dramatic and impressive if the projectile Surprise had fired wasn't a dazed and now screaming orange filly.

The Doctor reacted purely on instinct formed from centuries of having strange things fired at him and ducked as the Stalker projectile whizzed over his head brushing his messy mane as she shot over and past the Doctor and barreled towards his assistant. Ditzy squealed than was whammed into by Stalker knocking her off her hooves sending them both tumbling to the other end of the TARDIS' main chamber.

"DITZY!", the Doctor shouted.

"Oh no. Oh no. Oh no", Surprise cried out worriedly as she dropped her Cannon and rushed inside the TARDIS to check on Ditzy. Oh and her projectile filly.

Ditzy and Stalker both groaned in a tangled mess of legs and Ditzy's saddle bags.

"Ditzy are you okay?!", the Doctor worriedly pleaded as he gently lifted her head, "Speak to me Ditzy!"

"Muuffffiin?", Ditzy dizzily groaned out as her eyes twirled in their sockets.

"Ugh my head", Stakler groaned.

The Doctor glared at Surprise, who returned it with a sheepish smile. "Um sorry?"

The Doctor ignored her as he helped Ditzy up while Stalker laid on the TARDIS' floor still dazed as she rubbed her head while groaning softly.

"I'm really really sorry about that Stalker", Surprise said genuinely as she helped her young friend back up on her hooves.

"Su...surprise. You're a terrible po..pony Surprise", Stalker said as she sat dizzy and pointing a swaying hoof in Surprise's general direction, "All three er four of you Surpriseses are terrible ponies."

"Ugh sometimes I swear I'm the only sane pony in the world", Ditzy groaned as she shook her head getting her eyes to mostly line back up.

"On any other day I'd take offense to that", the Doctor grinned glad his assistant was okay, "As for you Miss trigger happy", the Doctor glared.

"Sorry sorry sorry I'm sooo super sorry I shot Stalker at you I thought you guys were some kind of mind controlling evil alien worm monsters disguised as ponies", Surprise babbled out quickly.

"Ugh you watch too many alien movies, Surprise", Stalker griped as she rubbed a small bruise on her head.

"Well excuuuuuuusse me for having a taste for the fine cinema!"

"Martian Worm Ponies Ate My Brain is fine cinema?", Stalker deadpanned.

"Not my fault you're not old enough to appreciate a good sci-fi B-movie", Surprise retorted maturely as she stuck her tongue out at Stalker.

"How exactly are you the adult here?", Stalker asked in utter disbelief.

"I'm not an adult. I am a happy-stir", Surprise replied proudly before adding, "Whatever that means."

Stalker simply face hoofed with a groan, "Even Vinyl isn't this bad."

Surprise was about to retort with a very mature raspberry in Stalker's face when Ditzy tapped her on the shoulder.

"I have a delivery for you", Ditzy smiled as she held out said letter.

--//--

"A REUNION?!?", Surprise shrieked happily as she read over the letter/invitation.

"Not so loud please", Ditzy winced.

"Oh sorry! It's just I haven't Pinks in such a long long long time", Surprise beamed as she started scribbling her name and initials on Ditzy's delivery confirmation papers.

"So the rumors are true", the now not dazed Stalker said as she looked around the TARDIS' main chamber, "It is bigger on the inside."

The Doctor beamed at the attention of the orange filly as she examined his beloved TARDIS with awe.

"Well I don't like to brag, but...", the Doctor started.

"If I had a bit for every time you said that I'd be swimming in muffins", only to be interrupted by Ditzy as she tried to get Surprise to sign on the correct lines on her EPS forms.

Stalker just laughed at the pair of time travelers, "You guys remind me of my parents."

"Oh that reminds me!", Surprise gasped causing the pen she was writing with to leave a zig zag across Ditzy's papers causing the mailmare to groan; which Surprise was oblivious to, "Stalker be sure to tell Vinyl that I'll be busy with the reunion and won't be able to deliver that prank collapsing cello she ordered."

"Alright Surprise I'll tell her", Stalker replied only half listening as she sneakily pulled her spy camera out of her commando sweater.

"Ah uh uh", the Doctor said as he snatched up the spy camera, "No photographs. I don't need anypony trying to make a TARDIS of their own. I might lose my copyrights", the Doctor grinned cheekily as he held the camera out of Stalker's reach as the filly grumbled.

"Okay that's all the correct lines signed finally", Ditzy sighed as she looked over the fifth set of papers she had Surprise sign, "So that's all I have for you."

"Sweet! Now I can go pack", Surprise grinned as she tucked the letter into her poofy blonde mane.

"Oh before you go Surprise. You wouldn't happen to know where Hot Blooded Pinkie is? The Doctor can't seem to find her on his locating search engine thingy", Ditzy asked as she nodded towards the Doctor as he was trying to keep the spy camera out of Stalker's reach as the filly tried to climb on him.

"Oh that's easy", Surprise chirped as she pulled a vibrant red 15" x 20" square stone block out of her mane letting it land on the floor with a loud THUNK, "I got this letter from her a couple weeks ago at the start of summer."

"How...how did you even fit that in your mane?", the Doctor asked with a bewildered look as Stalker snatched her camera out of his hoof.

"Same rule as with Pinkie, Doc", Stalker said as she wiped the lens of her camera clean.

"And that is?"

"We do not question the ways of Pinkie Pie", Ditzy and Stalker intoned simultaneously.

"That doesn't make any sense!", the Doctor protested.

"Precisely!", Surprise beamed as she trotted to the TARDIS' door, "Come on Stalker I'll give ya lift to Fyrefly's house."

"Sweet!", Stalker beamed excitedly as she hopped onto Surprise's back, "Rainbow Dash's Grandma makes the coolest cookies!"

"See ya!", Surprise called out as she flew out of the TARDIS.

Ditzy smiled waving as the Doctor started inspecting the stone letter.

"So what's it say Doctor?", Ditzy asked as she put her EPS paperwork into her saddlebags.

"Hmm if I'm reading this correctly", the Doctor replied as he squinted at the world's heavy form of stationary, "Hot Blooded Pinkie is spending her summer, and I quote, 'Taming the red planet and riding the sand worms into the sunset'."

Ditzy's reply was a blank cross eyed stare.

"She's on Mars doing who knows what."

"Oh well why didn't you say so?", Ditzy replied as she flapped over and sat in her chair, "How long will it take to get to Mars anyways, Doctor?"

"Hmm maybe an hour or two", the Doctor said as he started typing in a few commands into the control console, "Should be a simple smooth flight", the Doctor smiled proudly.

"I would think by now you'd know how dangerous jinxing is Doctor", Ditzy said as she fastened her seatbelt.

"Oh please jinxes are just superstition", the Doctor countered as he flipped a switch.

"Uh huh, sure they are."

"Ditzy I will proooooooove!!", the Doctor bellowed as the TARDIS shifted to the left HARD as it took off, knocking the Doctor off his hooves.

"Good thing I'm above such things as saying 'Told you so'", Ditzy said matter-of-factly.

"Lucky me", the Doctor groaned from the floor.

End of Chapter
----
Archivist's Notation:
Yes, "Die! Alien Scum" was a reference to a Commodore 64 game. Crap I feel old now.

Comments

[TheAlmightySage]

Tumbler references for this chapter are: asksurprise.tumblr.com (obviously). Along with: askstalkerloo.tumblr.com it's Stalkerloo's birthday so go send her good wishes. The Fyrefly reference is from this post on the Fyrefly tumbler: thefyrefly.tumblr.com/post/33668998133

And finally my head cannon of Vinyl and Octavia being Scoots' parents is from the story No Longer Lost by KiroTalon, you can find it here: fimfiction.net/story/17090/No-Longer-Lost FREAKING READ IT

Also sorry it took an extra week to get this chapter finished, but I was stuck on how to characterize Stalkerloo for a bit.

[lol2424242424]

Stalkerloo, I did not see that coming, who's next I wonder? Perhaps MOLESTIA? I'm taking my guess.

[Crimson Dawn]

Somebody has been watching epic pie time...

[Cinnamon Clover]

Yay! No Longer Lost reference!

[TheAlmightySage]

1543763
Eh Molly might make an appearance, but not till later in the story.

1544212
Yeah I'm a bit of a reference lover

1546115
It's one of my absolute favorites.