A pony of mystery in the darkness. Or I forgot to take the lens cap off. (They/them is fine.)
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Every day, all day, Trixie transforms pebbles and bits of rubbish into teacups, and she is happy.
Content Warning: Seriously, this is science fiction AU horror with dystopian elements. But isn't it interesting to see things through a different point of view? (scream emoji) 😱
Let us thank the prereaders: Carlos S., Cloud Ring. (The prereaders are not responsible for my own mistakes and shortcomings, though.)
This story might be an entrant in "Science Fiction Contest II," who knows?
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Okay, this is genuienly uncomfortable and disturbing, so good job on that premise.
I personally think that the dream seemed like a wake up call, and expected that it went towards going against her current state, that the single/two sentences at the ending letting be Trixie felt relaxed felt way too abrupt.
Maybe changing it to "the ring belled, and the wastes on the belt appeared again. Trixie turned one into a cup, than the next one. The electric shocks filled her brain with joy, and she knew that she was safe, and the world was as it should be." would work out better? To return to the previous state in a more slower way.
But otherwise, very interesting and disturbing premise
sp00py yet fascinating
Saw this story's premise, was like oh this looks cute, then glanced at the tags and see Horror/Sci-Fi. Now I'm even more interested!
O.o well that was definitely a horrifying sci-fi, amazing job with this!
Mm.
What the FUCK 🤣
When I first read this, I could only think that this story was a My Little Pony version of Warhammer 40k and that Trixie was made into their equivalent of a servitor.
Now, after I read it again I found out that I’m both wrong and correct.
She is technically a Servitor, but instead of a painful and miserable life like the ones from Warhammer live, she seems to be okay with her life (even if it is just making teacups forever) and appears to be allowed things that a 40k servitor could only dream of like the ability to sleep, dream, and be happy.
40k/10, will read a sequel if one is made.
This is enjoyably disturbing. Thanks! Only one sentence that pulled me out of it:
"And to be fair, a few days of suffering wasn't such a large price to pay, for understanding and appreciating how good her usual foalhood days and nights were, and how perfect her Maturity."
It's missing the last word (I think), has a comma splice, an extra space between"to" and "pay", and some confusion with using the word "and" too much. I wouldn't have noticed anything wrong with it if it wasn't missing that last "was", but I looked it over again after the sentence felt wrong and realized all the other things.
Awesome little story, and thank you for writing it!
Intrueging and discomforting, good job!
That was... an experience. Thank you.
Disquieting indeed.
It’s odd that I just watched an old excerpt from the episode “Magic Duel”.
Now I need to sleep... somehow.
it's always an odd experience for me to see one of these types of stories pop up in the feature box or just popular stories.
Sadly, usually it's because I don't really I guess "process" these types of things the way others do.
Now I get the horror theme of her situation. That's... really messed up. But at the end of the day I'm filled with questions that I guess ruins the desired effect?
Basically, it's like this: Okay from what I get, in this world you have foals that grow up and I guess cared for, but eventually you reach 'Maturity' and when that happens you can be 'processed' and put into a situation like this, which is really messed up. Sounds like there is another story happening right now where a group of rag-tag ponies are banding together to revolt and take down the corrupt government. (I'd rather see that story honestly, but that's obviously not the point of THIS story.)
So... why is she making teacups? Like who are they for? Is there some test or something you take when you hit "Maturity" that dictates if you become a teacup machine or a normal pony/person? I have to assume there are adults who are TEACHING the kids. Or is it a group of aliens and they've been processing the ponies like this? AKA Promised Neverland sorta deal? In short, this world doesn't make much sense to me.
I feel like most people fear things they don't understand, but I'm not one of those types. So I'm usually left reading one of these types of stories with a: "So... what was I supposed to take away from this?"
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It certainly raises the question of who's using that many teacups, assuming that it's only an elite few who are allowed to retain their free will.
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The sequel will be in the next room, where the teacups are changed into pebbles...
[Mockingbirb deleted this comment shortly after posting, because they decided the tone was too jovial for the story. If the comment is of special importance to you, you can ask Mockingbirb for the relevant material.]
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Seriously, I would like to thank all of you for your various interesting comments that help me better understand how you see the story, and also Fanreader.
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Your cautious use of the spoiler tag reflects well upon you, imho.
Well...I did not see that coming...
I describe stories like this as a "gut-punch:" quick, unexpected, and downright disturbing.
But...at least she's happy, so...yay?
Certainly not what I expected... But I quite liked it. Dystopian horror is always fun, and this was a cute little read. Thank you!
you could never imagine being unconditionally happy all the time! the revulsion you feel is actually JEALOUSY!
Presumably there's somepony in another room making teapots.
And why is everyone saying this is horror? She's perfectly happy without even the possibility of sadness, or pain, or grief. Do you want her to feel those things?
When automation goes wrong.
oh, you wrote chicken sex and fluttermop! i thought this prose sounded familiar. Thanks for everything you've written!
Excellent premise, execution delivers on the concept. Nice work!
ooh, i can guess where this is going, and that the “teacup” part isn’t too relevant to whoever set this up
aww, Trixie gets a small jolt of pleasure! that’s nice!
well, that escalated quickly!
and, oof. all of the irreducible meaning of equinity reduced to this. but if it is instinctively horrifying, what is it other than a logical extension of the logic of industrialized agriculture? really makes you think about human society
and of course, this endpoint of the process of domestication requires a justification for it as well. it’s just that in this case, it is being told to the domesticated as well as the domesticators
and what could be a more horrific sign of this perversion of the natural order of things, than this pony being filled with revulsion at the sight of an Alicorn Princess?
(in all seriousness though, beautiful and thematic metaphor. reminds me of the end of “Trixie Sexes a Chicken” but even better)
amazing work, birb!