A pretend penmonkey--the pauper of the pages--with a penchant for the preposterous but perhaps a thin sliver of potential. Please, peruse my parables; you may, perchance, prefer them.
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I woke up in the Ponyville hospital this morning. A heart condition, they said. Now I'm stuck here, waiting to die, and all the company I've got is a bookish pegasus and a stuffy nurse. Nothing to do but reflect on the life I've lived—or should I say, the life I've wasted.
My name is Second Fiddle. I was a violinist once...
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Those feels...
I won't say it's sad, because it really wasn't. Writing wise, though, it was pretty damn good. Definitely giving this a thumbs up.
Brilliant! Unexpected ending but brilliant! It's so sad. Waaaaaaa
this was good... but ending it there kind of pissed me off lol... i really liked it though it was quite brilliant.
Gods dammit, man, this was awesome. Never mind that you're a fellow music lover, never mind that your username shows that you are a man of good taste in literature. Those alone would have gotten you a follow from me, but this story, ow. It hurts so good.
Could use a clean up on just a few spelling mistakes here and there, but I hate to see this as anything less than perfect.
Fave'd, followed, thumbed, and everything else I can think of.
5/5 Pinkies
1337628
As one of the editors, I'd like if maybe you could point out some of the mistakes?
Really, I just want more ammo so I can yell at Rosen even louder...
I'll also note that I cried the first time I read this, and Rosen is an entirely too talented asshole for writing it...
1337931
It's longer than I'd like to spam this thread with, I'll PM my read-through to you.
Note: nothing should be read into that statement. This is still one of the better-written pieces I've read in a long time.
1338015
Thanks. I'm a shoddy self-proofreader, so I appreciate all the help I can get.
1338565
I know that feel. I keep three editors around for just that reason.
i almost cried.... quite the feat actually... but you didn't quite get to that point.
still... thumbs up! good story!
Amazing.
But seriously, that ending was unexpected.
Okay, at first, this was such a sweet and inspiring story, then the protagonist goes and dies in two lines. What the hell!?
First off, I can assume it's organ rejection, which doesn't happen that fast (though it is his heart so I guess I can overlook it).
Second, he must have had a pretty shit doctor for him to not notice early signs of rejection! He's like the Mr. Bean of Medicine!
So you end it bad for everypony! Ragtime doesn't even know Second Fiddle didn't make it because he died, and that's the worst part. She's probably pissed off at him!
I guess the idea is, you don't always get a second chance, but he was only halfway there!
This is bullshit!!!
1343309
Sorry, mate. It had to end that way to drive the point home.
1343650
The point that doctors are stupid?
Ha. Guess whoooo
1373596
Hey! It's that guy!
Holy shit. Just...holy shit. The feels, man. That was really something.
Oh! a story about the ninth doctor.
These feels, man
Loved it
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7sl24q9Ul1qh87ak.gif
A potent vignette of a life of regret. Quite well done.
Maybe Tragedy instead of Sad?
Peculiar in a wonderfully bittersweet way. I found in the end, how ironic it was that in the beginning he would have rather read a story about taxes. Real life (for him at least) is harsh. In the end, that was his story. Not a happy ending to a fantastic adventure, but a plausible end to a sad life.
WHAT?! Dafuq....plz write an alt ending. PLZ! thats too sad. At least let eagtime find out that second fiddle died or sth.
*ragtime
.
1399114
I've actually considered it. I've already got an alternate ending outlined, but I'm hesitant to write it, because I think it kind of undermines the whole sort of... theme, I guess. I am planning a more feel-good fic for the future, though, so stick around for that.
WOW.... I admit, I teared up at this. Great job!
I was wondering if I could possibly do a reading of this for my YT channel?
Again, amazing work. Adding this to my faves.
Amazing story! Very well written, and very sad.
1399386
Do it! Do it! Do it!
Just comment here with a link when you do. I'll let Rosen know
1399386
Sure, go for it. Post the link in the comments when you're done; I'd love to hear it.
1400477
Jinx you owe me a soda
1400520
imgur.com/NbcVC
Ooooo, I smell a malpractice lawsuit! Mud Blossom will be all like, "Ha! The divorce wasn't even started! No one knows! Now I can play the grieving widow and milk that hospital for MILLIONS of bits for letting my beloved husband out too early after a dangerous surgery that they never even told me about! With my false tears and melodramatic declarations of love I'll have the jury like putty in my hooves! Then... I can finally realize my plans to build a space laser on the moon and transform it into a Death Star and hold Equestria hostage for.... 1 BILLION BITS!! And then, I shall become THE NEW PRINCESS!! MUWAH HA HA HA HA!! MUWAH HA HA HA!! Ha ha ha...ha ha... ha... ehhhh, heh heh... eh. Woo-hoo.
See, Mud Blossom knows how to go for her dreams.
Sorry, the 'sudden recovery then unexpected sudden death' trope has never evoked a tear from me in literature.
1400887
But it did invoke a reaction. Rosen: 1
Now, a bit more philosophical note on life.
One can look upon life as one does the stars. Some are dim, but long-lived. Some outshine all others but die spectacular and violent deaths.
Some are in between the extremes and harbor all types of life and development in their moderation.
And all of them serve a crucial role in the universe. The great ones in their brilliant, brief lives forge the elements of planets' cores within their centers and fling them across the galaxy in their cataclysmic ends, seeding and starting new stars and potential new life with their radioactive remains. And their stellar remnants last for untold eons, capable of bending space and time long after they star's death. Though dark and unseen, their legacy alters the universe forever as their gravitational fields collapse nebulae and nudge comets in system after system as their silent yet inescapable influence passes by. So too do the brightest stars among the living leave a legacy at their passing that can influence the young who read of their imprint on society in books and documentaries told about their spectacular lives. And yet some of these massive stars are also devastating in their destruction, wiping out life in every system near them, bathing the living planets in lethal beams of searing radiation and superheated matter as they bombard the local regions with their explosive tantrums and furious outbursts, as those who burn with the fires of rage, hate, and malevolent determination in their hearts achieve, as Mr. Olivander said of Voldemort, "Great things. Terrible, yes! But great."
Then there are the middle-ground souls, those who build the framework of life for all, whose toils support the majority of the structures of society. The unsung heroes and workers without whom there would be no society. And like them, the yellow sunlike stars, those most capable of harboring life in their temperate regions, the birthplaces of perhaps billions of scattered inhabited planets across the cosmos.
And lastly, the steadfast and slow-burning red dwarfs. The anchors and bastions of reliable light which shall hold their torch unwaveringly long after all others have gone dark and cold. They will be life's final harbor in the universe, burning in their patient, steadfast way for trillions of years, keeping life going far longer than it would otherwise. And so too do the steadfast in society hold everything together with their calm, quiet strength. They are the rocks, the unshakeable foundations around which people gather in the hard times, simply pushing ahead in an unbroken pace, unswayed by the turmoils surrounding them.
We may also count the brown dwarfs, the failed stars. Some get so close to shining, standing just on the edge of the cliff, but too frightened or weary to gather the last little resources to light the spark. Or else the conditions are too poor, and though they grab hold of all their can, they exist in an environment incapable of birthing a star. There's simply not enough material to light the fire.
The cosmos itself is a striking analogy of society, is it not? Note, not merely life in general, but thinking life. I find this very intriguing, perhaps mere anthropomorphic attribution, but perhaps more true than not.
I really have to agree here. It would have rung more true had he left the hospital of his own volition, his determination given new life by Rainbow Dash's strength of will, and strove to accomplish all those things with the last few days he had left. Then it would have felt like a true tragedy for his time to run out just before he could create a legacy.
As it is, the proclamation of health and then sudden death come across as rather overly melodramatic. Akin to the 'she lost the will to live', ultimate quadruple face-hoof, death of Padome in "Return of the Sith". I mean, god, that scene still pisses me off at how shallow and pathetic it was. Stupid Lucas with his stupid writing and stupid re-editing of the originals making them more hokey and lame with EVERY SINGLE THING HE DOES GODDAMMIT LEAVE THEM ALONE YOU BASTARD!!! *bashes his head through walls and sends searing beams of energy laying waste to everything for miles before finally running out of steam. He surveys the fiery desolation he's wrought, bemusedly.* Huh, I guess I really do have some anger management issues...
1400921 Well, evoking a reaction is easy. I mean, "The Spiderses" evoked many reactions as well.
I'm just disappointed that the conclusion played out in such a way as to deaden the emotional impact with a prototypical melodramatic trope. Sudden deaths of main characters need to take very subtle performances and organization of events to induce a potent response. It takes some doing and even the masters occasionally make mistakes in the critical evocative narratives. (oooo! That was all technical and smart-sounding! I'm getting as good as movie critics an BS-ing!)
I.. Just...
An internet to that pony.
all of them.
Hey, man, this is like... really sad, man. So many feels javascript:smilie('
');
But it was a good story, I loved it, man.
1401165
You're right. Evoking a reaction is easy. Evoking thought is harder. A big part of writing is forcing a reader to investigate their own outlooks and perceptions, if only within the context of the work itself. Look at 1400997 . That's a reaction of thought. What you've read provoked reflection. That you came to disagree with the idea behind the fic isn't necessarily important, so long as you took time to craft such an extended response to it. It shows that on some level, you've been engaged. That this engagement is on an intellectual rather than visceral level does not bother me. It is not a failing. It is encouraging as a writer that someone would take enough of an issue with something I've produced to type out a 984 word reaction.
Sadly, though, I found parts of the reaction rather lacking. Stars, for instance, are a rather poor analogy for humans, aren't they? Humans so often define themselves by their aspirations. We are our dreams. Yet the stars never slumber. But, still, maybe you were remarking upon something more overarching, on the idea that "everything serves a function." Each star has a crucial role. Everything has its place. Well, I can tell you that whatever Second Fiddle's place was, he wasn't in it. And yet even so, that grates me--the idea that everything has some crucial function, some place in the universe. To that I say, "no." That's too fatalistic for me. There is no predestined function or place for a person to serve. You want a place in the world? Carve it for yourself. Shape yourself to your environment, and it to you. Because people aren't stars, unwilling, inanimate. They're people, with desires and hopes and flaws. And that's why I write about them. That's what interests me. The failing of the vast celestial monoliths is in the mechanical quality of their movements.So I write about the erratic, the people who haven't found their "crucial roles." I write about people--or about ponies that are analogues for people.
1401034
As for Star Wars, I hope you'll find it a consolation that none of my characters have ever heard of it. And I didn't think of it while writing the story. And I doubt it has much to do at all with "Wrong Side." Hope that helps your anger.
This seems like something that could go on to be a "second chance in heaven" sort of deal. Me glad I have gotten to where I check my feelings at the door before reading stories now. Came in handy here.
You're... you're just too good, stop what you're doing now. You're just too damn good.
5/5
Also, this Reminded me of the short-story "Story of an hour" i do Believe it is called, have you Seen this story by any chance?
1401871 I was making the 'star' analogy as a reflection on people who may feel useless because they don't achieve any great thing. Merely pointing out that everyone who does the best with what they have is important to the world, as each star is 'important' in the universe. They all have an impact, even if they don't know it; just as the stars know not how they impact the universe.
And nothing can stop the anti-Lucas rage. Nothing.
1402795 Nope! No heaven! He's dead and rotting in the ground, just worm food now!
This piece is amazing, simply and utterly amazing. I wouldn't really call it sad, so much as a brutal portrayal of regret and the faint hope of redemption. A piece that provokes thoughts and brings about memories of past errors. I know, because myself, despite my youth, already bear too many regrets to count. The build up was perfect, and the pay off was also perfect, the ending serving to remind us all that while we can change, life will always have other plans.
In the end, that what it really comes down to; life. Life will always take us places we never expect, and it will always take turns we couldn't foresee. So while we can change, and we can prepare for the future, we must never forget to think about where we are now.
------------
Two things that I feel need to be addressed in this piece. There is a typo in the scene right after Second Fiddle tells his wife he's getting the divorce: "I walked out of the house without another word. I would sort out the divorce later. Right now, I had a two letters to write."
It seems you have an extra "a" in that sentence.
The other issues pertains to the Synopsis. While its great, it makes mention of a pony in a cast, possibly painting him as a character Second Fiddle might interact with. However, he doesn't seem to be mentioned in the main story, unless I missed something that is.
I'll also be a bit blunt in that I felt that Dash's part felt just a bit forced into the story. It works very well, but she could just as easily have been replaced by another pony with dreams and aspirations. Should you ever give this an overhaul or rewrite, consider adding a character who can serve as a more direct foil to Second Fiddle.
Heh, watch as others tear me apart for this.
Aside from that, this piece is nearly perfect. 4/5
Also >> Seattle_Lite
Howdy, Howdy. Still working on your piece old bud.
THESE FEELS AT THE ENDING
Ugh. That moment when you reevaluate your whole life. Now I need bourbon.
Any fic that can induce this kind of self pity is exceedingly well put together.
I loved this piece. Your prose was beautiful and you made me feel attached to an OC in a short amount of time. An impressive feat.
However, the line "And then I died" ruined your piece for me. This short, showing-rather-than-telling line contrasted so much with the preceding prose that I giggled -which ruined the climax. You should either remove this line, or replace it with something subtler.
With that being said, this piece was wonderful and it deserves a thumbs up.
1404755
The point of the "And then I died." is to show instead of telling. It's dramatic understatement. It's supposed to be unemotional and lacking in description. A verbose, dramatic death scene would be too bathotic and hammy.