An unstoppable force took me far from home, burdening me with an unwanted power. Now, in a new place, I must learn to control it. The only good thing is that I can finally find happiness.
11522919 Thanks, I spent 4 hours and 51 minutes fixing all the grammar, believe me, I was pretty bad at certain points, not to mention that they turned me into fluttershy, instead of she, it was he. Thanks for the comment, and have a nice day/afternoon/night.
Normally, I would comment on the syntax and grammar used in the story. There is definately a weakness there that detracts from what is a very interesting plot. However, the fact that you are working to improve it makes my comment a moot point. One reason for writing anything at all is to improve your own skills. You are currently chasing that goal. Enough said. I'm also guessing from your comments that you're primary language is Spanish and you are working to translate your ideas into English. My apologies if I've mis-read this interpretation. Just keep on working. It's an interesting story and will only improve with time, age and polish. Welcome to the world of writing.
Ahí te equivocas en la adrenalina, en si está bien eso de que da oxígeno, pero también es el último impulso de fuerza sobre humana para asegurar tu supervivencia, la adrenalina así funciona, es el último impulso para asegúrate para sobrevivir.
Interesting so far.
This is good.
I like it.
Grammarwise, it's not bad.
I cannot wait to see what happens next
11522919
Thanks, I spent 4 hours and 51 minutes fixing all the grammar, believe me, I was pretty bad at certain points, not to mention that they turned me into fluttershy, instead of she, it was he.
Thanks for the comment, and have a nice day/afternoon/night.
11522979
Thank you
Normally, I would comment on the syntax and grammar used in the story. There is definately a weakness there that detracts from what is a very interesting plot. However, the fact that you are working to improve it makes my comment a moot point. One reason for writing anything at all is to improve your own skills. You are currently chasing that goal. Enough said. I'm also guessing from your comments that you're primary language is Spanish and you are working to translate your ideas into English. My apologies if I've mis-read this interpretation. Just keep on working. It's an interesting story and will only improve with time, age and polish. Welcome to the world of writing.
Radical Gopher
Ahí te equivocas en la adrenalina, en si está bien eso de que da oxígeno, pero también es el último impulso de fuerza sobre humana para asegurar tu supervivencia, la adrenalina así funciona, es el último impulso para asegúrate para sobrevivir.
So… MC’s only flaw is that he has a big penis?