- Member Since 24th Jan, 2020
- offline last seen Saturday
Mint Essence
Brony from 2012, fimfic reader from 2014, fimfic writer from 2020
Mint Essence
Joined 24th Jan, 2020 ·
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okay?
I get what you’re going for here. It’s a little confusing, it’s a little rough around the edges but I can see the skeleton of the story I think you really want to tell.
I liked it for what it was, and I think you did a good job with Orchard and Poppy, making them sound unique and displaying their situations.
Like virtually everything else I’ve ever written or rather attempted to write this story was originally going to be a lot longer, more nuance, and most importantly interesting, deep, however you want to put it.
I think you should try and challenge yourself to explore and unpack more of the nuance you’re hintoh at here. There’s a good story in here and I can tell it’s a story you really want to tell. I think I’d you can try and narrow your focus down onto expanding the world and developing the characters a bit you’d be happier with the story you’re telling.
Unfortunately I’ve once again had to come to terms with my complete inability to write, as good as many of my premises may sound in my head.
You can only get better at writing the more you practice. What helps me is reading writers I like, and figuring out what they do in their writing that I like so I can emulate it. It’s uninspired but it works for me.
I really liked your other story, Stations, and I think you’re underselling your talent as a writer.
Just keep at it. Don’t give up.
11530000
Thank you, I genuinely appreciate your feedback.
I don’t know if you were able to pick up on the fact that this was originally going to be a nod, or rather more of a direct spinoff of your story, Different Strokes. In the end I tried to scrub away a lot of the references because I felt like the disparity in quality between our stories would almost be an insult to yours, given how much I admire it.
Given what you’ve said I’m going to take another proper crack at this. Try and see if I can get a decent few thousands words out, something a bit more substantive.
I think the thing that made stations so great is the fact that I wrote it as a kind of improv challenge. There was no story, just a series of scenes, one after the other, none of which were planned beforehand, but all of which were made to fit together as I went along.
While in comparison with virtually everything else I’ve ever wanted to write the story already has a beginning, middle, and end, alongside a good half dozen pivotal scenes in between, before I’ve put one word done.
What helps me is reading writers I like, and figuring out what they do in their writing that I like so I can emulate it.
It’s funny that you mention that, ha ha. Because I’ve actually done the same with your stories, trying to see how you write character and create worlds. I may have to have another good look at some of your work while rewriting this one
Hey
I think this is a really big step up in terms of pacing, characterization and actual writing from the first edit of the first chapter you posted. It’s easier to follow the plot and the action, I like what you’re building towards with this.
I really like the way you write Ambrosia. She’s almost, kind of, justified being upset. I’d be upset if I found my partner in bed with their sibling. Obviously it’s not cool she keeps calling everyone a faggot but she’s a believable antagonist.
You touched on it a bit in this chapter, but I’d like to see more interactions between the siblings and their friendship circles too.
Really nice job here though. I’m glad you’re sticking with it.
11534948
Thanks again. In a sense this story literally wouldn’t be here without you, and I certainly wouldn’t be putting the energy into it that I currently am without your encouragement.
Things are getting a little spicy