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Nopony knew that the two rulers of Equestria would pass on so soon. The two sisters sacrificed their lives to save their kingdom. Who inherited the throne? None other than Queen Cadence and Prince Shining Armor. Who inherits the throne after them? None other than their children. Follow along as the new generation takes wing, new friendships are born, and new conflicts arise.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Simply, incredible.
Discord doesn't sound quite right, but otherwise I say this has potential. As long as you keep up and refine your writing style this should turn out good. (should being the operatve word, here's hoping
)
yes yes it is incredible but poor luna
A heroic scrafice like no, Celestia you will be missed and so will Luna!
Not to be pedantic or anything, but if Princess Cadance is next in line of succession and she's married to Shining Armor making him a Prince he does not automatically become King if his wife becomes Queen. He's still a prince as he's not of royal blood.
This story is simply amazing. It has touched my heart. I will definatly look forward to reading the following chapters. Keep on writing!
Must not troll.... must not troll....
Nice story dude, tracking.
1333134 Save it for PM's please.
I love your writing style, but denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2079_large.jpg
*reads that the princesses die* dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png
1333575 Sorry. I see that you are putting good use to those emoticons!
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Vinyl_Scratch_lolface.png 1333625
1333681 Thank you.
1333701 You could ask Prince Philip of the UK, or Prince Henrik of Denmark, both of whom have been in that exact position for decades (40 years for Henrik, 60 (!) for Philip).
1336033Okay. I guess I will change that.
Simply breath taking. My good fellow please do me the honor of gracing my eyes with another chapter of this beauty.
In other words:
MOAR NAO
1339755
You demand more out of me?! NEVER!!! Just Kidding. I'll probably update it on the weekend.
I hope you intend to explain how this situation is all Blueblood's fault. Beyond that I'm not sure if I want to see him have to make a sacrifice or not.
I also have to ask, can we expect any amount of political manoeuvring in the proceeding chapters? I mean, change in who the head of state is after 20 years is destabilizing enough, but multiple millenia? That's going to bring the opportunists out of the wood work.
1340237 You will just have to wait and see now, wont you?
Wow. This actually made me cry.
Excellent start. I thought their final moments were a tad bit rushed, but this was still a great start nonetheless. I think I'll be keeping an eye on this one.
1341696 Thanks. It means a lot coming from a professional author like you.
Well well well.
Tahw evah ew ereh? A watch and a fave from me? Well are you just an interesting fellow
1346627 It didn't seem to be too difficult. Lla I dah ot od saw hctaw uoy!
1339769
Yay!!!!
Sorry update took so long, guys! I tried to do it sooner, but... you know, stuff happens. Anyway, sorry if chapter seems kind of rushed or something, but future chapters will have more going on.
Blueblood, you caused your aunts to die, have you no shame?!
1606883 Of course he doesn't. It's Blueblood.
1606946 Well I hope he realizes that now even his own sister and brother-in-law will turn on him, I hope it was worth it Blueblood.
Blueblood: Soon to be featured on Equestria's Most Wanted.
Less than an hour and he will be free... and into the middle of a maelstrom that will make a renegade member of the Unicorn aristocracy pretty much the #1 suspect for the current crisis. Great timing, Blueblood.
I liked Shining and Cadence's kids. I wonder if they've got around to telling Diamond how much like her mother she is, especially in mooning after a certain social inferior?
I want Blueblood to succeed, just for the "always been a mistake in Celestia's eyes and would continue to be a mistake for the rest of his life" comment alone. Just to spite her.
I know whats this story is based off of and I will not read it furthermore good sir.
1611456 I honestly don't know what you're talking about.
1612153 Talk to kevon and show him the story he will under stand he wrote a story like this for a girl and it turning out like the story
1615010 Oh. Well I have that story. I'm only using the first chapter of it though. I made a prologue to tie things in better. Why do you think Celestia and Luna died?
1616240 ah I see what you did there
Well, I'm probably very late getting to this chapter. But hey, better late than never.
I found it interesting overall. It's certainly not as intense as the last, but hey, there's nothing wrong with that. You've started to set up your main characters, and I'm getting at least some sense of how they interact with each other.
One suggestion, if I may. Your pacing seems very rushed. We're introduced to all these new characters, but we don't really get a chance to see how they interact with each other. Sure, you tell us they're friends or lovers or whatever, but as a reader, I'd much rather see their relationships than just be told about them. For example:
There's an awful lot of telling here. Why not let us spend more time with Shield and Muscles and see their friendship? Why not describe Diamond's love interest in a way that shows he's her love interest? You're moving the plot along, but I don't feel like I have a sense of who these characters are as people (ponies?), and without that, it's hard for me to connect with them.
What? This moment just comes out of nowhere with almost no explanation, and it ends just as quickly. I've barely met Diamond. Give me some time to figure out who she is as a character before foreshadowing some kind of dark power.
Maybe it's just me, but I can't really see a parent talking like that in front of his children.
Wait, what? When did this happen? How? Maybe you're planning to reveal this later in the story, but you're throwing so much new information at me that this sudden development was just too much. Like I said earlier, this whole thing seems rushed. There's a lot of new stuff to absorb and new characters to meet, and I feel like I only spend a moment with them before I'm rushed along to the next. Showing, rather than telling, is your best friend when introducing a character, and I think more of it will really help your writing. I can handle a few unexplained things, like Blueblood suddenly being imprisoned for some reason, but there comes a point when it's just too much new information to take in at once.
I hope you don't take offense to all this. I'm just trying to offer some friendly advice, one writer to another. Hope it helps!
2001444 Thanks, but things have a way of coming together soon, I promise.