Tales from the Background

by Don Quixote

Part 6 - The Tale of Derpy Hooves

I like muffins. Blueberry muffins are my favorite, but I like banana muffins too. I like any kind of muffins, actually. You know, Twilight, your house kind of looks like a muffin—a big green one. No, I guess your house looks more like a mushroom than a muffin. Mostly it looks like a tree.

I’m a mail carrier. You’ve probably seen me around. I dropped a piano on you once, but you might not remember that. I should apologize. Sorry. I sent you a box of muffins, but it might have been delivered to the wrong pony. That happens a lot when I work. I wonder why that is.

You probably want to know about the box in the storage room in town hall. At least, that’s what the Doctor told me. He’s sitting next to me and eating a muffin. I asked him if he wants to say hi, and he said yes, so “Hi” from the Doctor.

That box showed up a week ago at the office and my boss told me to take it to the lost and found department at the police station. I went to deliver it, but…

I… um, I… I made a mistake.

When I was a filly, the mare who ran the orphanage got mad at me whenever I made a mistake. She told me my eyes are weird. Like a chameleon’s. I don’t even know what a chameleon is, but it hurt me somewhere inside every time she told me that.

The Doctor is reading everything I write, and he says a chameleon is a fascinating reptile. I guess that makes me feel a little better.

I took the box to town hall instead of the police station, and I guess they put it up in that dirty old storage room.

I’m not sure what else I should write. I guess I can write about bubbles. They’re just beautiful. I love bubbles. There’s something sad about them, though. They only last a few seconds. I wish bubbles didn’t go away so soon. Things always go away too soon.

The Doctor is telling me I should write about the letter I delivered to the blue unicorn. Trixie. That was her name. I don’t like her. She makes me think of the mean mare who ran the orphanage where I was a filly. Wait, now the Doctor’s telling me I’ve got the wrong blue unicorn. That’s right! Trixe was the one who gave me the letter, and I delivered it to Colgate.

Colgate reminds me of the cook from the orphanage. She was nice. She gave me muffins every time the mean mare made me cry.

I guess I made another mistake and gave Colgate the wrong letter. Things worked out okay, though, in the end.

Didn’t they?

The Doctor tells me it’s a good thing I made that mistake because it helped him find the missing box. He says three-quarters of Equestria would probably be gone if I hadn’t given Colgate the wrong letter.

Three-quarters of Equestria—gone. Totally gone. Like bubbles.

I guess things did work out okay.

The Doctor showed up at my house just after you asked me to write this report. He brought a box of muffins and said he’d help me remember everything you needed to know. He’s nice, the Doctor.

I’m sad now because the Doctor just told me that he’ll be going away soon. Just like bubbles. He says he might visit, though. That’s good.

That’s all I have to write, I think. I hope you get it all figured out, Twilight.

Derpy Hooves signing off!

Comments

[CookieMonstar]

Well that was... Interesting.

[Don Quixote]

1377129 Yes, that's exactly right, except there was no kindly, bearded uncle to dispense tea and words of comfort. It was a truly tragic fire.

[Avenging-Hobbits]

1377380 Twas a sad day for us all. (I don't watch Avatar, but I couldn't resist)

[EQEnigma]

Okay seriously, why does this one fiction keep showing up as "Not Read" when I have already read the entire thing?

[Don Quixote]

1454312 Possibly because I've revised it a few times in my unending efforts to get it featured on Equestria Daily. I just finished the final revision -- whether it's accepted or rejected, I won't be working on this story anymore -- so it shouldn't be any more of a nuisance to you. My typewriter monkeys and I apologize for the inconvenience!

[Tigro Spottystripes]

Does the Doctor know Time Turner is also the Doctor, or in this alternate universe he isn't?

[Don Quixote]

2226340 Thanks! By the way, what's EWT? To be honest, my references thereto are accidental.

[Don Quixote]

2226459 Since Time Turner speaks in an American accent in the show, my idea is that he and the Doctor simply happen to resemble each other.

[Subatomic Seal]

1454312 Same reason all my notifications are all marked as "unread".

AKA: I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[really pathetic]

2441452 and the bass cannon

[Twilight_Shimmer]

That was an amusing story

[FireballBithooves]

Wow, this was amazing!