A young man goes to a card game bargain sale, looking around for any cards related to his childhood while also carrying a good amount of cash on him in a briefcase. A shady merchant offers him a collection of every creature and mugic card from the Chaotic trading card game, which is one such set of cards the man was looking for. However, once he trades briefcases with the merchant, his memories are slightly altered as well as now he is a teenager again. Not only that, he is now in a land of pastel colored ponies and the only name he can recall is his Chaotic online ID: Perim Shifter.
Chapters (2)
Woooo boy.
First, the grammar seems alright. You had a couple tense shifts but I could read it.
However, the merchant opening is a very tired old trope in the Displaced multiverse. Then there’s the fact ur character just so happens to have a suitcase of cash just in hand while goin to a convention. Last your character when from screaming in terror to playful. Then there’s the fact that you had a pair of guards (I’m assuming the pony with a spear was a guard anyway) acted more like children than anything else.
I think I’ll keep up with the story as it progresses cause I like shapeshifter stories, but I suggest looking for an editor, using grammarly to grammar check ur work, and trying to think about the characterizations of the people you want to use in your story.
So what you going for this story?
11293634
I haven't thought that far yet, but I felt like dusting off my understanding of the Chaotic TCG and cartoon from 4Kids and making it into a fic. I also understand I got several other fics in the process still, but I prefer to at least put down my new ideas before I lose them.
I'm a big fan of the show chaotic and I am sad that they canceled it