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Hitch Trailblazer comes out of the Maretime Bay PD to do his afternoon rounds with his deputy only to find the populace in a panic. Quickly finding the source of the hysteria, it's time to put Canterlogic's defenses to good use...
A pro bono commission proudly undertaken for Phazon, for their generous donations to my Extra Life 2021 fundraiser for Riley Children's Hospital in Indianapolis.
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"Your son is safe now, ma'am."
This isn't my kid!
With that, he continued on his way, giving a quick "you're welcome!" to what he could only assume was an expression of gratitude from the mare. Skidding to a halt at the corner, he raised a hoof to the first CanterLogic employee he saw.
That part still made me laugh
Ok this is a pretty interesting story and basically it's like an alternate On the first part of the movie hitch try to convince Sunny not to press the button and they want to just to talk with Izzy why she here what's that got her out of trouble for now this will be a very interesting take on can't wait to see how this will go
Promising. Very promising. The Administration shall monitor this world.
That was quick!
Interesting start. Really looking forward to the next chapter. I think you write a good Hitch.
Ah, making Hitch not be a himbo at the start of the movie, I approve.
CALM DOWN EVERYPONY!
WE COME IN PEACE
loyalty😀
At first, you had my curiosity. Now, you have my attention.
Oh, Izzy. Why are you so precious?
Oh izzy despite the circumstances you are in you always find a way to stay positive just like Pinkie Pie
Okay so it looks like Izzy was taken to the Sheriff's Office to be interrogated why she was here even though she did not resist sunny wanted to ask some question as well and once they got to the police station hitch as some few questions to Izzy and so far things are going smoothly and she even told them that they couldn't do magic witch that disappoint sunny but she might think there might be another way to get the Magic back and they think Zephyr Heights might have the answer so basically they were going to leave tomorrow and hopefully the town would be coming down I wonder how this will work out since this is a different direction guess we'll find out next time
At least Hitch can be counted on to be sensible.
I find it funny that from the first trailers featuring Hitch, he went from expected worst pony to best pony for most after the film came.
Hitch is a reasonable law enforcement officer.
He is a TERRIBLE military strategist by Phyllis's (and, less importantly, real world) standards. If Izzy was actually a manipulator on the level of, say Cozy Glow, and had some locks picks in her hair and telekinesis (or teleportation abilities) explaining why she would WANT to see the inside of the facilities of their defenders, he would have been sending back not only a skilled spy, but the one Pony easiest to pump for more information.
In short, if you want to stretch this story out, you could easily have Sprout tell Phyllis what the plan is (over dinner if nothing else). Phyllis, who probably believes at least some of the propaganda she spouts, would then do... something?
Possibilities include:
-Loudly confront Hitch?
-Decide Hitch can't be trusted with the authority he has. Cue "Angry Mob", but with both Phyllis and Sprout leading it, either as a revolution against a present Hitch, or after Hitch escorts them off, at least to the border of what they consider Maritime Bay territory... Actually, if you need him gone longer he could be pulling a cart with camping gear and 200 "No Unicorns allowed! No Pegasi allowed!" signs (a super rush job at the town print shop) he intends to put up as a first pass at a radius of two miles.
-Provide a tracking bracelet for Hitch to put on Izzy so "we will know if she violates the terms of the agreement", then give Sprout a detector to find the location of the Pegasus and/or Unicorn settlements. She might not know about the map Sunny has, or might consider everything in the lighthouse "ancient propaganda and misinformation that only a fool would trust". Speaking of trust... "trust but verify" is a principle I could see Hitch following. He might ASK Phyllis for the tracking bracelet (or already have one). Note that the splatapults and unicorn traps were at least minimally useful in their functionality, unlike the balloon pack, anti-pegasus goggles, and probably the anti-mind-reading devices.
This is off the cuff and may have errors, but it might be enough to get your thinking started. Feel free to ask questions or point out flaws or whatever to improve my contributions if you need to.
11252531
The way things are going, it sounded like the four of them were going to have dinner at the precinct. Plus, I don't think Sprout's smart enough to suspect a spy job, so who knows, maybe (reluctantly) sharing a meal with a unicorn will cause him to rethink what he was raised to believe.
As for Phyllis, I get the feeling that the pony races' views of each other predate any of these characters, so she probably believes the propaganda. In fact, she was stunned to learn that the other tribes didn't have any magic in the movie. That said, I can imagine Phyllis' and Sprout's roles being reversed from the movie, assuming Phyllis doesn't bring Sprout down that rabbit hole with her.
11252662
Dinner at the precinct - Good point... if going the route I described might need to have Phyllis walk/barge/knock and ask (or demand) entrance in and ask for an update on the situation. Hitch might or might not find this reasonable, but, in either case would seek to defuse the situation by explain at least as much as "the Unicorn will be gone as soon as feasible" or something like that.
Sprout and Phyllis switching roles could be plausible if done well, and might (or might not) help keep things fresh and less of a rehash of the movie (which it has been successful at avoiding thus-far I think).
Interesting idea! I once wondered what could've happened if Hitch managed to arrest Izzy. Liked seeing the interrogation scene, Sprout watching everything from afar was funny lol everything mostly in peace, wonder where a a conflict could appear
I did find it a bit odd that Hitch accepted Sunny leaving to Zephyr Heights just like that. I know they had a small argument less than an hour ago but I'd imagine Hitch would worry and try to reason with Sunny to not 'risk her life like that', she's his friend. That's just how I see at least. Besides of that everything else was pretty good
11254382
The more feedback I get like this, the more I can hone future chapters.
I'm on the cusp of attempting an entire alternate version of the movie.
Thank you!
On re-read, any of the crowd who were outside the station could probably give Phyllis the information we were discussing.
11255670
At which point she marches over to the precinct and demands an explanation from Hitch?
11257284
Pretty much.
I'll be honest, I judge IPA drinkers way more than I judge people who eat pineapple pizza, although I am slowly giving the former the same "whatever floats your boat" attitude that I give to the latter. What surprises me more is that Bridlewood, or at least Izzy, can get a tropical fruit as a pizza topping. Ah well, best not question these things.
It's good that Hitch is showing doubts when it comes to Phyllis' propaganda and he's obviously concerned for Sunny.
Well at least hitch gave them some dinner before they were headed back to the lighthouse and I still don't like pineapple on my pizza but anyway so once they were done they head back to the lighthouse hitch is still worried about this idea about sunny going with Izzy but she wanted to do this knowing to the fact Her Mind Is Made Up so with that they are preparing to leave but hitch is so worried about her so it looks like he also made up his mind as well he's going to go with them I wonder how this will change the story guess we'll find out next time
This honestly would have been the best direction for the movie to go.
11260938
I'd have to agree
Hmmm... interesting to see if the early departure will prove necessary. If so, I hope that the similarities to canon don't get too much. More specifically: it seems like you are setting it up such that Hitch will have to track Sunny and Izzy, plus rabble-rousing in Hitch's absence... although, as said, swapping the roles of Sprout and Phyllis could be an interesting thing to explore.
BUT it is important to remember that it is all in the execution. Even red and black alicorn OCs who never fail at anything can be done well. Just ONE example.
Asking Sprout to hold down the fort on his own, Hitch? You're going to regret that.
Yay another chapter!
The thing I previously said of Hitch worrying about Sunny was handled perfectly in just a few dialogues. I do believe Hitch went after Sunny in the movie for that
reason but insisted it was bc of the law to convince himself, so seeing a version where he doesn't have that fact to cover it up and he has to face that yes, no matter if he's the sherrif or not he worries about his troublemaker friend is an imteresting narrative.
Seeing Izzy and Sunny sharing pizza and just chatting was so cute too
I take this AU is about Hitch going on the adventure early? Or maybe a version where everything goes in a more pacific way(the citizens don't have to worry bc the unicorn left in peace, Hitch isn't upset, etc)? I'll be honest I have no idea where this is going but I love the movie and I'm here for any kind of canon divergence. Haven't read a fic without knowing what exactly the plot is about in a while so I know this'll be fun
11263781
I'm also intrigued about where this story will go beyond my initial pitch. When I took miles' offer for the pro bono commission, the premise I gave him was "Izzy is successfully captured early in the movie. Hitch tries to interrogate her, but Izzy being Izzy, she takes the whole thing in stride, maybe even unintentionally flirting with him. Shipping is optional." I hadn't thought very far beyond that at the time, but if it turns into a reimagining of the events of the movie, I'm not complaining at all.
What I asked miles for has been more or less covered, but he has been open to suggestions about the story. I can't say where he'll ultimately go with it, but what I can say is that the Zephyr Heights portion should be significantly different, and not just for the reason(s) you think.
I recall how and when Hitch leaves and catches up with them being a tough question for the next part of this story. But you seem to have sorted that out by demonstrating Hitch's tracking skills (which, according to TV Tropes, have to be really good if he managed to follow their trail all the way to Zephyr Heights in the movie despite them having an hours-long head start). Well played, good sir.
On that segue, I also like how you handled Sunny getting in on the interrogation way back in chapter 1-2. The way I figured it, depending on how much she'd aided and abetted Izzy before the latter was captured, either she'd be trying to force her way into the precinct while the interrogation was going on, or would have to be arrested and ended up in the same holding cell. Instead, you had her stick to her guns and insist on being there even if it meant getting arrested.
So it looks like hitch was prepared to go along with sunny and Izzy making sure that they don't make any trouble especially sunny so he headed to the lighthouse but unfortunately he missed out so now he has to find them before he lose track of them somewhere in the far distance sunny and Izzy are making good progress but they decided to camp out for tonight they thought they were alone but it looks like hitch caught up with them so it looks like they join the group I wonder how this will change in the event when they get to Zephyr Heights well I guess we'll find out next time
Honestly a thing I keep asking myself while watching the movie was if these ponies ever ate something while traveling from town to town. It's obvious they did but they never showed them at least picking berries so it was nice to see an alternative where they headed out way more prepared
We'll get to see Hitch on Zephyr Heights aaaa can't wait to see how the whole scene is gonna play out. They are hading there a few hours later than in the movie so I'm wondering if they are still gonna end in jail. Technically if he didn't arrive to arrest sunny in the movie the girls would've scaped with the pegasi crystal without any collateral damage, soo ig they'll have to screw up other way if we want Pipp to join in. Or maybe it can all end in a more pacific way while she also gets to join. We'll know soon.
11273358
Things not covered in the movie about their travels between towns:
1) Stopping to eat.
2) Stopping to answer nature's call.
3) The movie took place over the course of about four days. It's a good thing they had access to Zephyr Heights' dungeon spa and Izzy's shower along the way. Otherwise, the Earth ponies in the group would've perpetuated the unicorns' stereotype about smelling bad before long.
11273439
Pretty sure Izzy and Sunny stood on each other to get fruit on trees during their song.
11273503
Oh, right! Well, in the movie they had to rush out of town like fugitives, so in this version of events at least they had time to pack and prepare.
Ooh, glad to see more of this story! Definitely got a kick out of this chapter, especially for that bit at the end.
Especially what he was going to do when you guys get back
Ok so it looks like hitch told them that he's going to tag along with them even though Sunny has a little suspicious but Izzy wouldn't mind him joining with them meanwhile sprouts is just now keeping eye on the town hopefully things will be quiet I wonder how this will work once they make it to Zephyr Heights I guess we'll find out next time
Sunny seems to be a lot more snarky than she was in the original movie.
11291217
Just a bit mistrusting of Hitch for now.
Ouch
So obviously, while Hitch sets up his own tent, Sunny and Izzy will be in theirs actively trying to fail the Bechdel test and talk about Hitch
... only for Sunny to admit that although he's smart, handsome, and really cares about Sunny, as Izzy points out, neither mare has much of a shot with him. Not Izzy, because Hitch doesn't quite trust her. And not Sunny, because after that stunt she pulled in Canterlogic, Hitch made it clear that her activism and the trouble it gets her into makes his job difficult and is putting a strain on their friendship, and Sunny admits that a relationship between them would never survive.
Alright, done pulling that out of my ass. Now let's actually read this chapter.
Already? I figured it'd take another day for him to say it out loud. Well at least Sprout is making the effort.
Glad to see another installment of this story. It was fun seeing the aftermath of Hitch's accidental scare of Sunny and Izzy from the last chapter. XD
Really wondering if Sprout is actually going to put in the right effort this time, compared to how things went down in canon... I'm dubious, I admit, but you never know...
11291261
Well, depending on how much faith she has in Hitch's ability to have his feelings change with the provable facts, and optimism about their mission, she might see "get the Colt" as a natural outcome of "save the world", since it will prove she was actually at least somewhat (and possibly totally) justified in speaking out as she did.
Ok this is certainly interesting so far so it looks like everything was quiet and Sprout is basically just keeping an eye on the town until Phyllis showed up asking how has he been doing and hitch is not here and somehow she always talks about how her invention about the anti pegasus and unicorn won't be selling I don't know what is she planning on but I don't like it and it looks like Sprout is starting to have a little suspicious about the way she said I wonder what's going to happen next guess we'll find out next time
To be honest I thought she would be a huge problematic since she always antagonizing sunny and her father so I thought she would be the villain I mean she could have if she thinks about selling those anti-unicorns and Pegasus
Looks promising already. Keep 'em coming.
Phyllis, stop Lady Macbething your son!