A ferry-stallion tells the tale of when a married couple and a mysterious kid traveled together on his boat.
An entry into the A Thousand Words Contest.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 26th Aug, 2020
- offline last seen Last Tuesday
Twinsez
Writing is a lot like life. It depresses the hell out of me, but I still go on with it for some weird reason.
Twinsez
Joined 26th Aug, 2020 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Jade Ring · 2.2k words · 60 5 · 2.1k views
- Magpiepony · 4.2k words · 149 5 · 6.2k views
- 20thCentury Brony · 16k words · 15 0 · 1.1k views
- eemoo1o · 8k words · 53 0 · 1.2k views
- MrAquino · 13k words · 49 1 · 2.4k views
- Silver_Bolt · 21k words · 68 2 · 4.2k views
- Sixes_And_Sevens · 26k words · 37 1 · 943 views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.099 seconds
Total duration
1,058 users online
1,315,803 hits today, 1,960,719 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I can see what you were trying to do with this story, but I'm not sure if you went too far with it, or not far enough. You're pretty explicit about what happened, but at the same time, it felt like there wasn't enough detail to really hook me. I feel like this would have been better if it had either been more vague, or had more detail, although given your word limit, I guess the latter wouldn't have been an option.
I'm going to have to agree with 11265639. You hit a sour spot between presenting the horror and leaving it to the reader's imagination. Heck, the colt's own justification doesn't make sense—Parents should stay home and raise their kids, so I'm going to make sure these two never make it back home again!—but it's not like I can expect perfect rationality from that sort of mind.
All told, this needs further work. Still, thank you for it and best of luck in the judging.
well this certainly builds up anticipation for the reveal! i am on the edge of my seat
aww, very true! ponies are quite provincial sometimes
oh no, Bright Mac and Pear Butter! well that heightens the anticipation even more!
oof, love how much unspoken there is in these sentences! establishes the character of the ferrymare as well as the kid right off the bat, as well as being a fun ironic bit about how kindness is returned sometimes, and agh
ooh, that just raises further questions! i assume that Apple Bloom is left in the good hooves of Granny Smith, but still, just why would both of them be traveling without their children so soon after having a newborn?
haha, i guess i'm not the only one that thought that was strange!
and augh, just love the character in this line! very late 19th/early 20th century in feel, maybe because it makes the kid feel like Huckleberry Finn, or something?
and oof, that pays off that very distinct character line just earlier! and the "off-ness" of the kid throughout.
i had my doubts, introducing so many elements in such a short timeframe, along with the very big implied one of this story relating to how Applejack's parents met their end, that this story would be able to make them all pay off, but in my opinion it really did. augh, the passive world-weariness that the narrator spoke in throughout fits the story so perfectly! and the end being a mystery even to the narrator telling the tale, with the tantalizing detail that the narrator did once think of an answer but then lost it. that senselessness! it really makes me feel Borgesian vibes from this, especially with how the narrator's character feels.
like, it's very clearly a choice, you know? the kid could have been very straightforward in his derangement, and hinted at an internally-logical justification of their kids being better growing up without such neglectful parents, or something, in just as many words. but that would make this piece far too straightforward, i think. with this puzzle, it spreads like an ink cloud in the space of ideas far beyond its word limit, and augh, isn't it perfect that in the end, even with the reveal of what literally happened with Applejack's parents, there are still unanswered questions about their deaths?
excellent stuff, loved it!
This fic is very interesting
I was not sure how to feel about it the first read through but as I read it once again, I had a new appreciation for this story. It’s so mysterious, it has many different layers and the atmosphere it presents is impeccable. Despite the short fallings in the story, everything else was meticulously crafted for an ominous and creepy story. All in all, it grew on me, and it is one story that won’t leave my mind very quickly.