A broken crown.
A dreary forest.
A lost era.
A forgotten promise.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 8th Sep, 2018
- offline last seen 6 hours ago
Dashie04
Your friendly neighborhood writer of entirely too many trans ponies! (Dashie | she/her | Discord: velvetred2004 | pfp by Malphym)
Dashie04
Joined 8th Sep, 2018 ·
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It feels like this could also fit in the grim category for the contest! Congratulations on the hard-hitting end and the literal descent!
I think you meant to put "to DO with her?" So, with that fix, your story is up to 1001 words. XD
11214841
I’ll find something to do with that.
And thus a legacy of friendship ends in ignominy. This one hits hard; I'm surprised you didn't tag it as a tragedy. I do like the clever formatting used to conserve word count, and while I wish it didn't, this does work as a bridge to G5. Nicely done all around, even if it hurts. Best of luck in the judging.
I've felt like I shouldn't be commenting on the stories I've read recently, but sometimes you come across a story that warrants one, since nothing else would quite do for expressing one's thoughts about it. So here it is:
It's a grim, dark story for sure, but who said grim had to be straight horror? There’s something horrifying here, of course, but it’s the utter bleakness, the sadness, the sheer finality of the end of what was once full of joy and hope - it’s immeasurably grimmer and darker than the dime-a-dozen gorefics that get associated with the genre. Yet you've rendered it with such a nuanced, almost gentle touch, that in the span of a mere thousand words it humanizes the unthinkable and turns petty greed into thoughtful tragedy. It’s a masterstroke, utterly unexpected, and I felt like I genuinely learned something about how to write from having read it.
It belongs in my favorites for a reason.
Next time the opportunity presents itself, I'm going to take the time to read more of what you've written. It clearly deserves to be read.
Something is truly remarkable when a fic takes me a day and a half to process what I've just read. Many stories, 'specially dark fics, give me an incentive to draw my own conclusions due to either being open ended or some other reason. This one is a different case of, "Oh. Wow. I'm intrigued with this but it ended... tied with a neat bow." What I mean is, I'm content with how it ended nicely but I want more!
You went about writing this in such a unique way that I can only wish to craft. I adore how bleak Twilight's death is treated. Yeah, she's dead, and life continues. I can't properly form this with words-- the princess, who had 9 seasons to develop and tried her best against all odds ended up being slowly buried and taken out without the likes of powerful magic. All of this gets treated like another Tuesday by two hitponies bantering. I love this
I adore this tone and writing style
Congrats on the bronze medal.
wow, that is quite a start! and also, i do appreciate the cleverness in using alignment to get around wasting precious wordcount with "he said"s
ooh, the tribes must be really alienated from each other in this world!
oof, hinting at a lot having gone wrong in this Equestria! that is a fascinating culture to imagine, pegasi that refuse to come down to the ground despite losing their ability to fly
ah, it's coming together now! Canterlot becoming Zephyr Heights, and it going from a unicorn city to a pegasus city. yet another clever way to bridge the many gaps between G4 and G5!
ooh, love this! the characters in the story don't understand what happened, and so it is all signs and wonders to them, but to the reader this is linking the loss of Harmony, the return of the Windigos, and Twilight sealing away all the magic all together. explains why there are no Windigos in G5 neatly
and augh, yeah, after a period of such traumatic loss it would make sense for those that went through it to blame the Sovereign and even want revenge, even though she did all that she could for the good of all ponies and is perfect and the best. all the more heartbreakingly meaningless and mundane of an end for Twilight, to be assassinated without fanfare by two random stallions who are just carrying out the wishes of unknown, unseen pegasi. it makes me sad to read or think about in the way that is the story doing its job well, so great job there!
Hello! Have a review. This was an interesting one, and in a good way (hence my like). As has already been pointed out by another, it works worryingly well as a G4->G5 link, though it stands on its own merits. Perhaps somewhat expositionary dialogue on occasion, but that did bring out the very interesting world-building. Well done on the Bronze Medal!