TEST 06: "WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU MAHOGANY"
Twenty six...
The train burst into flames as it sped forward through the cold Appleloosian mountains. On the third car from the engine, Daring Do held on for dear life, her hooves braced against the walk handles on the roof. She slowly made her way to the front car, then trudged through the coal and jumped into the engineer's cabin. The engine was completely unmared, flames billowing from the coal intake.
She took the shovel and wedged it into the broken door frame so the flat head was blocking the flames, allowing her safe passage to the controls. She grabbed hold of the choke lever and pulled it as far as it would go, shutting off all the vents. The flames began to die down as their supply of oxygen was cut off, and the train stopped accelerating, now going at a steady, but still rapid pace.
Twenty seven...
They were coming out of the mountains right now, the town of Appleloosa before them. Daring pulled the brakes, the wheels beginning to screech so loud, Daring winced, but dared not cover her ears so she could turn and run back down the train.
On the last car, just in front of the caboose, she saw her mark about to jump. The portly stallion grinned at her, holding the set of obsidian horseshoes that he slipped into his saddle bag.
"Thanks for the ride, Daring Do, but this is my stop!" he shouted, then leaped off the train into a waiting wagon.
Twenty eight...
"Oh, no you don't!" Daring called back, unfurling her wings and flying towards them, landing squarely beside her opponent.
"You don't really think you can stop me this time, do you?" the stallion said, then turned to buck at her.
Daring dodged to one side, nearly falling onto the rapidly-spinning wheel behind her. She regained her balance and took a swipe at him, knocking his hat off.
Twenty nine...
"Those belong in a museum!" Daring shouted and lunged.
The rival treasure hunter took this opportunity to roll over and kick upward, causing Daring to tumble over the side and roll several times across the ground before crashing into a rock.
"Looks like the museum will have to settle for iron shoes!" the stallion said and cockily laughed as his wagon pullers sped up and literally left Daring Do in the dust outside of Appleloosa.
Thirty...
Coming out of her flash back, Daring pushed up with all four limbs at once against the weight on top of her, sweat leaving trails as it rolled along her face. The heavy iron block pushed down on her relentlessly, and just as hard, she pushed back, moving the heavy mass up and down, her muscles burning intensely under its weight.
Alfredo entered the gymnasium and raised an eyebrow at his employer's training.
"Mistress Do," he said in a prim tone, "A Mr. Mahogany Cane here to see you."
"Tell him I'll be right out," Daring grunted, huffing as she pushed up once more.
Alfredo nodded. "Yes, ma'am. And if I may, Miss Do, I would do my push-ups right-side-up."
Daring looked down, or rather up, at her hind legs in the air with the iron weight on them, her forelegs holding her over the mat. She chuckled and threw the training block onto the floor, leaving a big dent as it landed. Alfredo winced inside, and left to inform their guest that she would be out shortly, and then flipped through the phone book for a carpenter.
Daring Do got herself cleaned up and presentable, then went into the study of her mansion where Alfredo was serving their guest tea.
"Sorry for the wait," Daring said, taking a seat across from Mahogany Cane, "That'll be all, Alfredo. Thank you."
Alfredo nodded and took his leave of them.
Mahogany carried with him a cane of the same material for which he was named, an identical cutie mark was visible under the trail of his black tailcoat. His coat was a similar, yet lighter brown, and his mane and tail were stark black.
"So, what can I do ya for?" Daring asked, lounging on the sofa.
"Getting right to business, are we Miss Do?" Mahogany asked, "Very well. My name is Mahogany Cane, and I am here with a business proposition. I would like for you to acquire a particular item for me."
The orange pegasus scoffed. "Huh! Tell me something I don't know."
Mr. Cane tried to ignore her overly-casual attitude. "You see, my family has been in the business of making fancy canes for quite a while, and frankly, I've grown quite bored of it. Therefore, I have decided to instead start a museum, however, the banks will not back me without an exhibit of considerable worth to make them confident in the museum's chances of succeeding."
"What about your cane business?" Daring asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Ponies don't care much for plain wooden canes," Mahogany stated flatly, "The highest demand seems to be in amber-topped canes, and I'm afraid our competitors have a monopoly in that field. Even in Canterlot, nopony is interested in what I have to sell."
Daring yawned and waved a hoof. "Yeah, yeah, so you wanna switch jobs. Get to the part about my job. That's what you're here for, right?"
Mahogany sighed with exasperation. "Right, well, the item I would like for you to retrieve is called the Philosoraptor's Stone."
Daring perked up her ears and opened her eyes fully. "The filler wrapper what's it?"
"Philosoraptor's Stone," Mahogany corrected, "A long lost tablet believed to carry the wisdom of the ancient Philosoraptor inscribed on its surface. The Philosoraptor was a dinosaur of profound knowledge, and had written many texts in his time."
"And obviously he's not around anymore," Daring said, her tone bluntly indicating how bored she was, "You got a lead on this stone, or am I supposed to search the planet going on nothing?"
"Of course I have a lead. Who do you take me for?" Mahogany picked up his briefcase, flicked the locks up, and opened it. He took out a manila folder and dropped it on the coffee table.
Daring flipped it open and looked at the map inside. "The crystal mountains? Not exactly what I had in mind."
Mahogany chuckled at her. "What's the matter? A pegasus who's afraid of heights?"
"Not at all," Daring shook her head, "Just not used to cold places. But it's no biggie. So," she sat back and crossed her hind legs, "let's talk about the fee."
Mahogany smiled. "I thought you'd never ask."
Hmm interesting
I still want moar.
Bet the "wisdom" on the stone is just a classic Philosoraptorism.
2081093 Ugh, I should block you for that.
2081116 For a corny, stupid little joke?
I really hope you're not serious.
2081144 you have me interested at what kind of joke it was
2081116 is the last part a reference to Lara Croft
2088738 A philosoraptor macro about 9/11 happening in July. I can send it to you via PM, since someone apparently can't take a joke from an event that grew stale over a decade ago.
No need to block my ass, Midi, I'm leaving on my own.
2089655 say no more, I can see where the joke went from the reaction of the author. must have been pretty offensive, but somehow quite funny. like jokes about WWII "they there's safety in numbers... try telling that to 6 million Jews"
2089655 Yes, losing someone I knew to a terrorist attack grew stale. You are a class A fucktard if you really think that's funny. I'm willing to forgive you if you just admit your joke was tasteless and uncalled for.
2090735 in case you didn't see it, I already did that down there almost a full two days ago.
HAH
Philosoraptor xDd24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/277086_700b.jpg
2090735 Oh, and in case you haven't understood that from what I've implied, I don't have a freaking crystal ball to know when a fib will unfortunately sting harder than it should. And you could have made me feel like even more of a dick for blurting that out if you'd just been polite.
Now excuse me. I'm not gonna appreciate the stories written by a jackass that insults people over misunderstandings.
2093403
Hey. I need to tell you that I'm sorry for my behaviour earlier. I'm not going to make excuses for what I did; just because I was already having a bad day, there was no reason for taking out my frustrations on you like that.
And I have no right to insult you, especially when my response was as bad, if not worse than, what you posted. I used the memory of a tragic event to guilt trip you, which did nothing for either of us and only showed disrespect for those lost that day.
I understand if you don't forgive me and still want to leave. I deserve no better. But please know that I am sincerely sorry for what I did. I could have just ignored the post and no one would have thought anything of it, but instead I made a scene, and only ended up embarrassing myself.
If anyone here is the class A fucktard, it's me. Again, I am very sorry.
2103533 *sigh* Everyone has their bad days, bro, and not everyone has the emotional fortitude to keep the pressure down. I'm one example of that myself, as you can infer from my responses. I can't blame you for popping like a cork either; I'd have likely done the same if the issue was touchy to me.
Keep in mind, feeling bad for what happened is normal, but it isn't going to help anyone. Trying to add a little humor (not at the expense of the victims, God bless their souls, but at a coincidence related to the incident itself - in this case, the date) is a way to overcome grief; laugh your frowns away. That's what Pinkie would do, as far as I can see.
In any case, what do you say we put this sad stint behind us and move on?
...puns.
Philosoraptor. This is brilliant. I never thought about making a meme into backstory...