A Wish on the Lightning

Mr Unidentified

Mr Unidentified #1 · Jan 31st, 2022 · 6 · 4 ·

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The Washout is not italicized in your short description

The Red Parade

The Red Parade #2 · Feb 1st, 2022 · · ·

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11138177

as far as I know there's no way to use formatting in short descriptions :P

The Blue EM2

The Blue EM2 #3 · Feb 3rd, 2022 · 1 · ·

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11138177

11138649
The issue appears to have been fixed.

iAmSiNnEr

iAmSiNnEr #4 · Feb 9th, 2022 · · ·

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Hahahaha FiddleDust yassss

PonyofEntropy

PonyofEntropy #5 · Mar 11th, 2022 · · ·

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Nice.

Prince Polaris

Prince Polaris #6 · Apr 7th, 2022 · · ·

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it's beautiful

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #7 · May 13th, 2022 · · ·

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The sky was thrown open like a window, wild and wide and dripping with possibility. Also, less romantically, with rain; a fine but persistent drizzle that damped the fur and made clothes cling to the skin if you stayed out too long in it.

great opener! poetic and abstract, then undercutting that poetry, then grounding the atmosphere with the senses

The ship was a beauty, worth more than Lightning Dust’s yearly income ten times over.

most ships would be, i imagine!

The Washout announced Lightning Dust’s presence to the world, shouted it into the abyss. Anywhere her ship went, ponies would know instantly who captained it, and tremble.

ah, love how the ship is a true representation of Lightning Dust!

Five long years ago, Lightning Dust had broken the bottle of champagne over the beautiful black bow of her girl. Fifteen years since she had boarded her first lightning-ship as a foal. Thirteen years after she stopped being a cabin-filly and began to climb the ranks. Three humiliating years after Captain Spitfire had ejected her from the Wonderbolt. Three years and one month since —

ooh, love how this paragraph sets down the pieces of this AU! reimagining pegasus flight teams as ship crews is very fun

“Mmhmm!” An enthusiastic nod. “Yeah! You make a wish!”

aww, an adorable title drop!

Her mother pressed a kiss onto the top of her spiky mane. “Maybe you will be, little one. Maybe you will.”

love the cinematic character background establishment!

Then the cloud and the storm were all around her, and there was no more time for thought. Lightning flashed on every side. Forty thousand kilowings a second, unimaginable magical potential in every strike, not to mention enough juice to power a ship like hers for a week. Lightning was the lifeblood of the Empire, fuelling the contraptions thought up by the Archmage Twilight. And lightning hunters were the grease that moved the cogs of the world.

ooh, a delightful,steampunk feel. securing energy sources is so vital to any civilization, no matter how dangerous that enterprise is. also, love "kilowings" as a unit of measurement! it's little things like that that make these horse words so fun

But who could be playing music in the heart of a storm?

i have a guess!

Only then did Lightning Dust realise that the mare, the beautiful mare who played like a soul possessed — she was an earth pony.
She had no wings.

ooh, dramatic

“I wish I could play as beautifully as she can.”

aww! i do like this headcanon of Fiddlesticks growing up in Octavia's shadow as her sister. so many possibilities for bittersweet angst

Her wings trembled and her hooves slipped on the mare’s wet fur. An ignominious end for the Washout’s captain. Still, at least she would die a hero. Princesses, let that get back to the Wonderbolt. Let Spitfire stick that in her pipe and smoke it.

these being Lightning Dust's last thoughts on the verge of an ill-considered self-sacrifice is so great! still being her spiteful and prideful self even while dying a hero is just so perfectly her

“N-no,” the filly said, looking over her shoulder at her sister’s grave. “No.”

oof! love the understatedness of this tragic detail, hinted at by the "in her place" earlier. also, augh, their poor parents!

Understanding dawned on the stranger's face. "You caught me?"
Lightning Dust's chest swelled with no little pride. "I did."

aww, so adorable! to have earned her pride for once, it must be quite a moment for Lightning Dust

“I wished that I could play as beautifully as she could. I promised I'd give anything for it. Anything.”
Lightning attempted a laugh. “It must have worked!”
Fiddlesticks shook her head. “The storm spirits listened, I suppose. I said I’d give anything, so…they took her, and I...now I can play like you heard.”

oof! all the flashbacks linking together to this tragic reveal. it even recontextualizes Lightning Dust's fillyhood wish! she got what she wanted then, but only through events that she clearly regrets. i love the way you built up the pieces, great stuff!

For the first time, the other mare looked up and met her eyes. Her irises were so blue — like the sky on a summer morning. Not a cloud in sight.

and this feels like i am looking into her eyes with her. just so well-earned after all of the scenes of grey, menacing clouds and pain.

“It just needs a little fixing.”

she's not talking about just the violin!

The music rose again to fill the silence, and Lightning slowly relaxed again. It was easy, being with Fiddlesticks. Even when she messed things up and put her hoof in her mouth. Even when Fiddlesticks was in one of her quiet moods. They could just…be.

a lovely idyllic moment, and it's a nice touch to show, not tell, the hoof-in-her-mouth thing. a very understandable hoof-in-mouth thing to say

When Rolling Thunder put a wing gently around her and started to usher her home, Lightning let herself be led. The Washout stood lonely at its dock, balloon almost sagging in the air. The neon on black paint looked, for the first time, tawdry. Lightning felt tears spring unbidden to her eyes, and her first mate tightened the wing over her shoulders in a comforting way.

and oof! how discovering something so precious and then losing it tarnishes what once brought you joy before. that is a loss twice over

The sky was thrown open like a window, wild and wide and dripping with possibility. Lightning Dust stood astride behind the wheel of her ship, and violin music climbed into the aether in a high, wordless song of exultation.

and a hopeful, optimistic end, with our pair sailing up and out into the open sky.

i really love this AU! it was something that i felt and absorbed more than read, if that makes sense, which is what makes for a good AU story in my book. the setting is perfect for evoking those feelings of adventure, danger, and comradery that is so fitting for ponies of the sky such as Lightning Dust, as well as tragedy and loss for the ponies of the ground such as Fiddlesticks. just very 18th century pirate adventure, you know?

and of course, the imagery and poetry were top-notch throughout, for contemplative and action scenes both. a lovely FiddleDust, and a beautiful read. thank you for it!

Shaslan

Shaslan #8 · May 13th, 2022 · 1 · ·

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11240226
Thank you for the lovely comment! It's really nice to get a blow by blow of all your favourite bits!

Shaslan

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