About a month after the Qliphoth incident, Nero gets another visitor at his garage. Rather than his deadbeat father coming to rip off his arm, this visitor is some sort of weird creature calling himself "Discord". He says that there's a problem with his world's timeline, and that Demons have been popping up during a time when they shouldn't be. Nero's a bit skeptical of the guy, but he decides to take the job anyway. little did he know, Discord had left out quite a few details on purpose. The biggest one being the new body he'll be giving Nero.
I know I shouldn't be starting a new story while I'm in the middle of writing another one, but I couldn't get this idea out of my head. Basically, Nero gets transported to Equestria around the time of Nightmare Moon's return and joins the mane six on their many adventures while hunting demons on the side. I'm thinking about Dante and Vergil being summoned to Equestria as well by Season 2 (If I get that far).
Since this will be following the events of the show, I guess it'll be a good excuse for me to rewatch the older episodes. I'm sure that'll be a blast from the past. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story! Constructive criticism is welcome!
Um, ok, what the heck happened? I submitted this story, went to bed, then woke up the next morning to find this has 3 likes almost 60 views already. Did this get featured while I was asleep or something? Either way, I’m not complaining. Hope you all enjoy the story whenever I update!
So far, not bad.
Can't wait for the next chapter
Huh, gonna be honest, i half expected Nero and Black Snooty' fight to have a Trigger momment, complete with The Fuck You line.
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Yeah, I wish they could’ve had a cool battle, too, but if I consider how strong Nero actually is, I think he would’ve taken Nightmare Moon down easily, and then there wouldn’t be any more Luna. The thing is that while Nightmare Moon did acknowledge Nero was strong, she still underestimated his ability. I know Alicorns are powerful, but I’m sure if you shot one, they’d die all the same. I do plan on having Nero, Dante, and Vergil fight other antagonists much later on once I get to that point, though.
Now you know how dante feels nero
nice job on all chapters out so far
Gonna love this story if it has more moments like this
I forgot how much of a jerk Rainbow was in this episode.
nice work
What to do for Joke'd Nero.....make his Devil Trigger go Haywire? Like going in and out of it randomly?
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That’s a great idea! I’d also been considering that maybe his moves get flipped around, like when he tries to do a Streak, he’ll instead to a High Roller. (Basically, the controls get mirrored).
Nice job on the chapter, and that's very funny too, especially since Rarity dragged Nero into the Spa.
And glad Nero didn't tell Apple Bloom about Credo, otherwise her poor little heart couldn't handle it.
nice work
I wonder if Celestia will get infected by demon blood
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Certainly an interesting idea
Found this story by chance.
Hopefully I can read it soon when I get the chance
If I may ask, any plans for Spike?
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I think it might depend on what you mean by plans. Do you mean is he going to be affected by demon blood? If so, I haven’t come up with any plans like that.
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As in not yet or no on that?
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During the episode “Secret of My Excess” in Season 2, Spike turns into a fully grown dragon and rampages through Ponyville, so that might be an opportunity for him to get affected by demon blood. Season 2 is still a ways off though, so I haven’t decided on whether or not I’m going to do that. I am considering it, though.
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Is it good or bad to be affected by demon blood here?
I don't know the context on things since I haven't read the fic yet.
(Hopefully I will soon, I just got alot on my plate that is affecting my focus and such)
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Oh, sorry. Didn’t realize you haven’t read it yet. I won’t give too much away so I don’t spoil anything, but I can say that being affected by demon blood is bad, but the effects can be undone.
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So instead of getting powers, he is just turned into a MOTW that needed to be beaten up(and rescue) since he is not one of the "chosen ones"?
That sure bums me out a bunch..
More
Good
nice work
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Sorry if my reply was iffy..
I am just bummed that Spike is going to get screwed over.
I am guessing the Mane 6 are immune since they are "chosen ones".
So pretty much its gets rubbed in that Spike is not one of the "chosen ones" since he ends up corrupted and brainwashed and needing to be beaten/rescued/purified like every other victim..
Sorry..
Wanted to let that off of my chest(will still see the fic but jut really disappointed on how Spike will be handled..)
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It’s alright, no harm done. I can assure you the mane six aren’t immune to the demon blood, but they most likely won’t be chosen to be effected. Like I said, I won’t give to much away due to spoilers, but the ones who get infected with demon blood are usually strong creatures that could go on a rampage even without the demon blood. The demon blood itself just gives them a boost to make them as overpowered as other demons.
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Ok.
Still worried on Spike.
Like worried on if he gets screwed. Since if ends up brainwashed and needing to be beaten/purified like other creatures instead of getting powers in the long-run, I feel like it would just make him look weak and screwed over by destiny..
Since the chapters seem to be based off of the episodes, would be amusing how crazy things go since Nero is there.
But sadly I guess that means Spike will miss out so much since the show had him be excluded so much from the adventures(especially in season 1 and 2) and excluded from the Mane 6's bond..
I like FIM but how it treated Spike is one of the main issues I had with the show.
Finally started reading this.
Hopefully I can catch up soon.
What about Spike though.?
Him not being acknowledged at all just.. shoot..
As for Nero, it is quite funny on how he is reacting to the gang and such during his stay in Ponyville.
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Its pretty disappointing that it made NMM look so weak though..
The show honestly had such a awful handling of alicorns(Twilight avoiding it since she is a Bearer)
I am half-way there.
Sorry if it looks like I am kind of flooding the story with comments lately.
Finally managed to catch up fully, even though I stayed up way overnight to do so.
I hope to see what happens next.
I suggest the intermission chapter to show what happened in those months.
Nero sure kicked alot of ass there.
Seeing MLP/DMC fics is fun.
But it hurts so much on how Spike is excluded on what the girls get to do and excluded from their bond and missed out on alot.
Especially the Nightmare Moon journey and especially how he missed out on Nero fighting demons twice.
Seeing how creatures infected by demon blood get "cured"(especially that dragon in the Dragonshy chapter) by being beaten badly.
Really makes me dread on how Spike might get shafted in the Secret Of My Excess chapter.
Him getting demon blood only to end up controlled and needing to be beaten and badly humiliated in battle like other infected creatures will just screw him over. It only serves to do him so dirty..
Sorry on being bothersome about Spike a bunch.
Just seeing alot of cool crossover fics that caught my eye but ends up giving Spike the short end of the stick hurts.
Sorry..
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Glad your enjoying the story so far! Trust me, I do wish I could give Spike more credit. I’ll try to fit something into the intermission if I can. Also, no need to worry about flooding the story with comments, I appreciate the feedback. Thanks for the favorite as well!
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What about the issue on what will happen to him in the Secret Of My Excess chapter when it comes up?
I'll look forward to what will be added in the intermission for Spike.
I suggest more intermissions/stuff could be made so it doesn't end up looking like just the show happening exactly the same(with Nero fighting demons added in but ends up not affecting the grand scheme and such). To be able to show more on the DMC side without it worrying about a FIM episode's events being changed a bunch(unless of course you plan on future FIM episodes to start being changed more as the demon involvement gets changed up?)
I don't know if I worded that right. I know Nero changed up a few episodes a bit but felt like there can be bigger change(butterfly effect)
The intermissions could help giving more spice.
Wished something was done about the stuff Spike missed out on in the past chapters, especially the Nightmare Moon journey.
Seeing all the times he gets left out hard from what the girls get to do and how he is excluded from the girls' bond or just getting screwed is.. not going to be fun to see.
If fact, Winter Wrap Up that is coming next is a major example of Spike getting screwed over(one word, iceberg)
Well, looking forward to see what will happen next
As for why it took me some days to reply, its due to nervousness.
Its sadly a habit of mine where I end up delaying in seeing a comment in a certain situation due to worrying on how the reply will be.
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Thank you for the feedback, and there’s no need to worry about waiting a few days to reply. If you’re nervous, then feel free to take all the time you need. Also, in regards to the Secret of my Excess episode, I still haven’t thought about what I’m going to do yet, as that episode is pretty far off, taking place partway through Season 2. I’ll start planning for that episode once we get closer to it.
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Ok
So what happens next?
Hows the other stuff I said on Spike?
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I will try to avoid having Spike get the short end of the stick as much as I can, but I’m trying to stay mostly faithful to the show. There are exceptions though, such as the episode Owl’s Well that Ends Well. I was recommended a forum about alternate endings to the episode by another user, and I’m hoping I can use it to come up with an ending that gives Spike a little more respect. I’m also thinking about skipping the episode Spike at your Service, since it not only has characters acting out of character (especially Spike), but it also has the “Dragon Code” that doesn’t make sense. As for what will happen in the intermission, Spike’s involvement probably won’t be as big as you think, but it will plant the seed for something big later on (A metaphorical seed that is)
Also, I did some thinking, and I think I know why Spike usually gets screwed over so often. I believe he is supposed to be what is referred to as a “Butt Monkey”. I know that sounds like a weird term, but I swear that’s actually what it’s called. Here’s a link to a video that I think does a great job giving an in-depth explanation for what a butt monkey is, as well as provide some examples.
While I’m pretty sure the writers of the show intended for Spike to be a butt monkey, it was poorly excecuted. As explained in the video, butt monkeys usually have to a.) be annoying and slightly dislikable, and b.) have to suffer the least compared to other characters. Spike, however, is very likable and doesn’t really have any traits not worth liking. He also goes through just as much as the other characters. The end result is that you don’t laugh when something bad happens to Spike, you just end up feeling bad for him.
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So to be faithful to the episodes, Spike will still miss out alot on what the Mane 6 and excluded from the girls' bond?
Is there a link to that forum? I am quite curious
The Owlicious episode was sure shoddy.
I know Spike did wrong but Twilight sure needed to be chewed out a bit for what said to him when he got caught since she was at fault too for not telling Spike(till the last minute) why she got the owl(heck, her reason gets messed up since Owlicious was doing stuff during the DAY iirc). Pretty sure the whole mess could have been avoided if she told Spike much sooner on why she got it.
Then again it seems Twilight did more wrong maybe, its been a while since I saw what happened in that episode.
A metaphorical seed?
The butt monkey thing really doesn't work at all for him since it looked more like he's supposed to be Twilight's partner/reliable assistant(not a lowly sidekick or servant) that is significant as her 5 other friends.
It seems the writers don't know how to handle him at all.
Now that I think about, I wonder if its due to the original plans Faust had for FIM but got blocked. Leaving Spike in "leftover limbo"
Its quite messed up on how Spike is often blocked from being part of the Mane 6's bond along with how much crap he suffered.
He was by Twilight's side all of his life and yet 5 mares Twilight known for a day or so have a instantly stronger bond with her than he does while he is denied of being part of that sacred bond the Mane 6 have.
All the stuff the girls got to do but Spike missed out on(especially by making him watch something)
Hell, one of the episodes ends with Spike taping a pic of himself onto a group photo of the Mane 6 shows he wants to be part of their bond
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Here's a link to the forum in case you wanted to check it out. I'm afraid Spike will be left out of some of the adventures in order to be faithful to the show, as this is just supposed to be a crossover fanfiction, not a rewrite. Also, when I said metaphorical seed, I meant it wasn't going to be physical or literal like a seed of demon blood being given to Spike or something. What I meant was something will happen involving Spike that will play into the story later. (Nothing bad, don't worry.)
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A crossover fic can have events end up turn differently though.
Its saddening when seeing Spike missing out on what the girls get to see and do(and all the times its rubbed in on the girls' bond and how Spike is blocked from that bond). Discord here doesn't even acknowledge Spike when he tells Nero about the Mane 6.
Really wished something is done about Spike missing out on all of that since apparently it can't be avoided..
I will check out the link
I look forward on what huge thing you mean on what will be lead to there on what you said will be set up.
Hmm, a DMC/MLP story starring Nero, retelling the events of Season 1? Sounds interesting to say the least. I'll have to read this as a massive DMC fan.
Started reading, and I like what I see so far, but I do have a few general critiques and minor issues.
The first is, while you're description of scenery works well enough, you seem to lack a little bit in describing major characters. It's not all the time, but it seems you either give super basic descriptions for characters. Don't be afraid to emphasize the characters personality through them, talking about more than just colors. Also, while it seems like a one off (so far) be careful about not describing a character. The one I'm talking about was Nero, whom wasn't described at all during the first half of the prologue even though the scene starts with him. Just be careful about that.
My next complaint is your paragraph structuring. It's ok, and relatively simple to read, but it could use some tweaking. It's somewhat easy to notice since you often have 1 or 2 sentence paragraphs one after another. Always remember that consecutive sentences that share a topic or theme should be grouped together. Further, if the paragraph is or has a character monologue, the words they've spoken should be in the same paragraph, unless there is enough of a shift in topic or theme.
The first minor issue is the line; "My God, her Southern accent is thicker than Kyrie's". You probably meant Nico, right?
Another is that there are some moments where you didn't capitalize names, such as when "Nero looked at spike, then at the unicorn, then at spike, then at the unicorn, then back to spike." I'd re-check chapters to make sure that's been fixed too.
Complaints aside, this is so far a very entertaining story, and I'm certainly going to continue reading. You've got Nero's personality down quite well, and while I never really saw his coat as a navy blue personally when I imagined him Ponified (I always imagined him with a light bronze or light copper coat, where as Vergil is silvery white and Dante has a pale gold color), I won't say it doesn't work, cause it does and kinda helps fit with the dark outsider shtick you've got set up here.
Oh, in regards to another offical source for watching them, do you have a device that reads DVDs at all? If so, you could just buy the Season box sets. Though, only Season 1 to 7 currently exist officially. Dunno if they'll release 8 and 9, yet or if at all.
I've caught up with the story. Each chapter seems to have improved in quality a fair bit at the story went on. I'm really enjoying how you've had Nero interact with everyone else and react to events. That said, I highly suggest you make that intermission chapter. The story seems to shine quite a bit more when the plot threads for the chapter don't follow the script of the episodes one-to-one, especially when you go for an entirely different perspective parallel to the original story. So, a totally original chapter just exploring Nero's interaction with this world and him trying to dig up more information on what exactly is going on would make for a sweet fortune.
Can't wait to see more, and expect an invitation to the (un)official DMC fan group in the future (if it hasn't already been submitted prior, or you haven't already joined).
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Thanks! I’m glad you’re enjoying the story so far. I am currently working on the intermission chapter, but it’s taking longer than I expected since I just started college. I already expected that I would be busier than usual because of classes, and yet I’m still somehow busier than I thought I would be.
Another reason it’s been taking a while is that I’ve been planning a new self-insert story that’s heavily inspired by the story of Far Cry 3. It’s quickly become a passion project so it’s been hard to get my mind off of it. Also, thank you for the invite to the fan group! I haven’t received one yet and feel honored to be getting one!
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Thanks for the suggestion, I’ll be sure to check out the DVD’s. As for a device to play them on, I have a PlayStation 5, would that work? I remember being able to watch DVDs on my old PS3 when it still worked, but I don’t know if it’s still a thing on the newer consoles.
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Thank you for the criticism! I’m happy to have problems like these pointed out to me so that I can learn from them in the future to improve on my writing. You’re absolutely right about me needing to describe characters better. When writing it my brain just thought, “Oh, the people reading this probably already know what they look like, so I don’t need to put too much effort into description.” Obviously, that’s not at all true, and I should put more effort into descriptions.
As for the “thicker than Kyrie’s” line, that was a joke about how Nero was about to say “thicker than Kyrie’s ass”, but stopped himself when he realized how lewd and dirty it sounded.
Nice job on the chapter.