Spoilers for the general plot and ending of the G5 movie.
The return of magic also caused the Crystal Empire to appear again, but two Crystal Ponies, banished from their homeland, wish to change that.
And now it's up to Sprout to stop them, save all of Equestria's magic, and accept that his family played a larger part in history than he would have enjoyed.
Written for the G5 Bingo Writing Contest. Prompts were "Sprout + is keeping a secret from + Sweets + Crystal Ponies + School for Gifted Unicorns".
Contains a silly plot, (intentionally) butchered history, and stereotypical Swedish/IKEA-ish proper names, mostly meaning that I added a bunch of unnecessary umlauts to vowels. =P I apologize to Prince Shining Armor, Princess Luna, and all Swedish people reading this. Also contains an actual IKEA name - Älvängen/Alvangen is/was a set of lamps, including a desk lamp.
Might do something else for the cover image later - right now it's nearly 1am and the deadline is upon me, so this needs to go out NOW. 
Great fic! I liked the characterization and the implication that the Crystal Empire and Flurry will return :0
What does it mean to "go ham" on something?
Ah, so these aren't even classic type morons, these are Neo Morons.
Eh, the show let him be about as useful as one.
Creepy seeing it from the outside, innit?
Oh this is gonna be fun.
I think 'both' would be ideal.
A fair point.
Clever.
I like that.
11113870 It's an acronym. "HAM" in this context is short for "hard as a motherfyayer".
THE GREATER GOOD
Why didn't anyone arrest the idiots?
11114478 Probably because (spoilers for a fifteen-year-old movie) the police chief is part of the conspiracy. (Sorry, I can't hear the phrase "the greater good" without thinking of Hot Fuzz.)
11113870
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Well, oops, this is what happens when "English as second language" meets "It's 1am, I'm not going to google the etymology". I was aware from seeing it elsewhere that the idiom went in that general direction, but not the precise meaning. I just assumed it was along the lines of hamming it up (playfully acting in an exaggerated way).
I have rephrased the description to be clearer (and cleaner). Thanks to both of you for the feedbacck!
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THE GREATER GOOD
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Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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Also, yes, Hot Fuzz has also ruined the phrase for me. Whenever I hear or read "the greater good", I feel the urge to snap "Shut it!" 
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Sheriff Hitch maintains that Maretime Bay has the lowest crime rate of all Earth pony towns, so I'm taking his word.
As for the boring in-universe reason, Hitch is prolly out and about with Sunny on whatever quest she was on at the time, although it would be interesting to see him arresting ponies for trying to do all the things they wanted to do. (Also, no need to steal poor Sprout's thunder the one time he does something vaguely heroic.)
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Thanks for the in-depth comment! I have little to add aside from noting that I loved the term "Neo Moron" and that I fully agree that poor Shining should have kicked some more butt at some point.
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I do my best.
It makes sense keeping the artifacts of magic in a school so they could saturate the next generation with potent magic duh
Sounds like the beginning of an epic adventure involving drama, exploration, self-discovery, and thwarting of goon ponies! Ending naturally in a cinematic showdown deep within a doom-lair catacomb, containing nothing less than a helpless princess pony surrounded and subdued by a ring of six active Älwängen Lämps!
(Help me, Sprout, you're my only hope!)
It'll take guts and a keen mind!
(Please! Turn them off! It hurts!)
And daring!
(Just turn them off!)
Sprout will have to intuit the proper order!
(What? No. Just push the buttons!)
Because if he fails, not only will magic remain threatened, but he won't win the heart of the princess herself!
(Oh, for the love of...)
He doesn't know Izzy very well, does he?
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That's big brain energy right there! I like the way you think!
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"
Goodness, imagine if they had run into Izzy. "HI, NEW FRIENDS!
“Why do you assume you're the smartest in the room?
Soon that attitude may be your doom!…”
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I could think of worse songs to have stuck in my head...
Well done with those prompts!
That had me actually laugh out loud.
You made sprout a quite convincing reformed villain while keeping him in character, that alone gets you an upvote ;)
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Thanks! I like to make people smile and laugh with my stories!
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I know it has nothing to do with the story, but the shortdesc reminded me of Enron.
What an excellent read! Funny, exciting, and you did a great job with Sprout!
(He's smarter than he might seem. Even if he's dealing with morons!)
Oh, oh this was a good one!
You can has review!
This was delightful! I really like how you characterized everyone and the story was brilliant fun. Lovely ending too.
We're all doomed! DOOOOOOMED!!
That was a fun story. 5 out of 5 Spikestaches.
I hope that someday, we are blessed with G5 emojis.