Snuggles From the Princess of the Moon

To Luna, Anon is very good at two things--bantering, and staying up far too late. One night, she devises a cunning plan by which to see him off to a good night's sleep once and for all!

The cover artist is SilFoe!

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Comments ( 14 )

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Dracthul

Dracthul #1 · Dec 30th, 2021 · 2 · ·

Good work! I like the banter between the two, especially relating to “the mortal Anon and goddess Luna.” The word choice was excellent, and the story read well.

Some suggestions would be to 1. describe how Anon looks (clothes), and 2. describe the room they are in. These would make the story more detailed so they aren’t talking in an unknown room in my mind.

Also, one grammar mistake here:

Luna’s voice barely registered in the mind of the half-asleep human slumped over in the chair before her. His face was almost entirely blank, his gaze transfixed on a specific point on the far wall of no particular significance. His clothes with ruffled and unkempt—his hair equally so.

Overall, I give it a solid 8/10! Well done!

Antoninus

Antoninus #2 · Dec 30th, 2021 · 2 · ·

11101931
Argh! Thank you for pointing out that grammar mistake, it has been fixed!

I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you for reading! I appreciate the constructive criticism as well!

Dracthul

Dracthul #3 · Dec 30th, 2021 · 2 · ·

11102000
No problem. Btw, you made it to the Featured page!

Totally Not A Pony

Totally Not A Pony #4 · Dec 30th, 2021 · 2 · ·

Just a little thing that bugged me -- after her first victory count, Luna seems to quietly drop a hundred points from her score when bringing up her lead. So, what was it actually: 297, or only 197? Or was Anon’s score perhaps 150 rather than 50, which would also work?

reedman