In her short time on the Wonderbolts roster, Rainbow Dash has become the star atraction of the locker room with her wild stories. It was amusing at first, but Spitfire's gotten sick of it. Clearly, the best way to stop these tall tales is to see just how mundane Dash's home life really is. Hearth's Warming will provide the perfect excuse.
And that's where the problem really started, Chief Rights...
Written for The Iguana Man for Jinglemas 2021. Miranda Rights borrowed with permission from Estee, who wants it on record that they had nothing to do with the title. Rated Teen for significant alcohol use.
Chapters (1)
Spitfire is lucky it’s Miranda chewing her out. If Fluttershy learned about her intent to make a manticore hat… Well Spitfire would probably be seeing a certain pair of teal eyes in her nightmares for months afterwards.
I didn’t know it was possible to be put into an apoplectic laughing fit before now. And now I know.
The idea of someone wearing multiple shakos simultaneously is hilarious to someone who spent nine years in marching bands. The question is, does Rarity wear her excessive accumulation of band hats down her back like the plates of a stegosaurus, or on the sides of her head like earmuffs that make it impossible to walk through doorways?
Eliminate second quote marks at the end of this...
... and the beginning of this.
Other than that, are you sure you're not Estee in disguise? This really felt like one of their stories, from Miranda to the more realistic look at the consequences of ponies' actions to the sense of humor. Definitely not complaining, when I manage to make myself read through them I really enjoy Estee's stories (it's the length of some of them that kills me), and this is definitely among those, I'll just need to remember that this is FanOfMostEverything's, not Estee's.
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
OMG, this is awesome
Seriously, when Dash turns out to be the responsible one of the pair, you've really had too much eggnog
I almost snorted coffee up my nose from laughing so hard, I hope you're happy
Sweet holiday shenanigans. Honestly though, how did Spitfire manage to ignore every single red flag?
Home to lord of Chaos, Pinkie Pie, Starlight "Wanna see me do the impossible?" Glimmer, subwoofer cannons the size of houses, situated above a gate to Tartarus, and other things? If that's typical, I'd hate to see exceptional.
Brilliant. Enjoyed it.
Spitfire, this isn't Monster Hunter
11094899
Obviously, stacked for maximum authoritativity.
11095027
Nope. No reformed Starlight in this continuity. Her actions are FAR worse than in canon, and she is still on the loose.
Actually, it does.
Rumor has it that if you can get Marble to drink three glasses of it, she'll start speaking to strangers in complete sentences.
And given that Applejack was the only one of Rainbow's friends whose name Spitfire remembered in her inebriated state, Rainbow must have made that point exceedingly clear in the locker room.
Fun story. I wonder how long it'll be before Ponyville gets its deserved nationwide reputation for being the most mind-boggling town in all of Equestria. Do all of the out-of-town visitors assume that their experience was a fluke, or are they suppressing their memories?
Fun story. Now I'm wondering if "Ponyville Mare" occupies the same space in the Equestrian cultural consciousness as Florida Man does online.
Of course nopony outside of Ponyville would believe the nonsense that occurs there on the regular. Half the time they can't even recognize the Main Six. For real though, funny stuff.
"which, in hind sight, should have been telling me that something was not quite right"
11095180
Relevant.
11095115
Are you confusing this with an Estee joint? AFAIK, FoME hasn't done anything terribly non-canonical with Starlight...
Can't tell which of you is Hurricane which is Pansy. I
bet is like Wooster and Jeeves.
11094822
Followed by trying to recreate the Stare on every crop of recruits from now until retirement, which would just add to the humiliation.
11094828 11095005
If I don't put at least one person in harm's way with my writing, is it even a comedy?
11094899 11095111 11095175
The intended idea was that Rainbow Dash knows that:
A. There is something in fashion known as a "shako."
B. Shako(s) is/are definitely present in Rarity's outfit.
She mostly knows point B from subconsciously registering bits and pieces of what Rarity's saying while focusing on other things. That said, if anypony could make a towering pillar of hats work, it's Rarity.
11094909
)
I'm flattered, really. Glad to know I used the character well. (I'd say something in Estee's defense, but they did publish a sixteen-kiloword single-chapter story less than twelve hours after this one.
11094998
It's certainly what most people would call a warning sign.
11095016
Rank-borne arrogance, mostly. She's the best of the best. Of course she knows what she's doing when it comes to deflating the rookie's ego. (Plus, Spitfire has more than a few blind spots in common with Dash, who sees red flags more as invitations.)
11095086
At least she's not carrying a sword that weighs twice as much as she does.
11095115 11095175
To be clear, this is emphatically not canon to the Triptych Continuum. Just because I convinced Estee to let me play with one of their toys doesn't mean I would presume to use their sandbox. Miranda's presence here is much like Sizzler's in the Traveling Tutor series. When dealing with a multiverse, there's rarely just one of anything.
(Starlight, for the record, was spending this Hearth's Warming on tour with Trixie.)
11095129 11095180
Ponyville's madness remained a well-kept secret for well into Twilight's reign. Discord thought it was funnier that way.
11095216
It's like Sunnydale Syndrome; if ponies actually stopped to think about all the madness that happens within spitting distance of the capital, they wouldn't be able to function.
Hey the night ended with zero horrors from beyond time and space, I’d say that’s a win for Ponyville. Of course we don’t know what else Pinkie got up to after they left the party.
11095180
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/454662/the-adventures-of-ponyville-mare-and-the-stallion-who-loved-her
Spitfire with the airbrakes off...and Dash in a futile attempt trying to re-deploy them...
That was new...
And I feel so sorry for Miranda...who with a quiet groan and shake of her head, once more faces Ponyville's, ahem, 'uniqueness'...
And what is said in the locker room is supposed to stay in the locker room...just like in Las Pegasus...
Spits... the local chaos god is literally on parole there.
You cannot underestimate the weirdness that implies, given Celestia clearly felt Ponyville was somewhere Discord could go without being a problem.
Our family is Hispanic, so the traditional song is "Police Have Your Dam."
See, this? This is why I love Jinglemas. There's absolutely no way of telling what you're going to get, but it'll probably be great, and frequently in a way you never realized that you wanted.
I love this so much. To be honest, the only major problem with it is that I now have an incredible desire to read The Continuing Adventures of Drunk Spitfire.
Also, I love how, even when Spitfire is about ten percent alcohol by volume, she still recognizes Rarity as the one who knocked her out. Mare can hold a grudge. Or, you know, there could be other reasons she remembers her...
Eh, I'm not gonna lie, I'd have enjoyed the shout out (even if I suspect few others would notice), but I also like the idea of Scoots spending so much time in the holding cells she could find her way in and out blindfolded, and it definitely worked better for the story. Rest assured, I definitely enjoyed it - thank you.
Look on the brightside Spitfire at least you didn't make any bets with Soarin, like letting him finally take you out on a date or something.
11095115
Ah, okay.
That was awesome. Thanks for the treat.
Happy Hearth’s Warming, FoME! And you, too, The Iguana Man!
Damn that's a fucking baller story title
LOL.
no one can tell me not to talk to my PINK HALLUCINATION!!!!
VERY nicely done considering its Ponyville Spitfire's adventure seems a little tame overall
It isn't a real party until everybody makes bail.
Woo! Nice continuation to Team Cohesion! And both are Estee-referential / inspired, etc!
Alice in Wonderland ref of "impossible things"!
----
Typo?
modified more modern sensibilities." > modified for more modern sensibilities."
Love the implication of Mom Dash
Very good fanfic, I enjoyed reading it tremendously.
I take it she's not familiar with Ponyville. That appears to have cost her.
11095027
Ponyville is the town where visitors remarking on craziness can be summed up as "But for me...it was Tuesday."
Ponyville; The craziest, weirdest, and most unpredictable town in Equestria.
)
(And we wouldn't change a thing about it
11098504
Saturday, rather.
this is a great story. I would love to see the Bolts sucked into one of Dash's adventures
Fun. As always, I like the pacing of the dialogues and events. Fun interactions.
Hehehe. Thanks for the smiles.
This got me some laughs. Good story, FoME!
lol about to read this and my mom just asked me why I was humming Christmas Carols lol
it wasn't even intentional my subconscious just loves singing lol
(literally when I drive with the radio off, its one of the closest links to my subconscious I can muster. And my subconscious falls into humming Gerudo Valley about twice a month despite my never having played more than a few hours of zelda games.
11219833
I find myself bursting into random snatches of song myself, so I completely understand. And Gerudo Valley is an outstanding song in general.
11219834
i just started humming it from reading the name without intending to, which makes me realize maybe SCP cognitohazards are more real than we give them credit to be.
Well that was fun! I wish the actual party scene had lasted about thrice as long, but I'm certainly not one to talk. Enjoyed it greatly. Also Publicity Stunt is a great name for a pony who does what she does and for whom she does it.
unless this is a pun on volume as sound, usually the phrase is "spoke volumes"
>11094899
Hi fellow marching band brass player! I take it you also marched in college for a while?
( I admittedly have zero clue what the fuck a shako is