Even in the Heart of Equestria, Ponies Can Still Know Fear
“So it has come to this,” his deep, jagged voice stated.
“It seems it has,” Princess Celestia deadpanned.
He sighed, his breath heavy. “I will offer you one chance.” He raised his hand into the air. The sound of a thousand metal boots hitting the ground as an army of men turned around echoed throughout Canterlot. “Surrender, and I will spare you from my wrath. But should you resist—” He lowered his hand, and the ground rumbled as they turned back around, drawing their weapons.
“—I will have no choice but to destroy you.”
“We would never submit to a tyrant like you!” she spat. To her surprise, the man did not return with venom. Instead, he slowly raised his hands to his head, grabbing both sides of his helmet and pulling it off.
“I didn’t want to do this,” he said, Celestia noticing the sincerity in his voice. She expected him to threaten her, but his voice was calm—and it terrified her more than any threat he could have made. He waved a hand, his general coming to his side. “Bring the prisoner.”
The general nodded, waving his arms around and chanting as he began his spell. The air around him warped as energy flowed through it, a bright blue light appearing in the air, growing brighter and brighter until it exploded. Celestia covered her eyes with a hoof, and when she looked back at the light, she saw—
“Luna!” she exclaimed, reaching out a hoof to her sister as she saw her for the first time in weeks. Her heart shattered, however, when she saw her condition. Her normally dark blue coat had been turned red from the amount of blood stained onto her body. Her tail had been cut off, leaving only a floating flap of hair. Her mane remained, but it was entwined beyond repair, clumps of hair stuck together from dried blood. A long, deep scar went from her left ear to the right corner of her chin, her eye grey and mangled.
Celestia’s eyes pooled with tears, overflowing as she saw the worst of it all. Luna’s wings had been cut off, only small nubs remaining, and her horn was only a fraction of its size, nothing more than a little rough stub on her head. A thick, heavy metal choker wrapped around her neck, a chain connecting her to the general’s hands.
Celestia choked up, her breath hitching as the image of her sister’s broken form bore through her, shaking her to the very deepest of her core. Her back legs gave out, causing her to collapse to the ground, still staring at her weeping sister. She opened her mouth to speak, finding herself at an utter loss of words. With blurred and distorted vision, she saw the man slowly walk up to her sister.
“You should have taken my offer,” he flatly said. “I would have spared you.” He set his helmet on the ground before reaching a hand behind his head, gripping the hilt of his blade. He slowly drew his thin, dark sword, letting it rest at his side.
“Y-y-you…” Celestia sputtered, barely able to form words, “m-monster…”
“Your sister was hard to break.” He raised his sword, aligning with Luna’s neck. He pulled back, his face tightening as he steadied himself.
“NO!” Celestia screamed as he thrust down his sword. She watched in horror, time seeming to slow, as his blade came down—but instead of hitting her neck, he flicked his wrist, the blade missing her neck and slicing straight through the chain connected to her shackle.
“But eventually, she broke under the unrivaled skill of my general—like all the rest.”
Luna fell to the ground, free of her bonds. She balled up, sobbing her pain away into the dirt. She did not move; she did not fight; she simply sat there, a tattered mess at the man’s feet.
“She did give me what I wanted, however,” he stated.
Celestia felt the earth tremble, the very mountain the city rested upon seeming to quake. She stood up, looking around at the massive purple forcefield surrounding all of Canterlot. The barrier’s form warped, bending as it flickered. Then, in an instant, it shattered, breaking into a million pieces. She looked back at the man in disbelief, watching as the last remnants of the barrier inches in front of her sputtered away.
“I-I’m so s-sorry!” Luna cried in a voice of pain, looking up at Celestia. “I-I couldn’t… resist…” With that, her head collapsed to the ground.
The man bent down, picking up his helmet with one hand and putting it onto his head. He stepped forward, the metal of his boot striking the ground.
“You will pay for this!” Celestia shouted, her horn coming alive with golden energy. A beam shot from her horn, flying at the man. He simply raised his sword, the dark magic imbued into it activating.
Celestia stared in shock as he deflected her magic, burning a hole in the ground. Her magic stopped, and he lowered his sword. He took another step, watching as she started to shake in fear. She backed up, only to trip and fall to the ground. He came up to her and kneeled, staring into her eyes.
“I will leave you and your sister alive—but all in your precious city shall die. Whenever you look upon her face, you will see only me and the death that I have wrought.” He grabbed both sides of her face, forcing her to stare into his eyes. “Equestria is mine, and all who you love will fall at my hand. Cadance, Twilight, Shining Armor, Blueblood—they will all perish, and my empire will reign.”
He let go of her face and slowly rose to his feet. With a mere nod to his general, he issued the deaths of hundreds of ponies.
“W-why?” Celestia managed to ask. “Why would you do this?” He merely chuckled.
Walking away, he turned back and said, “I want everything…”
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- Joe Toon · 2.4k words · 42 6 · 1.4k views
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Which season are we in? Either way, the ponies and any other non-pony creatures is totally F*********!!!!!
11213812
There isn’t necessarily a certain season. It could be any season of your choice since the only characters that actually appear are Celestia and Luna.
Glad to see you’re still following my work, it means a lot!
hmm i feel a mix betwen lord off the rings and arthas wibes from this and it is intresting and well made and he know the importants off the royal sissters to not wanting to kill them
11213816
with the villains you menstioned i would say its about round season 7-8
11214053
I forgot about that lol. I wrote the description a while ago but only recently wrote the story
11214291
lol XD well i guess priorities XD
Eh
11215455
Would you mind elaborating? I would appreciate constructive criticism
Like them "being connected to the literal Sun and Moon" excuse?
11215578
The way I was thinking was more so that he could use Luna’s tarnished form and Celestia’s sadness to instill fear into Equestria, and therefore his new subjects. They would see how wicked he is and what he could do to the princesses, making them obey him without question
11215592
Oh, psychological tactic. Nice~
SSSOOO, he is not gonna execute/kill those two in the end? Being mere, weak slaves to him?
And what about the Mane Six, their friends, family, etc..? Did he permanently get rid of the Tree and Elements of Harmony?
I've recorded reading it, just need to do the editing now. Is that character Arthas from Warcraft. If so it might be appropriate to find some music related to Warcraft for this. If not then I will go with something from my usual sources. Let me know, I will probably edit it and finish it tomorrow.
11230212
It’s not Arthas, but I do like the Warcraft series and was inspired by Warcraft for the character, so that type of music might fit the mood. Or you could try some Diablo music since the chapter title is a quote from Diablo with one word change.
Whatever you feel is best!
Who is this guy? How can he do this? Why should I care?
It's honestly impressive that you hit darkness-induced audience apathy in a few hundred words. Gore without context isn't grim. It's boring. Sorry, but this just didn't do anything for me.
11264915
I was trying to go for more of a mysterious character that left some of his origins and some of his motives up for the reader to imagine and think about, but I’m sorry you did not enjoy. I appreciate the criticism tho.
oof, that is horrifying, what happened to Luna! how do i reach into a fictional story to destroy a fictional character? like just make them not exist in the meta sense as well
it does seem like you have an idea for who this character is, but without any details or characterization, well, he's not really a character? there's no sense of what his goals and wants are, and no struggle for him to overcome. there is a difference between having a fully developed character in your mind and only letting the tip of the iceberg show in your story, and just not bothering to come up with details and chalking it up to the character being "mysterious". in the former case, enough of the character's specific nature leaks out at the edges that the reader feels like there is something substantial to speculate about. in the latter, there is nothing.
in any case, thanks for entering!
11298048
Thanks for reading the story and leaving a comment! I was trying to test out something different with this story. Usually I don’t write very short stories, plus this is my first 1000 word story, and I wanted to try to create a villain who was so unknown and mysterious that he was terrifying. However, like you said, I think giving him a little more detail as to his goals and motives would have made it better while still leaving him as a mystery.
Overall, did you enjoy the story, or did it miss the mark?
Well now, I liked this a lot despite only being 1000 words.
An interesting villain for sure, and the lack of motives (besides conquest) is what makes him truly unique.
11476133
Thank you for the feedback! Congrats on getting to the featured page btw