Veggie VBS

by freecozyglow

Chapter.14: An Idiotic Infomercial

ADA introduced the Mane Six and Spike to the bonus segment, "it is now time for the middle break between the two main segments."

"Ooh," said Pinkie Pie, "another Silly Song? At the end of The Water Buffalo Song, I remember to tune in next time to hear Larry sing about baby kangaroos."

"Incorrect," said ADA, "that was just put in as part of a joke. It's not a foreshadowing of the next Silly Song. Bob and Larry decided to do something different. Back when Bob and Larry were in college, they did an infomercial skit with their improv group based on forgiveness. So unlike the Silly Song, this bonus segment does have to do with the video's lesson."

The Mane Six then found themselves on the countertop, reuniting with Bob, Larry, and Junior, who were in front of a giant screen TV set to the standby screen with color bars.

"Oh, hi, ponies and Spike," said Junior. I'm glad you could join us. Bob, Larry, and I are just preparing to watch an infomercial that will tie into today's lesson."

"It is being broadcast here at the Big Idea studio in another room," said Larry.

"I guess there are other uses for this studio besides the countertop," said Twilight.

The ponies gathered around, the TV went black, and an expanding circle transitioned into a studio with a white floor decorated with purple polka dots and red theater curtains in the background. In the foreground stood Scallion No. 1, dressed in a red and white striped suit with an oversized matching bowtie and daisy, topped with a yellow boater hat on his head.

"Hey, it's that rapscallion leader from Daniel and the Lion's Den," said Spike.

"Yes," said Bob, "we call him Scallion No. 1 and his two compatriots, Scallion No. 2 and Scallion No. 3, since we still don't know their names."

"That is one ridiculous outfit he is wearing," giggled Rarity.

"Hey kids," said Scallion No.1, "have you ever been bad?" A framed illustration of a ball breaking a vase was dropped on a spring in the infomercial studio. "Do you remember when you broke your mom's favorite vase and then stapled it back together and hoped she wouldn't notice? That was bad!"

"Oh yes," said Pinkie Pie, "when I was a filly, I got into an argument with my sister Limestone on the rock farm. It escalated to the point where I tried to throw a rock at her, but she ducked, and it broke my mom's beloved vase that was on our porch. Our argument ended because Limestone was happy to know how much trouble I would get into. Except I didn't use a stapler; I got some honey from the fridge and did my best to glue the pieces back together."

"Did you ever get caught?" asked Junior.

"Yep, it was only a few hours later when the honey wore off, and the vase's remains crashed around the porch. I got punished with extra chores on the farm."

Another illustration was dropped into the infomercial studio, depicting a screaming woman with a snake in her bed: "Do you remember when you put your pet snake in Aunt Millie's pajamas, and she ran 5 miles without ever getting out of bed? That was bad, too! "

"That's even more coincidental," said Rainbow Dash, "when I was a filly, my very paranoid Great Aunt Atmosphere came to stay at my family's house. She constantly worried about every little thing, believed in strange conspiracy theories, and had a lengthy list of some of the most irrational phobias, especially snakes. I thought it was funny, so I decided to play a prank on her. Early in the morning, I took a snake Fluttershy lent me before she woke up and placed it on her pillow. She woke up screaming at the top of her lungs, and she galloped in place on the bed. As a result, I got grounded for a month and wasn't even allowed to fly."

"I know," said Fluttershy, "I was mad because you said you were using that snake for a science project."

A third illustration dropped into the infomercial studio depicting a teddy bear inside a blender: "Do you remember when you stuffed your sister's teddy bear in the food processor and told her it got chewed up by a 'giant bear-eating lizard'? And she believed it? That was really bad!"

"That coincidence could not get any more strange," said Rarity, "when I was an older filly, and Sweetie Belle was a toddler. I was commissioned to design a dress for the daughter of one of my clients. Sweetie Belle wanted to try it on and play princess, but I strictly forbade her to wear or touch it. Then Sweetie Belle defied my orders and even spilled grape juice all over it. I was so angry that I took her favorite teddy bear without her noticing and ripped it to shreds using my sewing machine. I showed her the remains and told her a dragon came to chew it up to punish her for ruining the dress. Sweetie Belle told our parents about her teddy bear being attacked by a dragon, but they knew better. So, as a consequence, my parents made me use my earnings to buy her anything she wanted at our local toy store. It wasn't fair because I felt I was being double punished."

"Maybe," said Spike, "but you should've just let your parents deal with Sweetie Belle instead of taking matters into your own hands."

Scallion No. 1 explained more in the infomercial as the three illustrations were displayed: "The Bible calls the bad things we do 'sin.' And when we sin, we need to be forgiven. That's right! So I know what you're thinking: 'Jeepers, I've been bad! How do I get forgiven?' Am I right?"

The veggies, ponies, and Spike looked confused at how Scallion No. 1 could provide the answer for forgiveness. "I sense something fishy about this scallion salesman," said Applejack, glaring at the screen. "He reminds me of the Flim Flam Brothers."

"Who?" asked Junior.

"Muh archenemies and two of the most notorious con artists back in Equestria."

"Well, moms, dads, and kids of all ages, I have the thing for you! The new WrongCo Forgive-o-Matic." Scallion No. 1 then presented his product as the curtains revealed a tiny pink, yellow, and blue contraption that resembled a kitchen appliance on a spinning platform, pointed by four big animated yellow arrows.

"Of course," said Pinkie Pie, "a reference to Ronco's Veg-o-Matic, one of the most popular infomercials of all time."

"Yes, sir!" continued Scallion No.1, "The new WrongCo Forgive-o-Matic slices, dices, and purees your sins away."

"Grrr," growled Applejack, "I knew he was a no-good crook like the Flim Flam Brothers. I should teach this rapscallion a lesson. You cannot use that pathetic invention to be forgiven."

"Let's go together," said Junior, "we need to teach him the truth."

"I'm coming with you," said Twilight, "I've studied in the Bible how to be properly forgiven."

Twilight, Applejack, and Junior left the countertop as the rest of the gang looked at each other with even more confusion.

"It's as easy as this," continued Scallion No. 1. Just dial up your sin here, press this button, and... bingo! God forgives you of your sin!" The crank on the side of the Forgive-o-Matic spun around as it completed its supposed function.

"Yeah," said Rainbow Dash sarcastically, "because you can only communicate with God through that silly machine."

"But wait! There's more! Order now, and you will also receive a set of Gin-Sue steak knives, the strongest knives on earth." A set display of six knives with complimentary scissors dropped on a frame held up by springs.

"Ginsu steak knives," mentioned Pinkie Pie, "another popular infomercial brand."

"Just listen to this," said Scallion No. 1 as he introduced a potato wearing a mining helmet covering his eyes, popping out of the floor to give a testimony.

"Hi, I'm a miner from West Virginia," said the potato in a monotone voice. "In the last three weeks, we dug two miles through solid granite, all with one Gin-Sue steak knife, and it's still going strong." The potato then dropped back underground onto the floor.

"I'm sure there is much more advanced technology in mining than a simple kitchen knife," said Rarity.

"Awe," said Pinkie Pie, "what an adorable potato. He shares some of my sister Maud's personality traits and her boyfriend Mudbriar's physical traits. It's like seeing my future nephew; I got to meet him." Pinkie Pie rushed out of the countertop.

"That's right." continued Scallion No.1. "You get the Forgive-o-Matic and the steak knives all for one low price of just 19.95. You've never seen a deal like this before! Isn't that right?"

The potato popped back up. "That's right," he said before returning down.

"So don't delay; order today," Scallion No. 1 said as Junior, Twilight, and a scowling Applejack emerged from the background curtains and approached the shifty salesman.

"Operators are standing by," said Scallion No. 1. "Remember, you get the Forgive-o-Matic and the steak knives for just $19.95."

Junior cleared his throat as Applejack stared daggers at Scallion No. 1.

"Not now, kid and ladies, can't you see I'm busy," said Scallion No. 1.

"But," said Junior, "I know lots of people who've been forgiven for bad things they've done."

"We do as well," said Twilight, "I've granted forgiveness to many of my former enemies. It is not the same way God can forgive, but those I've forgiven have thanked me more for showing them the better way."

"Oh, yeah?" said Scallion No.1. "Well, they must have Forgive-o-Matics then, huh?"

"Nope," Junior said with a smirk.

"Alright, I've had it," said Applejack angrily, "you, sir, remind me of two of my worst enemies back at home. Two brothers that spoke charmingly, dressed in flashy outfits just like you. They all once tried to steal my apple farm after muh family lost a bet towards them. They would've gotten away with it had they not been caught cheating. You're going to need some forgiveness yourself, rapscallion, and your moronic product won't help you at all."

"Do you really mean that orange pony?" responded Scallion No.1, "Well, sure! You...you can't be forgiven without a Forgive-o-Matic. Isn't that right?"

The potato miner popped out yet again, and the third time was no charm,"Stop yanking me up and down. I'm getting sick." The potato miner hopped off as the two veggies and two ponies watched every hop he took.

"Ha!" smirked Applejack, "even your potato pal won't back you up on this."

Then, one of the springs holding the frame with the knife set from the ceiling broke off.

"Get down, Junior!" Applejack shouted as she covered Junior up safely on the ground. Twilight produced a force field over the three of them. The thickest knife fell on the spinning platform as the frame completely fell on the ground, with one of the smaller knives briefly flipping in the air. Scallion No. 1 cringed in humiliation. Spike, Rainbow Dash, and Larry laughed hysterically, watching the television on the countertop.

"The Bible says," Junior said as he stood back up. "If we ask God to forgive us. Then he will."

"Yes," said Twilight, "God is omniscient. He can hear us from wherever we are. His forgiveness has no bounds."

"Y...you mean all you have to do is... ask?" Scallion No. 1 asked.

"Yep," answered Junior.

"That it doesn't matter our location?"

"That's correct," answered Twilight.

"But you don't need a Forgive-o-Matic?"

"Nope," Junior answered again.

"More like the Disappoint-o-Matic," mocked Applejack.

"Are you all sure about this?" Scallion No.1 asked, narrowing his eyes.

"We sure are," said Junior.

"Just admit it," Applejack said bluntly, "that mechanical utensil is a worthless dud, and you know it."

"All right," said Scallion No.1, his head downcast. "You got me. I didn't want to ruin your life like those two brothers. I just wanted to make a quick buck because I'm deeply in debt. Please forgive me. I'll try to sell something valuable."

"All is forgiven," said Applejack.

Scallion No.1 looked side to side and back at the camera and resumed his presentation, hoping his product could still sell. "Did I mention that they also make great Julienne fries? Well, just drop a potato in here, uh, push the button, and presto! Out come the best fries you've ever tasted!"

Applejack shook her head with a smirk.

"Hmm," wondered Spike, "potato fries. Those honestly sound like they taste better than hay fries."

"Oh look, it's time to go!" said Junior.

"I think you should cut this presentation short," said Twilight.

"But wait, there's more," said Scallion No. 1, who was desperate for a successful business deal and hopped off the infomercial to grab a cart with a plant sculpture in the shape of the Forgive-o-Matic and returned to explain further, "Just spread these seeds on here; and...and in a few weeks." Scallion No.1 placed the plant replica on the platform and knocked off the original Forgive-o-Matic. " Voila! Chia Forgive-o-Matic," Scallion No.1 said nervously, feeling hopeless it could sell, "isn't that cute."

"Aw yes," said Applejack sarcastically, "we're just fawning over that chia carbon copy."

"Hmm," wondered Fluttershy, "using chia plants to create art. I should recommend that to Tree Hugger."

Junior smirked and rolled his eyes. "Say goodnight, Gracie," he said as he hopped off the stage with Applejack and Twilight.

"Who's Gracie?" asked Twilight.

"It's just a joke from The George Burns Show," said Junior.

"Oh, Pinkie Pie might know about that," said Applejack.

"Good night Gracie," repeated a worried and frustrated Scallion No.1.

Pinkie Pie conversed with the potato miner off-set behind the curtains as the lights dimmed. "It was fun chatting with you, Henry. Maybe you can come to Equestria to visit my sister and her boyfriend."

"I enjoyed our small talk," said Henry with a small smile that sounded less monotone. "I hope to see you soon."

As the lights were out, Scallion No. 1 went to leave the studio but tripped over the fallen Forgive-o-Matic on the floor, letting out a scream.

"Oops," said Pinkie Pie, giggling, "looks like Scallion No. 1 had a nasty fall."

"Oh geez," said Henry, shaking his head, "I'll check up on him. See you later, Pinkie Pie."

Pinkie Pie noticed the remaining slivers of light from the studio exit door faded. She transitioned back to the countertop, reuniting with the rest of the Equestrian gang getting ready for the second main segment.

"Oh man," said Spike, "my sides still hurt from laughing when that slimy scallion salesman tripped in the dark."

Comments

[HunterBrony101]

Next up: Larry’s Lagoon.