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Once upon a time, in the beautiful land of Equestria, there was a-
"Hey, what are you doing?"
Oh, um, I'm narrating the story, Pinkie.
"Well that's no good. I mean, who starts a story with 'Once Upon a Time' anyway? You need to be original," Pinkie Pie stated, staring directly at the narrator.
"Now what are you doing? Stop narrating me, we haven't even started yet!"
Sorry. Well then, what do you suppose I do?
"Let's see. Do you're trying to tell the readers (Hi readers!) about me baking my 'special cupcakes'. So scrap the dramatic stuff and just start with what I'm doing."
Okay, got it. Pinkie Pie was standing in the kitchen. She-
"Now what are you doing!?"
I'm doing what you told me to do, I'm saying exactly what you're doing.
"Well don't be boring about it! You know what, we're running out of time, just do it how you were doing it before."
Grrrrr... I'm just going to start over. Ahem. As Pinkie opened the oven to pull out a batch of cupcakes, she-
"Hey Pinkie Pie! What did you want me to come over for?"
Oh come on!
"Oh don't worry, you get to do the whole story!"
I know, I just don't like when I get interrupted by the ponies I'm narrating. It's your fault you know, ruining the flow of the story.
"Uh, Pinkie, who are you talking to?" asked Rainbow Dash.
Oh, that's right, you're the only one you can hear me.
"Nothing, I'm just talking to myself," the pink pony quipped, now bouncing up and down, "anyways, you're here! I've been waiting aaaaaall day."
"Sorry about being late Pinkie, I was getting in some afternoon practice and I guess I lost track of time," Dash apologised.
Pinkie giggled and snorted before responding, "Oh, that's okay, it's only a few minutes. It's not like I was planning anything that would require you to arrive at a precise time. I'm just excited! I couldn't stop smiling since I woke up!"
Other than the fact that i don't like the way you said that, the cyan coloured pegasus gave an awkward chuckle. She was fond of Pinkie's friendliness, but sometimes it got a bit overwhelming. And strange. And suspicious. Like right now.
"A-anyways, what did you have in mind? Are we gonna pull some pranks? Are you throwing a party that calls for an awesome guest like me? Are we-"
Cupcakes. I see.
"Shhhhhhh! Don't spoil the story, some ponies might not have read it yet. Get back to doing your thing."
Fine, but remember, no one else can hear you, so stop messing with the story. Rainbow is staring at you, and is about to say, "Um, Pinkie, you've stopped making sense again."
Pinkie turned away from me (or from her stove from Rainbow's point of view) and faced her rainbow-maned friend once more.
"Don't worry about it. It's time for cupcakes!" she exclaimed.
"But Pinkie, you know I can't bake, remember that time I tried baking that pie?" The two stared off into space.
And apparently they kept staring.
"Ummm, that's your cue."
What? My cue for what? I'm waiting for you to do something, that's how this works.
"Rainbow's having a flashback, you have to use your omniscient narrator powers to show the readers."
OH! Yes, right. I'd better hurry then.
Multicoloured sparkles ranging the whole spectrum of the rainbow burst out the of Sugar Cube Corner, followed by a quick burst of apples and a mound of dough that seemed to fill every corner of Ponyville.
Damnit, I missed the whole flashback! Now the readers won't know what happened beforehand!
"It's okay," Pinkie Pie said, "At least you got the important part. The part that proved Rainbow Dash sucks at baking. And stop narrating my 'saids' and 'replieds' and all that when in talking to you."
Sorry. Of course, Pinkie did remember. It was the day she got the day off work AND she got to eat all the cooked dough in town.
"Oh Rainbow, it wasn't that bad. Besides, I'll be doing most of the work, I just need you to help."
The pegasus thought about it for a moment before replying, "Alright, I guess that's okay. What do I have to do?"
Please don't sing.
All you gotta do is take a cup of flour, add it to the mix!
Now just take a little something sweet not sour, a bit of salt just a pinch!
Baking these treats is such a cinch add a teaspoon of vanilla!
Add a little more and you count to four and you'll never get your fill of...
Cupcakes, so sweet and tasty,
Cupcakes, don't be too hasty,
Cupcakes, cupcakes cupcakes cupcakes!
I don't even think you're supposed to be singing a song in this, not to mention a song that you've already used.
"Meh, it still fits, so if anypony complains, it's your fault. It sure makes your job easier, you can skip over the boring cupcake baking and get to the part where I get Rainbow to eat one."
After the apparently tedious cupcake baking, which I can probably still describe in less than a thousand words, the cupcakes were nearing perfection. Rainbow was splattering toppings all over her cupcakes while Pinkie was putting the finishing touches on her own batch. Miss Pie had the most beautiful batch that anypony had ever seen. The colours and patterns were near the standards of Rarity's clothing, except on food. It was as if someone had taken the aurora borealis and transmogrified it into pastry form.
Rainbow Dash's looked someone smeared brown paint all over some muffins.
Rainbow sighed. "See Pinks, I told you it wouldn't work out well."
"Oh don't be such a cranky puss. Here, have this 'special cupcake' I made for you."
"I thought I was only helping bake. Do I get to taste test too?" she asked excitedly with her tongue hanging out.
"Something like that."
Rainbow Dash gladly accepted the gift. After all, her hard work had to pay off somewhere. Even if she somehow destroyed an entire batch of cupcakes just by putting sprinkles on. She swallowed. By the look on her face I could tell it wasn't bad. Now I'm hungry.
"Oh shush, I can give you some cupcakes when you finish narrating, okay?"
Erm, that's nice of you, but I'm afraid to eat those cupcakes.
"So, what do I do now Pinkie?"
This is my favourite part. In fact, it's the only part I actually like.
Pinkie only stated one word. "Sleep."
On that word, Rainbow Dash suddenly felt extremely woozy and fell asleep.
Now what? She's asleep. Do I narrate what you do between now and when she wakes up, or do I just skip to... that part.
"Why do you say it like that? What's wrong with the next part?"
It's just... I hate it. I won't be able to narrate it. I can barely mumble my way past the whole first part of the story.
"Oh come on."
No, I refuse.
"Why are you so cranky all of a sudden? Is it something I said?"
YES! I mean, no, not necessarily, it's just... I'm no good as a writer and narrator. I keep missing my cues, screwing up the format, and I'm being interrupted by the story I'm narrating! I'm just irritated is all.
"Oh come on. I don't think you're that bad of a narrator. You're new to this, surely you get some sort of leeway?"
Nope. Being new is no excuse for bad writing. I better just quit while I'm ahead.
"No! You're amazing! I need you, your readers need you. You have to finish the story!"
Do you really think so?
"I know so."
Thanks Pinkie, I really appreciate it.
"No probs! Now go finish the story!"
When Dash woke up she was in a dark room... You know what? Screw it.
The lights turned on and all her friends were there to surprise her. "Happy birthday!" they all screamed out. Rainbow smiled and they all lived happily ever after with no murder the end.
"But that's not what happened!"
Too bad. Not gonna do it. End of story. Goodnight everypony.