Forced to take a detour on they're way to Bridlewood, Sunny and her friends travel through a place known as the Dark Forest, a place where the sun barely reaches the ground and inhabited by dangerous creatures that even Hitch has no effect on. But besides the creatures, are Sunny and her friends alone? Or is someone in the forest waiting for them?
First Gen 5 Story so I will add, remove, and/or change tags if needed.
And favorited, this really looks interesting
Hopefully we see kirins, zebras and the others in a possible G5 show
This is what's left of the original Everfree?
11004395
You do know a show was confirmed a long time ago right?
11004395
Thanks.
11004440
It might just be.
Hello Silver,
Nice beginning; the minute you said scarf, I was wondering if this was somehow Dragonfly or one of his descendants. Star Flare definitely seems like an interesting character, and I'm curious to see how he influences the events of the movie.
I did notice a few typos: Izzy being weary instead of wary; Zipp and Pipp here instead of Zipp and Pipp were, but it didn't take too much away from the story.
Banter was fantastic, and it reminded me of how I've honestly had an idea for my OC Logan (descendant of Shiva) and how he would influence the Gen 5 movie story. I've been pretty busy and unable to work on it, but you've definitely inspired me to try.
Thanks for sharing.
11007242
He is indeed one of Dragonfly's descendants, but there are two little details here;
Ring a bell?
Out of curiosity, what is Logan's appearance?
Great to here that.
What did you think of the scene with the net to when Star Flare let's them down? And what would Logan's reaction be to those events.
I think I nailed Sunny's sarcastic side there.
11007375
Oh... my... gosh.
Is he descended from Dragonfly and Star Wing?
You just made my day. Thank you for pointing those out; I almost missed those.
His appearance provides the cover art for my story 'The Lone Wolf of Equestria.'
As the image shows, he's got blonde fur - not quite like Shiva's, but very close - and he has Luke's blue eyes - which Kodo would have inherited if he hadn't been possessed by Sombra. He's small, but well-built; not a lot of muscle, but at the same time looking more than capable of moving a mountain. He also likes wearing leather vests or jackets - kind of like from that movie 'Grease' (PS: he's a bit of a fan of that movie or the Equestrian equivalent, hence why he dresses like them).
Thanks again for pointing out those details that I almost missed. Looking forward to more.
11007382
Yep! Star Flare is their descendant, I consider their relationship canon after all. And happy to make your day.
There was a small part I added but I think you missed it so I'll just repost it here;
What did you think of the scene with the net to when Star Flare let's them down? And what would Logan's reaction be to those events.
I think I nailed Sunny's sarcastic side there.
11007388
Absolutely; I loved it. Characters are way more fun when they can be sarcastic or deadpan, and Sunny certainly shows that.
I liked it. When Star Flare himself showed up, I almost got a weird McLeach (from Rescuers Down Under) vibe from how he was listing off what he might have caught, but his later kindness - combined with his crack about cannibalism - was pretty funny.
As for how Logan would react, he'd be chewing at the rope with his teeth. I could see Star Flare noticing him and commenting, "And a diamond dog?"
"Charmed, I'm sure," Logan would deadpan, taking a break from his chewing to glare at the thestral. "Look pal, you can either let us down, or I'll chew us out of here. It's your choice on what happens to this net, but I'd make it fast, I'm not patient." He'd then promptly go back to chewing.
And if Star Flare waited too long, Logan would actually manage to bite through the net. Granted, his teeth wouldn't be feeling too hot, but even if the net was made of wire or something else, Logan would find a way to get through. Or alternatively, if Star set them down, Logan would look a little disappointed.
"Thanks," he'd note to the thestral, before murmuring to Hitch or Pipp. "But just so we're clear, I'd have gotten through that eventually."
Hitch might roll his eyes. "Yes, Logan; you're very tough, we get it."
Also, I think he'd have a funny reaction to Zipp's line here.
"No, you think?!" Logan would snark, indicating himself.
Zipp might glare at him. "I meant other pony-like creatures."
"Yeah," Pipp would agree. "You met Cloudpuff; we know there are already dog-like creatures out there. We just didn't know there were other pony-type creatures too."
Which would lead to Star Flare's line.
11007395
It was partly inspired by that scene , and glad you liked it.
I get the feeling Logan and Hitch would have the sort of "Vitriolic Best Buds" relationship.
Don't know why but I can see Sunny and Logan at one point engaged in snark-to-snark combat, with Hitch facehoofing, Zipp watch though I don't know her reaction, Izzy cheering them on, and Pipp live streaming it.
11007565
Absolutely; Logan wouldn't trust Hitch at first due to him being the sheriff, but Hitch would win Logan's respect with his quick thinking and ability to compromise. Plus, I'd like to imply that Hitch's natural charm with animals is sort of working on Logan, but Logan doesn't want him to know that it's working, causing him to act more aloof as an act of defiance.
I could totally see that as well; for Zipp's reaction, I think she'd just be laughing at their burns and comebacks to each other.
11007582
Logan does strike me as one of those individuals, and Hitch's charm possibly working is funny.
I'd be doing the same.
chapter 2*
11028523
Whoops. Thanks for pointing that out.
Fixed.
the derails are happening and I'm living for it, it seems the queen will meet with her daughters sooner than expected
Hello again Silver,
So, it turns out Star Flare isn't alone. I absolutely loved your intros to the other characters; Sweet Treat and Music Gem seem like real fun to be around, and Titan, Dreadnought and Juggernaut were hysterical.
This made me laugh. I know that Logan would take to these three instantly; just because he's a diamond dog doesn't mean he can't communicate with them. Though I think he'd steer clear of Music Gem once she made her rivalry with Juggernaut clear.
However, I can't deny that Silver Storms had the best intro; single-handedly beating up a manticore, complete with some epic lines, and I'm really excited to see how he handles having Queen Haven and her guards around, along with possibly reuniting the royal pegasus family early.
Though, correct me if I'm wrong, but could it be possible that Silver Storms is the descendent of a certain kirin pirate lord we both know. I'm getting a faint recollection. (I want to put an emoji for sarcasm, but I don't see any emojis that look sarcastic enough )
Either way, this was a great continuation of the story. Looking forward to more.
Thanks for sharing.
PS: I've got my own Generation 5 fanfic - Legacy of the Howlite Howler - up. If you wanted to check it out and leave a comment, I'd love to talk about how Star Flare or the others would react to Logan's antics.
Thanks again.
11029801
Glad you liked it.
I can see some pretty funny moments there, plus a new level of understanding between Flare's Clan and the dogs.
As long as he didn't try to destroy her things like Juggernaut did Gem would actually be fairly chill with Logan.
Gives a taste of what Western Kirin are capable of in an actual fight, as for Haven and her guards, that's gonna change things a fair bit. Just not sure how at the moment, but having said that: I do have an idea for the Unicorn Crystal.
It's not in Bridlewood
He in fact is. As listed below;
Silver Storms is a descendant of Razor and Atlas
Star Flare is a descendant of Dragonfly and Star Wing
Sweet and Gem are descendants of Dragonfly and Dancer
And the currently unseen fifth member is a descendant of Dragonfly and Bluebelle
I will soon.
So, what would Logan's reactions to the following events be;
Seeing the place where Flare and his Clan make their home. (The place is based off of Possum Lodge from the Red Green show, one of my favorite comedy shows growing up and one that's helped me through some sad times in the past)
Hitch getting jumped and pinned under the three dogs and getting his face washed.
Seeing Sweet woken up by Titan.
Gem's argument with Juggernaut, followed by him going over to the roses.
And finally, if he was present to see Silver lay a beat down on the Manticore. (form start to finish)
Also, what did you think of Queen Haven's speech to her guards? I'm not entirely sure if I got her character right so I focused more on her lover for her daughters.
And something I just want to mention: In my Gen 5 stories, expect to see Zoom Zephyrwing and Thunder as supporting and/or major characters. I will be honest and say that I quickly fell in love with the two and I do ship them.
11029872
Logan would whistle. "Nice place ya got here." He'd grimace. "Decor could use more gems, but I wouldn't blame ya if you ate them already." (Yeah, I got a running joke where Logan is constantly eating gems or crystals, and might have a small scene where he almost eats the unicorn or pegasus crystals. Not sure on that one)
Due to his slight rivalry with Hitch, Logan would fall over laughing at his predicament. Unfortunately, I also feel that his barking laughter would draw the dog's attention. Logan would try to communicate with them, but their excitement would get in the way, and they'd dog pile him as well. Not sure if Hitch would laugh at Logan's predictament, but it would lead to a humorous moment of karma for Logan constantly trying to push his rivalry with Hitch, who doesn't really care about the diamond dog's need to have a rivalry.
Titan might literally say to Logan, 'Watch this,' before jumping Sweet. Logan would struggle not to laugh, only to lose it when Sweet chastises Titan for not being a lap dog.
"That's what they all say," Logan would note, maybe eliciting a grin from Titan when he adds. "But we show em! Right?"
Logan would find Juggernaut's defiance amusing, though he'd also get miffed when Juggernaut tries to pin the blame on Dreadnought. Their conversation would go like:
Logan believes that when you get in trouble - especially with someone you have a rivalry with - it's better to own up to what you did.
Logan would lock on the manticore with a growl and rush in to help. He'd headbutt the manticore away, briefly share a nod with Silver to let him know they're on the same side, and proceed to lay his own beatdown on the manticore while Silver got to still do his own as well. In a way, Logan would also sort of show off his own strength with Silver; catching the manticore's slash with one paw and lifting the beast up with only his head before throwing it around.
After the manticore was sent scampering off, Logan would crick his neck. "I freaking hate cats," he'd grumble, before grinning at Silver. "Name's Logan Wolfe. How ya doin?"
I honestly think you did very well with it. Haven's main redeeming quality for me was how much she loved her daughters. And without the need to keep up the lies and the title, she does have the opportunity to show the kinder side to her personality. I liked it.
I can understand that. The two do have a cute dynamic. I look forward to seeing what you do with them.
11030084
Flare would smile. "Thanks, we do actually have a gem mine nearby but it's unstable and has a high risk of collapse. So we leave it alone."
I can see Hitch looking at the scene with a small smile, and Logan being dog-piled is a surprisingly cute image.
With Flare and the others laughing in the background.
A good lesson there.
Silver would smile and offer a hand to shake. "Pretty well all things considered, Name's Silver Storms. Nice to meet a friendly Diamond Dog for once."
Thanks, while Haven does have that sort of air to her that nobles in fiction usually do, her love for her daughters shines through.
I've gone some ideas, though I think their first serious role will be in the story I have for after the first season comes out. I'll PM you it later.
11030627
"Oh-ho, is that a challenge I smell?" Logan would declare, cracking his knuckles. "Show me that mine and I'll have it shine!"
Small note: never tell Logan something's dangerous or hard to accomplish. His pride will automatically make him try to take it on.
I'm wondering if I should have a scene where someone manages to stop him with reverse psychology, though even then, I'm worried he'll pick up on what they're doing. Needs some work, but it's fun.
I look forward to seeing the details.
11031025
Noted. Still if Logan was able to get gems the Clan would be glad to let him have a fair bit as the only one in the Clan to eat gems is Silver.
Indeed, challenge can be a pain sometimes but other times it can be fun.
Interesting story. Added to my read list. Looking forward to reading more.
11079741
Thanks, glad you're enjoying it so far.
will this story [eventually] be updated
11161848
Yes , the next chapter is in the works, just some RL events and focusing on my other stories right now.
11161989
ok, thx for the answer on both
11162003
You're welcome.
I forgot that Kirin’s could become big. I guess he is like an alicorn kirin from that episode when they were first introduce?
This is a good start hope to see more soon. Is this a story expanding of bringing more tribes into the film like Sea and Snow Ponies for example?
11307363
Not quite, to give a little backstory; in my verse there are four races of Kirin: Western (which is what Silver Storms here is), Eastern, Mountain (which are the show Kirin), and Valley. Western Kirin in appearance are how Silver is described above, only he's a Pegasus-born which means his wing are much larger than they otherwise would be and his very long tail is a genetic trait from his family line.
Eastern Kirin resemble this and are known for their tea blends which even in the Gen 5 times are very popular.
Mountian Kirin are, as mentioned above, the Gen 4 Kirin.
And finally Valley Kirin resemble Wyverns in that their forelegs and wings are fused together.
Now there's been no "Alicorn" Kirin as far as anyone knows, but the Kirin do have an interesting trait where they gain different features depending on their mother and her race or species, though this is most noticeable on Western and Eastern. For example; a Thestral/Bat-Pony-born Kirin would have longer fangs, ears tipped with tuffs of fur, and a small hooked claw on each wing finger.
If you want I can tell you more about them.
Thanks, and yes it will, not sure which ones at the moment since this story is a bit of the backburner for the time being while I'm focusing on my other stories, but there are going to be a number of changes to the film. For example: The Unicorn Crystal... It's not in Bridlewood!
11307717
That’s actually really cool. I am aware of the Eastern Kirin since the Godzilla story definitely made them look cool wish that was in the official MLP.
I don’t mind learning more since it’s really cool to have more different kinds of ponies or pony like civilizations. Also, that’s a neat idea for two different kinds of ponies offspring having a mix of both parents traits that can make them unique. Yea, the alicorn thing was because there was a Celestia copy in the episode. After what you said that I agree with.
No spoilers pls but it’s nice to know you are making it longer at least.
Huh so her dad actually went on adventure. I wonder if his disappearance would be he didn’t come back home? Sorry to think of ship Sunny and Flare… Since it’s longer I wonder if her dad is alive I wonder if he was just hanging out with other ponies that is faraway?
Creature imbreeding.
11559515
Creature imbreeding? Do you mean inbreeding? Just trying to make sure we're on the same page.
11559866
Inbreeding
11560158
Okay. Though I can say inbreeding wasn't the cause, good guess though.