1322159 Thank you for looking over my work. Some of the things you have pointed out i have overlooked. I will try to answer some of the questions. The laptop I am writing on is rather old and the Microsoft Word settings are changed so that I cannot reset them. I work with I have, but i will try to do some changes before posts.
The scarf in the belt bag can be explained with it being decent sized bag. A thin scarf folded properly can be easily stuffed in a small pocket.
Rarity couldn't give him anything because of the limited time they had. They were interacting in total of three hours, first the meeting with the usual uncertainty and caution. Then the conversations on who they are, the character explaining who he is and where he is from. They didn't really get chance to understand him enough for any kind of real meaningful conversations or gifts. Would Rarity really even think to give any gift to some strange, never before seen, sentient, bipedal, fully clothed creature who claims to come from a different world in the first few hours of meeting it? And his appearance has a major role in the story. They see him in their own reality or their normal perception of it that we see as a cartoon. While he sees himself like he normally would.
He cant remember what was the last thing he did. He assumes he was outside in daytime if he has full clothes and all his items. I should have bin more specific on his sudden appearance.
His views, inner statements on resentment is due to him trying to cope with him being ripped from his life and dealing with the changes before the full psychological effect hits him. He associated his loss with anger in order to move on. The views he has is rather normal for some people with many issues. Granted that some may seem harsh and sociopathic, but he has reasons for him being the way he is. Those reasons will be seen in future chapters. Celestia only made statements about him, yet she did not give her reasons behind it. That is also for later chapters.
I dont really have much of an excuse for the wolfs scene. I tried to show how different and strange the animals are. Now I see that I didn't really think it through. The timber wolfs were made out to be slightly bigger than ponies and wolfs behavior was more speculation on what he read of them. The alpha sentence was literary mistake. I meant that after he looked like he was going to get ready to fight, the alpha didn't give him a chance to actually prepare himself. The damage of the bight i was trying to pass off as the nature of the wolfs. They are made of wood or twigs and leaves to be more specific. Sharp wooden teeth do have damage, but they are weaker than bone, stone or steel. I think I wrote that the bite was above the ankle, or at least I wanted to. Weak arguments, I know.
I honestly did not think about Zecora using leaves instead of bandages. I assumed that when some life is in danger most would try to help with anything they have. But she does live in the woods, and it would make sense for her to have some kind of first aid kit or something.
The Bow and arrows. I used my own personal experience on that to write about it. Besides, some of the survivalist books have a lot on making weapons like bows and arrows. I should have specified that, and maybe the bow was kind of an over kill. In my defense i never said that it was perfect and that he was some good shot. Anyone can fire a bow, but it takes time and skill to at least go to where you generally want it to. And he was not that much of good shot, most fish that swim undisturbed in pond go slowly enough to align a shot at close range. The other is more of him not moving and trying to snipe the cockatrice from some distance. A multi tool is actually vary useful and capable of making such things. I has a knife, pliers, a saw, a file and a bunch of other things. The fishing line is strong to use but not good for long term or to be used like than in general. The arrows can be made with sharpened wood tips or peaces of stone made into arrow heads. The balance was more details that i didn't really think of writing down. My bad. Running while shooting is not all that impossible, but yes that was too much. Maybe just enough to shoot at the direction where you want and not the target?
Tanning hides in general have a lot methods to go by. One is to use the natural salts found in soil to rub it in to the hide. Another is to use plant leaves extract in large quantities. His pocket knife is thumb flip and rather sharp. The sword would be impractical to use for it because it would be dulled and then not vary useful. Knifes, my favorite subject. Any and I really do mean any good survivalist book will tell you how to sharpen knifes using what you have in the wilderness. I also wanted to mention in other chapters that he is a knife enthusiast.
The similarities in culture was not vary specific because I wanted to make it apparent in later on. In general I meant that the society behavior was similar with interactions like how they normally communicate and how we do. I Should have put more focus on that.
Technology is so advanced that almost no one person could build something from modern day appliances or anything. I know how cellphone works, how engines work and other things but I cant build. the same for the character, he cant offer anything that would be useful. Ideas are not vary profitable if you cant make them practical in real life. Besides, magic is abundant in the whole world with unicorns. And I never said that they are all confined in Equestria. Some are all around the world. Which means that magic provides for those who cant use magic. Besides, do you really want guns to be involved? I have nothing against it, but Personally i would just make one for myself to have some kind of advantage in the world. And he only knows the basic mechanics behind the gun, not the actual details of how to construct one properly enough.
The tribal aspect was more along the lines of family, respect of position, earning ones place in the society. And democracy was a native version where only elder candidates were voted to be placed in certain positions. some positions would be born into. I wanted to get into more details on it when he actually goes there.
Yes you are right that she would be a good person to try in convince others to listen to him. The reason I wrote that she wouldn't was because i wanted to write about the first interaction in later chapters. Imagine that the ponies minds had a switch flipped when Celestia told them not to trust him. The good natured ponies instantly turned mistrusting and ready to attack at any moment. I mean Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rarity just went completely opposite of their usual behavior. Even Applejack who supposedly knows when someone lies just sided with Celestias words without question. Can you imagine how they will react if they hear about him talking to their friend? Illogical hostility instantly at the princesses words. How mad did the princes had to look to make the ponies believe her above everything else?
What diamond dog wears pants, shoes and covers himself completely? His body is not the same proportions as the dogs and just by looking at him any one with eyes could see that that is not a diamond dog. No fur and a full head of long hair does not make much of a dog. Besides, they hands are way longer than a humans and they have muzzles. The physical characteristics aside, his speech is rather articulate and diamond dogs are not vary seen much in cities.
Maps, the idea was to make his travels harder. And Zecora only goes to Ponyville for ingredients, her actions outside would have bin noticed by someone. Highly unlikely but the character was not going to take any risks. Or so i thought it would be good.
Leaving preparations in total don't take too long if you have everything more or less ready. He doesn't have much in terms of personal items and he was thinking about it for some time so he could have just been readying himself on the side. He only made five arrows because of how he uses them. Its not his main focus of tools or weapon. Its more comparable as a tool like a spoon or a can opener. You are right about the food preparations, about a week sound good. The bottle was more of long term issue i wanted to point out for latter. The idea is basically the unrealistic properties of this world seeing how it was a cartoon. He was going to question everything in regards to how it should not be possible and yet is. The bottle was going to be a gift for some time, it just ended up to look like it was made before he left.
The lock pick was more of a showing off that a skill to be used. Lock picking is not hard learn if you have the time and patience. It is an unnecessary skill for the guy, be he doesn't really get to use it that much. The Anarchist cookbook has a lot about survival which is why he even read it. Also that was my personal touch for the character as it fits some of his personality. But you are right, totally Gary Stu. I only recently learned what that meant. But I was planning to write and show how he can't be a Stu. He is limited and after every challenge that he survives he looses something that makes him stronger in some ways but also weaker in others. There is a reason the tragedy tag is in the story.
Sunglasses, I seem to have forgot to write that in the beginning. Ups.
I will definitely re read my work before posting it. I don't really have anyone to proofread and i don't feel comfortable of asking anyone to do it either. I know how free time is rare these days. Thank you again for your time. I will definitely work to improve my writing.
>violently stabs manticore
>thinks rain is karmic
...seems legit
this story is great though.
"man that was therapeutic" lol, yeah I bet. Continue.
1322159
Thank you for looking over my work. Some of the things you have pointed out i have overlooked. I will try to answer some of the questions.
The laptop I am writing on is rather old and the Microsoft Word settings are changed so that I cannot reset them. I work with I have, but i will try to do some changes before posts.
The scarf in the belt bag can be explained with it being decent sized bag. A thin scarf folded properly can be easily stuffed in a small pocket.
Rarity couldn't give him anything because of the limited time they had. They were interacting in total of three hours, first the meeting with the usual uncertainty and caution. Then the conversations on who they are, the character explaining who he is and where he is from. They didn't really get chance to understand him enough for any kind of real meaningful conversations or gifts. Would Rarity really even think to give any gift to some strange, never before seen, sentient, bipedal, fully clothed creature who claims to come from a different world in the first few hours of meeting it?
And his appearance has a major role in the story. They see him in their own reality or their normal perception of it that we see as a cartoon. While he sees himself like he normally would.
He cant remember what was the last thing he did. He assumes he was outside in daytime if he has full clothes and all his items. I should have bin more specific on his sudden appearance.
His views, inner statements on resentment is due to him trying to cope with him being ripped from his life and dealing with the changes before the full psychological effect hits him. He associated his loss with anger in order to move on. The views he has is rather normal for some people with many issues. Granted that some may seem harsh and sociopathic, but he has reasons for him being the way he is. Those reasons will be seen in future chapters. Celestia only made statements about him, yet she did not give her reasons behind it. That is also for later chapters.
I dont really have much of an excuse for the wolfs scene. I tried to show how different and strange the animals are. Now I see that I didn't really think it through. The timber wolfs were made out to be slightly bigger than ponies and wolfs behavior was more speculation on what he read of them. The alpha sentence was literary mistake. I meant that after he looked like he was going to get ready to fight, the alpha didn't give him a chance to actually prepare himself. The damage of the bight i was trying to pass off as the nature of the wolfs. They are made of wood or twigs and leaves to be more specific. Sharp wooden teeth do have damage, but they are weaker than bone, stone or steel. I think I wrote that the bite was above the ankle, or at least I wanted to. Weak arguments, I know.
I honestly did not think about Zecora using leaves instead of bandages. I assumed that when some life is in danger most would try to help with anything they have. But she does live in the woods, and it would make sense for her to have some kind of first aid kit or something.
The Bow and arrows. I used my own personal experience on that to write about it. Besides, some of the survivalist books have a lot on making weapons like bows and arrows. I should have specified that, and maybe the bow was kind of an over kill. In my defense i never said that it was perfect and that he was some good shot. Anyone can fire a bow, but it takes time and skill to at least go to where you generally want it to. And he was not that much of good shot, most fish that swim undisturbed in pond go slowly enough to align a shot at close range. The other is more of him not moving and trying to snipe the cockatrice from some distance. A multi tool is actually vary useful and capable of making such things. I has a knife, pliers, a saw, a file and a bunch of other things. The fishing line is strong to use but not good for long term or to be used like than in general. The arrows can be made with sharpened wood tips or peaces of stone made into arrow heads. The balance was more details that i didn't really think of writing down. My bad. Running while shooting is not all that impossible, but yes that was too much. Maybe just enough to shoot at the direction where you want and not the target?
Tanning hides in general have a lot methods to go by. One is to use the natural salts found in soil to rub it in to the hide. Another is to use plant leaves extract in large quantities. His pocket knife is thumb flip and rather sharp. The sword would be impractical to use for it because it would be dulled and then not vary useful. Knifes, my favorite subject. Any and I really do mean any good survivalist book will tell you how to sharpen knifes using what you have in the wilderness. I also wanted to mention in other chapters that he is a knife enthusiast.
The similarities in culture was not vary specific because I wanted to make it apparent in later on. In general I meant that the society behavior was similar with interactions like how they normally communicate and how we do. I Should have put more focus on that.
Technology is so advanced that almost no one person could build something from modern day appliances or anything. I know how cellphone works, how engines work and other things but I cant build. the same for the character, he cant offer anything that would be useful. Ideas are not vary profitable if you cant make them practical in real life. Besides, magic is abundant in the whole world with unicorns. And I never said that they are all confined in Equestria. Some are all around the world. Which means that magic provides for those who cant use magic. Besides, do you really want guns to be involved? I have nothing against it, but Personally i would just make one for myself to have some kind of advantage in the world. And he only knows the basic mechanics behind the gun, not the actual details of how to construct one properly enough.
The tribal aspect was more along the lines of family, respect of position, earning ones place in the society. And democracy was a native version where only elder candidates were voted to be placed in certain positions. some positions would be born into. I wanted to get into more details on it when he actually goes there.
Yes you are right that she would be a good person to try in convince others to listen to him. The reason I wrote that she wouldn't was because i wanted to write about the first interaction in later chapters. Imagine that the ponies minds had a switch flipped when Celestia told them not to trust him. The good natured ponies instantly turned mistrusting and ready to attack at any moment. I mean Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rarity just went completely opposite of their usual behavior. Even Applejack who supposedly knows when someone lies just sided with Celestias words without question. Can you imagine how they will react if they hear about him talking to their friend? Illogical hostility instantly at the princesses words. How mad did the princes had to look to make the ponies believe her above everything else?
What diamond dog wears pants, shoes and covers himself completely? His body is not the same proportions as the dogs and just by looking at him any one with eyes could see that that is not a diamond dog. No fur and a full head of long hair does not make much of a dog. Besides, they hands are way longer than a humans and they have muzzles. The physical characteristics aside, his speech is rather articulate and diamond dogs are not vary seen much in cities.
Maps, the idea was to make his travels harder. And Zecora only goes to Ponyville for ingredients, her actions outside would have bin noticed by someone. Highly unlikely but the character was not going to take any risks. Or so i thought it would be good.
Leaving preparations in total don't take too long if you have everything more or less ready. He doesn't have much in terms of personal items and he was thinking about it for some time so he could have just been readying himself on the side. He only made five arrows because of how he uses them. Its not his main focus of tools or weapon. Its more comparable as a tool like a spoon or a can opener. You are right about the food preparations, about a week sound good.
The bottle was more of long term issue i wanted to point out for latter. The idea is basically the unrealistic properties of this world seeing how it was a cartoon. He was going to question everything in regards to how it should not be possible and yet is. The bottle was going to be a gift for some time, it just ended up to look like it was made before he left.
The lock pick was more of a showing off that a skill to be used. Lock picking is not hard learn if you have the time and patience. It is an unnecessary skill for the guy, be he doesn't really get to use it that much. The Anarchist cookbook has a lot about survival which is why he even read it. Also that was my personal touch for the character as it fits some of his personality. But you are right, totally Gary Stu.
I only recently learned what that meant. But I was planning to write and show how he can't be a Stu. He is limited and after every challenge that he survives he looses something that makes him stronger in some ways but also weaker in others. There is a reason the tragedy tag is in the story.
Sunglasses, I seem to have forgot to write that in the beginning. Ups.
I will definitely re read my work before posting it. I don't really have anyone to proofread and i don't feel comfortable of asking anyone to do it either. I know how free time is rare these days.
Thank you again for your time. I will definitely work to improve my writing.
Some retribution better be happening and for the love of God please don't go with that forgiveness crap routine.