Chapter 1: Unseen
"And it was destined, that even the Sun and the Moon bow down to the Noise yet to come, and only the power of Six could overcome the threat to every single plane of existence, a threat to every single universe which existed, exists or will exist."
~Prophesies of Star Swirl the Bearded, 13 BCL
====================Begin Day One====================
With naught but a book in hoof, the Lavender coloured pony slowly regained her senses. Twilight Sparkle slowly shook her head, trying to get up. She was in the middle of the Ponyville town centre, with busy ponies bustling by, carrying out their daily activities.
"What... Where... How..." Thoughts raced through Twilight's mind as her purple eyes settled slowly on the book she had been holding. The title was unreadable, worn off from what seems to be age. "Great", Twilight grumbled as her mind was bombarded with a whole series of new questions. Exactly the opposite of what she needed.
Spotting a dark purple Earth pony, with a light rose striped mane and a cutie mark which seemed to depict 3 smiling sunflowers, Twilight called out: "Hey?" but to no avail. The mare walked on. Perhaps she hadn't heard her? Twilight walked closer to the mare, calling out once again, in a louder tone. "Hello?" This time she should've heard it for sure. Twilight was more than close enough, just a few strides back from the pony, yet she still got no response. Surely she wasn't ignoring her? Twilight walked closer and closer to the mare, rapidly calling out her name, until she was side by side with her. Twilight waved her hooves in front of the pony's face, made funny gestures, even did a small dance in front of her. How odd. The pony hadn't mad the slightest reaction to her, as if she couldn't see or hear Twilight there, or at least wasn't letting it on, but that was unlike her. Twilight gave up on the pony, and turned to the mysterious book she had. She didn't remember having this book... in fact, she didn't remember anything from the point where she woke up.
Trying to remember what happened, she tried to recall everything she knew. She was Twilight Sparkle. She was Princess Celestia's student, and she was living in Ponyville, studying... what? She couldn't remember. Try as she may, there were many different gaps in her memory which seemed to be... plain missing. Turning her attention back to the book, Twilight sat down and did what she did best: Read!
As she opened the book, she dropped a small pin, perhaps which was stuck in the book, onto the ground. As soon as she touched the pin, she was engulfed by something she had never felt before. It was as if a coursing river of lava had flowed from the pin, and straight through her body. Holding her head in agony, Twilight dropped the books and her mind was taken over.
"I wonder what's she's doing right now?"
"I'm late! I'mlateI'mlateI'mlateI'mlate..."
"This cupcake is delicious! Nomonomonom"
Voices.
"What's taking him so long?"
"She better find it."
Every last part of her had been consumed by these voices... She would do anything to stop it. Flailing her hooves in panic, Twilight dropped the pin. The world seemed to in slow motion, as the pin slowly flipped to the ground, the voices stopping as quickly as they came.
She felt as though her mind had reached out, touching the very souls of the other ponies. Voices. They echoed in her mind, sounding exactly like the ponies in the area. "Had I... read their minds?" Twilight said to nobody but herself. At least she thought so. She jumped as a seemingly blank page sprung up with the words "Heh. I see you found out how to use the player pin."
"Who... who are you? " Twilight squealed as she backed away from the book, which was still laying on the ground, open on the page.
"Relax, Twilight. I'm not going to hurt you, I'm here to help." Twilight yelped again, now confident that the words on the book were no trick of the light.
"Wha-but that's not possible!"
"And hearing the other ponies thoughts was? Come on, Twilight. Don't be naive now." replied the book.
After calming down, Twilight said "Alright then. But first things first: How do you know my name, and who are you?" "Woah there Twilight, I thought you said first things first. And the first thing to do would be for you to go find somebod-pony to make a pact with. If you'd kindly turn the page so we can continue this conver-"
The text on the book had reached the end of the page. Following the book's advice, Twilight sat down on her haunches and reached a hoof to turn the page. "ation. Thank you, good to see you can still follow some basic instructions, hehe. Anyhow, go make a friend. If you'll flip to the back of the book, you'll find a couple of pins which I have laid for you to use. You'll discover what they do once you find a friend to make a pact with. Just both say you accept, and the rest will be taken care of."
"How do I even know I can trust you?" retorted Twilight. "You're just a book, after all."
The book's pages made some rustling noise, almost as if it were chuckling. "Oh dear, Twilight. You have much to learn, and you're right, you have no reason to trust me. But be honest with yourself, who else is there to trust right now? I have a little business to take care of. Go find a friend to pact with, and then we'll talk." The book replied, as the words stopped appearing. Twilight sighed and closed the book, frustrated at how she didn't know what in Equestria was happening. She trotted off, partly listening to the book's advice, and partly to find somepony who would yield more answers, and perhaps in a less riddling way.
Thanks for reading! Be sure to comment, and just so you know, not having played the game this story is based on (The World Ends With You) doesn't mean you can't enjoy the story! Treat anything you don't understand as you would a normal story: Something that is intentionally mysterious. Don't worry, I'm looking out for you!
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You Got Me Interested With This..... I'll Expect More From You In The Future.
Also... You Now That There Is Already A Pretty Popular TWEWY FimFiction, Right?
I Don't Want To See You Copying From That... And Yes, I'll Notice!
But I Like Your Style And Want To Know What The Hell Is Up With That Book.
See You On The Next Chapter
1249669
Why Did You Caps Every Word?
1249712
... I Got Used To It
It's My Trademark.
is this a reference to The World Ends With You?
Okay, well this was kind of interesting. A cool crossover idea for sure, but there's a few issues with this, in my opinion.
Most importantly, you have a lot of sentences with awkward or unclear wording. I played 'The World Ends With You' so I understand what's going on, but anyone who hasn't will be severely confused. It's very hard to understand what you're trying to say, and there isn't enough description or information.
There's also some things that don't sound right. One of the biggest pieces, that I had a problem with, is this one:
>As soon as she touched the pin, she was engulfed by something she had never felt before. It was as if a coursing river of lava had flowed from the pin, and straight through her body. Holding her head in agony, Twilight dropped the books and her mind was taken over.
Nothing grammatically incorrect, but this is not what I remember from the game. You made it sound like the standard mind-read player pin was maybe the starter fire pin. It doesn't feel like you're being burned when you use the thing. Then we get the dialogue (which comes out of nowhere for the reader), and a thought by Twilight. You should have placed >"She felt as though her mind had reached out, touching the very souls of the other ponies. Voices. They echoed in her mind, sounding exactly like the ponies in the area" and then the dialogue of voices. I didn't even know what was happening until you play the tell card >"Had I... read their minds?" Twilight said to nobody but herself. (By the way, while on on this sentence, this wasn't good wording. Should be 'Twilight said' or 'Twilight said to herself.')
Anyways, I hope I didn't make you feel too bad about your work (It's not that bad for a first story). It's just that I've made a lot of the mistakes you did when I first started, and I wanted to help you out. I think you should maybe get a pre-reader at one of the groups and continue this.
*reads first chapter* like it
*already played world ends with you* love it
World ends with you? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- SCREW SLEEPING FOR SCHOOL. MUST READ.
Wow, thanks for the comments. I was not expecting this much feedback, and much thanks for them all
It took me just about forever to get this one chapter done, but you all really have given me some much needed motivation.
1249669
Hehe, don't worry dude. I didn't realize that there was one T_T
But now that I've seen it, my storyline should be very different =]
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Hehe, sorry about my lack of accuracy there. Tbh I was sparked into this by the port for iPhone (Which I don't have >_>) And I haven't played TWEWY for a while. Also, I believe Neku was holding his head, which is why I did a bit of that. I guess it's fanon, eh? =] I'll follow your advice, thanks :3 Also, much of the missing information is either to be filled in later, or for plot purposes. I'm running this through with a friend of mine to make sure it's not too unfriendly to those who haven't played TWEWY.