- Member Since 26th Sep, 2018
- offline last seen Yesterday
Deergenerate
I'm like a god in cervine clothing. Lightning bolts shoot from my antler tips.
Deergenerate
Joined 26th Sep, 2018 ·
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Is this missing an anthro tag?
11348383
Whoops, yep
apart, Torax will be easy because he has strong feelings for Spike
Least it ain't Ranbow Dash I guess. She's usually the one it seems. Or maybe that's just in Equestria Girls.
11348427
or rather, I'll put pm
Dang, that's a lot of dislikes lmao
I chose option 1.
2
Option 3
1
Option 2
Option 1
Option 2
2
Option 1
Option 2
Option 1
Lets pick option 2 and see what follows later on.
option 1
Option 2
Option 1
So far, option 2 is beating out options 1 by a single vote as of writing this. I tend to agree, let's see option 2
Will you put in the title if it’s M/M, M/F, F/F. Not a homophobe just don’t like to read about it.
I don't see why we're immediately going after big fry? Go snag Bonbon or Mrs Cake, maybe Flitter and Cloud chaser if you're after siblings. Or some random changelings.
11348441
Yeah there is a decent amount of them. I believe it's due to how oddly this is structured and set up. For a story it's very poorly paced. And for a cyoa the way you rushed through things that seem like they should have been choices so it makes it looks like you're railroading before options can even be presented.
This really could have worked well, and it still can I believe.
To make my points a bit more clear I'll number them.
The gem being imbedded in Spike's head would have worked better if-
1. Spike had no option to remove it or at least not one readily offered by the crystal itself.
2. Spike didn't jump to accept such a major thing without player input, (the crystal constantly being in the back of his head egging him on to use the powers, stoking up pet peeves against those around Spike to eventually work him into using the powers or something like that is much easier to swallow then Spike immediately turning to the dark side.)
3. But if you wanted a quick turn to evil, corrupting Smoulder was the decision that should have been the first one. She was in an isolated area a perfect tutorial on both the powers and how voting might work. How to do it, what to specify stuff like that.
For example, keeping her the same person overall just hopelessly addicted to sucking Spike off even if the lesbian in her refuses to admit it.
Stuff like the demanding to be bred needs build up to work properly.
You had something too, the crystal needs weak scrub followers to build up power, that's a good way to build up tension and it's a good way to get the ball rolling... But then you've ignored it to immediately recommend going after the two leaders of an entire race. There is a bit of a disconnect there.
This all makes it feel like you're trying to match the cover art as quickly as possible to the detriment of everything. Your story doesn't need to be exactly matching the cover art right away.
There is good stuff here, but I feel like this is stuck halfway between being a cyoa and a story but it's not really doing either.
Do my eyes deceive me, Emperor Spike could go back !
Option 1
General Questions:
- So spike doesn't have wings in this story
- How strong are the crystals he could make, can swords bounce of them or a simple kick can shatter them
- Does he need to be close to people embed the mind control gems in them
- Can he lose and suffer the consequences of actions
- Besides creating creating crystals he weak right
I vote option 1.
11349203
1. No he does not, he might get them though, we'll see lol
2. The chapter explains that White Crystals can be broken by swords and spells hitting them dead on, which frees the affected person from Spike's control.
3. Purple gems yes. White gems no. Someone under the effect of a white gem can spread white gems to others.
4. Heck yes. If the readers vote for a choice that gets him in trouble and he runs out of HP or doesn't have a free pass he loses.
5. For now, yes. However, the more people he gems, the more powerful he gets. Once he reaches a certain point he will become basically Alicorns level. But that's far off lmao.
11349181
There is a guy in a slave outfit in the literal cover. If that's not a garuntee that there is M/M in this story I don't know what is lmao.
Maybe actually look at the cover next time ya fuckin Mook.
11349197
Yeesh, this is pretty scathing. I can answer your concerns however.
To put it bluntly, this story from the very beginning will be focusing on politics and the global consequences of Spike's actions from the very beginning. Once Spike has a power base from the Changelings and Dragons it is going to be rapidly branching out giving the readers many more voting options, anywhere from conquering kingdom,s to playing with the slaves.
Spike's corruption from normal drake to evil conqueror isn't the focus, it's his actions as a conquerer that are, if that makes any sense. While I suppose it may seem like I squandered an opportunity to write that kind of story (which I likely might of), in truth I never wanted to write that kind of story in the first place.
I wanted to write a CYOA with political intrigue, espianoge and gradual global conquest, and to do that I had to skip over a little characterization for the sake of getting there. Could that come back to bite me? Most likely. But I until then I'm gonna keep swinging.
Your opinions are extremely valid however, and as I go I will be keeping what you said in mind and giving the readers far more choice and paying much more attention to build up.
11348433
Mald about it lmao
Option 2
I like option 2, but invert the order. Get thorax first and then use him to get pharynx.
11349301
I believe that is option 1 lol
Option 2
I think it's more strategic.
option 1 and then turn Phyanx into a female
I say Option 2 and genderbend Thorax and Pharynx. Would it also be possible for the gem to genderbend other Dragons such as Torch or Garble? The corruption of other races such as diamond dogs, dragons, griffons etc. is a must in my opinion
11349302
Option 1 is to get them at the same time, which sounds like a bad idea. I'm saying option 2 looks good, if thorax is done first and then pharynx.
Option 2
Option 2 i say, slow might be best to start out.
Option 1
Ooooooo~. New story huh, and a choose your own adventure no less. Noice.
Now then. I think the best course of action is option 2.
Mainly because Spike probably doesn’t have a very strong relation with Phyanx and if given the chance could escape so it’s best he’s dealt with first.
Option 2
I’d say Hog Wild, and corrupt everything. And maybe even have the corruption allow Spike to change the body of those he corrupts, IE GenderBender.
And the reason I’m saying that is to avoid a M/M situation. Cause I’m straight AF. But if it happens to go M/M, I’ll skip that chapter.
11349744
Go ahead and skip. While genderbending might appear in this story at some point down the line, we will see, I for one quite enjoy M/M and it will appear very frequently in this story. If you dislike that then you should probably find a different one to read.
This goes for anyone else who is feeling that way.
Voting for the next chapter ends Saturday, then the writing begins. So far we have;
Option 1: 13
Option 2: 15
Option 3: 2
Option 4: 1
Option 2 and make Pharynx believe that he was always a female
Option 2
I like the concept but I don't really like how you completely changed Smolder's character. That makes it feel like just a random bimbo character with her name. You should try to make her a bimbo while keeping her character. Like her antagonistic attitude, sarcasm and competitive nature. She would be constantly pushing back against Spike to bring out his strongest and most macho sides.
11350027
That is a fair opinion, and I will attempt to remedy that in the future. Thanks for letting me know.
11350206
Try to think of what the core of the character is. Keeping the core intact is the difference between bending a character and breaking them.
Also for the question I think it's best to capture Thorax first and then use him to make his brother drop his guard.