The Hakurei Shrine has disappeared. A strange thicket has taken its place, filled with an unnatural magic that is spreading rapidly and bent on disrupting the stability of Gensokyo. With the shrine maiden nowhere to be seen, it's up to ordinary magician Marisa Kirisame to bring back the shrine and its caretaker before it's too late.
Meanwhile in the town of Ponyville, a mysterious shrine has appeared in the Everfree Forest, fiercely protected by an equally mysterious mare. With the rest of Ponyville still shaken by the latest disaster, it's up to aspiring musician Lyra Heartstrings to discover the truth about the shrine and the mysteries within.
Chapters (9)
Chernoboy rises from the dead after sensing Touhou.
A crossover of these two? Yes, you would be mad. That said however, the characters were pretty in-line with their actual personalities, though I can't actually say much on Bon-Bon and Lyra since I haven't kept up since Season 4. However, I am pretty "well-versed" in Touhou. The games, not so much.
So, I'll make it short. Structure is good, characters, like I said, were just right in accordance to their established personalities. Though while there is nothing wrong with it, you might wanna make your own identity for the Fanon version of the 2hugirls. Suika is really the only one notably off, as I doubt she'd cry over Reimu's disappearance. Distressed? Definitely, but if there's no reason to think it's not just another Incident, then there's not much, if any, for her to cry about.
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The last time an Incident left Gensokyo's Boundaries was the most brutally difficult game in the series, to the point where ZUN basically gave us savestates with an in-universe justification so that mere mortals would be able to deal with Clownpiece.
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Thanks for the feedback. Out of everyone introduced in this chapter, Suika was the only one I was really unsure about. She's a strange one to me, so she probably won't stick around. I wanted to make sure I understood the Touhou characters before I really started having fun with them. As for the ponies, I'll be using my own interpretations for their characterization. Lyra is definitely a character I have experience with.
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Oh dear, that's a problem. We don't have any savestates here. I'm sure that won't be an issue.
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Yeah, I think it was obvious that there'd be a limited roster taken from Gensokyo. And that's a major plus. If it's a big crossover, you would want to keep at least one side limited. And the parts about Lyra seems fair, she is still side character even if she has had speaking lines.
And I know that's in response to Herald, but I'm pretty sure with the things I've come to know have happened throughout the series, a loophole can easily be found with the magic of Equestria.
Tracking this because hey, it's Touhou. I don't need a reason. >^_^<
As someone who’s never really known much about Touhou, a fair bit of this stuff is flying over my head like the broom the two flew.
That being said, it’s something made by one of my friends and that automatically means I approve
Yukari must be up to shenanigans again.
tfw the only reason Reimu didn't throw them out is because they
gave her some moneymade an offering to the shrine.10921214
Hey, when money talks, Reimu listens.
Ayy yo, I'm only a day later than I usually am to stories I plan on keeping up with. And another solid one, clear start, clear stakes, clear end. All with another showcase that you actually do understand the characters. Well, just because you started via fanworks doesn't mean you can't adapt fast.
So anyway, I particularly love the bits from Gensokyo, and admittedly it is pretty biased. I have known Touhou since before I was even 10 and only relatively recently embraced it. But that's definitely not to say Lyra and Bon-Bon doesn't add to it. Who knew characters with little to no major roles vould be given unique personalities and knowledge that helps with smoothening out the introduction of terms and customs?
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Welcome to dealing with background ponies. Lyra may be my second favorite pony behind Vinyl, but she is my favorite to read. One common trait when it comes to her is that she is usually very eccentric. Often that is written as a human obsession, but I like to write her as someone who loves to travel and study strange things. Bon-Bon typically plays the straight man(mare), but she has her own quirks too.
As for the Touhou characters, I'm glad you feel I'm doing them justice. When I was looking up Marisa, she quickly became my favorite because of how much she reminded me of one of my own characters, which just made her easier to write. Other characters like Sakuya and Reimu, seem simple on the surface, but get more interesting the deeper you go. And as for Yukari... Oh, I am gonna have fun with her.
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That makes sense. Lyra, I mean. And that's a refreshing take, instead of sticking to the typical fanworks mould she's heavily associated with. Yeah, I can see the mentioned parts on Bon-Bon so that's props to you in actually making those traits clear to be seen before describing them to your readers.
Honestly, I feel like it's easier to have Marisa as your favorite Touhou character, just because of her established personality. And yeah, I can notice when something is amazingly in line with canon, especially since it's much easier to break them these days. Again, definitely true on more below the surface thing. Oh, and I wish you luck with using Yukari. She's a little hard for me to gauge, an impressive and imposing character, but she more often than not comes off as super patronizing so I hope you know how to regulate that.
10921314
If there is one thing I care about the most in my writing, it's characterization. Characters should not just drive the story forward, but be fun and interesting as they do it. How I often do it is in interactions with others, which is why my stories tend to be heavy on dialogue. Consequently, I sometimes struggle with solo scenes.
10921377
It's been my personal experience that developing background characters has always been a bit of fun. 😀
finally another update
.
this is so good oh my god.
Welp, you're right about not being able to write solo scenes. I mean, that hasn't happened yet, but I don't think it's easy to do so given how great the interactions are.
It might just be my mind that is on constant overdrive, but the way things are written, it's pretty imagine the characters in each of their settings. Including Reimu being in Equestria's setting.
I also really like the whole thing about Youkai, because that's exactly how I'd treat it given how flexible the nature of it really is so it makes sense that Reimu would make the connection.
All in all, great chapter.
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There's all kinds of different youkai, but when trying to apply that categorization to creatures from another setting, I had to take a few... Multiversal liberties, as fanfiction writers often do. After all, what counts as a supernatural creature in a world where they are the norm?
Yay! New friends!
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Friendship is mandatory. Resistance will be met with hugs.
First paragraph and already great.
"Once dinner had been acquired and the rat was satisfied with her cheese"
"It didn't stop Suika though, who was passed out against a tree"
These two were greater hits in a sea of already fun writing.
Also, on the topic of combat, particularly your note. A simple way is to probably just write the spellcards in a separate paragraph, without the characters announcing it. I'm not sure how I got to this conclusion, but I find that method to stick with the essence of the base material while also keeping your story off of what you'd want to avoid when writing about it. Not that I've written any Touhou stories so far.
Nevertheless, another fun read.
10931957
Honestly, after giving it more thought, calling out the spellcard doesn't bug me as much anymore. The effort for me lies in making the attack faithful to the source and interesting to read. Plus it gives me the opportunity to invent my own later. Glad it's still fun though. Crossovers like this can be tricky to write, but I like writing longer stories so I'm having fun writing it anyway. I just channel that fun into the writing itself.
You say you haven't written a Touhou story. Would you like to?
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Heh, I wish I knew how exactly to channel that fun into how I write. But they usually end up being very unpredictable.
Would I like to write a Touhou story? Yes. But probably not here since my idea doesn't involve MLP.
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Well sites like Fanfiction.net exist for that purpose. I actually got a story in progress there that I haven't been comfortable publishing here because of how experimental it is. But if you do decide to write that story, let me know. Or if you need an idea you can publish here, I've got a few on the cutting room floor I could share.
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Yep, am aware. Though I either have to do some parkour to bypass some of the mess ups of accessing it in my place, or I go somewhere else. Either way, not gonna stop me once I've got it prepared.
And sure, I'll keep the offer in mind. Thanks.
3 days and nobody commented?
...
Yeah, I don't like playing that game of bringing that up...
Anyway, color me surprised on Yukari here. Like I said, my worries is that she may potentially come off as really patronizing, but this came off as a great mix of that side of her plus being actually helpful in fanon. Before I get gapped, I guess I should finish myself with a complete review though. So I'll say that I'm starting to like how the ponies' side are turning out as well. A bit weird that we'd see a somewhat sudden transition, since the last chapter, from Lyra to the Mane 6, but I suppose they have already filled out their initial roles. All in all, still interested to see how it would turn out.
On a completely unrelated note, I haven't felt this level of cautious optimism on a story in this chapter by chapter format in a while.
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Yukari is tricky, but still a joy to write. Really, the challenge is balancing her power, since she's up there with Discord in the "reality is my plaything" level of power. And as for the ponies... The Mane 6 are tagged up there, though I feel I should change that a bit. Kinda comes with being a discovery writer, tags are not always set in stone. Lyra is staying tho. I got plans for her~
What do you mean by this?
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Actually, she might as well be above Discord in some ways, but uh, that would involve going into the lore and even I haven't understand it all completely yet. And because in hindsight, there'll be some commotion caused by it, and I'd like to avoid that.
I don't read tags good. I kinda go by premise most times so character lists don't always immediately get my eye. But yeah, shoulda figured that out... and I do hope Lyra stays, she's pretty promising so far and I'm sensing she'll be the bridge between Reimu and Equestria, what with her established knowledge.
What I mean by that, is that I haven't exactly been reading or been interested in the stories you'd usually read here or FF.net in quite a while, so being able to get invested like this is a rather surprising turn of events for me.
You really made sure to include even passing glances to the more extreme aspects, aye? Might as well, it wouldn't be a crossover without inclusion on both sides' biggest parts.
And onto Reimu. I'm not a fan of cynicism, or pessimism in general for that matter, but her personal form of it is rather fun to see play out. I guess it's because it's deeply rooted into her major characteristics. That said, it's pretty ironic that it's one of her major traits, despite games showing a more awkward and somewhat flashy side of her.
With the chapter itself, I like how it featured the quiet observations of the characters instead of mostly going from beat to beat. Though then again, the story so far is chock full of it. It's something I've struggled with, so I just see this as another reference I can take to couple with personal experiences on it.
That said, how long are you planning to go with this? Personal expectations on my side wants to say 20 something because it's sort of unfair to stretch this longer than what is already established as the focus. But then again, I ain't the author so I'll just see where you'll go with this. Good luck!
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I'm not sure how long I want this story to be. My own personal tastes lean towards longer fics. I have a rough outline of how I want this story to go, so I guess I'll just see how long it takes to get there.
Hopefully not several years like my previous work.Tengu are fun. Hope they come back for playtime
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Somehow I doubt it
Another chapter of fun interaction. Looks like Sakuya does the only the method she knows to keep our little Wind God Girl off the scoops.
I also notice that weirdly, Ran seems to be the most different in this, especially given her more questioning or at least slightly altered version of Yukari's message she typically has to relay. Kind of neat at the same time knowing she has a more solid footing in her role.
Seems like we got our first seemingly all OC player in the form of an antagonist. Nothing much to go with what's shown, but that's why as readers we should give it more time.
Surprisingly nobody asked for Flan. But hey, why waste the chance when you could use it without significantly affecting the primary story anyway, right?
Also, new visitor for Reimu you say? I'm sensing a purple nerd on her way.
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I considered writing the scene where Sakuya confronts Aya, but I liked this idea more.
Hope you're not abandoning the story. It's been a while since the last chapter.
This is the best 2hu crossover i read so far.
I need to see Reimu use a spell card !
Provided that you continue that story, I'd be delighted to see more.
I guess this story is dead :(
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No, I've just had a lot on my plate over the last year. I still want to work on this.
11410893
That's good to hear, I didn't actually expect a response lol, I hope you're doing well.
Somehow I missed this story until now; Touhou was the first fandom I dove deep into (As my avatar might suggest, lol). My only complaint is the split narrative; reading about Reimu in Equestria is much more interesting that what's going on back in Gensokyo. In any case, thanks for sharing!
i.imgur.com/daUXsoU.png
First, I think that this is well written.
Second, Marissa probably made the smartest move by talking to Patchouli. Only way this could improve would be asking Satori or Kasen, but this looks like it's between Mountain of Faith and Scarlet Weather Rhapsody, timeline wise. So that's probably out.
Maybe they should consult with Eiren?
I was gonna say something about Marisa getting chummy with Patchy, a youkai, right after getting snide at Ran for being a youkai. But honestly she probably would lol. I doubt Marisa even thinks of her varyingly reluctant youkai buddies as youkai most days unless they give her unusual reason to remember.
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Marisa seems like one of those people who would happily be hypocritical if it suited them. Ran? Clearly a very sus youkai, dunno what she wants. Patchi? She cool, we buddies. She lets me borrow her books except when she doesn't.
I just found this, and it looks vary fun:D can’t wait to see more.
Good to see you're working on this again!
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Trust me, I never stopped wanting to keep it going. I just have had... a lot going on, which kept getting in my way.
Seeing as her home seems to have vanished, most people would assume that she is attempting to resolve whatever incident caused that and wisely leave her alone. Especially since the first few stage bosses are often entirely unrelated to the incident.
I half-expected Alice. (That was mostly a fandom thing but you've admitted you don't know much about the games anyway)
I forgot to mention this on the first pass (well, okay, the first pass was that comment I made without even reading the story), but the Hakurei Shrine essentially is the Barrier protecting Gensokyo from the outside world. Its disappearance should be immediately noticeable.
Torii. Thank you, Quantum Protocol.
Surely she can recognize a fellow hunter of monsters, in this case.
Technically she never lets Marisa do this. Sometimes Marisa just manages to escape, other times Patchouli gets the snot beaten out of her.
To be fair, so was Yuyuko that one time. Like Ran, she was a stage 6 boss that wasn't really trying that hard.