Celestia has ruled over Equestria for centuries, but she is only a princess. What happened to it's king and queen?
When they return, Equestria is faced with difficulties that will test everypony. The elements are forced into combat, fighting for Celestia and Luna. Can the mane 6 fight the King and Queen of Equestria, or will they fall under their power?
Insired by 'The Immortal Game' Written by AestheticB
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Doing some homework now, but I'll read this in a little bit.
What brought me here is the premise and the picture. Good pic.
http://equestria-prevails.deviantart.com/
You should credit him for the cover...
awesome picture is awesome
Shouldn't this have an alternate universe tag because it deviates from the established history of the series?
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Meh, I doubt he has permission to use it anyway. (Most likely because I asked for sole permission to that same image months ago, but whatever. Still an awesome image)
Actually, Lauren was gonna call Celestia "Queen Celestia", but they didn't like that. So she was called a Princess.... Do you read the wiki? But other than that, I bet you have a good story ahead for you.
Damn it.
I saw few fanfics based on ideas from my fanfic I wrote in the summer.
DAMN IT.
Now I can't post it, because that would be copyng !
Well well welll... Looks like you've gotten popular brother
-Ember
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Correct Ember, i have indeed
-Shadow
Dayum badass cover!
I saw the exact same story a few hours ago and it had nothing but dislikes.
Ok, let's see. There's a lot you need to improve here. First, mind the time: half of the things you say are in past, the other half in present. Like here:
Twilight Sparkle walked down her stairs and sees Spike sleeping on the floor, a mop lying next to him. She chuckles lightly and shakes her head. She exits her library and sees Pinkie Pie hopping towards her; Twilight doesn’t even raise her eye brow. She was almost immune to Pinkie’s acts of randomness. “Hey Twilight!” she seemed more energetic then usuals, which was saying something.
Second, I read your author name is Shadow Flare, the same name of the captain of the black-coated, red-maned, red-eyed pegasus who not only is captain of the Shadowbolts, but also Dash's coltfriend? Don't you think it's a bit excessive?
Second chapter, and so far you've written nothing that resembles the preview. It seems every pony in the mane 6 is getting their similar colt to date. As to why, I hope we'll see, but if I gotta be honest, I gotta tell you there's no hook in this fic so far, nothing to get one thrilled and really into the fic. Sure, the sudden appearances of the colts are strange, but since nopony seems to think it is strange, then the shock is greatly dulled.
Also, mind your spelling. There were a lot of grammatical errors.
Sorry if I'm coming out as rude, I don't mean to.
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Shadow probably won't take offence. I plan on helping him with those grammatical mistakes tomorrow, and help him improve on the whole narrative.
-Ember
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I have never been a good writer, so you must understand that it will take time for me to adept and improve my writing. Also, just wanted to introduce the new characters breifly before going into the story. I have a rather strange mind, but it makes sense to me. Also with my OC being Dash's coltfriend, It was pre-planned for the story, and is not for the hell of it. All of the colts have a purpose, being pared off with teh mane 6. Also i do not take offense. I know i am a weak writer, and this type of constructive criticism that will hopefully help me become better at this.
Thanks for your Honestly.
-Shadow
this story is really great! will you write more?
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i am currently working on chapter 3, and the plan for 4th is under construction. it will be around 4 days, if i can work effectivly
this story is excellent!
i wonder if the colts that most of the mane 6 are evil, or have some ultierior motive? 
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As much as i wish too, i will not reveal anything about the colts, because it is a supirse
it will take time for their purpose to be clear, but i hope when the time comes. it is interesting to read. thanks for the comment.
-Shadow
So they all get a boyfriend. I'm thinking those boys are one pony. or they are all friends but they are just hiding it, either way sounds logical. but i would love to see chaoter three
chapter'
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As mentioned before, i do not want to go too indepth about them, but to a degree. you are correct.
I will have to applogise for chapter 3 and most of 4 will be the finals to the introduction. However, chapter 5/6 i hope i can start the interesting part of the story. no promies, but i will try my best. Thanks again for taking the time to read my stories and comment on them
-Shadow
Skywalker, it's the second chapter. They don't HAVE to atomaticly start writing about the cover title.
Personally, i love it. Especially the way you snuck in references to the actual MLP episodes.
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I did take some time to do it, but i am happy it was noticed. Thanks for the support.
-Shadow
Can i use your character Stormrage in my next fanfic?
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You may use him, but may i ask what this newest fanfic is? My curiousity gets the better if me too often.
Also, to everypony who has read down to here in the comments, Chapter 3 is currently being reviewed for errors, and hopefully will be up in a few days. However, we are trying a new editor, so the timing will be...unknown. Also chapter 4 is being made, and i am being rather cruel in it. I am making..well, you'll find out soon. i hope.
Thanks again for all the support.
-Shadow Flare, Captain of the Shadowbolts
I kinda fucked up the editing a little... sowwy...
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It is ok Berry. No pony is perfect. You are forgiven.
Also i e-mail you the draft for Chapter 4.
-Shadow
Very nice story again. I think that it was easier to read than the last ones. 4 out of 5.
ALso, where my copy of chapter 4;)
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InsanityBerry was chosen by Ember and me to assisst us with the editing of both our stories.
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Why does noone ever ask me, I keep telling people I will be an editor because I like writing, but I am not a creative person. NOT A ONE has ever asked me, they all go for some obscure person who did not even offer.
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If you are offering, then we would gladly accpt your offer. While Berry is a good Editor, it does pay to be cautious. I would happily put you throught a 'trial' if you are interested
You guys are doing a good job and the story's concept is sound, but you need to work on adding more detail to the chapters so that a reader has a better idea of what is going on in the story. There were a few times, such as when Twilight healed Ildain, when I didn't understand what had happened in the following scene. Just some constructive criticism.
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Thanks. As i think i mentioned, these first chapters are intro chapters. Chapter 4/5 is when it starts to get interested.
-Shadow
They stayed like that for several minutes until THE broke, and everypony continued to party. Rainbow and the colt open their eyes, her purple eyes similar to his red. .... think u mean they
I am so sorry for not getting back to you on the editing on this chapter, I had a massive exam in two of my classes this week and I just could not find the time.
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Its ok. I'll send you number 5 now
-Shadow
I love it!
Did you intentionally match the personalities of the colts and the mane 6?
For example, StormRage's personality and Fluttershy's personality.
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The colt's are similar to the Mane 6 in some aspects, but do differ in others.
Fluttershy is timid and has sever confident issues, and this differs to the personality of Stormrage.
Also where that could be considered incorrect is Rarity and Aurora (The lawyer) They doesn't even have the same ocupation. But this story is just new and the personalilty of these Colts is yet to be fully revealed.
I will say you have to read all of it (And when i write it) to know what they are like, there would be no fun if i told you everything, right?
-Shadow
Hope ya'll enjoy this here Chapter (AJ's voice)
It was very fun to write, and gets the plot rolling.
-Shadow
Hmmm.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. Seems legit
So...a new take on The Immortal Game fic by AestheticB
You have very big shoes to fill
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AestheticB's story 'Immortal games' is what set me up with the whole story idea, and i do owe that story lots.
I did enjoy it, but i've always liked seeing people's ideas, and making...modifications to them. In this case, The addition of a 'new playing card'.
I know this will never live up to 'The Immortal Games' and some might even think i am trying to make a weak copy to become popular, which is logical, but incorrect. I am doing this because i enjoy writing, nothing else.
--Shadow
I done missed a tense!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO[10 minutes later]OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
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Its fine. We're not perfect
I apologize for my substandard editing. Please point out any errors in grammar to me.
<.<
>.>
*sneaks off to edit chapter hoping author wont notice she was here*
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*Twichy eyes and whisper* I sent it several days ago...be quick
-Shadow Flare
(Joke) Alt. Title: Rehash of the thing