You know, it's interesting. You do have some good ideas here. Someone overcoming their terrible home life to open up in this much more positive environment could be engaging. There's seeing the perspective character bond with creatures ranging from Discord to Flurry Heart. What struggles did that entail? What treasured memories? What lessons did he learn? A hobbyist blacksmith offering some techniques could lead to some dramatic tension with the staid, traditionalist, or suspicious elements of the Guard. After all, why should they listen to this ape? He may well be trying to sabotage them, letting his people can invade once he's compromised the local defenses.
And that brings us to the big hook, the portal shunting Sunset back home before shutting down altogether. What does that imply about the fabric of reality, of the nature of magic itself twisting in the face of this strange entity possibly from a different world than any the ponies have known?
But you gloss over all of that. You've raced through multiple stories of growth and companionship and mystery, all so you could get to "the good part." And that's very sad to see. We don't know what Luna sees in this guy. We don't even know his name. (And if that's meant to be a draw, well, that works best with mysterious loners, not someone who's known the movers and shakers of Equestria for years.) And we could have known all that and more if you'd taken your time.
10849258 Thats right, but you also shouldn't puss it to much. If you what to do it you eider should do it with small steps or do as much as you can and use all the creative criticism you get from your readers. Not something in between.
Well nice to see the rewrite here and glad to see it’s doing better then the first one. Thou I wonder what the second story added to this one is, but I’m sure it will be revealed later on. Keep up the great work pal
You have basket?
It looks to become a very good story, Conner.
When I saw this, I was thinking about Space Wolves!!!
awesome chapter dude!!
Great work keep it up
You know, it's interesting. You do have some good ideas here. Someone overcoming their terrible home life to open up in this much more positive environment could be engaging. There's seeing the perspective character bond with creatures ranging from Discord to Flurry Heart. What struggles did that entail? What treasured memories? What lessons did he learn? A hobbyist blacksmith offering some techniques could lead to some dramatic tension with the staid, traditionalist, or suspicious elements of the Guard. After all, why should they listen to this ape? He may well be trying to sabotage them, letting his people can invade once he's compromised the local defenses.
And that brings us to the big hook, the portal shunting Sunset back home before shutting down altogether. What does that imply about the fabric of reality, of the nature of magic itself twisting in the face of this strange entity possibly from a different world than any the ponies have known?
But you gloss over all of that. You've raced through multiple stories of growth and companionship and mystery, all so you could get to "the good part." And that's very sad to see. We don't know what Luna sees in this guy. We don't even know his name. (And if that's meant to be a draw, well, that works best with mysterious loners, not someone who's known the movers and shakers of Equestria for years.) And we could have known all that and more if you'd taken your time.
10849189
You’re right that that could have been a part of the story but maybe he just isn’t good at writing those types of stories.
Until you name him, I will call him Mr/Sir Wulfe.
10849241
Hey, you can't grow without reaching beyond your comfort zone.
10849258
Thats right, but you also shouldn't puss it to much. If you what to do it you eider should do it with small steps or do as much as you can and use all the creative criticism you get from your readers. Not something in between.
Well nice to see the rewrite here and glad to see it’s doing better then the first one. Thou I wonder what the second story added to this one is, but I’m sure it will be revealed later on. Keep up the great work pal
10850384
sorry but i dont see any comment