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Cloud Wander
Joined April 2012
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Cloud Wander
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Joined April 2012
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28w, 2dThe Writer's Group
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10w, 6dRory’s Semi-Favorites
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28w, 2dThe Cake Family
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Apologies for the title to PhantomFox ("Sunny Skies All Day Long").
"[F]linging his eager craft through the clawless halls of air" is, more-or-less from John Magee, Jr's poem "High Flight."
"Feathered Canyon" is a reference to Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now." A good name for Rainbow's house, don't you think? In contrast, Gummy's dilemma has nothing to do with America's "Ventura Highway."
Stephanos Eridanos Magnus might be translated as "the Great All-Encompassing River." My best effort at making sense of "Steven Magnet."
Pinkie's comments at the end about "messing about with boats" is, of course, a wink to Kenneth Grahame's Wind in the Willows. And "three ponies in a boat" is a nod to Jerome K Jerome's Three Men in a Boat (to say Nothing of the Dog).
Oh, that was just delightful! Marvelous pun hidden in plain sight with the Oolong tea, and do I detect Stephen King references in the capitalized way Gummy thinks of ponies, along with the mention of the behavior of balloons?
See you soon in the feature box, I'm sure!
These pet stories are always fun to read.
But you ain't got to make sense of Steven Magnet, any more than you got to make sense of Diamond Tiara's cache of explosives. It's just a joke about Youtube's arbitrary auto-captions that needs to have died a long time ago.
But that's part of the fun, isn't it? Trying to make sense of the often nonsensical parts of the "canon" (quoted, since "Steven Magnet" isn't exactly canon).
It seemed reasonable to assume that "Steven Magnet" is a corruption of "Stephen Magnus" (Big Steve) since Steve surely is big (as large or larger than any of the dragons we've seen to date). "Stephanos" (from the Greek) means something like "encompassing" or "encircling". "Eridanos" (again, from the Greek) is both a real river and, in mythology, a river than encircles the world. Add a little Latin (sorry) and you could get Stephanos Eridanos Magnus (the Great River that Encircles the World)
Here's the thing, though. "Steve's" design is clearly based on a Chinese Dragon, and Chinese Dragons are kind of a big deal. (Paired with the Chinese Phoenix; well, hello, Philomena!) Sobek, in Egyptian mythology, was one of the World Creators, associated with the Sun God, Ra.
As I hint at in this story, I think of Steve as an Old God, much diminished and eccentric, a relic of a time when the Everfree covered all the world. He was the analog of Celestia in the Old Lands, before the subtle magics of the Earth Ponies domesticated Equestria. Though reduced, he is a figure of importance within what remains of the Wild Lands. (Not unlike Tolkien's Treebeard, come to think on it.)
And I think of him less as effeminate than playful, grown childish and, yes, vain in his old age. But there was a long eon when he and his children ruled the earth. Perhaps they do no longer, but they deserve our honor and affection.
I loved this so much. Gummy, you deserve a montage song for all your hard work!
"We walked together in those Old Lands, you and I, the serpent’s eyes said to Gummy. We strode the earth as kings. We chose to share our world with the small, fast, warm-blooded ones. A mistake, perhaps. But we love and honor them. And they, in turn, must honor us and our ways. The relentless and unforgiving ways of the Predator."-Steven Magnet
Gods own speed, you magnificent sonuvabitch!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlaXIRTjNfo
Also, I think Steven is a mix between a Fjord Linnworm and a Jiaolong. AKA a great big dragon who protects the waters of his territory.
Gummy: I tell ya, I'm all right now, but last week I was in rough shape. I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me? He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
Stealth, cunning, guile… these are my inheritance. I AM ALLIGATOR! GRAR! Respect me, Ponyville!
“Why! It’s Gummy!” declared Rarity. “Pinkie Pie’s dear little… creature.”
yes swimming nothing else, just swimming
. Okay this story KILLED ME. I LOVE THIS STORY truly gummy is a fiece predetor againts the cute school ponies and pastel colored unicorns. BUT wow i love this story this is amazing. also i lov the names of everybody and just well eeverything, trully this is the explination of gummy
ps i belive in rainbow dash
Oh ho ho my God, that last paragraph made me laugh so hard. :'D
This is one of the funnest, best light-hearted style stories I've ever read. Spectacularly written, too. And I found that Rainbow having a (very) soft side to her was perfectly in chararcter. Well done! :D
I really liked this story. Best bit was when Rainbow Dash turns out to like erudite literature (I've read A Tale of Two Cities and "Dude, make up your mind already" had me in stitches) and looking after little lost animals when no one's looking. That part would make a great story idea in itself.
I'm impressed with the level of detail you put into the story. I didn't even catch half the references until I read the comments, but mostly I'm talking about how you depict the pony world through Gummy's eyes. The narrative switches were excellent; another good bit was when Twilight goes from deducing that Gummy is under the box to composing a letter to Celestia about it. The fact that the letter was played completely straight only made the comedy so much greater because of the strong mismatch between well-intentioned Twilight and poor Gummy.
If I had to criticize, I'd probably say that making Steven Magnet appear as Sobek incognito came out of left-field. I get it now you explained it in the comments (rather cleverly too, but since I don't know Latin that well, is that what Stephanos really means or is this Canis Latinicus?), and in hindsight I rather like it, but not when it suddenly appeared in the story as it did. Also, Carrot Cake's speech seemed a little odd. His first line makes him sound like an age peer, not like a parent, and that comment about griffons and foreign food makes him seem a little racist. Was it a reference to Gustave le Grande or something? Lastly, the final section with Pinkie considering the Pony Pet Play Date didn't seem to focus on Gummy at all save for one last line. Considering we've just spent most of the fic following his thoughts, this seems a little rushed.
Still, it was great fun while it lasted. A fav and a like from me!
Steve may or may not be Sobek. There may not even be a Sobek except in Gummy's mind. But, being who he is, I imagine Steve's encountered this sort of shock and awe from reptiles before, and knows how to deal with it. I thought he was kind and understanding, in the way I think Princess Celestia is, knowing that someponies are a little scared of her. 
The "what griffons would eat" was an allusion to Gustave Le Grand, as you inferred. I was thinking of Carrot Cake as less "racist" than merely provincial. And, just maybe, with "strudel" he's moving outside of his comfort zone as a baker. With strudel, he might have to "up his game."
As for the ending, I preferred to leave the end to the reader's imagination. I rated the story for everypony. And I thought Pinkie's obliviousness was pretty much Pinkie-as-usual.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed reading the part where Steve appears. But the idea behind it is intriguing enough to deserve some attention of its own, and because of that, it was a mite distracting.
I'd still edit that bit with Carrot Cake, though. Nothing major, just make him sound less "uh oh foreign" and more "uh oh exotic food", if that's the effect you're going for. I'd probably bring his speech more in line with standard English, too, and with less buffy speak. Like this bit:
“Still kind of in doubt about this ‘strudel’ thing, Pinkie,” said MR. CAKE, studying the chalked menu. “It sounds foreign. You know, like,” in hushed tones, “what griffons would eat.”
For instance, I'd probably put the subject back in and rewrite it like this:
“I'm still not sure about this ‘strudel’ idea, Pinkie,” said MR. CAKE, studying the chalked menu. “It sounds a little... exotic. You know, like,” he continued in hushed tones, “what griffons would eat.”
As for the ending, I wouldn't take anything away. Far from it. I'd add some kind of coda or final line from Gummy, perhaps about his encounter with Steve and fulfilling his destiny, or some such. The ending of a story works best when it gives a genuine feel of closure, not just when the character's problem is solved.
I hasten to add that none of this nitpicking is because I dislike your story. I think you write very well, and you must either be a good editor or be willing to ask a good editor to help you, because the technical elements are superb. How long did it take to go from idea to finished work?
"How long did it take to go from idea to finished work?"
About a week. As luck would have it, I had a three-day weekend around Labor Day, so I had a little extra free time.
And that is not typical of me, at all. This was just one of those stories that popped into my head in the small hours of the morning. For some reason, the title of PhantomFox's story, "Sunny Skies All Day Long" entered my head, got confused, and somehow became "Gummy Tries All Day Long." I asked myself, well, what would a story with that title be about, and I just knew. So 2:00 AM found me at my keyboard, tapping in the outline before I forgot it. Actually writing the story was a breeze, because I knew at every point where I was going.
It probably helped that I had written about Gummy before (in "Short Cakes"), so I had a handle on his character. Also, the story has an episodic structure, much like the classic Chuck Jones/Mike Maltese Roadrunner cartoons, so writing the story in short bursts was easy.
"About a week. As luck would have it, I had a three-day weekend around Labor Day, so I had a little extra free time. And that is not typical of me, at all. This was just one of those stories that popped into my head in the small hours of the morning."
A week to complete about six thousand words? That's pretty good going, even if it is unusual. It sounds like a lot of the story was already well-formed before you started writing.
I generally think up a load of story ideas over time and see which one engages my interest the longest -- usually the one I'm most interested in pursuing -- and then either dive straight into writing a passage or plan the story out in detail.
"For some reason, the title of PhantomFox's story, "Sunny Skies All Day Long" entered my head, got confused, and somehow became "Gummy Tries All Day Long.""
Hey, I never noticed that connection before. And it's so obvious now you've pointed it out, too!
"It probably helped that I had written about Gummy before (in "Short Cakes"), so I had a handle on his character. Also, the story has an episodic structure, much like the classic Chuck Jones/Mike Maltese Roadrunner cartoons, so writing the story in short bursts was easy."
His character here did remind me a lot of his character in Short Cakes, now you bring it up. And I can safely say that the Wile E. Coyote vibe was definitely there in Gummy's doomed series of attempts.
Took me a while to finally get around to reading it, but I'm glad I didn't let this one vanish into the bottomless hole of my Read Later list. How is it that these silly little pet stories end up being so entertaining? Have you seen this one, by the way?
Also, >>1237800 that made me laugh as much as anything in the story itself.
I actually thought about this.
If you consider Gummy as a normal alligator, I agree that he seems far too young to be courting. (He'd be bigger than a pony, in his adolescent stage.)
But Gummy is a 1+ year old alligator living in Equestria, so who knows? And, as you suggest, maybe Gummy is some sort of pygmy, toothless alligator that Pinkie has adopted. Gummy has a story that has never really been sorted out.
If you don't mind, let me share with you something I wrote about Gummy recently, when I had him awkwardly trying to comfort Pinkie Pie:
You found me when I thought I was abandoned.
You cared for me when I thought I had no one.
You gave me warmth when I felt cold.
You brought me laughter when I felt sad.
Do not be afraid!
Whatever happens, I will always be your friend.
Being a breed of pygmy toothless alligator just seems really sad to me. And if Gummy's a sexually mature one, who knows how small the newborns will be.
I do like the thought of this eventually happening: http://csimadmax.deviantart.com/gallery/27895291?offset=24#/d39so9z
Interesting and kind of unique idea, rather fun too. I'm glad you cut it off where you did though. To much more and you would have been droning. I feel that you could have played more on Pinkie/Gummies relationship and you could have made it more interesting through that, but still all around good.
Unique Ideas, Bland Charactazation (outside Gummy), Decent writing and and a good flavor of humor. I'll give it a 6/10 (5 being an average story rather then 7)
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