As a big storm approaches Ponyville, Pumpkin and Pound Cake steal through the cellar of Sugar Cube Corner, on a mission to claim the cookies and milk promised them by the Ancient Ones.
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- Member Since 5th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Dec 11th, 2023
Cloud Wander
Be kind. For everyone you meet, life is a hard battle.
Cloud Wander
Joined 5th Apr, 2012 ·
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It's somewhat scary to think that Gummy might already have children.
I liked this one. Their language and their quest with their reactions to the common things in the cellar was most enjoyable.
The pony that showed up was a nice touch, too.
Well, I just passed out from adorableness. Off to go take care of my exploded heart.
Aw, lovely... So cute! It's interesting to see the world through the eyes of the Cake twins.
Lol and Pwincess Woona's cameo!
Good lord this is... I don't know how to describe it. Warm, fuzzy, a bit tearjerking. You breathe such life into Pound and Pumpkin.
That was beautiful.
This was great. Not often you see a fic about the cake babies. Have a mustache.
This was a pretty cute story. It was very cute and I enjoyed how Pound and Pumpkin talk in their mind and have a big adventures.
The one thing I am lost on is where Mr. and Mrs. Cake were during the storm? I might have missed it or something.
Still it was a cute and enjoyable story.
D'aawwwwwwhnnnnggggghhhh!!
This is great! I love stories like these.
2033343
I'm sorry if I didn't make this clearer, but the Twins' journey occurred in Pumpkin's dream. I came up with this story after thinking about "Sleepless in Ponyville." The "Storm Giant" represents both the storm and Pumpkin's fear of loss (just as Scootaloo's fear was less about "the Headless Horse" than about her loss of status before Rainbow Dash).
In the waking world, Mr. and Mrs. Cake were busy holding the house together against the storm. (That storms pass through Ponyville was established in Look Before You Sleep.)
Another great story with this pair. Close call, though, at the end.
"Why is Pumpkin bawling?"
"I have no idea--maybe she doesn't like banjos?"
The d'aww is strong in this.
2033598
You know when I reread the story and made my comment, I kinda did think that this was just a dram Pumpkin was having. Also seeing that Luna was in it should have been the point that this was a dream.
I was just trying to figure out where they were. The other confessing part was when they are starting out on their adventure and then we got to a part where the Cakes are putting them in the basement. I might have been looking at that part to much.
Still it was a good idea and you did well for their dream. I did the same thing in my story to. Having one of the twins having a dream.
Still great job.
A few other points I meant to include in my comments:
Do you know what She’s dreaming? This references the Red King’s dream from Through the Looking-Glass. I intended this as a tell to the reader that things are not as they seem.
In developing Pound's internal voice, I hear him as Jack Kirby's Mighty Thor. I say thee neigh!
The Challenge of the Plate of Cookies is a mash-up of Excalibur and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I assume everypony has seen one or the other.
Thinking about "Sleepless in Ponyville," Luna appears to be the very definition of a psychopomp, both in the Jungian sense of a dream mediator between the conscious and unconscious realms, but also as a guide to the souls of the recently deceased. Her role as the adjudicator of "nightmare" seems like such a terrible burden.
"Foggy Mountain Breakdown" is a classic in our world. Since Froggy Bottom Bog is just over the hill from Ponyville, I imagine "Froggy Bottom Breakdown" is a banjo standard in Equestria.
'Tis an epic for the annals of time, to be recorded somewhere after the first word, and many moons before the first day of school. Such nobility the heroes showed in their quest.
2034966
Forsooth! And so did Pound wax wroth with exceeding wrath. "Time flies like an arrow," he declaimed. "Fruit flies like a banana."
2035017 And Pumpkin, in her wisdom, inquired thusly "How then, does a shoe fly?"
Okay, that was good. The whole trek through the cellar was straight-up, wall-to-wall awesome. Pumpkin and Pound's over-the-top 'hero' dialogue, their perception of random junk as ancient artifacts and landmarks, the Guardians... I was chuckling at one thing or another the whole time. Also, Woona. That's actually a pretty cool idea, that she'd appear as a filly when visiting kids' dreams.
One little thing you may want to correct, though: Gummy and the Twins' dialogue was italicized up until they reached the Cellar Door, then switched to standard lettering with quotation marks.
The ending bits were so touching.
2035246
I wondered how readers would perceive this. The transition of the Twins' dialog from "thinking" at each other to speaking out loud was intended as a tell to the reader that, from here on, things will get weird. Pumpkin notices this in the story, but doesn't understand it.
This is something I've struggled with, writing about characters that don't actually have voices. What would Angel Bunny sound like? How about Opal? I've written scenes about the pets and set them aside because they didn't "sound right." I feel comfortable with the Twins and Gummy, for some reason, perhaps because their personalities aren't that well established.
This is one of the greatest fics I've read lately. I laughed and I d'aaawed as I haven't done in weeks, maybe months. The perfect antidote for depression.
Thanks, and good job
I'm sorry, but there's no way that was actually a dream. Or rather, if it was, I don't want it to have been.
Either way, fuggin' good story.
That was adorable.
The Monty Python reference was hilarious, too. I always love seeing what you're going to put the Cake twins through next.
Very nice. I think that the beggining was a little slow, but the rest made it retroactively better.
The entire time, I was reading the twins' lines in Shakespearean voices. This was great. X3
This story made my brain hurt. (In a good way, mind.)
I think something shorted out at Woona's appeawance. Ignore the smoke. Wepair dwones awe on theiw way.
Just precious!
I really enjoyed the different angle of the story being told through the dream of little Pumpkin Cake. The innocence and wonder of their little baby minds just made me melt.
I think we can safely say that you're a master of baby pony epic adventures. This story had such a beautiful mix of whimsy, heartwarming and depth.
This was a great fic. I especially loved Woona. Excellent work.
I think Pumpkin and Pound have become my favourite fanon characters. It's a tie between them and Sepia Tock. I love the idea that they're these brave adventurers.
Tears were shed.
That was awesome. No really, it was awe inspiring. I loved it.
It was such a cute little story, and I really enjoyed it.
A most excellent and amusing adventure rife with tales of heroics and good deeds! I just absolutely loved this heartwarming story. You get a thumbs up AND a star from me.
You could make a series of this. I'm not joking.
It's a shame there aren't many Cake twins stories here on FiMfiction.....though, the ones we do have tend to be really good. This story is one such example.
I just wish we could get some development for these two in the show; they are awesome!
It's... It's incredible. I will not soil this scene with words.
So cute and awesome.
I'm going to have to read this story again to make sure I do the Mighty Pound correctly. I love the juxtaposition of high adventure tropes with the completely mundane setting; it's a) very faithful to how I think we feel as kids, making epic tales out of anything we can get our hands on, and b) utterly hilarious.
I have to say, the bit about Pinkie Pie as the Queen in Pink who's dreaming the whole world completely fails as a signal that things are not what they seem, because, and this is important, it's Pinkie Pie. She pokes holes in reality,* can't be observed without knowing it,** sprouts extra limbs at will,*** and looks at the back of her own head without optics of any kind.**** She doesn't just act weird, she is weird,***** and I wouldn't be even a little surprised to learn that either she really is dreaming the whole world of Equestria or she's just rubbed off on Gummy enough that he's convinced she is.
Now, just for the hell of it, a list of bits that almost killed me (by laughter, unless otherwise noted):
"Or come with us, whatever".
)
)
"'Pickle barrel,' the Queen muttered enigmatically, then fell silent."
"And I fear the condition of the Box of Sand!"
"Help me, it trilled in a tiny voice." (
"Would you leave me an only child?"
"Would you not look upon yourself, in your cuteness? I would, by troth."
"Oh, sorry! replied Pumpkin. Did I think that out loud?" (I like this one because it singlehandedly justifies the lack of distinction between thought-thoughts and speech-thoughts up until now.)
"Four. Or maybe six, depending on if there’s milk. I’d be happy with two, if they have sprinkles. Actually, we could leave a couple… for others, he looked knowingly at Owlowiscious." (I'm a little confused by the execution here- obviously the joke is about the bit in recipes where it says "serves <number>", and that's pretty funny... but that number is usually a number of people, so I don't get why Pound says he'd be happy with two... wouldn't that be the best outcome, with him and Pumpkin each getting half a plate of cookies?
"Had they once been children?"
"Mom is Mom, Dad is Dad, Pinkie is… whatever Pinkie is."
"no we really enjoy camping, except for the bugs." (Snrk. This is one of those lies that are way too popular.)
And then for a while the story gets scary and dramatic and evocative and then reassuring and all oooh, good stuff. Lots of feelings, but... the fear is tempered with confusion and curiosity and the sadness is that "happy for deep people" kind that you get walking through a house where nobody's lived for a long time, the kind that says the darkness isn't dark, it's just a place where the light isn't right now but was once and might be again someday. And so It's not that this part is less evocative, it's mostly that it's less sudden. Until...
"'But first! Woona announced, brushing her wings, suddenly business-like. 'There is the matter of cookies!'"
"'What tweachewy! It appears that Gummy seeks the cookies for himself! Will this be awwowed, my fwiends?!'" (I'm not going to say this is the best example of that juxtaposition of childlike and adventurous I talked about earlier, but it's definitely one of the examples where the two concepts press closest together, if that makes any sense.)
And then there's the ending, which is just wonderful and heartwarming and doesn't kill me at all, except maybe a long slow death by heightened blood sugar. But you've still attempted to kill me thirteen times with this one story, so obviously you should be on the lookout for my vengeance in the future.
*Over a Barrel
**Feeling Pinkie Keen, Lesson Zero
***A Friend in Deed
****Watch the Cupcakes song from Call of the Cutie again. Closely.
*****She acts weird as well, though, which helps.
Update: the kind ponies at Equestria Daily have pointed out a few grammatical and stylistic errors that I've since corrected.
Buwahaha. Very nice. I caught the referances as well. Especially the Pinkie One.
2042034
I'm a little confused by the execution here- obviously the joke is about the bit in recipes where it says "serves <number>", and that's pretty funny... but that number is usually a number of people, so I don't get why Pound says he'd be happy with two... wouldn't that be the best outcome, with him and Pumpkin each getting half a plate of cookies?
I assumed a normal serving of "two cookies and a cup of milk." So, twelve cookies total on the plate. If milk is not available, then a serving, in Pound's estimation, is three cookies ("serves four"). So, you're correct, Pound is giving the number of ponies served.
If Pound and Pumpkin both settle for two cookies each, that leaves eight on the plate, which appears illogical. But, I imagine Pound as being like I was as a child: these cookies are my cookies. There may be other cookies on the plate, but I control these. (I suppose it comes from my growing up with three siblings. There were lines of demarcation around everything.) So Pound feels he has the right to yield one of his cookies and assumes, with child logic, that Owlowiscious will understand that any other cookies are not to be touched. They might be Mom's or Dad's!
To be honest, I didn't think all of that through when I wrote the story. But looking back on it, I understand my "reasoning."
2049639
Ah, I see. So when he says "four" and when he says "six" he's answering the question, but when he says "I'd be happy with two" he's offering up one of the cookies that would be part of his share. I can see how this works now, but it's really not clear in the text alone- he just goes from four to six to two without indicating that he's changed units.
2050509
Yes, that's about right. I wish I had made the business about the cookies more clear, but that's not where I was concentrating at the time.
2034947 Ah, yes. For those of us who've read Through the Looking Glass that was a strong indicator.
I know Monty Python and the Holy Grail but any reference to Excalibur is lost on me.
As to how you portray Princess Luna, please tell me that you're going for the classical model of 'both Princesses are gods' rather than acknowledge that conclusion of the second series.
I loved this, it had a great pace and is very creative way to look at the world from a baby's point of view.
2052475
If you're referring to Princess Cadance, I think along the lines of Sam Gamgee: "There's alicorns and alicorns, if you take my meaning." I actually like Cadance and her whole tale has not been told. But I don't place her in the same category as Celestia and Luna. (But, give Cadance a thousand years or so... and who knows?)
I suspect, if MLP:FIM goes into a fourth season, that we'll get some insight into what the life of a Princess is really like. (I'm hoping that we'll finally get a Celestia-centric episode. With Celestia singing!
)
I love this continuity so much, and this fic is no exception. Fantastic, fantastic writing.
Definitely my favorite of the week, therefore: Ding!
So nice to hear this is getting the EqD treatment. So many unsuspecting readers out there about to be hit right in their 'dawwwww'