Luna and the Moose: A Tale of the Night Court

by shallow15

On the Origins of the Moose

There were many requirements to become a member of the Canterlot Royal Guard. Exceptional physical prowess, above average intelligence, specializations in flight, magic, or combat (depending on the species of pony), and in the case of the Night Guard, a willingness to have aspects of one's physical form altered.

When a pony was selected for the Night Guard and swore the oath of service, a spell was cast upon them to conform to what was considered the standard appearance for a member.The pony's coat was changed to a shade of gray, generally a darker shade for stallions than mares. The pony's vision was enchanted to be able to see in the dark, manifesting in golden cat-like eyes that were fairly unnerving to anypony unlucky enough to find themselves under their gaze. However, the eyes were nothing compared to the leathery bat wings which replaced the normal feathered wings of the pegasi, or were magically grown onto the backs of unicorns and earth ponies who joined up.

All in all, the effect upon encountering one of the Night Guard ranged from unease to outright terror. Celestia had asked, before Luna's banishment to the moon, why she would have her personal guard look so frightening to anypony who encountered them. Luna's response had been oddly logical:

“When the shadows of the night seem darker than usual and dread that our enemies could come at any moment is seizing their hearts, our subjects can take comfort that, no matter how horrific the enemy or the monster, there is nothing out there that is more terrifying than our Night Guard.”

After Luna's return, the first thing she had done was reinstate the Night Guard. Well, to be honest, it was the fourth thing she had done, right after a hot bath, a huge meal, and a rather intimately sticky encounter with one of the unsuspecting house colts. It was lonely up there, suspended in the moon.

The reinstated Night Guard, while smaller in number, were nonetheless just as loyal as the ponies in their ranks a millennium ago. However, Luna had found that, in this modern era, the ponies who wished to join tended to be much like the ponies who would petition the Night Court. That is to say, a bit... quirky.

This was why the arrival of the moose in the throne room was explained quite succinctly by the fact that Night Guard Lance-Corporal Star Cluster was involved

Unlike the rest of the Night Guard, Star Cluster's enchantment to the standard appearance had somehow gone awry. While the wings, coat, and eyes had changed as expected, her mane and tail had not changed to the standard blue and gray stripes normally found on the other Night Guard. In Star Cluster's case, the gray stripes had appeared, but her original blood red mane had remained where it would have turned midnight blue.

The odd resistance to the enchantment was only the beginning. While all the Night Guard had their own little foibles when off duty, Star Cluster's foibles were there all the time. She refused to wear her helmet when on duty, drew graffiti on the walls of wherever she was stationed, and, most annoyingly, she had tendency to constantly think out loud. This personality quirk was in full bloom when she zoomed into the throne room and spotted the moose in the corner.

“There you are!” she said with a sigh of relief. She flew over to the moose and hovered in front of its snout. “Do you know how long I've spent looking for you? Because of you I couldn't meet up with Shooting Star behind the garden shed. And let me tell you, there's a very good reason they call him 'Shooting Star,' if you follow me. Oh, well, there's always tomorrow. Let's get you out to the gardens anyway.”

The night guard reached forward with her forelegs, wrapped them around a couple of prominent prongs of the moose's antlers and began pulling, attempting to drag the moose out of the room. This did not have the intended effect, as the moose remained immobile, which Star Cluster strained to drag it away.

“Okay,” she grunted through clenched teeth. “Not a problem. Let's go. Come on! Once more! Hnnnnnnnghaaaaa!”

Luna and Night Audit exchanged another, more amused glance, before the Night Princess cleared her throat.

“Lance-Corporal Star Cluster! Stand to attention!”

Instantly, Star Cluster's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. She quickly let go of the moose and hovered at attention, saluting with a foreleg.

“Night Guard Lance-Corporal Star Cluster, standing ready and at your command, O Luna, Princess of the Night!”

Luna waved a hoof. “That will do, Lance-Corporal. Am I to understand that you are responsible for this?” Luna nodded her head in the direction of the moose.

Star Cluster swallowed. “Um, well, Your Highness. I'm not exactly responsible for it being here. Well, I am responsible for it being in the throne room, I guess, but I didn't bring it here to the castle. I just was trying to get it out of the courtyard before it decided to – oh, it did that in here, didn't it?”

Night Audit slapped a hoof to his forehead, while Luna's eyes narrowed and focused on Star Cluster. When she spoke again, Olde Canterlot had returned to her speech.

“Thou hast best explain thyself in short order, Lance-Corporal, or thy evenings with Shooting Star will be a thing of the past, for thy future will be spent in the deepest depths of the castle sewers with only our sister's toothbrush for company. Dost thou understand us?”

Star Cluster gulped and nodded frantically. Luna's eyes began to glow and she let loose with the Canterlot Royal Voice.

“DOST THOU UNDERSTAND US, SOON-TO-BE PRIVATE STAR CLUSTER?”

“The moose teleported into the courtyard about half an hour ago, I was ordered to take it to the gardens while Captain Black Diamond tried to figure out where it came from, I was leading it to the gardens when suddenly I was dragging the rope I was leading it with and the moose was nowhere to be found, I searched the lower levels of the castle until I came in here and found it – has it been eating the ficus?”

Elapsed time from Star Cluster drawing breath until her train of thought derailed: eight seconds. It took an additional two seconds for Luna and Night Audit to both blurt out the same thing:

“Teleported?!”

Star Cluster nodded. “One second, I'm there with a few of the other guards, bored out of my mind, and then poof! There's a moose in the courtyard. Nearly gave old One-Eyed Jack a heart attack, I can tell you.”

“That's impossible,” Night Audit said. “Ever since the changeling invasion, the closest anypony without the appropriate charm can teleport to the castle is the outer walls.”

“Well, maybe the moose was sent here by someone,” Star Cluster said.

“That is also not possible,” Luna replied. “Again, any pony performing such a spell would still need the appropriate charm in order to get any object or animal past the wards protecting the castle.”

“So, what do we do then?” Star Cluster asked, all semblance of formality gone.

Luna considered. “Night Audit, how vital are the final items on the agenda?”

Night Audit levitated the agenda scroll over to them and unrolled it. “Nothing vital, but the petitioners have been waiting for several hours to be heard.”

Luna sighed. “Very well. Lance-Corporal, you will escort the moose to the gardens as you intended. You will then find Captain Black Diamond and tell him I wish to see him in the throne room as soon as possible.”

Star Cluster saluted. “Yes, Your Highness!”

Luna narrowed her eyes and leaned in close to Star Cluster's face. “And there will be no distractions, delays, or general nonsense while you do this. Am I clear, Lance-Corporal?”

Star Cluster nodded frantically. “Crystal clear, Princess.”

Luna nodded again then turned toward the moose. Magic coursed through her horn and an ephemeral beam of light looped itself around the neck of the moose. A tendril of the energy sprouted from the loop, extended towards Star Cluster, and wrapped around her left foreleg.

“That should ensure you and our guest aren't separated on your way to the gardens,” said Luna. “You are dismissed.”

Star Cluster saluted again, and turned towards the moose. “Okay, Muscles, you and me. The gardens. Now. Let's go.”

The moose swallowed what was left of the rhododendron bush in its mouth, then casually loped off towards the throne room doorway, dragging Star Cluster with it. The night guard's voice dopplered away down the corridor as she tried to keep up with it.

Luna and Night Audit looked at each other again, then chuckled.

“All right, enough frivolity for now,” Luna said. “Let's not keep the petitioners waiting any longer.

Twenty minutes later, the last petitioner left the throne room, thus giving the princess and the clerk a chance to consider their moose related predicament.

“It is very strange, Night Audit,” Luna said. “Even beyond being able to appear in the courtyard, why on earth would someone send a moose to the castle?”

“I have to admit, even for the Night Court, this is probably the strangest thing I've ever experienced,” said Night Audit.

Luna looked out the window at the night sky. “I do not like unexplained phenomena, my friend. I like it even less when I am expected to meet an ambassador in a scant few hours.”

Night Audit moved closer to the princess. “I'm well aware of that, Your Highness.”

Luna got to her hooves. “But enough speculation and brooding. Let us investigate this further. Perhaps a solution will present itself.”

As Luna stepped down from the throne to the floor, the throne room doors opened again, admitting the charcoal gray form of Captain Black Diamond of the Night Guard.

“Your Highness,” he said, bowing before the princess. “I bring urgent news.”

“Rise, Captain,” Luna said graciously.”I expect this is about the moose which has suddenly appeared within our midst?”

“Yes, indeed, Your Highness.” Black Diamond said, rising and withdrawing a scroll from his armor. “We received this message from the minotaur ambassador's staff just a few minutes ago. It sheds some light on the whole moose issue.”

“Do tell,” Luna said, quirking an eyebrow.

“Apparently, the moose is a beloved pet of the ambassador and it has recently had some medical trouble. Naturally, the ambassador was reluctant to leave his pet at home during his visit here, so he sent it along ahead of him. Unfortunately, something happened in transit, and we didn't get the letter explaining all this until some time after the moose arrived.”

“But, that still doesn't explain how the moose managed to teleport inside the courtyard without the security charm,” Night Audit said. Black Diamond frowned.

“This is true,” he said slowly. “Your Highness, with your permission, I'd like to bring in a couple of the magic instructors from Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns to help figure out how this could have happened.”

Luna nodded. “I agree, Captain. I shall be down to the courtyard shortly to look into this matter myself, but first I feel that I should see how the ambassador's pet is getting on in the gardens.”

“Um, yeah, about that –" came a sheepish voice. The three of them turned to see a disheveled Star Cluster standing in the doorway. The magical tether was wrapped several times around her body. Her cheeks were bright red from embarrassment.

“I,” she began. “Well, I kinda lost the moose. Again.”

Comments

[TCSNxs]

Few things.

1. Spotted a typo.
Luna and Ngiht Audit looked at each other again, then chuckled - Night?

2. Star Cluster - Like. A. Boss.

3. Why in the name of all things Orchards and Apples has this not been featured yet?

4. MOAR!!!

Edit: Have you submitted this to EQD yet? http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/09/how-to-submit-to-equestria-daily.html

[Bronyhood of steel]

the moose will destroy us all

[Seether00]

1235093
A Møøse once bit my sister ...

No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse
with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given
her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and
star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo
Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst
Nordfink".

[shallow15]

1234535

So, I took your suggestion and submitted it, reluctantly, to EQD. The reason I say reluctantly is I've had bad experiences with submitting to EQD in the past, to the point that it killed any desire I had to work on one of my other fics.

This one didn't even make it to the pre-readers, being rejected for "excessive grammatical errors."

I have had pieces professionally published. Getting those pieces in print was easier than getting a fic posted to EQD. I'm sorry, I don't consider fanfiction something to stress that much over. So, yeah, pretty much my position is that I don't need the exposure that badly. Especially at the expense of the fun of writing the story.

Thanks for the suggestion though.

[TCSNxs]

1238965

Likewise. I delve more into the realm of poetry and prose then stories and I know that pain all to well. Make one wonder if they bother to read it half the time.

I also 100% agree that the pleasure tends to be more in the creation of the expression then the actual result.

FWIW, this is among the better humorous pieces I've read in a long while. Just something about it clicks for me. Also, the repeated use of a ficus is brilliant stroke of genius.

[Themaskedferret]

*Facepalms* oh this is gonna be good.