- Member Since 28th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen April 30th
Jinzou
I have been known to write smol horse words on occasion.
Jinzou
Joined 28th Jun, 2013 ·
Offline
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De-light-ful!
Gotta be honest, this was adorable. I loved how you turned Twilight's random fear of ladybugs from that one short into the origin of the "Sunshine, sunshine" dance, complete with it being Shining that did it to her. I don't think I've ever seen the "Shining Armor made Smarty Pants" thing before, but it's a really good explanation as to why it looks so raggedy, and it gives some great depth to their relationship.
I also think you did a great job of keeping Twilight in character as a young girl who is very smart but not mature, especially with how she overreacts and always jumps to the worst case scenario like in the show. Little things like:
That's just precious, how she's afraid of someone hearing her use the incredibly dirty word "butt." The relationships were great to, not just Twilight and Shining, but also Twilight and Cadance. She still has that story book perfection going on.
I think the beginning bits were a bit.. tell-y. "I was terrified." "I didn't like change." I feel you could have done a better job conveying these ideas without just telling us. Maybe more body language like twitching tails, pawing at the ground, shaking, etc. Or use more of her nerdy thought process. Like it was great when she thought Cadance was "the best foal sitter in the galaxy," not the world.
Still, I highly enjoyed this little slice of life from the young Sparkle siblings. Cute, a bit sad, and utterly heart warming. Great job!
why is twilight so damn adorable? i love this so much.
Headcanon accepted on the origins of Smarty Pants!
Cute~
Hey, it’s Smartypants!
I loved this from start to finish!
Approved for Twilight's Library
This was really cute!
Oh wow...
That was beautiful.
10566479
Very punny.
10566480
Might look at the telly bits in a bit and see what I can do, but thank you for your nice words!
10566518
because filly
10566641
The best character, honestly. Smartypants could take down anyone in the pony universe with one hoof.
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10566860
10567526
Thanks!
10566756
It be her.
10566825
So does that mean I can add it or... what?
For some reason in my mind, when I saw the cover art I thought of Twilight's horn that is hidden behind Shining to be stabbing into his neck while magic tendrils reached out for his brain, all the while lil Twi was thinking, "Now, let's see what dirty little thought you have Shiny. Muhehaheahahaa." It's better if you think of Twilight thinking that in a comicly devious voice.
10567542
It's been added by me.
10567608
I like it.
10567869
Oh, well thanks!
This is very sad, I love it so much
Damn you, Jinz.
Almost got me crying.
Awwwwww. This was beautiful, a very touching and very real moment for the Twilight family. It was lovely to see everyone play a role in the story. I also like to see Twilight actually upset about moving away from her family. It’s something that people just kinda gloss over with Twilight.
Very pleasant read, well done
Adorable
Really sweet story here, Jinz. I love the little tie-in to Twily's fear of ladybugs. I think this is the first fic I've seen that had Smartypants be something that Shining gave to her, which is a nice little headcanon. Cadance being the one to crack her armor was a great choice as well.
My only constructive critique would be that some of the narrative—which, since this is first-person perspective, is even more of an extension of Twilight's thoughts than third-person-limited is—uses vocabulary that I personally would have simplified. With how young Twilight is, along how simple her most of her dialogue is, words like "persisted" and "conspiratorially" threw me off a little bit as belonging to her at this age. Then again, this could just be a nitpick, as you could argue that she thinks with bigger words than she feels confident using yet.
In any case, it's a good story, and an easy fave.
10568534
I'm so glad!
10568702
Mission failed, we'll get 'em next time.
10568797
Thanks! And I'm so glad you liked it!
I mean, I couldn't see Twilight not getting upset. When I was that age any sort of change like that freaked the fuck out of me and I know I wasn't alone. Hell, I even felt a weaker sense of that when I first moved into the dorms at college.
10568912
10569010
I'm somewhat surprised the idea that Shining gave her Smartypants is rare. I mean it's raggedy enough that it looks... well, not officially made, and we know she cares a bit about it even years later, so that makes me think she got it as a present from somebody she was close with, and it's nostalgic value.
Thanks for the kind words and I'll take a look at that vocabulary when I get off work.
10569147
I sincerely hope so.
That was a nice little bit of cuteness.
This fanfic is just so scrumptious, wholesome, sweet, and heartwarming! The adorableness and the believability for this sweet lil' slice of life-er is unbelievably awesome! I hope ya didn't mind, but I simply had to make a reading on this super adorbs story!
Audio Linkyloo!: https://youtu.be/BKe4M_t-pAM
(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)
10569876
Glad you enjoyed it!
10570045
Agh, you spoil me. Thanks!
11/10 on the Cuteness Scale. I love how easily you conveyed the fact that change is scary, as inevitable as it is. You did absolutely wonderful man!
10582220
Ah, change. The nebulous concept of ever entangling affairs that keep me up at night, fearing of the faceless, of the unknown.
Also thanks.
Liked it alot but it was cheapened by the fact that Shining Armor thanks to nepotism is never at risk of dying in battle. All I can think of is some other filly who's big brother is joining the army who has no royal marefriend. That if war breaks out he might die, leaving that filly alone, same conversation, same doll given by the brother, but no certainty of survival, there is an actual cost for the brother joining the army.
All this to say that the story is great but Cadance and Twilight's infleunce cheapens the impact sigficantly, Twilight is just upset that her brother is going away, it might as well be college.
10669687
This is also what cadance said to Twilight. Could be nepotistic, could be that she just said that to calm her down. However I can absolutely see your point and can't disagree.
An oddball ghost happened across your fic and read it. Have a review!
...No. I can't see her doing that. Love does not deny the purpose of the soul-brand on the hip of the beloved in such a way. But perhaps "If we ever do go to war, and he needs to go out and fight, I’m gonna be right next to him kicking butt together." maybe also adding in an unknowing prophecy "And then you won't need to worry, because our love together could halt an army in its tracks... no...it could do more than that! It could send an army flying over the horizon! And if even THAT doesn't work? We will have you, the smartest, most magical young mare in the world to rescue us."
I happened to have this in my copy-paste buffer so I am going to leave it here since it is fairly relevant.
A lot of people are going to get hurt tomorrow. All we can do is stand in the way of that and say, "Not them. Me. If you need to hurt someone, hurt me."... Because the alternative is to look at someone else, someone weaker and more vulnerable, and tell them that you want them to be hurt instead of you.
— O-Chul
tl;dr - These are the (future) heroes of Equestria, do not sell their bravery short. Of course the core idea of this story could still apply but "Bravery is not the absence of fear..."
10669687
The show doesn't bear that out though. Shining Armor is doing patrols in the arctic without back-up (which Celestia could have sent with the couple) and gets his horn filled with evil crystals. The only reason I can see him not being on the front lines is that his power and type of magic makes him a strategic level asset.
11510839
This story was never meant to realistically leave the message "Shining will never have to fight because nepotism". In this universe he'd fight the same as anybody else.
It was something said to calm down a little filly that was freaking out, scared for her brother. Just that.
And yes, that may be bad writing. That said, I like your suggestion a lot more and I may just change the story. Thank you for your comment.
11512565
Thank you for the clarification. It makes me feel better.
You are welcome.
As for calming her down... well, I have Honesty as very high in my personal hierarchy of virtues, and may be projecting on Shining and Cadance a bit.