10579636
This has to be one of the most constructive comments I've received.

Thank you very much for your tips and feedback. I am an amateur writing. I've been around here for some time now. And I've been trying to improve by making different types of stories.

As much as I love to make it more serious, I can say that I'm slightly afraid of doing so. I tried once to make a HUGE (from my perspective as my first shot) serious original story with an original world and set-up. But, from the few people that read that story, I was told that I forced it too much. And that story was a complete flop (lack of feedback and negativity).

So, thanks for the positive remarks. And I will try to make it better. I have reasons for some of the things that happened to the character in these chapters. But, I can't tell them because of the perspective from which the story is being told. I intend to make the reasons clear and I believe that, at least a little, they can ground the events and make them less, impossible they came out to be.

Again, thank you very much for the feedback.

This is going to be a good story, I can tell!

10579733
I am glad my simple observations were beneficial to you.

Fanfiction of any sort is a nice shortcut to testing the writing waters where interested people will give it a shot more often than not. Personally, I would even go so far to say start where you know you have a high chance of feedback, while the additional restriction of properly representing established characters/worlds can force you to adapt to a framework and build from there, which can in turn force you to think in ways you would not otherwise have considered in order to remain true to an established setting as you add your own pieces to the mix.

If you want to grow, take time to review this story, my suggestions, and how your characters act in contrast to real people. Engaging characters are believable, as if they were real people you could actually meet. Even psychopaths, sociopaths, and schizophrenics have their own demented logic and reason for acting like they do. Also consider what kinds of individuals/traits fit or fail in things like military service, as someone with involuntary twitches would be an irrational military member, outside of a role like a civilian auxiliary running messages, as the split second changes of combat would make such individuals an unacceptable risk, if not to themselves then certainly to their squadmates. A story I read recently was carrying a strange tension but worked until near the end, when that very thing came up and my immersion was utterly destroyed because it was insane for any rational military command to permit such individuals to be scouting discretely, let alone anything else.

In addition, I would also encourage you to spend time studying human interaction. The better you understand how people function and interact, the better you can express characters in a story, complete with idiosyncrasies and quirks. Books like How to Win Friends & Influence People, Entreleadership, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and others, can revolutionize your writing level. The fact it will likely revolutionize how well you get along with people in your own life is a major point in favor as well. And spending time studying the nuances of the major people, and their often messy life stories, found in the Bible will make you look at the world with fresh eyes when you begin to understand what motivated them. Regardless of one's view of it, the Bible stands as the single most influential book in human history, and it pays to spend some time learning why. My own studies have demonstrated we get told a lot of lies about it, but I digress.

And if you can, I also highly recommend getting a person or two to read your chapters prior to posting so you can do some editing with their feedback. Even one chapter doing this can do a lot to improve your implementation and what your eyes will catch. Short of that, my own experience with writing solo said finishing a chapter, then reviewing it to at least clean up or reword things can often improve things prior to post. I have not had time to write for a while now, but lessons learned by smashing your head against a wall are not easily lost.

The hardest part of the story is the start, because it sets up everything to follow.
I wish you luck.

I don't how to feel about this story. I mean the story itself is fine it's just the characters are iffy. Most of the ponies seem like douchebags and Arthur... well for lack of a better word he's a bitch, he's a spineless submissive bitch. That's the only things i can think to describe him.

Do any of you guys proofread and edit cause I need and editor to proofread a chapter of a story I’m doing please?

10582666
If you need a proof-reader and/or editor, look for the group Looking for Editors on this site. They let you create a tread that makes it easier said to find someone.

10583493
Thanks wait can you show me how to do that?

10583654
I haven't used the thread feature. But that's because I'm an idiot. They have a manual on how to do this on their page though.