10579566 I will keep that in mind. Thank you for the heads up.
And she is pretty much a troll 24/7, which makes me question how she can be bad at acting. It might be a stage fright sort of thing or something of the sort.
Hmm... Let me offer a brief summary of how I have perceived this.
Tons of potential, but I strongly suspect you are not used to writing something serious, if this is not your first attempt in the first place. It personally took me months before I really started to refine my own writing, so I know you can get much better than you may even realize, if you put in the time and effort.
General presentation feels very rough and stiff. Like a slide made of gravel and sandpaper. Most of the nuances in the circumstances presented are unrealistic at best, and nonsensical improbabilities at worst.
Silver displayed a horrendous amount of insubordination and disrespect to the one that is her revered ruler and top commanding officer. Utter contempt and disregard for her captive is not out of place, assuming that is part of her character and unspoken motivation, but manner it is presented is inconsistent and jerks the reader around like a rickety roller coaster cart. She appears to prefer simply killing him and dumping his carcass in the garbage for merely existing. The type and level of disdain she displays leaves no other real impression.
The arena thing feels completely random and makes no sense without some specific motivation to make Silver even consider that a good option for a complete unknown entity that not only caught them by surprise by appearing where they thought they were defended, but also arriving unconscious and displaying obvious signs of being seriously ill. That is not even dealing with why he was placed in the dungeon, rather than a hospital under heavy guard, as someone vomiting a strange foreign substance, and effectively in a coma, is about as threatening as a potted plant.
I will digress regarding the rest.
Despite all that, you do have potential here. Also, your grammar and spelling were not generally incorrect, which is already a broad step above what some stories get posted with. There are subtle hints of something better hidden in there.
While it is hard to discern much of each character's personality outside of 'they are/think/feel X' that is given with all the nuance of a falling boulder, the quotes give hints of depth and personality. Hints of Celestia's private burdens could come out more smoothly, but there is much to build on, if you carry forward.
I encourage you to take the time to contrast how your favorite authors implement sentences and present concepts and character personalities. FimFiction has a writing guide in the Help drop-down menu that might help you refine how you present things. You might also learn a lot by exploring https://tvtropes.org, as learning how the different conceptual pieces that make up any story play together can really open up how you keep aware of what you are doing.
Anything meaningful that is worth having will require effort to achieve, such as good writing. Take time to grow and practice if you really enjoy the art of creative writing. It takes real work and dedication to do.
Talent means nothing if you have lack the experience with which to exercise it.
you forgot to add learn how to deal with the suspect tsundere mare that you fought against that has it out for you.
on another note, troll celestia is the best celestia.
10579566
I will keep that in mind. Thank you for the heads up.
And she is pretty much a troll 24/7, which makes me question how she can be bad at acting. It might be a stage fright sort of thing or something of the sort.
Hmm... Let me offer a brief summary of how I have perceived this.
Tons of potential, but I strongly suspect you are not used to writing something serious, if this is not your first attempt in the first place. It personally took me months before I really started to refine my own writing, so I know you can get much better than you may even realize, if you put in the time and effort.
General presentation feels very rough and stiff. Like a slide made of gravel and sandpaper. Most of the nuances in the circumstances presented are unrealistic at best, and nonsensical improbabilities at worst.
Silver displayed a horrendous amount of insubordination and disrespect to the one that is her revered ruler and top commanding officer. Utter contempt and disregard for her captive is not out of place, assuming that is part of her character and unspoken motivation, but manner it is presented is inconsistent and jerks the reader around like a rickety roller coaster cart. She appears to prefer simply killing him and dumping his carcass in the garbage for merely existing. The type and level of disdain she displays leaves no other real impression.
The arena thing feels completely random and makes no sense without some specific motivation to make Silver even consider that a good option for a complete unknown entity that not only caught them by surprise by appearing where they thought they were defended, but also arriving unconscious and displaying obvious signs of being seriously ill. That is not even dealing with why he was placed in the dungeon, rather than a hospital under heavy guard, as someone vomiting a strange foreign substance, and effectively in a coma, is about as threatening as a potted plant.
I will digress regarding the rest.
Despite all that, you do have potential here. Also, your grammar and spelling were not generally incorrect, which is already a broad step above what some stories get posted with. There are subtle hints of something better hidden in there.
While it is hard to discern much of each character's personality outside of 'they are/think/feel X' that is given with all the nuance of a falling boulder, the quotes give hints of depth and personality. Hints of Celestia's private burdens could come out more smoothly, but there is much to build on, if you carry forward.
I encourage you to take the time to contrast how your favorite authors implement sentences and present concepts and character personalities.
FimFiction has a writing guide in the Help drop-down menu that might help you refine how you present things.
You might also learn a lot by exploring https://tvtropes.org, as learning how the different conceptual pieces that make up any story play together can really open up how you keep aware of what you are doing.
Anything meaningful that is worth having will require effort to achieve, such as good writing.
Take time to grow and practice if you really enjoy the art of creative writing.
It takes real work and dedication to do.
Talent means nothing if you have lack the experience with which to exercise it.