Ch11: La La La Lies
Sunday, April 15, 2012
“What. Did. You. Do?!” I demanded.
My sister rubbed her eyes as she groggily woke from her sleep. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I sputtered. “Mom! Dad! Plane! Home! One hour! What is meaning!?” I waved my arms around.
“Oh,” Dani yawned. “Took them long enough. I guess they couldn’t get a plane back for a while.”
I stormed over to her and roughly put a hand on her shoulder. “Why did you call them?!”
She glared at me. “Move the hand if you don’t want to lose it.” I growled, taking my hand off her shoulder. She straightened up and continued. “You honestly didn’t expect me to just not let them know about any of this, did you? After you got caught in a twister, beat up your car, and messed up your arm? They’re our parents, Will. They deserve to know what happened to you.” She cocked an eyebrow. “You honestly didn’t intend to keep them in the dark, did you?”
“I... well...” I stuttered.
“You did.” Dani rolled her eyes. “And you call me cold.”
“But Rarity-”
“I didn’t tell them about Rarity,” she said firmly.
I blinked. “You didn’t?”
Dani rolled her eyes. “No.”
I raised a finger, only to lower it again. “But you were so adamant last night-”
“And then you made me go talk to her,” she said, cutting me off. “Rarity, if that is her real name, and I reached an... agreement.”
I paused. “Oh,” I said, blankly. “Oh. Okay, well, I suppose that’s good.” I scratched my head. “What agreement is that, if I may ask?”
“Simple.” Dani shrugged. “She’s welcome to stay as long as she stays in sight and doesn’t give me any reason to suspect her. And if something valuable goes missing, she starts acting suspicious, or if she hurts you in any way, I’ll wring her pretty little neck. Until then, she has my tentative trust.”
“How very pragmatic,” I muttered.
“I didn’t call them about Rarity the first night she was here, did I? I didn’t see her as a thing to bring up last night either.” Dani smirked a little. “I still don’t believe she’s actually Rarity. I still think it’s more likely that she’s a nutcase. But I’m starting to believe that maybe she’s not dangerous.”
“Well that’s good.” I sighed. “That’s good...” I thought back a little. “So basically we’re back where we were a couple nights ago. You’re going to keep an eye on her and otherwise not bother her, and I’ll try to help her?”
“That’s about the size of it.” She nodded. “In any event, I’ve decided it’s your job to explain her to Mom and Dad.”
I balked. “My job!?”
She rolled her eyes. “Well, you are the one who brought her in here. I’m not going to be the one who tries to convince Dad that there’s a unicorn-turned-human from another dimension staying with us.”
“But you said the two of you reached an agreement!” I protested.
“We did.” Dani remained firm. “I said that I would let her stay so long as nothing suspicious happened. I didn’t say anything about how Mom and Dad might feel.”
“See, this is why you’re cold,” I grunted.
Dani threw up her arms. “Well, what would you have me do, Will?!” she shouted. “I’m going to care about your health and well-being before someone I can barely call an acquaintance! You got hurt in that storm, and Mom and Dad deserved to know about it. For your information, I didn’t ask them to come home. All I did was tell them what had happened. They were the ones that said they’d be on the next available flight home.”
I massaged my forehead with my left hand. “This is a disaster.”
“Speaking of your well-being, how’s your arm?” Dani asked, her voice starting to sound a touch concerned.
I poked at the arm a little, sending a lance of pain through the limb. I winced. “It’s sore, but it works,” I said, flexing it. “Pretty much the whole upper arm hurts a bit, but I can work through it.”
“I wouldn’t.” Dani said. “When someone at the Tae Kwon Do studio gets injured, it’s usually best to let the wound rest for a while. I’d put it in a sling if you can get one.”
“I’m hurt, not crippled,” I protested, rolling my eyes. “I’ll be fine.”
Dani huffed. “Fine. Whatever. Don’t cry to me if you hurt yourself more and end up with permanent damage.”
“I won’t,” I said, striding out of her room. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go deal with the hurricane you’ve brought down on me.”
“You do that.” Dani mumbled, slumping back down in her bed and falling back asleep.
* * *
While I take a measure of offense to being called a manchild, Dani’s recent analysis of my character got several things right. I live my life in stories. If I were a pony, stories in general would probably be my special talent. In fact, one truth I hold close to my heart is that there are few things in this world more satisfying than a well told story. I enjoy experiencing stories of any medium. I enjoy writing stories and, while I don’t mean to brag, I do think I’m rather passable at making them. I enjoy critiquing and reviewing stories as well. Oh sure, there are other things I can do. I can make almost-decent visual art if I really put my mind to it, and I made passable grades in psychology and various areas of history. I’m a halfway decent actor and I’ve participated in high-school and college theater productions several times. I’m also particularly good at puzzling out biology, though most other sciences tend to elude me. And I was a martial artist a few years back, managing to make black belt at the same dojo my sister went to, though I never achieved nearly as many degrees as she did, and five years out of practice had certainly dulled my skills a fair bit.
Stories, however, are my bread and butter. Ultimately, at the end of the day, they were what I was good at. I could tell a good story.
And that meant I could construct a good lie.
It’s something I’m neither proud of, nor particularly ashamed of. When I need to lie, I have a shiny, silver tongue at my disposal. I don’t necessarily like lying, but there are some times when it ends up being necessary.
This was one of those times.
There was no way my parents would accept the idea that Rarity was who she said she was. If I came out and told them ‘she’s a cartoon unicorn from the magical alternate universe of Equestria,’ they’d probably put both of us away. At the very least, they’d kick her out of the house and force her to fend for herself while I got a lecture about illegal drugs or something.
I sighed. My mother could potentially come around to the idea of Rarity being an ex-unicorn over time, as long as I broke it to her gradually, and only after she’d gotten to know -and like- our guest. She was very much like me in that sense. She was open to the impossible, except she was older. She’d been around the block more than I had. She probably wouldn’t accept the idea as readily as I had, even if it was a possible eventuality.
My father... he’d never accept the idea. Never in a million years. He was much closer to my sister in attitude, except even more surly. My sister was at least willing to talk about the level of sense it made, the improbability of other options, and the supposed impossibility of the truth. My father wouldn’t even do that. He’d never in his life even entertain the idea.
And if my father decided she was a loony with delusions of Equinity, well... he’d have the final say in whatever happened to her.
No. This was one of those cases where I’d have to put the silver tongue to use. Ignoring my throbbing arm as best I could, I came up with the cover story and presented it to Rarity as best I could in the twenty minutes we had left.
I found her downstairs after panicking a little when I couldn’t find her in the guest room. She was in the kitchen, eating an apple and drinking a glass of milk.
“Sorry, William...” she mumbled as she heard me approach. “I haven’t eaten in quite some time. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve eaten at all since I got here. I was terribly hungry. So I ‘raided your fridge’ as Rainbow Dash might say.” She rolled the apple around between her fingers – she’d really adapted to human coordination quickly – and took a bite of the apple, grimacing a little and placing it back on a plate that she’d removed from our cabinet.
“Chew slowly,” I said, gently. “If you’ve honestly not eaten in that long then your body may reject it if you eat too much, too fast.”
Rarity nodded, staring at the apple that she’d taken from our fridge. I sat down next to her, my arm resting in my sleeve, and looked her over. There were bags under her eyes, like she hadn’t slept well. There wasn’t a trace of the makeup that she’d worn before, and her sapphire eyes were downcast in sorrow. The once aristocratic-looking pale skin was now sickly looking, and her impeccably styled hair was messy and tangled with bedhead and stress.
“So,” I started, trying to make small talk, “how did you sleep?”
The ex-pony shook her head. “Terribly,” she muttered. “I had nightmares all night.” She didn’t look at me once as she gave her answer. She spent the whole time staring at the apple.
I cleared my throat. “I suppose that makes sense. I had a lot of nightmares after my first car accident. I can only imagine how nearly getting caught in a tornado might affect your sleep.”
She finally looked up into my eyes. “No, William. I’m afraid you don’t understand. I didn’t have nightmares about the tornado.”
I blinked. “Really? Then what-”
Before I could finish my query, Rarity gently tossed a fresh apple at me. I caught it in my left hand and looked at it for a moment before it dawned on me. “Ohhh...”
Rarity nodded. “I miss them, William. It’s only been two days since I last saw them, but... it’s not knowing what happened to them. It’s not knowing whether they’re lost somewhere out in this terrible world or if they’re lost in some other awful world, or if perhaps they all just died in the explosion.” She sighed and took another bite out of her apple, daintily chewing and swallowing before continuing. “I simply cannot handle not knowing. Last night, I dreamed about what could be happening to each of them... to my parents... to the princesses... to my sister and her friends.”
She placed the apple back on her plate and held her face in her hands. I could hear her sob once before she went on. “I dreamed last night that Fluttershy was eaten by one of the giant spiders that lives in caves in the Everfree forest. Then, after waking up and going back to sleep, I dreamed that Pinkie was so tormented by devils and demons that she hung herself. I woke up again, falling back asleep, only to dream of Rainbow Dash, enslaved and being forced to all fours in a human body, only for somebody to hit her and beat her with a whip. Then Applejack, being shot at with arrows. And then Twilight, caught in some mad scientist’s lab with blood all over her. Princess Luna was kidnapped by a sasquatch. Princess Celestia was caught in some Minotaurian Gladiatorial arena. My sister and her friends tormented by Discord before he decided to transform them into statues. And every time I was there on the sidelines, crying out for them. Trying to save them. But I was powerless to do anything.”
“Rarity...”
I tried to say something. I wasn’t sure what to say, though. Rarity just looked so crushed. Suddenly all of my problems felt absolutely miniscule compared to what she was going through.
Rarity, though, shook her head and straightened up. “It’s nothing. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be bothering you with this.”
“No.” I protested. “I’m the one that’s sorry. I’m sorry that you have to go through all of this, Rarity. You don’t deserve this. And after getting some of the worst this world has to offer last night, I understand why you’d feel so worried about your friends and their safety.” I took her hand in mine. “Believe me, Rarity. I understand. I imagine I’d feel exactly the same way if my friends went missing. Especially if I couldn’t even be assured they were in the same world as I was.”
Rarity started to say something but I cut her off this time. “Rarity, I may not have gone through what you’re going through right now. I may not know exactly how you feel. But I do understand. And I promise you now, I will do everything –and I do mean everything– I can possibly do to try and get you reunited with your friends.”
She chuckled, but there was no humor in it. “You shouldn’t make promises you cannot keep, William.”
I sighed. “You’re the Element of Generosity, right Rarity?” she nodded. “Then you know what it’s like to see somebody in need and feel an urge... not just an urge but a compulsion... to help that person somehow, yes? To give up your time or your money or something to help somebody else.”
The purple haired woman nodded again, still not saying anything. I continued, “That’s me and you right now. You need help, and I can’t stand idly by and watch you get crushed under the weight of the world.” I looked to the side and sighed. “True. I don’t have much power or influence. I don’t have any connections to politicians or investigators or anything like that, and short of sheer dumb luck, I don’t know if I’ll be able to help you find your friends.” I looked back at her, dead into her eyes. “But if nothing else, I’ll do everything I can to try and help you get acclimated to this new world. I want to show you, Rarity, that not everything here is bad or out to get you. True, you have to watch your step every now and then, but overall, I think it’s pretty okay here. I live here after all. And I want you to know that my home isn’t all bad.”
Rarity sighed and looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn’t. I kept going. “I know, Rarity. It’s tough. But there is a chance that you might never get home. And if that’s the case then, well, wouldn’t the best thing to do be to make the best of it? To get used to the place and see that it isn’t so bad before you send yourself spiraling into a depression you can never crawl out of?”
She was silent for a full minute. There was no sound except for the ticking of the clock and the pitter patter of Isis on the hardwood floor. Finally, Rarity spoke up.
“Very well, William.”
I smiled gently. “Don’t worry, Rarity. We don’t have to start too far from home. My house can be your security bubble, alright?”
She smirked a little and nodded. “Alright.”
I put my left hand on her shoulder. “And remember: never to give up hope. Your friends are perfectly capable, and I honestly don’t believe that you’ll have to worry about sticking around. Even if they are in different universes or something, remember that you’re the Elements of Harmony. Like I said, I wouldn’t be surprised if they just jumped out of a portal sometime soon. And even if they don’t, your friends are perfectly capable, and surely not all universes are bad. Why, for all we know, Twilight could be the newest princess of Narnia by now.”
Rarity chuckled, a sound that now contained just a touch of humor. “Twilight would make a terrible princess.”
“You think?”
“Oh yes.” She explained. “The poor dear is nice enough, and works wonders when disaster finally strikes, but she panics at the slightest foible in her schedule. She’d never be able to handle the high-stress environment of politics and celebrity.”
“I suppose that’s true.” I laughed. “I saw what happened in ‘Lesson Zero.’ Such a thing would be pretty out of character for her.”
We chuckled together for a minute before Rarity sighed and took another bite out of the apple. She looked a tad downcast for a while before finally whispering, “I still miss them.”
“I don’t doubt it.” I patted her hand. “But you’ll get through this, Rarity. You’re strong. Even if you have to stay here the rest of your life, I know you’ll make the best of this.”
We sat in silence smiling at each other for a while. “But you know what the worst part is?” Rarity said.
“What?”
She pointed at the fruit on the table. “Your apples are horrendous. You simply must switch to Sweet Apple Acres apples.”
We shared a good laugh at that.
* * *
“No! No! Absolutely not!” Rarity shouted, her previously alleviated mood having done a total one-eighty. She was scowling at me with a look that could send the hordes of Genghis Khan running for their mommies. I was standing several paces away from her, doing everything I could not to get slapped again. My face had taken enough abuse in the last few days.
I sighed. I had explained the plan to Rarity about how she’d have to lie about her identity to my parents. I had explained that Rarity should try and pass herself off as somebody I had known for a while. I told her she should try to pretend she was a friend of mine who had also recently graduated college with me; a girl named Shelby, who I knew quite well and had been a part of my Dungeons and Dragons group. Of course, Rarity looked and acted nothing like Shelby. Shelby was a stout, redheaded nerd girl with a penchant for science fiction, anime, and fantasy. Rarity was not any of those things.
Still, I felt it best if I acted like Rarity was somebody I had known for a long time. That would perhaps make it easier for my parents to trust her in kind. I’d told my mother about the Dungeons and Dragons campaigns I’d been a part of and she knew of Shelby already, though I’d never described what she’d looked like before, so by all rights I should be able to convince them of Rarity’s assumed identity.
Assuming Rarity would play along, of course... which at this point wasn’t looking likely.
“Rarity,” I said softly, attempting to placate her. “Please just hear me out.”
“No. No. I don’t want to hear another word of this!” Rarity griped adamantly. “I’ll stand for a lot, but this is simply unacceptable!”
“I know this is less than ideal,” I admitted, “but why are you so obstinate about this? I’m just asking you to use a different name for a while and maybe watch some movies to keep up the act.”
“Because,” Rarity started. “I’ve already lost everything, William.” She growled.
It started to dawn on me. “Oh...” I whispered.
Rarity sighed, her voice softening. “I’ve lost my home, my friends, even my own body! And it’s likely I’ll never see them again.” She trembled. “And now you’re asking me to give up my name as well?” She shook. “It’s the last thing I have.”
I sat down on the couch, patting the cushion next to me so she could sit down too. She was hesitant for a moment, but eventually relented. “I know that must be what it looks like,” I said, “but that’s not what I’m asking of you. You’re still Rarity, you just need to be... undercover for a while.” I shrugged.
Rarity shook her head. “I don’t think I can, William. After everything that’s happened...”
“Look,” I said, “I know it’s hard, but think of it this way. Consider if I were to land in the middle of Ponyville, turned into a pony for no explicable reason. Would you or any of your friends believe I was actually a ‘bipedal monkey-cow’ as you put it?”
Rarity grumbled. “Probably not...”
“And if I were to make these claims at you and your friends, would you be at all willing to put me up in your house indefinitely? Or would you more likely send me to the hospital to sit in a nice padded cell with that one pony who thinks she’s a dog?” I asked.
Rarity massaged her temples. “Alright, I see your point.” Rarity said, straightening her borrowed nightclothes. “But I still don’t like it.”
“I don’t expect you to,” I said, calmly. “That said, there’s not much else we can do. There’s no way that they’ll accept a total stranger in this house, let alone one who claims she’s a pony, no matter how true those claims may actually be.” I shrugged. “The only way they might even possibly let you stick around is if either I or Dani claim to know you personally and vouch for you. Even then, I’m not sure they wouldn’t demand that you stay in a motel.”
Rarity sighed. “Very well...” she closed her eyes. “I guess I have no choice.”
I nodded somberly. “Alright, now if you’re going to pose as Shelby we’ll need to get your story straight, and there are a few things you’ll have to know; some basic ‘nerd’ knowledge to keep you from blowing your cover. Firstly-” I started to say, but I was cut off by Rarity, who held a hand up.
“Will, do you hear something?” Rarity asked.
I listened, only to curse at the unmistakable buzzing noise.
That was the garage door.
“Tits,” I swore, looking at the clock, “They’re early. I pointed at Rarity and motioned for her to get back up the stairs. “They’ll probably want to take me to the hospital to check out my arm as soon as they get inside. Go sit in the guestroom, and if you can help it, don’t come out. If you have to come out, try and be sneaky.”
Rarity balked. “But why?”
“We haven’t gotten a story straight yet. Now please, just wait for me to get back, we can go over things later. Just don’t let my parents see you, okay?”
Rarity groaned. “Fine,” she said, climbing the stairs quickly and passing just out of sight as the door to the garage opened. I stepped forward to meet my arriving parents.
The two of them stepped through the door briskly, my mother passing through first. She was a woman of about average height, standing about five-foot eight, and of a rather average physique. She had greying red hair done up in a French braid, and wore rectangular glasses upon her nose. She wore a black, faux-fur coat and a wide-brimmed black hat, and looked incredibly stressed and frazzled. She was carrying two large bags.
My father, on the other hand, was incredibly large. Coming in right behind my mother, he stood at an impressive six-foot five. He was rather overweight but still very imposing. He was balding, most of his remaining hair a stark white, and sporting a full salt-and-pepper beard. He wore circular glasses and an overcoat over a jacket and tie, and he seemed to have a perpetual frown on his face.
“Hey Mom, Dad,” I greeted, stepping towards them. “Glad to see you home.”
My mother’s head immediately snapped to me. “Will!” She practically leaped at me, wrapping me in a strangling hug. “Oh goodness, are you alright?”
“Well, you’re making it a bit hard to breathe,” I choked out.
My dad nodded at me. “Son.”
“Dad...” I choked out from in my mother’s stranglehold.
“Are you okay?” My mother asked, inspecting my arm. “How’s your arm feel? Dani said there was a lot of blood.”
I winced at her prodding. My arm was still incredibly sore. “It hurts, but I can move it fine. I’ll be okay.”
“You should go to the hospital and get it checked out,” My dad said, putting his bags down in the hallway.
“Come on,” my mother said. “We should get you to the hospital.”
“Mom, it’s fine,” I said. “I just need to rest it for a little bit.”
“You should still go to the hospital,” My mother insisted, looking closely at my bandaged limb. “You don’t know what might be going on there. It could be infected or you could have damaged something in there and you don’t know about it yet.”
“Son...” My dad said, looking at me over his glasses.
I sighed. “Alright fine,” I groused. “Let’s try to make it quick if we can, though. Okay Mom?” I shifted nervously. “There are some things I need to discuss with you when we get back.”
“Is this about your car?” my mother asked. “We can help you with that, of course. We saw it on the way in, it actually doesn’t look too bad.”
I shook my head. “No... it’s something else.”
“Well, alright,” my mother said. “For now, let’s get your arm checked out.
I nodded, my mother bringing me out to her car. “Dad’s not coming?” I asked her.
“He said he needed some more sleep,” My mother revealed. “He was feeling a little ill earlier and he wanted to lie down. If there’s really something wrong with your arm then he’ll come down to the hospital to meet us, but otherwise he said he’s going to take a nap.”
I wrung my hands together, hoping he wouldn’t find reason to go into the guest room. “Well... alright.”
“That’s not a problem is it?” My mother asked, ushering me into her car.
I sat down in the front seat, massaging my wounded arm. “No...” I said, looking back at the house as my mother started up the car and started to pull out. I felt a drop of sweat trickle down the back of my neck. “No, not at all...”
Jeez. This story has a mind of its own, and it’s pissed off at me... fully intent on kicking my ass all the way to Uzbekistan.
I tell myself “I want the story to go in this direction” and the story says “Okay, but only after a ton and a half of dialogue to set it up.” And then I say “But that’ll slow the narrative down a whole lot,” and the story says “yeah, but you’ll never be satisfied with me unless you do it, asshole. So get to it!” And then I say “couldn’t I just skip ahead to the good bits?” and the story says “You’ll be asking all sorts of questions if you don’t do it, so just get it over with. Besides, dialogue is what you’re best at, so shut up and take it like a man.” And then I’m all
And then I realize that maybe one of the directions I wanted to take it isn’t a good direction, so I backtrack a little to fix up some parts. Only then I realize that the story is sitting there grinning at me and holding a shiv and it stabs me in the butt and hospitalizes me for a month so I can’t write and here’s where the metaphor breaks down.
One of the things I noticed in the last chapter was a lot of people picking on Dani. A lot of people were calling her a bitch and other unseemly names. I was a little surprised. I mean, yeah, she was saying and doing a lot of things that could be potentially seen as ‘bitchy,’ but I had thought I’d gotten across the idea that it was out of anger rather than a common trait of her character. She was meant to be worried and scared at the thought that her brother was in danger, and reacting with an angry response as per her character rather than just being a bitch to be a bitch.
I hope that some of the things she’s cleared up in this chapter will alleviate some of the perceptions of her character. I also hope that the forthcoming bonus chapter (by the way, I’m planning some bonus chapters) will help characterize her a touch better.
As for the parents... I’m not entirely satisfied with their entrance. It felt a little bit awkward to me, though I’m not entirely sure how to make it better. I may end up going back in and editing a few things later.
Egh. I wish this chapter had gone a little further, but it was pushing towards 5000 words and it was beginning to drag. Parents will get home next chapter. Promise. Then, hopefully, we’ll have a bit of a time skip and I’ll be capable of catching up to the rest of the crew.
Assuming the story lets me. Seriously, that guy is a jerk.
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Yeah, I could see as I was editing it that this chapter is dialogue-heavy, but it's all leading somewhere, so I let it slide. Just make sure to get the next one ready quickly so people aren't left hanging.
Oh, and your dad rivals my in-story self in height and intimidation factor.
yay ponyfall not completely dead
A Ponyfall update... it's.... it's beautiful
People probably assumed Dani was just a "bitch" 'cause you hadn't really portrayed what she's like when she isn't all angry & junk. Yet at least.
Finally a Ponyfall I'm tracking updates! Of course take your time, but it gets cold and lonely in between chapters. But seriously, yay, the prodigal parents return as foretold! Shenanigans shall ensue, I hope?
I noticed that Rarity's nightmares are eerily prophetic of what's been/is/will be going on in the other Ponfalls. Wonder if that'll be expanded upon?
Edit: Oh, and I agree. Twilight would make a terrible princess!
10 seconds later...
Oh I get it now! Applejack, right?
I'm so smart.
I'm noticing a few parallels here...
I like Will's sister more than him, she at least sees things from a rational point
Hey dude, you're babbling. It's kinda annoying. Stop repeating yourself and babbling. It's pretty annoying, especially since you're repeating yourself. I know that you're pretty good at dialogue, but this was pretty annoying because of all the repetitive babbling.
3318265
...how did that get through all the editing?
I'll tell you what happened. I wrote one line and then on a later go-through I went to change that line and replace it with a similar one, but I somehow I ended up just writing in the new line and leaving the old one where it was.
Gimme a sec. I'll fix that.
3318265>>3318274 I plead the fifth.
3318339 Ehh? You wot m8? Plead the Fifth? I don't think blaming Wanderer D's editor dude guy friend will get you far, mate.
I'm out.
I'm sure they're fine
3316730 Listen, with the amount of Ponyfall withdrawal I'm suffering I'd take filler ANY day. Hell, you give me an Applejack Ponyfall where they're just driving on the highway and I will proclaim your (and the author's) greatness from the rooftops.
Oh, great. You are one of those people who think Twilight would make a terrible princess because of the whole Smarty Pant incident, completely ignoring the fact that everybody makes mistakes and Twilight has learned from then, unlike a lot of people I know. Sorry, bit of a personal annoyance that makes me enjoy the story slightly less. it is very slight though. Wow, this story is a lot more existential then the others I have read so far.
3319008
Really, that isn't the main reason why Twilight would make a bad Princess, just one of them.
I'm afraid that, all I'll ever see Dani as, is as a grade a Bitch. I would rather punch her in the kidneys and slam her head into a table a few times (mild compared to what I do to people I actually dislike slightly) than look at her. And unless she has some miraculous 180 and actually be something other than a frigid bitch, that's all she'll ever be.
*Hunkers into the anti-flame bunker*
Bring on the dislikes and the flames. I'm ready.
3319008
I'm sorry that that little bit makes you enjoy the story less as a whole. I don't really intend to bring it up or harp on it at all, it really is just meant to be a one off thing in this story and it was only a couple lines of dialogue in a larger thing. Then again, I do understand small things lessening enjoyment of or even on the rare occasion outright ruining a story. I'm glad the story isn't ruined forever for you at least.
If it makes you feel any better, Smarty Pants is hardly the only reason that I think Twilight would make a bad Princess.
3319333
Let me put it this way, if I called you a terrible person, does that make it true? But even if it is not actually true, it still makes you annoyed that I called you that. That's the kind of feeling I get when people think Twilight would make a terrible Princess
3319825
I'm not hurling insults, though. I'm speaking logically about the character in the environment of the narrative.
If you really think about her personality, not to mention her history over the course of the show, there are a lot of things to suggest that she would not do well in any sort of political capacity, let alone the highest known political office of the nation. Her abilities are much more academic and practical than social, diplomatic, and political, in fact it is worth mentioning that as far as her personality goes, she has a deficiency in those areas. Quite frankly, her personality simply is not suited to office. The Smarty Pants incident, which she may or may not have learned from (certain scenes later in the series suggest she may never have fully learned the lessons she needs to), is simply the biggest overt example of why she would probably be unfit for princesshood.
If you want to continue this discussion elsewhere we may and I can expand upon these statements, but as far as the comments of my story go, I'd like to leave it here upon that.
3324220
To be fair, Past Sins and Nyx/Pen Stroke by extension haven't been particularly big news in a while. Anyone newer to the fandom might not know about them. But back in 'the first pony drought' when Past Sins first came out, it was a big deal and everybody was talking about it, and it remained a topic of discussion for a while.
3324769
I have no idea. Nothing on my end, I assure you. Refresh a few times, try again later, and if it persists and/or happens on other stories other than mine, I'd suggest bringing it up with the staff here.
3319217 well, you've only gotten 1 dislike so far, I just want to say it wasn't me. Little harsh, but I agree Dani can seem pretty cold.
Cool thing is Will sounds a lot like me the way he describes himself.
I 8elieve that this should 8e 8ite, not 8it.
3319878
She does have one thing going for her, and that is she seems to have a natural leading ability. Of course everything else you mentioned is true, but when it comes to times of absolute crisis she is normally good at making a plan and leading everybody through it. In conclusion, not leadership material, but a really good second in command.
On a much different note, I like where this is going. Also as a person who has inured himself many times I think you did a good job of showing how his parents would react. I think the only problem was his mom hugging him first instead of going straight for the wound.
3345071
She does have halfway decent leadership ability, this is true. If you were to ask me, though, a better application of this ability would, again, be in a more academic sense than a political one. It seems to me like she'd make a much better professor at a school, or even a headmistress/archmagus something-or-other than a Princess. Another option would be a military application (though certainly not at the highest level and she'd probably be better suited to field work), however, while I think she actually could do well in such an environment, it does not line up with her general interests or passions (Though to be fair, neither did politics so what the hell. Show writers wtf).
Thank you
3345169
I do like the idea of headmistress/arch magus, those two position cater excellently to her skill set.
Also Twilight would make a really good Lt./Captain/Major in the army, but they'd never put something like that in a kid's show...
Oh boy. Dis gonna be goooood!
When will we have a new chapter?
3490791
Yes, you're referring to... I believe chapter 4 of Majestic Royalty.
'hokay... If you'll recall, the person who said they had Rarity in that chapter was called "Belgarion." This is not Will.
Little backstory; Over a year ago now (Christ it's been that long...), there was a THING with PonyFall. You'd have to get the full story from somebody who was there for it all like FullMetalPony or TheSlorg, but basically, there were a lot of people who were trying to write for the story that simply ended up not delivering. See, at first there were a lot of other stories, including one for Octavia, Trixie, Gilda, Junebug, Big Macintosh, and so on and so forth. And what ended up happening was it got out of hand. The collaboration was a complete mess of over 35 disjointed stories and it ended up becoming a huge thing among the mods of the site. After PonyFall having basically been spammed into the front page and the feature box, the mods demanded that Slorg, who was (and still is) the head of the PonyFall collab, clean up the collab or the whole thing would be taken down.
As a result, any of the stories that didn't focus upon a Princess, the CMC, the Mane 6, or Discord were immediately stricken from the canon of the collab. Whether they still exist on the site or not I don't know.
Furthermore, the people who did have the stories focusing on the aforementioned characters were forced to revise their stories so that they were no longer crap, and were forced to coordinate their efforts so that their stories matched up as well as possible.
However... some of the writers didn't deliver on that. The author who wrote for Applejack originally (Some guy in Belgium whose name I can't remember), didn't update his story at all for the longest time and was eventually dropped. Meanwhile, the guy who wrote for Rarity... a person named Belgarion... I believe he had a bunch of really bad real life stuff happen and he had to drop out... Hence they looked for a new person to write Rarity and after much deliberation ended up choosing me.
Funnily enough, I don't think any of them remembered that I was actually one of the ones that signed up to do PonyFall way back when they had the 35 crap story thing going on... of course I got there at the tail end of it and I ended up swept out with the rest of them before I could even get a single chapter out.
Anyway, the point is that that chapter was written while Belgarion was still a member of the collab. I don't know exactly how it's going to be explained now... in fact, I'm surprised that Slorg hasn't demanded that DragonLS go back and edit that out. I suppose that part could be explained by the Belgarion person either lying or playing a joke or being crazy or something. But ultimately, that part doesn't mean anything and has nothing to do with my story.
3490791>>3491088 To expand on what Dusty said:
Firstly, I wasn't head of PonyFall back when it was a mess, and I still technically am not. I'm just the one who stepped in and decided to help organize things, and from there I basically became the unofficial leader.
Next, the Belgarion issue has already been addressed within the stories. I believe it's in the Celestia story that Belgarion turned out to be a troll who was just trying to mess with Gerald (DragonLS) and that that particular lead ended up at a dead end.
Also, the original writer for Applejack, Belgianchief, was diagnosed with a terminal disease and unfortunately has not been seen on FiMFiction for over a year...
3491422
Oh dear, I got the wrong one...
I knew somebody was diagnosed with a terminal illness, thought it was Belgarion who got it, hence why I mentioned "real life issues" since I wasn't sure I should be spreading that around. I wouldn't have referred to him as "Some guy in Belgium" if I remembered it was him that got the terminal illness.
3491608 You can make up for it by giving me a new chapter to edit.
3494013
It's called Past Sins. A while back it was one of the biggest, most popular and well known fanfictions in the fandom and everybody had an opinion on it due to it making a round or two on places like Ponychan. Back when this was first written, it was still fresh enough for it to be relevant. Not so much anymore, though...
3494899 oh ok. Im probly goin to read it anyway
Ugh, you know it sad when you go through A whole ponyfall story in 1 day. I have 7 hours of school, the 1 hour it takes to get home from school, and i try to get at least 8 hours of sleep. Of course i didn't last night, but i managed to read all 13 of these in 1 day
Quick question from an ignorant brony (
): Are you accepting any more story submissions for the PonyFall Collaboration? If so, how do I do it and what are the credentials?
Thanks!
3519813
Sadly, we are not accepting any more story submissions at this time, though we likely will again at a later date. Check out the group page. for more information. There's a thread on this very topic.
3524106
Um...
Sorry to burst any bubbles here, but... no they aren't. You're not a part of the collab. Furthermore, speaking for the PonyFall Collab, we have a VERY clear idea of where Cadance is at the very least.
3524117
just ignore me then...*sigh*
i'm an idiot.
3524137
Don't worry about it. Lots of folks have asked about joining, but until we get to a certain point in the story, we can't let anyone else in. Like I said, hit up the group page if you want to learn more.
For a second I read Leatherface and I was delighted to see someone poking fun at a shit series of stories.
Well, never fucking mind, then.
Did you really have to include that mean-spirited jab in here? It's just rude and ultimately makes me want to stop reading.
3534442
I'm sorry that my little 'take that' at the rampant executive meddling in this show is enough to ruin it for you. I thought it would be funny. I still think it is. I'm sorry you don't see it that way.
3534601
That doesn't sound very apologetic. You're saying you're sorry for me having a different opinion. In other words, that you're not sorry at all, and you don't see anything wrong with blatantly out-of-character lines for the sole purpose of insulting those who don't agree with you.
3534636
I'm not. I'm not sorry for writing that, because I thought it was funny. I still think it's funny. Moreover, in my opinion, it IS in character and making Twilight into a Princess was perhaps one of the most out-of-character things I've ever seen. I've gone over why in blog posts and comments elsewhere on this site dozens of times. I thought the writing in that episode was absolutely horrendous and I think the show has ultimately suffered a blow it cannot come back from over the course of the last season.
Now that said, I am sorry. Because while I do not agree with your opinion, I do respect it as being valid. You have every right to enjoy Alicorn/Princess Twilight. In fact, to some degree I envy you. I envy that you found things about the S3 finale that you could enjoy where I could not. I think you're very lucky that way. And I'm happy for you that you can continue to find enjoyment this show when I have found little since the end of Season 2. So if you like the episode, I'm glad that you hold that opinion.
However... just because you have that opinion does not mean I should have to stifle MY opinion. Nor does it mean that others should disrespect my opinion just because it's different/more negative than another's. My opinion is that the episode was out of character and terribly written and was the final drop to the point that the show could not come back from.
And I have a right to express that opinion just as much as you have a right to express your opinion when you say you thought it was good and that you liked it.
So, no. I'm not insulting you. I'm really not. If I'm insulting anyone, it's the writers of the show for making something that I found lousy when I know they can do so much better. I'm not insulting you or anyone who doesn't agree with me (or at least not if they don't insult me first). That's something a ten year old does.
I'm not sorry that you had a different opinion. I envy your opinion.
I'm not sorry for writing out of character because in my opinion it isn't.
I am sorry, however, that this one line in the story where I leaked my opinion through just a touch in an attempt to be funny would strike such a negative chord with you to make you consider dropping it. Because I always hate disappointing people, especially fans and readers. And it depresses me when something really small like this, which is just an attempt to be funny and let my own voice be heard is enough to make people angry at me.
So yes. I'm sorry.
3534741
I'm just bothered that Rarity of all ponies is saying Twilight would make for a horrible princess, since in the S4 premier she basically stated that it's everyone's dream to be coronated as royalty with all the world watching. This is what I've always taken Rarity's character to be: while ultimately good at heart, she's also quite shallow at times, as evidenced by her episodes generally being about her struggling to overcome some self-serving desire to maintain her own image rather than maintain relationships with her friends and family. She'd be more concerned with the glamor of princesshood than the actual responsibilities.
Hell, if there's any pony who would think Twilight would be a horrible Princess, it'd be Twilight herself.
I apologize for being so harsh on this, it just kind of bugged me. Maybe I am overreacting, who knows.
3534778
Well, for one thing, the S4 Premiere only came out yesterday. This latest chapter has been out for WEEKS now. Secondly, it's worth mentioning that when this story was started, Season 2 had only just barely finished, so we're working with pre-Season 3 interpretations of the characters in the first place. We're writing Jossed fics and we know it, but we write them anyway because we think it's fun and others do too. And we maintain consistent characterization within the narrative, even though they've already been proven otherwise.
The interpretation I chose for Rarity was one that was highly politically savvy, interpreted this way after watching the way she acted in "Sweet and Elite." Rarity obviously had the chops and social skills to mingle among the nobleponies and those in government and knew what was necessary to do so.
I also interpreted her as being able to read people incredibly well, to read situations incredibly well, and to be able to pick out inconsistencies and problems with great ease. This all I got from her legendary "eye for detail."
Twilight is (among many other things) a neurotic, panicky, introverted, easily stressed, hair-trigger, naiive bookworm. Rarity, at least the way I interpreted her back then, would notice all of this quite easily with her eye for detail and with her knowledge of the political system and what is needed to work in it, she would therefore come to the conclusion that Twilight would not be fit for any sort of government office. Certainly, she would not be capable of handling the highest, most important and stressful central government position in the kingdom should you ask this version of Rarity. She loves Twilight, there's no question about that. But the poor dear would simply never make a good politician. Certainly not a Princess.
And if it were my interpretation of Twilight, she'd be self-aware enough to realize this too and have no interest in being a Princess either. After all, that'd be less time to study magic and science and friendship and stuff.
...
...As far as the show goes, they've made Rarity less about the political savvy and interpersonal smarts and more about the "Let's glam everything up and make you oh-so fabulous!" Again, this is something I have a real problem with in Season 3 as I feel it makes Rarity a much more shallow character in Season 3 than she was in Season 2. The third season really does Rarity no favors. But again, I'm simply speaking my opinion now.