Prologue

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A contented sigh escaped the ivory mare’s lips as she sank herself further into the pool full of imported mud, a wide smile forming on her face. With a small giggle, she waved a hoof at the two spa attendants, who quickly scampered off to take care of the other customers at the Healing Waters spa. Blowing a strand of her purple mane out of her face, she wiggled her way down to the bottom of the mud bath and chuckled.

“Simply delightful,” Rarity said to nopony in particular as she began her afternoon of self-pampering.

It had been a perfect day so far. She had woken up to a lovely breakfast with her sister, who had been staying with her the past few days as her parents were on vacation, and had managed to quickly put the finishing touches upon her latest order before lunchtime. By this time tomorrow the wedding dress would be with a happy bride somewhere in Trottingham, and she’ll have fetched a hefty sum for her efforts. Sweetie Belle had actually been a perfect little angel that day, had even managed to help Rarity clean up from the order, and had offered to help watch Opal while Rarity went out to enjoy herself at the spa for the rest of the day.

Rarity tapped a hoof to her chin as she mused over the rest of her day, and what she might do to make it even better. Perhaps after she was done with the spa she could take Sweetie Belle out for ice cream? She felt she should treat her sister to something anyway. She had been such a little dear the past couple days. Perhaps she could also fix up Sweetie Belle’s Crusader’s cape? It had gotten a little ratty recently with all of her escapades with Applebloom and Scootaloo. Oh! There was an idea. Perhaps she could take Sweetie Belle and the other Crusaders out to a nice ice cream treat. In fact, while she was at it, why not bring all of her friends? They could make a night of it. After all, she loved nothing more in life than to share her own happiness with other ponies, especially her very best friends and her darling sister.

Her musings of frozen dairy treats, however, were not to last. As she considered what a fun time they would all have sharing a sweet treat under the stars that night, she noticed that something about her mud bath was beginning to feel rather bizarre. She ran a hoof over her seaweed wrappings and puzzled at the sensation they gave her. Instead of a slick, wet feel, they felt spongy and rubbery. She lit up her horn and attempted to remove the cucumber slices from her eyes to see what had gone wrong with her mud bath, only to find that they were stuck fast to her face.

Rarity yelped as pain shot through her eyelid and she felt a nasty pulling sensation on her face. Unable to comprehend just what what going on with her spa treatment, she quickly tried to reach a hoof up to her face and yank the offending obstacle from her field of vision. She was rewarded only with even more stinging as the once-slippery cucumbers remained adhered to her eyelids. After a great deal of struggling and a lot of stinging, however, she finally managed to remove one of the objects from her face with a loud pop after yanking on it hard with both hooves. “Yowch!” Rarity exclaimed as she rubbed at her freed eye, trying to get the stinging to die down a little. She blinked the pain away and held the offending article aloft and observed just what dared to mess up her perfect day.

A lollipop.

A big, rainbow colored, sticky, sugary, dripping-with-syrup all-day lollipop had somehow replaced her cucumber.

And it had been stuck to her face.

“Oh ew, ew, ew!” Rarity cried as she tossed the sickly confection across the room in a fit. “Disgusting!” she exclaimed, feeling her face where the candy had been. She growled a little when she found that it had actually managed to tear out some of her perfect coat of fur from around her eye when she had removed it, and left behind a present of rainbow-colored syrupy tears in its wake. She quickly grabbed the lollipop covering her other eye and promptly yanked it off of her face as well, throwing it out the window with another growl of rage. Who would do such a thing? Who would barge in on a lady’s spa treatment and play such a nasty prank on her? Her first thoughts drifted to Pinkie and Rainbow Dash, but while they had always been the mischievous sort, they had never been the type to make a prank actually hurt. She dismissed those two as suspects as she rubbed her still-stinging eyes, when she caught a glimpse of what had drawn her attention to the issue in the first place; her seaweed wrappings.

Or, more accurately, her licorice wrappings.

Head to hoof, she was bound in a long rope of cherry red licorice. She rubbed her eyes again to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating and brought a hoof to her mouth to nibble on the binds a little. Yes, it was indeed cherry licorice. Rarity’s mind boggled. How in the world did somepony manage to get into her tub, replace the seaweed with licorice, the cucumbers with lollipops and...

...the mud with rocky road ice cream?

“Okay, would somepony please explain just what in the world is going on?!” Rarity cried out into the spa, only to find that the attendants and the other patrons had fled the building. And with one glance, she could see why. Every feature of the Healing Waters Spa had been altered and twisted into a deranged candy land! The potted ferns that decorated the store had been changed into spun sugar and bundles of pixie sticks, the paper lanterns had turned into gumdrops, and the towels and washcloths had all turned into taffy! The walls themselves had turned into large panels of peanut brittle, and the floor was covered in tiles that looked like the sections of a chocolate bar. And as she looked at all the rows of various mud baths and hot tubs, she noticed that each one was a giant container of a different flavor of ice cream. Rarity gaped at the sight, at a loss for words. She knew one thing for certain, though: This was definitely not the work of Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.

In fact, now that she thought about it, there was only one being she had ever encountered who could manage something like this.

“Oh no...” she muttered. “Not again! Not him again!” she cried as she attempted to get out of her mud bath and get herself free of her licorice bindings. She had to get out of there and find her friends and her sister as fast as possible. But as she tried to pull herself out of the tub of chocolatey gelato, she found her lower-half wedged firmly in the ice cream. She struggled to pull herself out of the muck, but it was like quicksand; the more she struggled, the more stuck she became. She snarled at the offending dairy treat and attempted to use magic to get it off of her, only for her magic to fizzle out upon contact with it. Giving the dessert her best death glare, she finally sighed.

“Well,” she grimaced, “I did say I wanted ice cream tonight...”

* * *

Rarity galloped through the topsy-turvy town as fast as she could, still wrapped up in licorice as she sought out her home and workplace, the Carousel Boutique. Granted, ‘as fast as she could’ was not particularly fast at all at the moment, given the several pounds of chocolate ice cream that was residing in her gut, and the resulting aches and pains that come from eating such a vast quantity of frozen dessert. She let out a groan as she crested the hill that led to her boutique and gave a sigh of relief that it stood and was seemingly unmolested. Given the sorts of things that she had seen in town, like buildings suddenly turning inside out or twisting into feats of non-euclidian geometry, this was a huge weight off of her mind. Safe in the knowledge that her beloved sister and pet were alright, she quickly trotted up to her doorway.

That was when her house imploded.

Rarity stumbled back in horror as the windows of her house all simultaneously shattered and the structure twisted and contorted in front of her. The decorative pillars and flags that surrounded her abode all crumpled in and flattened into the greater structure, which started to shrink in on itself with terrible screeching and grinding noises. The perfect coat of paint on the building flaked off in some places, and changed to a sickly lime-green in others; the decorative awnings and overhangs all shriveled up into nothing. As Rarity looked on aghast, the boutique started to twist into a new, smaller shape; one that was inherently familiar to the fashionista. After a full minute and a half of the terrible grinding noises and the nauseating sight of watching her home twisting and bending against the laws of reality, Rarity watched a lime-green saddle with orange tassels plop unceremoniously down atop a large boulder (one that Rarity would later recall was infuriatingly familiar and, for some reason, had a bow-tie tied around its middle and sat next to a bouquet of roses).

At that particular moment though, Rarity took no notice of the granite intruder. The cessation of her house’s transformation had managed to shock her out of her horrified stupor. With a wail of terror, Rarity whisked the saddle off of the rock and held it in her hooves. “Sweetie Belle!” she cried in despair. “Opal! Sweetie Belle! Oh no, however could this have happened to you?!” Rarity clutched the tacky saddle to her chest and fell upon her rump in distraught sobs. “Oh if only I had been a little faster getting here,” she wept. “If only I had noticed something was wrong at the spa sooner, I could have saved you both! I could have gotten you to safety! But now you... the both of you... EVERYTHING is gone!” Her hysterical ramble quickly broke out into incoherent sobs as she fell upon the ground, clinging to the only remaining piece of her beloved sister. She continued to sob on the ground for a minute when she suddenly threw her hoof into the air and shook it at the sky. “Are you happy now, you cosmic ruffian?! Are you sitting there laughing, now that you’ve taken everything away from me?! Well by Celestia I swear, when I find you, I will make you rue the day that you dared lay your claw upon my sister! I will find you and I will tear you to piec-”

“Rarity, what in Equestria are you doing?!”

Rarity blinked, her cries for vengeance halting. She turned around so fast she almost made herself dizzy, and came face to face with her younger sister. Sweetie Belle stood there with an incredulous look on her face, and with a grumpy-looking cat draped over her withers. The two sisters stared at each other for a minute, the younger of the two looking Rarity up and down quickly before she cocked an eyebrow.

“Rarity, why are you wearing licorice?” Sweetie Belle asked.

Rarity didn’t bother to answer her little sister as she swept both her and Opalescence up into a huge bear hug, which prompted a startled squeak from Sweetie and an annoyed yowl from Opal. Rarity sobbed into Sweetie Belle’s mane with relief. “Oh Sweetie Belle,” she cried. “I thought I had lost you. I thought I had lost both of you! Oh you can’t believe how happy I am to see that you are both safe.”

“I’m fine, Rarity. Don’t worry,” Sweetie Belle said, still puzzled as to just what her sister was talking about. Then she noticed the saddle lying on the ground where the boutique was supposed to be. “Hey, wait a minute! What happened to your house?!”

“Shhhhh...” Rarity soothed. “Don’t worry about it. The important thing is that you and Opal are safe.”

Sweetie Belle struggled against her sister’s grasp for a moment and managed to get herself and Opal free. The cat quickly bounded away, coming to a stop beneath the suspicious boulder, where she promptly started to clean herself of the brutal jostling she had just been given. Sweetie Belle stood up and looked her sister dead in the eye. “Rarity, you’re not making any sense. What’s going on? Why is the town all crazy again? What happened to your house, and why are you all covered in candy?” she demanded.

Rarity laughed humorlessly as she looked at her current apparel. “It’s been a very long day, Sweetie Belle. As for what happened to the town and the boutique...” she began, but was cut off before she could give any proper explanation by a purple unicorn and several other familiar faces bounding up to meet her.

“Rarity!” Twilight Sparkle cried as she crested the hill, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy close behind her. All of them, even the near-perpetually cheerful Pinkie looked grim. “Rarity, thank goodness you’re alright,” Twilight panted as she trotted up to the pair of sisters.

Rarity nodded and gave Twilight a quick hug, and then motioned to her former home. “For a given definition of alright, Twilight dear. Just look at what that brute has done to my boutique!” she exclaimed, tossing the lime green saddle away from her with a huff. “He could have at least kept it a decent color. Frankly, though, I’m simply relieved that my darling Sweetie Belle and Opal are alright.”

Twilight nodded. “I know what you mean. He turned my library into a bowl of petunias! It’s a good thing I sent Spike off to Canterlot and Owlowiscious is out foraging for food. I couldn’t live with myself if either of them got hurt.” She bowed her head a little “I hope they’re alright.”

Applejack stepped up behind the magician and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Now don’t you worry none, Twilight,” she drawled reassuringly. “I’m sure they’re both fine and dandy. They’re smart lil buggers after all. But right now, we’ve got a job to do!”

Twilight nodded, looking intently at Rarity. “Right. Rarity, we need you to help us find Princess Celestia and fix this mess! Are you in?”

The fashionista swept her mane out of her face and gave Twilight a level stare. “I’m shocked you even have to ask, darling. If you could just help me out of these... bindings, I’ll be ready to go!”

Twilight cocked her head. “Bindings?”

Rarity rolled her eyes and motioned to herself. “You know. The lic...or...ice.” She stopped as she noticed the cherry licorice had seemingly vanished from her body. She looked around perplexed, only to quickly catch sight of Pinkie Pie happily chewing on something a few feet off.

“Mmmmm... Fruity!” the pink pony remarked.

Rarity shook her head. She didn’t even want to know how Pinkie had gotten that stuff off of her and into her mouth without her noticing. It was better not to think about it. Pushing it out of her head, she turned to Twilight with a nod. “I’m ready.”

Sweetie Belle quickly piped up. “Wait! What about me and Opal?”

Rarity tapped her chin with her hoof and considered that. She certainly didn’t want Sweetie Belle out and about in town at the moment. Not with all that was happening. And she couldn’t exactly stay inside the boutique, given that it was now a tacky saddle being used by Opalescence as a scratching post. Rarity looked to her friends for a suggestion when Applejack held up a hoof.

“She can hunker down in the clubhouse,” Applejack said. “We’ve already sent the other Crusaders there. Might as well let ‘em all be together for this.”

Rarity sighed. It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it’d have to do. She turned to her sister and put a hoof on her shoulder, looking into her eyes. “Sweetie Belle, what I am about to tell you to do is very important. You must do what I say as best you can. Understand?”

Sweetie Belle nodded. “Alright, Rarity.”

The older sister smiled faintly. “Very good. Now, I want you and Opal to run to the clubhouse as fast as you can,” she said as she lifted the cat from the saddle and draped her over Sweetie’s withers once more. Opal didn’t even put up a fight this time, instead looking at Rarity seriously. “Once you get to the clubhouse, I want you and the other crusaders to stay inside where it’s safe, and don’t open the door for anypony, alright?”

Sweetie shuffled her hooves. “Rarity, you’re going to be okay, right?”

Rarity laughed. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’ve been through worse than this. Remember that fashion show with Hoity Toity?” A giggle escaped Sweetie’s lips as Rarity nuzzled her. “Now go. I’ll be fine,” she said. Sweetie nodded and galloped off as fast as her little legs could carry her. Rarity turned to her friends, who had been watching the scene silently. “Let’s go,” she said darkly.

* * *

The battle... had not gone well. In fact, it was a stretch to say that it had ‘gone’ at all.

Twilight had quickly managed to lead the group to where she sensed Princess Celestia to be. But without the Elements of Harmony, which the villain had no doubt hidden once more, neither the Princesses, nor the six friends could do much of anything to stop the renegade cosmic clown. By the time they got there, Princess Celestia lay battered on the ground, staring venomously at the twisted Avatar of Chaos, while Luna was being held by the throat in his talon after an attempt to rush the villain had gone sour. Rainbow Dash quickly swung around for an aerial attack, but by this point, the rest of the friends could see that it was obviously fruitless.

Discord had won.

A snaggle-toothed grin formed on his face as the draconequus surveyed the fallen ponies. “Oh, now isn’t this so very delightful,” he cackled as he looked over the ponies meant to embody the elements of harmony one by one. “I do hope you didn’t really think that brute force could overcome my stunning wit and charm,” he said, punctuating each word with maniacal glee.

Rarity ignored his taunts, instead looking around for something that might help them. Anything would do, even if it was only a temporary distraction. There had to be some way to turn this around, hadn’t there? She turned to see her friends: Twilight grinding her teeth in rage; Applejack, her morale seemingly shattered by the state of the princesses; and Pinkie and Fluttershy hugging each other closely, tears running down their faces. It really was that bad, wasn’t it? She was brought out of her thought by Discord’s tail swinging around and cracking like a whip. She turned her attention back to the mad god and saw him looking at them all with false gloom on his face.

“Do my words not impress you?” he mocked. “What about my latest interpretation of Ponyville, hmm? Does it not scream chaos?” He sighed, suddenly looking bored. “Very well then. I suppose I’ll just have to make things more interesting for you all.”

Rarity flinched as he raised his lion’s paw, a crackling pink flame of chaotic power built up inside of it. The skies turned from their cheerful blue to a deep, almost menacing hot pink as he slowly and overdramatically lifted his paw towards Luna’s face. Rarity gasped, fearing for the Princess’s life, when she noticed that Luna didn’t look frightened at all; she looked furious. Rarity watched as the Princess swung her head around and an ebony charge of magic sparked through her horn. She thrust a bolt of magic right into Discord’s paw just as it made contact with her muzzle.

There was a disturbing sucking noise as the two magics collided. Rarity could feel something wrong vibrate through the air and down her horn, sending a chill down her spine. She flinched for a split second and looked up again to see Princess Luna twitching sickeningly in Discord’s grasp.

“Sister!” Princess Celestia wailed, climbing to her feet once more.

Rarity watched in terror as the twitching Princess of the Night seemed to vanish in a flash of navy blue smoke. As the smoke cleared, the ivory mare could only gasp as she made out the form of a squirming blue filly struggling against the draconequus’ grip. She could only make her out for a second, however, when a pink shockwave of energy seemed to emanate from the point where Luna’s magic and Discord’s power had collided and swallowed the little filly up.

Discord blinked watching as the pink shockwave grew. “What?! Oh for the love of-” he was cut off as the shockwave swallowed him up like it had Luna. Rarity turned to see her friends all panicking at the sight of the destructive magical pulse that had seemingly vaporized two god-level entities in mere moments.

“Run my little ponies!” Princess Celestia called out before she, too, was swallowed up by the light. Rarity looked left and right to see her friends fleeing the scene. Fluttershy tried to fly away, but seemed to be too scared to make much progress. Pinkie attempted to help Fluttershy, and Applejack was muttering something under her breath. Twilight, on the other hand, just stood there grimacing in concentration. Rarity rushed towards her to try and help her out of the way of the blast.

“You heard the princess!” Rarity cried, hoping her friend could hear her over the din. “Let’s get out of here!”

Twilight shook her head as her horn glowed with magic. Rarity saw Twilight’s shield spell start to flicker into existence, but it was too little, too late. “I can’t hold it!” Twilight cried as the shockwave swallowed her up too.

Rarity had no time to mourn for her friend. She quickly got to her hooves and attempted to outrun the swirling pink energy. So blind was her panic, however, that she didn’t notice the single root that stuck out of the ground in front of her, and she went down with a thunderous crash and hit her head on a rock.

Her vision started to fade just as she felt the nauseatingly warm energy wash over her...

Ch1: Goodbye Blue Sky

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When one is as dedicated to the sacred practice known as ‘sleep’ as I am, one needs something more than a simple alarm clock to wake up in the morning. An alarm clock is simply insufficient. Noise is something that can be slept through with the right amount of conviction, and if there is a snooze button within one’s drowsy reach, then the entire device is basically rendered useless. No, one such as I needs a little something more to wake up in the morning. Something that cannot be ignored, or brushed off easily. Something either so incessant and invasive that it simply cannot be ignored, or something so startling that it cannot be recovered from.

That morning, my sister chose to wake me with the latter when she pulled my covers out from under me, sending me sprawling to the floor at her feet.

“I’m up! I’m up, dammit!” I shouted at her, scrambling to my feet and rubbing my arm, which had awkwardly landed on. “For Christ’s sake, Dani, did you have to be so brutal about the wake up call?”

My younger sister stood with a hand on her hip, looking up at me with a bemused expression in her eyes. “Would you have woken up to anything else?” she asked dryly.

I rubbed my temples with my forefingers a little as I sat back down on the bed, snatching my glasses up from the side table. “Probably not,” I admitted. “But what’s the big deal? It’s like... five in the morning.”

“Seven,” my sister corrected.

“Makes no difference to me,” I muttered. “It’s still sleepy time.”

“Not today, it isn’t,” she remarked, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. For somebody standing at about five-foot nothing and only 120 pounds, she had a hell of a grip. I stand a foot and some change taller than her, and yet she can still best me in most physical challenges. I’m all skin and bones, but she’s taken good care of herself for the eighteen years she’s been around. “Today you need to drive me to school. Mom’s not here, remember?”

I shambled into my closet, partially shutting the door behind me, and stripped off my Batman pajamas and fumbled around for a decent set of clothing. My mother and father had been out for the week in the Outer Banks in North Carolina, leaving the two of us home in Chicago. Or rather, the Chicagoland area. We lived thirty-six miles west of the Windy City in a suburb of St. Charles. I had graduated from college a couple months back, and was waiting on a couple of friends to move out to California and rent an apartment together, but my sister Danielle was still in High School for a couple more months. Unfortunately for me, my sister still didn’t have her driver’s license, and that meant that my mother wasn’t there to get her to school.

“What about Angie?” I asked. “Your friend who drove you to school the past few days?”

Dani shook her head, her bob of blonde-dyed hair shaking across her face. “She called me this morning. She’s caught a bug of some kind and can’t pick me up. You’re the only one I can get to drive me now.”

I grunted, quickly shouldering a t-shirt with a picture of Vinyl Scratch over my head and stepping into a pair of sweatpants and athletic socks. I pulled on my old hiking boots, the only shoes I really feel comfortable in, and stepped out of my closet, while scratching my chin. “And I take it there’s no chance I have time to shave or anything?” I mumbled.

Dani rolled her eyes and jostled me out of my room. Pushy little thing, she is. “Come on, slowpoke.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this eager to get to school,” I remarked, running a comb quickly through my short black hair.

“I’m not eager to get to school, Will,” she said. “I’m just less eager to get reprimanded by T for being tardy again.”

I nodded sagely. Dani was going to the same high school I went to, and I remembered Mr. Thomas, or ‘T’ as most people called him, very well. He was a nice guy if you got on his good side, but it was difficult to stay on his good side. And she was wise not to risk invoking the dean’s ire. To do so would be very foolhardy indeed. One does not speak of the horrors the T can bring to you.

“Alright, alright, fine. Let me get my keys and I’ll get you there,” I said, stepping out into the hallway and thumping down the stairs with a yawn. “And get me a Dr. Pepper would you?” I asked her as I stepped into the little breakfast nook of our two story house. “You don’t want me falling asleep in the car or something.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” my sister said, shuddering as she opened the fridge. Her first time attempting to drive, she had accidentally driven the driving school’s car into a ditch. She had since become deathly afraid of getting into car accidents. Hence why she didn’t have a driver’s license.

“Just saying. You’re going to need to get over that sooner or later,” I said.

“Yeah, well, it’ll have to wait until after school. Now come on, before I decide to do something nasty to Elvira.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” I narrowed my eyes at her.

“You want to try me?” she said with an evil little smirk. That smarmy little...

With a noise that was somewhere between a growl and a yawn, I grabbed up my keys and followed her out into the garage.

* * *

The drive to my sister’s school was uneventful. Dani reminded me that I’d have to take her to her Tae Kwon Do class later that day as well. My sister is a third degree black belt. No joke, I swear. Five-nothing and a hundred and twenty pounds, and from her face it’d be hard to tell she wasn’t still in middle school, but she can kick a person’s ass from here to Tuesday. She started taking the classes when she was only about eleven. Now, seven years later, she was probably one of the best in the class, and, in only another year or so, would get her fourth degree and would be able to be legitimately called “Master Dani.” She was particularly excited about that.

Elvira was running beautifully that morning, as always. Yes, Elvira. My blue, 2003 Ford Crown Victoria. My uncle sold her to me for fifty bucks and I love her. She’s the best, most dependable car in the whole world, and nothing any of you say will ever convince me otherwise. And yes, her name IS Elvira. I know you’re thinking about that whole “Mistress of the Dark” character, but that’s not what it was a reference to. It was a reference to an old character I made up for a story about a superhero with a sentient car. It was a hobby of mine, making up stories. I hoped that one day I’d be able to make it into a career.

In any event, the ride to the high school was utterly uneventful and, after dropping my Sister off at school, I soon found myself all alone with Elvira, driving back through the wooded roads of the suburbs back home. I sighed to myself. It was shaping up to be a long, boring day. I had been woken up earlier than expected, and there was no way I was going to get back to that beautiful state of sleep I was so ruthlessly pulled out of now. I pulled into my driveway and turned off the car, striding through the garage and into the laundry room, where I was summarily attacked by two heavy balls of fur throwing themselves against my ankles.

“Hey, girls,” I said brightly to my two cats. I leaned down and scratched Isis behind her ears and patted Artemis’ side with my other hand. “Having a better morning than I am, I hope?” I joked at them. Isis mewled at me happily while Artemis looked at me out of the corner of her bright green eye with that little bit of contempt that cats always look at you with. Artemis was a big Savannah. A type of cat that has ancestry in some kind of jungle cat. Can’t remember which one. She’s a big thing, weighing almost twenty pounds, and she can leap from the floor to the top of the fridge in one jump. She does it all the time too. I think she’s just showing off how much better than us humans she is.

Isis, on the other hand, was a tiny little thing. She was an Abyssinian; a short haired cat originally from Egypt. Hence the name Isis after the Egyptian queen of the gods. My family has this weird thing where they name all of our cats after mythological beings. Before these two, we’ve had the likes of Pandora, Selene, Circe, Argus, and Siguna. Kitty-God rest their souls.

Little Isis couldn’t have weighed more than eight pounds. She was a playful little thing, and even though she was already three years old, she still insisted upon acting like a kitten. She followed Artemis like a big sister and had even learned to jump almost as well as she could. It was really cute.

I picked up Isis in my arms and strode into the living room, inspecting the mail slot on the way. Nothing new had come for me yet, though it looked like there were a few letters from Dani’s future college in there. I set them at her place at the table and strode to sit in the old leather recliner we have, still holding Isis in my arms. I stroked her for a little bit, as Artemis decided to throw all of her bulk onto my lap.

“So what’ll it be today, girls?” I asked the pair. “How about a change of pace? Instead of ‘absolutely nothing,’ how about we play a game of ‘jack-squat?’” I sighed. “I’ve really got to find something to do sooner or later. I think I’m getting cabin fever just sitting here on my arse, waiting for the guys get me out of here.” I looked down, scratching Isis’ chin a little. “At least you two are here to listen to me, right?”

Artemis sneezed then jumped off my lap. Isis took that as her cue to hop off too, following loyally after ‘big sissy.’

I sat there, rolling my eyes. “Well, same to you two!” I called after them. Sighing, I rested my face in my hand. The severe lack of things for me to do was really starting to get to me. I guess it’s true what they say about idle hands being the devil’s workshop. If I didn’t find something to do with my time, I’d go crazy and end up using these two hands to strangle myself. Maybe I should go get a job for the couple months that I was to remain here in Illinois? I could see if there was room for me down at the comic store down the road.

Of course, my inherent compulsion to be lazy would make sure that didn’t happen. Not today, anyway. I reached for the remote and clicked the TV on, changing the channel to the Hub. The Super Hero Squad Show was on. Ugh. Grumbling, I stood up, turned off the TV, and went back upstairs to find my laptop. At least on my laptop I had quick access to every episode of Dan Vs., Friendship is Magic, and Transformers Prime. I’d figure out something to do with my time today.

By noon I was bored again. That’s a bad sign, you know? When you actually get bored watching episodes of your three favorite cartoons? The restlessness must have been running deeper than I thought. I shook my head, taking my earphones off, then put Khan to sleep. Yes, my laptop is named Khan. I named it Khan so that every time it screws something up or gives me an error message I can shout “KHAAAAAAAAN!!!”

Oh, be quiet. It was funny when I first thought of it.

The whole thing had really begun to bug me. I sat there with the whole day to myself, with no obligations, and yet there was absolutely nothing that I felt particularly excited to do. I didn’t feel like booting up a game, as I’d been playing games for the past week since my parents left town. I could’ve watched a movie, but there wasn’t anything in our movie library that I hadn’t seen enough to know by heart. The same went for my shelf full of comic books.

I sighed once more. Maybe I’d figure out something to do once I got some food in me.

Deciding to go out to eat rather than stay at home and make something, I found myself revving Elvira up once again. I had to let the AC run for a little while so that she’d cool down a bit before rolling out. The air was really hot that day, and the sun shining directly down upon me through the cloudless blue sky certainly didn’t make it any cooler. A few minutes of letting the engine run, and I was cruising down the road under to the nearby Subway, a Meat Loaf ballad blaring at me through the car’s speakers.

As I strolled up to the counter, I noticed the guy behind it grinning at me like a madman. I cocked an eyebrow at that. Most of the people behind a subway counter tend to have a sort of dead look in their eyes. The kind you see from people who have given up all hope in life. Let’s face it, fast food is where dreams go to die and all spirit is beaten out of you. But this guy looked at me like I was some kind of sexy car model that had just handed him the key to a shiny new porsche and two tickets to a Caribbean cruise. It was a little off-putting.

“Can I help you?” he asked. I nodded, placing my order, and grabbing up a bag of barbecued Lays and a large drink cup. After the order was placed and I’d given him my money, he raised a fist up to me and said “Have a nice day, Brony.”

I looked down at my shirt, Vinyl Scratch emblazoned plainly upon it.

That explained that, then.

I smiled a little bit, raising my own fist to meet his and gave him a quick wave as I left the counter and went to fill up my drink cup. It was always nice to meet a fellow brony, though it would have been a little better if he hadn’t grinned like the Joker at me. I was a fan of the show, enough to spend a fair bit of time looking at fanart and fanfiction, and even buy a little merchandise here and there. And I certainly wasn’t embarrassed to let people know I liked it. The brony community is actually one of the best fandoms I’ve ever been a part of. By far more enjoyable than my previous brushes with the Final Fantasy fandom and the Legend of Zelda fandom. Seriously, people pick on Sonic fans, but FF and Zelda have got it really bad too. Bronies have their own set of issues, no joke, but it seemed like most of the brushes with the bad paled in comparison to the good that I saw in the fandom. In the other two fandoms, it was about 50-50. Having filled up my soda with more Dr. Pepper, I nodded once more to the brony behind the counter, who waved back cheerfully at me. Strolling out the door a minute later I unlocked my car once again and got ready to-

“Wait a minute...” I said, peering up at the sky. Something was different about it.

Probably the fact that the whole blasted thing was bright pink.

“..the hell?” I intelligently observed. Really, what else are you supposed to say when the sky turns bright pink on you? It had been blue when I went into the restaurant, hadn’t it? I’d only been in there about five minutes. Setting my food into the passenger seat of the car, I held my watch to my ear to make sure it was still ticking, not that I actually expected I had somehow blacked out for seven hours and it was sunset, or something. And the little tik tik tik of the second hand confirmed that. I looked around. All over the place, people were looking straight up and pointing at the sky. It looked like nobody else around here could really tell what was going on either.

That actually made me a bit nervous. What exactly could cause something like this. Some sort of atmospheric phenomenon? I’ll admit I was no meteorologist, so maybe. Perhaps an explosion of some kind nearby? Perhaps a missile or a power plant or something else that might cause some sort of blanket-effect in the sky? Possibly, but I would have probably heard it go off if it was something like that, so that seemed less likely. Alien invasion? No, not enough screaming. I resigned myself to not knowing what was going on. Knowing the media, we’d probably never get a straight answer anyway. Whatever it was, though, I wasn’t exactly sure I wanted to find out if it was dangerous or not. I didn’t want to be out in the open when the sun started giving off cosmic rays or something else that might fry my brainmeats, so I quickly got into my car and revved her up once more.

I was on the wooded road to my house when it happened.

I looked down for what must have been a mere half second to hit the ‘next’ button on my CD player. As much as I love Meat Loaf, there’s one song of his that I can’t stand and always skip over. When I looked up I nearly pissed myself. There, lying prone in the middle of the road, was a woman. I couldn’t make out much of her, but I did know that she didn’t seem to be doing anything to get out of the way, and here I was, speeding along the road at fifty miles an hour. If I didn’t stop, she’d be crushed!

Split second moments like that are always tough to describe accurately. It’s hard to really sum up in words what happens at the speed of thought and the things we end up doing in a blind panic. It always comes out reading like a much calmer event than it actually was. For example; I knew when I saw the woman lying in the middle of the road that I did not have enough time to brake and slow down before I ran her over. Therefore, I instead decided to swerve to the side of the road, onto the grass and into a shallow ditch to keep from having to deal with a manslaughter charge in the near future. Sounds like a rational decision made with a decent amount of thought, right?

Except, at the time, all that was running through my head was “HOLY SHIT THERE’S A CHICK IN THE ROAD STOP CAR GET OUT OF THE WAY OH CRAP I’M NOT ON THE ROAD ANYMORE WAT DO?!”

Coming to a stop in the shallow ditch, I took a moment to breathe deeply. My hands were shaking and my breathing was shallow. Sweat was dripping off my brow as I struggled to regain my composure. That had been a really close call... the sort of thing that makes you almost understand just why my sister, tough and pushy and stubborn and kick-ass as she is, is terrified of trying to drive.

Forgetting lunch, the pink sky, and everything else for a while, I stepped out of the car. I gave it a quick once-over to make sure Elvira wasn’t damaged at all, but she seemed to be perfectly okay. My thoughts then focused upon the woman lying in the middle of the road. Seriously, what was up with that? I could only think of a few reasons why one would lie unmoving in the middle of the road, and none of them were particularly pleasant. Climbing up out of the ditch, I spied the woman still lying in the road, motionless.

“Crap.” I muttered under my breath, as I made my way over to her. As I got closer, I noticed a few key things about this particular woman. The first thing I noticed, was that she was completely nude. Added to the whole ‘lying in the middle of the road’ thing, that was another sign that usually pointed the way to Really Bad Things.

The second thing I noticed was her hairstyle. She had purple hair. Perhaps better accurately described as ‘Blue-Violet,’ if we’re talking crayola colors. It was a voluminous, full, and very flowing style, sweeping down the right side of her face and curling up into a little french curl, and flowing down the other side of her face and down her neck down before spiraling down past her shoulders, coming to a stop just above the small of her back. It looked like something that should belong on an anime character, and yet, despite how hard it was to describe in words, it looked perfectly natural and symmetrical on her. I wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it. She didn’t look much like a punk rocker. No piercings or tattoos. I don’t think I’d seen very many people use this color, really. Guess it was just a thing of hers.

I got closer to her. “Ma’am?” I called out. “Ma’am, are you alright?” She didn’t stir. As I got closer, I noticed a few more things about her. For one, she looked positively gorgeous. I’ll admit, it was hard not to stare at certain... portions of her anatomy. Hey, what can I say, I’m a twenty-something guy. It’s in my nature. But what I mean is that her skin seemed absolutely flawless, despite lying on the asphalt. It was pale, but more in an aristocratic way than a sickly one. It seemed like the kind of pale skin you’d see from somebody of Scandinavian descent. I reckoned that she would not be the type who would tan well. Her limbs were long and slim, but not gangly or stringy, like mine. They looked fit and lean, like somebody who gets a lot of activity in their life. And she didn’t seem to have a single scratch or scar on her hands or feet.

Her face was a visage of pure beauty. Not a wrinkle or worry line in sight. Her eyes, though closed, were large with big lashes and what looked to be a faint trace of eyeshadow on them. Her nose was a cute, natural arch and her lips seemed thin, but had a shape that looked very sophisticated. Her face seemed so perfect, in fact, that it only made the flaw upon it stand out all the more: A long cut on her forehead.

“Jesus.” I muttered under my breath as I ran up to her. I placed two fingers on her neck. Her pulse was strong. I looked closer at the cut on her forehead and it didn’t seem like it was really bleeding much. It certainly didn’t seem life threatening. She might have hit her head on something and knocked herself out, so that at least answered why she wouldn’t wake up. But that still left me with a ton of other questions that I couldn’t seem to put any logical answers to. For example: why was she naked?

Abuse? Could she have been taken advantage of and then dumped here unceremoniously? That didn’t seem to fit well with what I observed about her. She would have had defensive wounds or something on her hands and forearms, and she certainly wouldn’t look so clean or have such well kept hair if that were the case. That didn’t seem to hold up.

Perhaps she got high somewhere nearby and it seemed like a good idea to take a nap naked in the middle of the road at the time? That didn’t seem like it had much merit either. The cut on her head suggested she was probably knocked out, not high. Also, people that are high have a certain look and smell to them, depending on the drug. I’d expect her to be twitchy or sweating or something if she had been taking drugs, and she didn’t smell like any illicit substance I’d ever smelled the frat boys using in college. Actually, now that I thought about it, she smelled vaguely of fudge. That was just odd. Fudge doesn’t make much for an illegal drug (though it is addictive as hell), so I scratched that option off the list.

Maybe she was a nudist who got knocked out by somebody offended by her nakedness? I dunno, that seemed a little far-fetched. It was possible, but in this hot sun I’d think she’d probably prefer to stay indoors if she was a nudist. With her fair skin, she’d get a sunburn in minutes, and, again, she wasn’t particularly sweaty, so she couldn’t have been outside for all that long. Where could she have come from?

I considered a number of different other possibilities as I stared at her for a minute or two, but they all had one thing in common: They didn’t add up. Whether it was her lack of dishevelment, her skin, the cut on her forehead or that damnable fudge smell, nothing about the girl seemed to add up.

I could tell two things about her though. First, she was in trouble somehow. And second, she probably shouldn’t stay out here in the open like this. Not in the middle of the road, naked, with the Daleks attacking or whatever. I looked up to the sky. It was still bright pink. No disturbing noises or dogfights or alien lights or anything. Just pink. It was honestly a little more unnerving than if something overtly terrible really HAD been happening. It was like the sky itself had jumped into the uncanny valley.

I sighed. Whatever the case with the sky, this girl needed help. I briefly considered calling 911, but I wasn’t sure if that was necessary. She wasn’t sick or dying, I could tell the much just from how healthy she looked and her pulse. It wouldn’t be fair to stuff a medical bill on her in this economy just for a false alarm if I sent her to the ER. And there was no evidence of a crime, so why call the police?

I scratched my head, growling a little at myself and looking back and forth between the purple-haired girl and Elvira, sitting there in the ditch. I shook my head. “I must be out of my mind...” I muttered to nobody in particular as I slid my arms underneath her neck and knees, lifting her up with a grunt. She wasn’t that heavy; probably only a smidge above 140 pounds or so, at a height of about five-nine. But then again, I’m about the scrawniest guy in existence, so it was actually a bit of a struggle getting her over to my car and then maneuvering her into the back seat so that she wouldn’t bump her head. I fastened her into the seat with the seatbelt, trying my best not to stare at any of her more... enticing regions. It wasn’t easy, though. She was a looker.

I slapped myself. Focus, Will! The girl’s in trouble and needs help. You’re here to provide that help, not to ogle her long, flowing, fascinating hair and her large, shapely, curvaceous-- I SAID FOCUS! I slapped myself again.

Right. Thanks, me. I needed that.

After getting my bearings straight, I climbed back into the front seat and revved up the car one last time that day. After some careful maneuvering out of the ditch, I rolled back onto the road back to my house, where a few minutes later, I carried the woman inside and laid her down on the couch. She looked troubled in her sleep, as though she were having a particularly bad dream. I did what I could to help, grabbing the medkit from the bathroom and cleaning up the cut on her forehead, then bandaging it with a few band-aids. I never got past Star in boy scouts, and that was eons ago, so the resulting bandage was kinda crude. Effective though. She wouldn’t bleed anymore. I used a washcloth to wipe a some of the grit from lying in the road off of her, trying my best to avoid bumping any of her more enrapturing areas, and then wrapped her up in a blanket. Finally finished with her, I wandered back to the leather recliner and flopped down upon it holding a hand to my forehead.

My sandwich lay forgotten on the kitchen table as I sat down in recliner across from the couch, staring at the strange woman who seemingly fell from nowhere, right into the path of my oncoming vehicle. My face held in my hands, I shook my head incredulously. Weird how it takes only about a half hour to make a despicably ordinary day like this into completely whacked out one, isn’t it?

Artemis jumped up onto my lap again, winding me with her weight. She looked over at the woman on the couch and then back up at me, letting out a quiet mrowl.

I chuckled, stroking her. “Well...” I said, “I did ask for something interesting to happen, didn’t I?” She looked at me in that way she always does and sneezed a little. Stupid cats and their unspoken sarcasm. I love them.

I fumbled with the remote control for a bit, keeping a close eye on the girl and the clock. I hoped that she’d wake up sooner rather than later. It would be a real pain to have to explain this to my sister. She probably wouldn’t have it in her to keep it a secret from my parents, either. And when she told them that I had apparently brought a naked woman home? The questions... Oh, just thinking about the questions they’d ask made my head throb.

Wasn’t much good I could do pondering what ‘might’ happen, however. What was done had been done. Bottom line, she’d wake up, I’d explain how I found her and that I’d patched her up. She’d explain what in the hell happened to her and then the proper steps would be taken. We’d have a laugh, and everybody goes home. Well, she gets out of my home, anyway.

I turned the TV on again. It was about one in the afternoon. Pound Puppies was on. Eh, whatever. It’s not a bad show. Nothing to write home about, but it’s talking dogs. It’s cool. I can dig it. Besides, DHX does the animation, so it couldn’t be all bad. The episode was about the dogs trying to find a home for a sewer alligator. It was actually pretty funny in context.

It was about twenty minutes into the show that Artemis mrowled again, thumping me in the face with her tail. I looked down to see what she was looking at, only to turn to see the woman awake under the blanket and staring at me with wide blue eyes. She looked frightened, and more than a little tense, though she remained absolutely motionless. I guess I couldn’t blame her. How would you feel if you woke up in a stranger’s house with no clothes and saw a scruffy grown man sitting not five feet from you watching a children’s cartoon? You’d probably be pretty uncomfortable yourself.

Still, I had no wish for her remain in such a state of distress, so I quickly tried to ease the tension in the room. Smiling, I lifted a hand in a small wave. “Hey,” I said to her cheerily.

The woman opened her mouth.

...And that’s how I lost my sense of hearing.

Ch2: I'm Going Slightly Mad

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In retrospect, the way I attempted to placate the terrified woman screaming her head off on my couch was probably the worst way that I could have acted. In my own defense, this was an entirely new scenario to me. I had never been faced with having to calm a terrified, shrieking, purple-haired, naked woman in my own house before. That’s just something that I don’t tend to have to deal with every day.

Still... grabbing her wrists and holding the thrashing woman down against her will and screaming at her to ‘shut up?’ Yeah, that wasn’t particularly smart of me.

“Shut up!” I shouted. “Stop screaming you crazy broad!”

“Get off! Get off of me, you brutish thug!” she responded in turn, before suddenly lifting a leg and kneeing me right in the stomach. I stumbled back, winded, and tripped backwards over the coffee table, my hands still firmly clamped around her wrists. The both of us toppled over the calf-high table and fell to the floor in a heap. Her elbow struck my forehead as she landed atop me, causing the tolling church bells in my brain to double in noise. Sure, the Canary Cry of Doom wasn’t enough at all. Why not add a nice little concussion to the list of head pains I’m to experience today?

I lay there groaning for a minute as I released her wrist. I felt the strange woman roll off me and heard her stumble a bit before coming to a rest in front of the fireplace when I heard a sharp gasp come from behind me. I opened my eyes slowly, the room spinning a little as my optic nerves tried to reboot themselves. Staggering to my feet, I shook my head and tried to get the ringing in my ears to die down a little. I stumbled back over to the easy chair and leaned against it, turning my head to look at the woman, who now appeared to be staring in horrified silence at the glass doors of the fireplace. Looking closer, I noticed she was looking dead into her own reflection, as if the sight of her own body terrified her to her very core.

I groaned, assuming she was taking stock of her own nakedness. She was probably going to start screaming at me and running out into the street soon trying to get somebody to call the police any second now. And it’s not like there was any way in hell that I’d get a cop to believe my side of the story. “I found her like that, officer,” was not going to cut the mustard. I braced myself for more screaming and some hefty accusations.

So you can imagine how surprised I was when none came. I thought that I heard her mutter something along the lines of “Great Celestia,” but beyond that, no noise came from her for at least a full three minutes. I watched her the whole time as she sat there motionless, staring at herself in the makeshift mirror, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Finally, just as I was about to reach for the phone and call 911 myself and report a crazed woman in my house, she rounded on me. Her eyes smoldered and bored into my soul as she glared dead into my eyes. If looks could kill, I’d have been six feet under right then and there. But as I stood there, trying to get my bearings straight, she suddenly hit me with one of the last questions I’d have ever expected from anybody in any situation, no matter how bizarre...

“What am I?” She asked.

I blinked. That’s just not a question that one asks. ‘Where am I’ would be a legitimate query in this situation. Likewise would ‘Who are you,’ ‘What day is it,’ or ‘Why am I stark naked.’ But ‘What am I?’ That’s just not the sort of question that one expects to be asked.

My mouth fumbled for words. It took a moment before I could get out a halfway-intelligent “Wh-what?”

The woman got into a kneeling position and looked up at me, the death glare still aimed at me in full force. “You heard me,” she said. “What am I?”

I stood there for a moment trying to consider how to answer that. The woman was obviously not alright in the head, and if she was set off, who knows what she would try to do? My eyes drifted over to the phone as I considered running over there to dial 911, when I heard a distinct sniffling sound. I quickly looked back to the woman again to see a very distinct change in her expression. Her death glare had broken and there were tears running down her face.

Ah crap, I thought.

Of the many things I can’t stand in this world, one of the things that I dread seeing most is a woman in distress. Call me chivalrous or call me a chauvinist pig, I can’t stand to see a girl getting hurt or attacked or insulted or otherwise put into a state of upset. It’s the sort of thing that makes me forget what a cowardly wimp I am for a second and makes me want to take up a suit of plate armor and a broadsword and save the fair maiden. And now, insane or not, here was a woman who was obviously confused and distraught, perhaps suffering from some sort of amnesia, having a cry right in front of me. Every fibre of my being suddenly stopped giving a shit about the safe and logical thing to do and told me to help the crying woman.

I sighed. This attitude was going to get me killed sooner or later.

“Hey, c’mon,” I said, approaching her slowly “don’t cry now. You’re safe here. I’m sorry I startled you.”

She attempted to keep up her glare at me, but it had obviously faltered a long time ago. Her poise, too, broke, as she tried to back away from me at my approach, only to tumble backwards a little and land on her bum. “Don’t come any closer.” she growled.

I crouched down, one arm on my knee as I tried to make myself smaller and less threatening. “Look, I’m not going to hurt you. I found you in the middle of the road and brought you here so you’d be safe, alright? If I was going to hurt you, I’d have done it while you were unconscious.”

The woman blinked as she appeared to be processing this. Her eyes darted to the side as she mumbled, “So... you’re not...” I never heard the end of that sentence as she seemed to give a sigh of relief and her body seemed to slump over. I rushed over and caught her before she could completely collapse to the ground. When I righted her again, she seemed to be unconscious once more.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I really hope this doesn’t start to become a pattern.” Hefting her up once again in my spindly arms, I carried her back to the couch and laid her head on the pillow, covering her over with the blanket once again. I got another moistened washcloth and laid it over her forehead, this time opting to watch her rather than the TV so I could nip any surprise freak-outs upon waking in the bud.

Of course, fate sees fit to completely ravage all of my plans. It wasn’t ten minutes before I heard the garage door open. I quickly stood and rushed over to the utility room to see what was up when my sister wandered in through the door.

“Dani.” I said suddenly. “You’re home early.”

My sister arched an eyebrow at me. “It’s 3 in the afternoon.”

I blinked and looked at my watch. It had already been two and a half hours since that trip to Subway? Time flies when things are going insane apparently.

“So... how’d you get home?” I asked her.

She wandered past me into the kitchen and dropped her backpack on a chair. “I got Claire to drive me. You seemed bummed about having to drive me this morning so I let you have another hour with your cartoon dogs,” she said pulling a soda out of the fridge and cracking it open.

“Right, right.” I said, looking back and forth between my sister and the family room. Thankfully, the woman was out of sight from this vantage point.

Dani put a hand on her hip. “Hey, are you alright? You’re looking a little flustered.”

“I am?”

She nodded.

I groaned. There was no keeping anything from my sister, was there? I felt my already pounding headache start to get worse. I didn’t ask for this. Sighing, I grabbed a bottle of ibuprofin from the cabinet and a cherry Dr. Pepper from the fridge. Downing four of the pills and subsequently damaging my liver, I put a hand on my sister’s shoulder. She twitched a little at the sudden contact and scowled at me. I looked at her closely and whispered in her ear, despite the lack of people around to hear us talking.

“I’ll show you, but you have to promise not to freak out.”

Dani squinted at me. “I make no promises, but I’ll do my best.”

My teeth clenched. That’d have to do. I huffed and led her into the family room where the woman was still sleeping soundly, a small smile on her face as opposed to the troubled mask she wore in her previous bout of unconsciousness. Dani gasped and jerked a little before turning to me. I seemed to be getting death glares from a lot of women today.

“What are you thinking!?” she managed to shout and whisper to me at the same time. At least she was being considerate to the woman’s rest as she chewed me out.

“It’s not what you think!” I replied. “She was lying in the middle of the road and I brought her back here to recuperate.”

“Likely story,” Dani said, giving me the perfect stink eye. “You really expect me to believe that?”

“Well alright, what do you think this is, then?” I shot back. “You know me, sis. What exactly do you think this is?”

I could see her breath catch in her throat as she tried to reply, but thankfully she stopped dead in her tracks. I’m glad that my sister and I are so close She knows me well enough that she knows that any of the things it really looks like probably aren’t the right explanations. After a few seconds, she rolled her eyes and looked back at the woman. “Fine,” she said, “but why didn’t you just call an ambulance or something?”

“She wasn’t that hurt.” I tried to explain. “She just looked like she needed a hand, that’s all.”

Dani groaned. “And you certainly would be the one to give her that hand.” She looked me over. “And she wouldn’t happen to be the one to give you that bump on the back of your head, would she?”

I reached back and felt that, indeed, there was a pretty big bump growing on the back of my head. I sighed. “She woke up earlier and she was really scared and confused. I think she might have thought I had kidnapped her or was trying to do something to her or something. I dunno. She calmed down though and fell back asleep. Don’t worry about it, Dani. You’d be pretty freaked out in her shoes too.”

My sister sighed. “Okay, fine. If you want to do...” she motioned her arms at the woman “...this, then fine. But could you get her clothed and out of here soon, please?” she said awkwardly.

I nodded. “That’s the plan.”

Dani let out a breath. “Fine. Whatever. I have a history paper I need to write.” she growled, walking back to the table and picking her backpack up. She shot one last dirty glare in the direction of the woman and wandered up the stairs.

I sat back in the easy chair and sighed. I should have known Dani wouldn’t take that well. She was always twitchy about people ‘invading her space’ and was very wary around people she didn’t know. To bring somebody she didn’t know into our house... I supposed she felt like she was not only being invaded, but also a little railroaded since she didn’t have much of a say in the matter either. I didn’t have long to ponder my sister’s reaction though, as soon I heard a stirring from the purple-haired woman. I leaned over the couch as her eyes fluttered open.

“Hey,” I said quietly, “You okay, miss?”

She looked to me and took a sharp intake of breath, but quickly seemed to calm down as she remembered where she was. She nodded slowly and brought up a slender arm, resting her hand against her forehead. It almost looked like she was swooning or something. She groaned a little, as though she had a headache, then spoke quietly, “Yes. Yes I am alright, darling. I apologize for my ghastly behavior a minute ago.”

I nodded. “It’s alright,” I said. “You were scared and confused. Anyone in your position would probably act something like that.” I rubbed my chest where her knee had hit me. “And might I say, you have a great front-snap kick,” I said, chuckling.

Her eyes widened as she turned sharply to me. “Oh, heavens, I apologize. I didn’t mea-” I held up a hand, cutting her off.

“It’s alright. Let’s just... not do that again, okay?” I said.

She smiled a little, but the expression did not last as she looked at me solemnly.

And then things started to get weird again.

The woman spoke to me in a piteous voice. “Caramel, do you know where we are?”

I blinked. “What?”

She ignored my question as she continued asking her own. “For that matter, do you even know what we are, Caramel? Oh this is simply dreadful, isn’t it? These gangly, spidery hands and useless toes and flat, fabby faces.” she shuddered as I started to see more tears form in her eyes. “And what in the world are these supposed to be?!” She suddenly whipped the blanket off of her chest for a moment, exposing her breasts. I quickly averted my eyes, my face a deep shade of red. “Are these udders?!” she continued to rant, thankfully replacing the blanket and covering herself again. “By Celestia, I’m some sort of hairless monkey-cow! Oh if it isn’t simply the worst fate that could possibly befall a pony?!”

I tried to raise a finger to speak but she just kept going, her speech getting faster and faster.

“Oh, and my friends! And my little sister! Oh heavens, who knows where they could be? I’m lost and transformed and everything I know has vanished!” She suddenly broke down into a series of sobs. I blinked.

This woman was mental.

Tentatively, I reached a hand out and patted her back. “There there?” I tried to comfort. “It’s going to be alright... I thin-BWAH!” I suddenly found myself in a vicegrip of a hug as she threw her arms around me.

“Oh you can’t believe how relieved I am to see you here, Caramel. If it weren’t for you, I’d probably be dead in a ditch somewhere.” I don’t know if she knew how accurate that statement was, but before I could correct her about the case of mistaken identity she continued.

“I mean of course, I’m sorry that you got caught in the crossfire, darling, but it’s nice to have a gentlecolt nearby to help a lady out and keep each other company though this dreadful event. And you at least got to keep the shirt you got from that concert that you and Rainbow went to.”
I looked down at my t-shirt. I got Vinyl Scratch for ten bucks at Hot Topic.

She just kept on rambling though. “Tacky, of course. I could certainly whip you up something better in a heartbeat, but at least it’s covering up the ugly bald skin. Oh but I apologize, it’s good to see you, Caramel. Would you believe that for a minute I thought you were one of his minions and that I had been given to you to become some sort of mate or something?” she chuckled, wiping a tear from her eye, then buried her head in my shoulder. “Oh thank goodness you’re here. It’s so nice to have a friendly face around.”

I blinked. She seemed really convinced that I was somebody she knew. Heck that was probably what had calmed her down in the first place. I grimaced a little, though, knowing that it would probably be a bad idea in the long run to pass myself off as this “Caramel.” One slip up in acting like him and the whole charade would fall through, and then I’d have an angry madwoman on my hands. I’d do best to try and bring her back to earth now before the situation got any worse.

“I’m sorry ma’am,” I said slowly, “but I don’t think we’ve met.”

The woman quickly untangled herself from me and looked at me worriedly. “Whatever do you mean, darling? It’s me, Rarity!”

A-HA! That was where I knew the hair from! I knew it looked familiar! And now I knew what was up with all the pony-speak and references too! This woman was convinced she was Rarity from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. She must have thought somewhere down the line that I was Caramel, the hapless farmhand that lost the grass seeds at Winter Wrap Up. Admittedly, I thought, my hair did kinda look like his; short in the front, long in the back, parted in the middle of the forehead... though my hair was a fair bit darker than his, but the style WAS basically the same: short, neat, and boring. All beside the point, though, as I had a delusional brony (pegasister?) on my hands that I needed to placate and, if possible, bring back to reality.

“Ma’am, my name isn’t Caramel. My name is William Parish.” I said slowly. “And I picked this shirt up at a two-bit chain store.” Rarity... or whatever her name really was... sat up suddenly and pulled away from me, nervousness adorning her features. “And this isn’t Equestria or Ponyville or anything like that. You’re in a small town near Chicago, Illinois.”

Rarity gulped a little as she responded. “I... I see.” she mumbled. “I apologize for the mistaken identity.” She took a deep breath. “You seem like a gentle...um...thing though, so... um...”

“Human.” I said. “You and I are human beings.”

Rarity nodded. “Alright. You seem like a gentlehuman, so, um, perhaps you wouldn’t mind helping me get home?”

I smiled a little. “That I can try and help you with.” I gave her my hand. “Come on, to your feet.”

Rarity looked at my hand for a moment before tentatively grasping it with her own and I helped her to her feet. She was unsteady on her own two legs and she had to lean on me for support. I was starting to worry that the blow to her head that I had previously thought was so benign was worse than I thought. Perhaps it had knocked her silly, making her forget who she was and maybe even caused something in her brain to be damaged, throwing her balance off. I couldn’t tell. She wasn’t slurring her words and, aside from the insanity of the things she was saying, she was perfectly coherent, so I wasn’t sure what to make of, well... anything about this woman.

As I helped her up, she swayed back and forth a little, suddenly not looking so well. I guessed that the stress of the day was probably starting to get to her.

“You alright?” I asked.

She shook her head. “I suddenly feel very ill...”

I nodded. “I can take you upstairs to the guest room. You can lie down again up there. It’s much better than our old cou-”

...And then several pints of half-digested ice cream were forcibly ejected upon me.

Ch.3 Suspicious Minds

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There are few places in this world where I ever really feel truly relaxed. Most of the time, my mind is abuzz with a constant stream of hectic thoughts. Whether it be general worrying about the future, fussing over something unimportant like the intricacies and/or stupidities of a story, or otherwise just random inane trains of thought about nothing in particular, it’s a rare moment that I ever feel truly relaxed. There are specific places, though, that I can go if I ever find myself needing a break from all the random noise that makes up my brain. Places that make it easier for me to rope my thoughts in and achieve a greater state of calm. My bed is one place. As I previously said, there are few people as dedicated to the art of sleep as I. Another is my car, assuming that nothing crazy is happening on the road.

But probably the best place for me to go when I need to feel relaxed is my shower. There’s nothing quite like hot water and fresh-smelling soap to ease tension and relax the mind. There were some times in my life when things got particularly chaotic that I would shower twice, or even three times a day in an attempt to get my head in order. And the refreshed, clean feeling that I have when I get out of the stall always leaves me feeling restored and ready to face anything.

...at least, that’s how it usually worked.

I leaned against the shower wall, water cascading over my face as I pondered over the events of the day so far. What had I been thinking, bringing a strange woman into my house like that? One that had been naked in the middle of the street, no less! It should have occurred to me then and there that she was completely off her rocker. All those things I had considered when I found her lying in the middle of the road and ‘just plain crazy’ wasn’t one of them?

I groaned, massaging my temples with my fingers. Except that doesn’t add up either, I thought to myself. The body tends to reflect the mind and, like junkies, crazy people would probably have a certain look to them. I’ve run into a few while walking the streets of Chicago, and most people that suffer from mental disorders tend to have more distinctive faces. They’re all worry lines and matted hair. And as I observed before, this woman was physically perfect.

Unless... unless she only recently went crazy? Maybe that’s it! I thought, scratched my head, pondering the idea as a scenario began to form in my mind. What if, and admittedly this was a long shot, what if she was just a regular brony? A regular brony who went and styled her hair to look like Rarity’s for a cosplay or something at a convention. What if she ended up hitting her head somehow and it scrambled her brain a little bit? While she was unconscious, somebody came along and decided to rob her perhaps, and the thief left her naked. The blow to the head made her forget who she really was and when she looked at herself in the fireplace window, she recognized Rarity’s hairstyle and assumed that she was Rarity, only to remember that Rarity wasn’t human and that, by extension, something must be wrong with her body. Then when she looked at me, she noticed that I had hair similar to Caramel’s and she simply assumed that I was the hapless farmhand. It all made sense.

Well, compared to anything else it did anyway. It was still more than a little bit farfetched, and the whole “bonk-on-the-head-makes-you-think-you’re-a-completely-different-person” thing was generally more reserved for fiction than anything else. Compared to anything else, this was the first scenario I’d come up with that explained everything about the girl. After all, real life has spawned crazier scenarios than that before. Do a Google search for ‘Emperor Norton’ sometime if you want to see a life story that’s hilariously unlikely and insane.

I couldn’t be sure if I was right about the scenario, of course, but at least I had a way to make sense of the girl’s predicament. By extension, I had a good idea about how to act around her. Maybe I could even help her to remember who she was if I didn’t let her delusions fester for too long. Nodding to myself and with a renewed purpose, I turned off the water; my body freshly cleaned of ice cream puke, and stepped out of the shower to dry off.

Finishing up in the bathroom, I took a few minutes to shave and comb my hair after my shower was done. I threw on some clothes in the form of a pair of khaki pants and a new t-shirt with the Avengers logo on it and wandered downstairs to confront the girl about her delusions. Imagine the look on my face, then, when I realized she was nowhere to be found.

I checked the family room where I had left her to stay on the couch, and she simply wasn’t there anymore. The kitchen and the dining room were empty, the laundry room was busy taking care of my pukey clothes, but was otherwise empty, as was the downstairs bathroom. I dashed back upstairs to check the other rooms, but my room, the guest room, and the master bedroom were all completely empty as well. I knocked on my sister’s door, hoping that the girl would be in there, but only my sister answered the knock.

“Yeah?” Dani asked me, her eyebrow cocked.

“Have you seen the girl?” I asked her breathlessly.

“Miss Eggplant Hair?” she asked before nodding. “Yeah, she stumbled up here while you were in the shower. Said she was cold so I offered her a t-shirt and pants. But Will...” she said trailing off, “I think she might be crazy. She introduced herself as ‘Rarity.’ You know, the character from Friendship is Magic?”

I nodded to her. “Yeah, I know. She said the same thing to me. I think she might have hit her head and forgotten who she really is. I’m going to try to help her remember herself, assuming I can find her.”

Dani shrugged. “Well, she asked if we had any sewing materials anywhere. I told her that we had Great Grammy’s old sewing machine and some materials in the basement, so maybe you can find her there.”

I sighed in relief. “So she’s still here then?”

“Should be.”

“That’s a weight off my mind,” I said. “I was worried she’d left the place and wandered out into traffic or something. Thanks, Dani.” I turned to leave, but before I could take two steps, Dani grabbed me by the arm and yanked me back to face her. Her face was deadly serious as she glared right into my eyes.

“Will,” she began slowly, “are you really sure it’s a good idea to keep her around? I don’t feel comfortable with a half-mad woman in our basement. Especially not in the basement, come to think about it, given that’s where dad keeps all his guns.”

I sighed. “I don’t mean to keep her around long, Dani,” I said quietly. “I just want to keep her around long enough to help her remember who she really is. It’d be cruel of me to let her go back out into the world thinking she’s actually a pastel cartoon horse. She’d get eaten alive.” I slipped my arm out of her grasp. “Besides,” I continued, “I don’t think she’s dangerous. She doesn’t seem the violent sort.”

“The bump on your head tells me otherwise,” my sister commented, her eyebrows doing a wonderful impression of Mr. Spock’s.

“Granted,” I conceded, “but she was scared. People get violent when they’re scared. And when she calmed down she was perfectly civil. Ladylike even.” I shrugged. “Besides, I don’t think it’ll take very long for her to remember who she is. She’ll probably come to as soon as I show her an episode of the cartoon.”

“And if she doesn’t?” Dani asked. “What if she doesn’t ‘come to?’ What if she’s actually insane and isn’t willing to give up the idea that she’s supposed to be a pony?”

I scratched my chin. “I’m not a professional psychologist, Dani,” I said slowly. “I don’t know exactly what to do. All I can do is take my best guess what’s best in the situation. But I guess if she holds onto the idea that she’s Rarity that hard then I guess I’ll have to take her in to a mental institution or something. I don’t think I’m qualified to take care of someone mentally incompetent 24/7.”

Dani sighed. “Alright then. I guess that’s good enough.”

I smiled. “Trust me, she’ll be out of here in a day or two. Long before mom and dad get home.”

Dani smiled back. “Okay. I’ve got to finish this history paper. You go do whatever you need to do.”

I nodded and wandered back down the stairs. Turning to the basement door, I heard a rumbling noise in the basement, as well as a faint melody coming from down the stairs. Opening the door, I recognized it as Rarity’s “Art of the Dress” from episode 14. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for my encounter with the woman and headed down into the basement.

Our basement was a pretty dingy place. We barely used it for much other than storing old junk, so most of it was piled floor to ceiling with cardboard boxes. The ever-present rumble of the water filter permeated the room and there was little room to move around between the mazes of old clothes, VHS tapes, and other long forgotten relics from our family’s past. About the only section of the room that you could really move around in was the sewing corner; a section of the basement cordoned off for my grandmother when she came to visit. The sewing corner was the only section of the basement that we bothered to keep neat and tidy. It had a patch of pink carpet and a table and chair sitting under a ceiling light. On the table was my great grandmother’s antique sewing machine, a device that nobody I know has ever been able to get to work properly save for my grandmother. Up against the wall of the corner there were several shelving units that kept some bolts of fabric, needles, thread, and other sewing junk.

Sitting barefoot at the table was the woman who thought she was Rarity. She was dressed in a white babydoll t-shirt that read “I’m not bossy, my ideas are just better” and a pair of cyan blue pants. I couldn’t help but notice that she obviously wasn’t wearing a bra, though that didn’t exactly surprise me. I don’t think my sister had a bra big enough to fit her. I quickly reeled my mind in away from the naughty places it was trying to go when I realized that she was actually using my great grandmother’s sewing machine. That was rather stunning, given that most people can’t figure out how to use Great Grammy’s old machine.

I cleared my throat to get her attention but all I got in response was a wave of an arm. Raising an eyebrow I cleared my throat again, a little louder this time.

“Just a moment, darling,” she said, leaning over the rumbling machine. “I’m in the zone, as it were.”

...This was going to be harder than I thought, wasn’t it?

“Sorry,” I began, “but I think we sorta need to talk.” I did my best to get her attention. It seemed to work, as she suddenly sat up in the chair and turned to look at me. She hurriedly stood up, leaning against the table for support, and switched the sewing machine off.

“Why William, dear. Why didn’t you say it was you?” she twittered, a sunny expression on her face. She waved me over to her, enthusiasm leaking from her every pore. “Come, come, you’re just in time to try on your new suit!”

I blinked. “My what now?”

“Your suit, darling!” she said gleefully, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me over to the table. “I felt simply ghastly at how I’ve treated you today, after kicking you in the face and then vuhhh... vuhhh... vuhmmmaaa...” She clenched her eyes shut and twisted her face into a look of absolute revulsion.

“...Vomiting?” I asked.

“Yes, that,” she muttered, shaking off the look and composing herself. “After doing that all over your front. I treated you so horribly, darling, and all while you were simply trying to help me by taking me in! And I simply could not let that go uncorrected! Why, it’s my job, nay, my duty as a lady to make proper amends!”

I waved her off. “It’s nothing, really. You were frightened and I can’t really well blame you for the mess. That’s something you don’t have any control over. It’s no big deal.”

“Oh but it is!” she insisted. “Why after the way I acted, I’m surprised you can even stand to be in the same room as me!” she swooned, putting her wrist to her forehead. “And that’s why I simply must make you something in return for your hospitality, and in apology for the horrid way I’ve acted.”

“I really don’t think it’s necessary to-”

“And that’s why I’ve gone ahead and made you a new suit!” she said, grinning and motioning to the table next to the sewing machine.

I blinked. Indeed, there was a brand new dark blue suit sitting there finished on the table. It didn’t seem to have a tag or anything indicating that it came from a store of some kind, but instead on the inside under the collar had a stylized ‘R’ embroidered into it. It shimmered a little in the light, like it was lined from some fancy, polished fabric of some kind. Maybe satin or something? I know next to jack squat about fabric and sewing and stuff like that. I looked from the suit to her and back again.

“What do you think?” she said brightly.

“...You mean to tell me you made that in only the hour I was bathing?” I said, dumbfounded.

She shrugged modestly. “Well, I would have been faster, but since I can’t seem to use my magic without my horn it took a little longer than it normally would have for me. Thankfully these fingers are almost as good. Oh, and I’m almost done with your tie,” she said, pointing at the sewing machine, which, lo and behold, had a half-finished bright red tie sitting underneath the needle.

I stood there baffling at the clothes. Not only did this woman manage to properly use a sewing machine that was incredibly finicky to the point where half the time even my grandmother couldn’t get it to work for her, but with it she managed to stitch together a (surprisingly good looking) suit, and was halfway through making a tie. All in under an hour. That couldn’t be possible, could it?

I jumped a little as I felt the woman grab hold of me and start slipping on the suit. “I’ve never made a suit for this body shape before, so that was something of a challenge. Human beings are rather shaped like Minotaurs though, so I at least had an idea of how the body would move. Still, I didn’t have your measurements, so I had to eyeball some from our last encounter.”

The jacket that she slipped onto me fit like a glove, and whatever material it was made out of was by far more comfortable than most other suits I had worn. “This is eyeballing?!” I stuttered, dumbfounded.

“Well,” she chuckled, “I am rather good at guessing.”

I looked in the full-body mirror that was set up against the wall of the sewing corner. The jacket really was very nice on me. It fit well and was quite comfortable. I’d never known any other human being to be as fast and as skillful with fabric like this. And all of this was made with just estimates?

Could it be? No... No of course it couldn’t.

...could it?

“Oh that’s simply marvelous!” she said, clapping her hands together. “It seems I got the measurements right after all! And navy blue really is your color, isn’t it?”

I shook my head. “Ma’am, you didn’t have to do this for me.”

“Oh nonsense,” she said, waving me off, and going back to working on the tie. “And please, darling, it’s Rarity. Calling me ‘ma’am’ rather makes me sound like an old nursemaid, doesn’t it?”

I puzzled over this new development, leaning against the storage shelves. Getting hit on the head doesn’t impart superhuman sewing abilities, does it? Of course not, that’s just ridiculous. If I were to get beaned over the head and then assume I was a fireman somehow, I wouldn’t know the first thing about firefighting. I’d probably run into a burning building and get my ass burned off. But here this woman, who thought she was Rarity from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, was sewing up a tie to go with the suit she had made me in less than an hour, and she was handling herself at the antique sewing machine better than anybody I’d ever seen before in my life.

Okay, well... this is easy enough to explain, right? She’s obviously a seamstress. That’s probably why she picked Rarity to cosplay. Still, her work with the sewing machine was absolutely prodigious.

But no, there was no way that she could actually be the Rarity. Could there? It’s true I was starting to entertain the idea. I read comic books after all, and if you’re going to read comic books you have to be open to the weird, the insane, and the seemingly impossible.

I’ve often entertained the idea of what I would do if I met myself from the future or from another universe or something. I’ve pondered the sorts of things I would do if I were to find myself traveling through time or with some kind of superpower or with my brain suddenly implanted inside a robot or something. But let’s face it, I never thought such a thing would actually happen. Now, supposedly, I have a transformed little pastel pony sitting here in my basement sewing me up a tie.

I got to thinking again. I’ve always been of the mind that before you jump to a conclusion like aliens or government conspiracies or other wild answers that you should rule out all other choices first, and I decided that should apply here as well. At the same time, though, I’ve always ascribed to the idea of Occam’s razor: The simplest explanation is usually the best explanation. And right now, those two philosophies were at odds. The simplest explanation was that this was actually Rarity. It explained why she was lost in the middle of the road. It explained why she was naked, since ponies don’t normally wear clothes. It explained why she acted the way she did, the hair, the speech patterns, the cutie mark and everything.

Meanwhile, my “bonk-on-the-head” theory was incredibly complicated and necessitated a whole lot of highly improbable events to come together all at once. She had to be a brony, she had to be cosplaying Rarity, she had to be a seemingly supernatural seamstress, she had to hit her head. She had to be robbed - not just of her valuables but her clothes as well, and nothing else had to be done to her by the hypothetical criminal in question. Finally, all of this had to culminate in a surprisingly coherent delusion of identity. In terms of simplicity, the former seemed far more plausible than the latter.

And yet, it was crazy. That the “real” Rarity was somehow zapped into the real world and turned human. At least the head trauma theory seemed somewhat grounded in reality. The other option was a completely fictitious scenario.

I scratched my chin, pondering what to do to figure out the mystery behind this girl. I needed a test. A test to somehow prove that she was the real Rarity.

Or maybe... a test to prove that she wasn’t!

If she was just a brony who had been bonked on the head into thinking she was Rarity, then she’d have some level of brony knowledge wouldn’t she? Knowledge wouldn’t just go away, especially not if it was related to the delusion in question. At least, I don’t think it would. More likely it would just be buried, waiting to be dug up. Maybe if I asked her a few questions about brony stuff that wasn’t specifically in the show, I’d be able to prove whether or not she was really a regular ‘pegasister.’

Yes... if she could answer my questions about the brony subculture correctly, then she was obviously just a brony who had suffered an accident. But if she couldn’t...

Well... if she couldn’t, then the best explanation there was was that she was telling the truth, I suppose.

Not sure what I would do in that case.

I cleared my throat to get her attention. “So, Rarity,” I started, the purple-haired woman looking up from the tie, “How’s Nyx?”

She blinked, cocking her head to the side a little. “Pardon?”

“You know, Nyx? Twilight’s adopted daughter? Black alicorn filly?”

Rarity put a hand to her mouth and said. “Goodness, William! No such filly exists, I should say. I believe I would know if dear Twilight had a daughter. The poor dear can barely tear herself away from her books to eat, let alone take care of a child. And I would certainly know if there was an alicorn filly living in the library!”

I nodded. ‘Strike one,’ I thought to myself. Most bronies I’d met at least knew of Pen Stroke’s fanfiction, Past Sins, and its main character Nyx. The story gained a level of infamy for its popularity, despite being released somewhat half-finished with a rather Mary-sue main character. A lot of fan art and even some hate art had been released pertaining to it, and most people seemed to have some sort of opinion about it. Surely most bronies would have at least heard about Nyx in passing if nothing else.

I gulped a little and continued. “Well, she’s shown up in all sorts of articles in Equestria Daily. I thought most people knew about her.”

Rarity looked at me out of the corner of her eye, a very suspicious look on her face. “I’m afraid I’m not familiar with that particular newspaper.”

‘Strike two...’

“I see,” I said, starting to sweat a little. This was completely new, meeting a brony that hadn’t even heard of Equestria Daily. I suppose it was possible that she had become a brony through real life friends and didn’t do much on the internet, but surely something about the website would have been said in passing, right?

It couldn’t be... I had to know once and for all though.

“Well that’s alright. The story is kinda half-baked. Besides, Lauren Faust never intended there to be more than a couple alicorns anyway, right?” I stammered.

“...Who?”

Damn.

Strike three.

You’re out.

I doubted there was a brony alive who didn’t know the name Lauren Faust. Especially not given that it was one of the points used to sell the show to many people outside the targeted age group. There was no way that this woman was a brony. So really, the only way she could know about Rarity was...

…

Sherlock Holmes once said, “When you’ve eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”

The truth. The whole time, this woman had been telling the truth. No delusion at all.

My knees buckled as the revelation came over me. I stumbled back, slumping against the wall and slapping a palm to my forehead, my brain trying and failing to process all of the implication of this event. Here, in my sewing corner, was a being that by all rights should not exist. And yet here she was.

I have no idea how long I sat there in a stupor, my brain refusing to process what lay right before me. It was like my entire body shut down, waiting for somebody to press the reset button. I must have looked like death itself, slumped against the wall like that, my eyes wide and my mouth hanging open, giving the opposite wall the thousand-yard stare. Truthfully, I probably didn’t stay like that for more than a few moments, but it felt like hours to me as I stared blankly ahead, my mind caught in a futile infinite loop.

Fortunately though, Rarity was there to bring me out of it.

“William?” she asked, standing up and walking unsteadily over to me. “Are you quite alright?” She reached a hand down and grabbed mine, helping me to my feet and breaking me out of my stupor.

“Yeah...” I said, as if in a trance. “Yeah I think I’ll be okay.”

“Very well,” she said.

And then she slapped me across the face.

“Agh!” I shouted. “What was that for?!” I jumped as Rarity suddenly pinned me against the wall, her arms putting all of their weight down into my shoulders. She was a fair bit stronger than she looked. It probably came from fighting the forces of evil every other week.

Rarity gave me one of the worst death glares I’d ever received, her face not two inches away from my own. Her eyes spoke volumes of suspicion and fury as she looked dead into my face, promising a thousand unspeakable tortures if I did not manage to appease her. “Perhaps, dear William, you could tell me just how, if you are not a pony, you know of Equestria? How, exactly you have a shirt with Vinyl Scratch upon it? And how... just how... you know of my friend Twilight Sparkle?!”

...Ah darn.

Author's Notes:

It is a dark and gloomy night in the cemetery, as the fog settles frigidly over the half-dead grass. The tombstones jut out of the ground like lonely mountains, marking the graves of the lost souls of this earth. In the eerie silence of the night, the starless sky suddenly alights with noise. A miserable, groaning sound pierces the air as the ground beneath a single grave begins to shift and churn. Then all at once, a dirt-encrusted hoof shoots out of the ground like some perversion of a young sprout. Another dirty blue-gray hoof follows soon after, pawing at the ground and forcing as much dirt away from the old gravesite as it can. after several agonizing minutes, a pale face, with sunken in eyes and a stringy white mane emerges from the ground, his dark grey eyes glowing with mischief and malice. The face suddenly twists into a grin as he pulls the rest of himself free, revealing that he's wearing a royal janitor's vest. Finally, as he pulls his cutie mark free of the loamy earth, revealing a broom and dustpan plastered on his speckled flank, he cackles maliciously, announcing his presence to all of Equestria!

"I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!"

So yes, my apologies that I took so long, but I found myself devoid of creativity after a personal tragedy. In any case, I should be back now. Chapter 4, actually, is already done, and just needs to be edited before I can put it up.

In any case, it's time we got the whole identity thing out of the way, and combined with the next chapter, I should have all the necessary exposition taken care of. So I hope you enjoyed this chapter despite how heavy on the exposition and personal musings it may be.

Anyway, the song for this chapter's title is 'Suspicious Minds' by Elvis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtsmuVA0m7c

Have a nice day, y'all! :D

Ch4: Everything You Know is Wrong

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I sat at the kitchen table, eating my Subway sandwich. It had gotten cold since I bought it a few hours ago, but it was still plenty edible. It was a good sandwich really. One of their Italian BMT’s but modified to my preferences. I had them load it full of black olives and ranch dressing. It was a salty, savory light in the darkness that was sure to come once the woman across the table from me finished up that episode she was watching.

Across from me, Rarity sat, wide eyed and seemingly struggling to breathe as she watched the episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic that I had put on for her. I sighed, wishing that there had been some way to break the show to her in a less world-shattering fashion. Honestly though, how do you break the news that the entire world you’ve always known is a children’s cartoon watched by five year old girls and a bunch of twenty-something males? That’s going to be pretty heavy no matter how you spin it.

Besides, she was about to break my face if I didn’t give her an answer immediately.

Luckily, I had a plan. There was a way I could spin the explanation that would hopefully make it so that her entire world didn’t come crashing down on her. It was complicated and involved tons of probably-inaccurate assumptions about quantum physics and parallel universes and alternate timelines and the sixth dimension and other impressive-sounding things that I didn’t understand at all, filtered through a fair bit of comic book logic, which ironically makes more sense than any of the actual things quantum physicists deal with.

In short, I was going to tell her about the multiverse theory as I had rationalized it. For all I knew I was completely wrong, but if anything Rarity’s presence here suggested that I was at least somewhat right.

I watched Rarity as I finished off my sandwich. I could tell she had gotten to the end of the episode as I heard Twilight’s voice dictate the letter to Celestia.

“Dear Princess Celestia,” she read, “this week my very talented friend Rarity learned that if you try to please everypony, you oftentimes end up pleasing nopony; especially yourself. And I learned this – When somepony offers to do you a favor, like making you a beautiful dress, you shouldn’t be overly critical of something generously given to you. In other words, you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth!”

The sound of Spike sending the letter rang out from my computer’s speakers as I stood up from the table, bunching up the plastic Subway bag and tossing it in the trash can. I then pulled two mugs out of the cupboard and went about heating up some water and pulling out a few chamomile tea bags. I figured she would need something to help her relax pretty imminently. Luckily, chamomile tea doesn’t require the water to be too terribly hot and it was ready by the time the credits had finished rolling.

I brought the flowery mug over to Rarity, who still seemed to have a blank stare on her face, looking with glazed eyes at the finished youtube video. Her mouth was slightly open and it looked like she might start drooling if left much longer. I put my hand on her shoulder and gripped it calmly. “Rarity?” I asked, “Are you going to be okay?”

The subsequent wail nearly deafened me again, as Rarity practically tackled me, tears rolling down her face in torrents. Sliding out of her chair, she fell to her knees and hugged me tightly around my waist. I sighed, putting my mug down and stroked her hair, my heart breaking to see her like this.

“Come on, Rarity,” I said as soothingly as I could, “It’s not as bad as you think.”

“Yes it iiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!” she cried into my waist. “Of all the worst things that could happen, this is-”

“The worst possible thing?” I finished. She nodded and started wailing again. I hugged her around her shoulders. “Come on, Rarity, chin up. Everything is going to be fine.”

“No it’s not!” Rarity practically screamed at me. “You mean to tell me that not just all of Ponyville, but an entire planet saw those ghastly outfits that my friends had me make?!”

I blinked.

“...THAT’S what you’re fussing about?!” I gaped, releasing her shoulders. “Rarity, I don’t think-”

“Oh the humiliation! The scandal! The shame and disgrace of it all! I shall never be taken seriously again!” Rarity continued to cry into me.

I rolled my eyes. Figures she’d have her priorities skewed just a little. She brought a tiara up a mountain to fight a dragon, after all. I sighed and attempted to remove the woman from my person. “Rarity, it really isn’t that bad.”

“My reputation is tarnished upon not one, but two worlds!” she shouted.

“Rarity!” I snapped, managing to break her out of her spiral long enough to pay attention to me. “Your reputation is fine! I’ve seen you in later episodes. Remember how you got to hang out with high society ponies like Fancy Pants and such? And I can guarantee you that you’re in the clear here on Earth. You get plenty of respect from the people that watch the show.”

Rarity sniffled. “Well, yes... there was that time with Fancy Pants.” She looked up at me “You really don’t think I should be reviled here on your world?”

“Sure,” I said encouragingly. “Everybody knows you’re a great seamstress and that those outfits came about due to... extenuating circumstances.”

A relieved sigh left Rarity’s lips. “That’s certainly a relief. I’d hate to look like a fool in front of such a large audience.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want that.”

Rarity tapped her chin. “Though that does raise questions about the show itself. ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’ is it?”

“Right” I said, sitting down and motioning for her to proceed.

She sat down across from me and stirred her tea. “I take it to mean then, that it is meant to be an entirely fictional show?” she said softly.

I nodded. “That’s right. It’s a children’s cartoon. It was made by a woman named Lauren Faust for a television channel called the Hub. It gained immense popularity for being a whole lot better than it was ever expected to be despite originally being meant for little girls.”

Rarity cocked an eyebrow. “Why should that matter?”

I shrugged. “It really shouldn’t, but for some reason a lot of people who make television shows seem to think that ‘being for little girls’ gives them an excuse to put absolutely no effort into making the show. Evidenced especially by a couple previous generations of My Little Pony especially...”

“Previous generations?” Rarity asked.

“Well, see, back in the 1980’s, there was a show called-” I blinked stopping myself. “You know, that really doesn’t matter right now, does it?”

The poor girl sighed. “No, I suppose it doesn’t.” she said, suddenly going quiet. We sat in silence for a couple minutes, just sipping the tea before she finally clearing her throat and speaking again.

“So... am I to take this to mean that... I don’t exist?” she said softly.

“No” I said, perhaps too quickly. “Don’t start down that train of thought. Don’t you dare.” She nodded solemnly. “You’re here now, and you definitely exist. Don’t you dare have an existential crisis on me, Rarity. That’s the last thing the both of us need.”

Rarity looked at my laptop, which had since gone to sleep. “But... the show. Does that mean Equestria... all of it?”

“I don’t think so.” I said. “I have a theory, if you’re willing to hear it. Though, it may take a while.”

Rarity leaned back in her chair and motioned for me to continue. I cleared my throat and started to explain.

“I think it’d be best if we started where Doc Brown did.” Rarity cocked her head at the name but I waved her off. “A character from one of my favorite movies. I’ll show it to you sometime if we get the chance.” I grabbed a nearby pad of paper and pen and drew a single straight line on it. “Now Rarity,” I began, “What if I told you that this line represents all of your history? Everything you remember and everything that ever happened in your world, up to the present, is represented in this line with here...” I made a dot on the left side of the line, “representing the beginning of time.” I labeled it appropriately.

Rarity nodded. “Alright,” she said.

“And this dot here...” I put a dot in the middle of the line “...represents a major event in history. Let’s say, when you and your friends purified Princess Luna of Nightmare Moon.”

“You know of that too?” Rarity said, stunned.

I nodded. “First episode.” I said offhandedly.

“Alright,” she said, motioning for me to continue.

“And this dot here...” I said dotting the right end of the line, “is the present. When whatever transpired to bring you here happened.”

“Where are you going with this, William?” Rarity asked me.

I held up a hand to calm her. “I’m getting to that right now. Rarity, what do you know of Alternate timelines?”

Rarity shrugged. “I’m afraid very little. I’ve heard Twilight mention them once or twice in passing but I’m really not familiar with the concept.”

I nodded. “Alright then, I’ll try to explain it to you then.” I said, drawing a line jutting off at an angle from the center dot representing the defeat of nightmare moon. “What if, and of course this is just hypothetical, but what if Twilight Sparkle never came to Ponyville and Nightmare Moon had won the battle at that Summer Sun Celebration?”

Rarity’s eyes downturned. “Well that would have been horrible. The world would have been thrust into eternal night, and Nightmare Moon would have taken over as queen of Equestria, forcing everypony to follow her tyrannical reign. Of course, that’s assuming that the planet didn’t freeze over from the lack of sunlight.”

“Good, good,” I said to her. “That’s what this second line represents, Rarity. A timeline where something changed and the world became entirely different as a result. In this timeline, Twilight never came to Ponyville and Nightmare Moon took over Equestria, enslaving ponykind and forcing them to do her every bidding.”

Rarity shuddered. “Well it’s a good thing that didn’t happen, then.”

“Except it did.” I said, causing Rarity to look at me in shock. “It did happen Rarity. It just happened on a different plane of existence. An alternate timeline or universe if you will.”

“But-” Rarity tried to protest, but I cut her off.

“Just as you are in an alternate universe now. You couldn’t perceive me or any other humans or our world before you jumped universes.”

Rarity went silent before pointing at the lines again. “So you’re saying, that there’s a world out there where Nightmare Moon took over and enslaved ponykind and we just can’t perceive it?!”

I nodded. “That’s right.”

“That’s terrible! Oh those poor ponies!”

Shrugging I continued. “It’s true, but there’s nothing you can do about it so it’s not worth worrying about. You’ll go insane if you try to fuss about it. Besides, there’s always this universe here,” I said, drawing a third line off of the point where Nightmare Moon was defeated.

Rarity stopped for a minute before asking in trepidation, “And... what does that line represent?”

“A universe where Twilight did show up and help you cure Princess Luna of Nightmare Moon on the Summer Sun Celebration. Except in this universe, the Elements of Harmony had a strange effect upon the six of you when you used them and all of you managed to ascend to nigh-godhood, becoming alicorns in the process. The six of you were crowned new Princesses of Equestria and alongside Celestia and Luna you all managed to lead the nation into a new age of peace and prosperity.” I spoke frankly.

She gaped at me for a minute before her eyes started to sparkle at me. “You mean to tell me there’s a universe out there where I’m a princess?!”

I chuckled lightly. “That’s what I’m saying. It’s the theory of the multiverse,” I said, giving her the piece of paper. “The basic idea of the theory is that every time even a single atom vibrates differently, a new timeline splits off. As a result, you get an infinite number of universes seemingly identical to each other. You get a greater number of infinity number of universes however, that are vastly different.”

Rarity blinked. “Now you’ve lost me, darling.”

I scratched the back of my head. “Sorry, I guess that was a little much. What I’m trying to get across is the idea of infinity. Basically, the multiverse is endless. Anything you can imagine, anything at all, has happened on another plane of existence. Everything from the worst thing you can imagine, to the most beautiful.”

Rarity looked down at the table. “So... is there a universe out there where... I’m dead?”

I sighed. “Yeah. Yeah there is. In fact, there are an infinite number of universes out there where you died. Horribly for that matter.” I sipped my tea. “There’s an infinite universe where I died horribly too. That goes for everybody that’s ever existed in any universe for that matter.”

She shuddered, looking like she was about to cry again. I reached across the table and grabbed her hand softly. “But at the same time, there are universes out there where you’re the happiest person in the world. Where you’ve achieved all your dreams and are the pinnacle of ponykind. And that goes for everybody else that’s ever existed as well.”

Rarity looked to the side. “It’s a lot to take in.”

I nodded. “That’s infinity. It’s not just a lot to take in, it’s downright endless by nature. There’s no way we’ll ever chart all of it. As a result, it’s best not to dwell on it, unless you want to end up in a padded room.”

“But getting around to the point finally...” I started. “You come from a different universe. All you’ve done in this case is hop universes somehow. And now you’re here in my universe.”

Rarity scratched her head. “But that still doesn’t explain the cartoon, though.”

“Why not?” I said, leaning back. “After all, if everything you could think of is, in fact an alternate universe, then why not fiction?”

She stared at me for a minute. “So you mean to tell me, that every fictional story I’ve ever read or watched in the theater... I’m basically looking at a window into an alternate universe? That in some universe, Daring Do is leaping over pits as we speak and robbing ancient temples?!”

I grinned. “Correct!”

Rarity shivered. “Suddenly my stash of romance stories seems highly voyeuristic...”

I looked at her. She looked back. And then the both of us burst out laughing. We laughed for several minutes as Artemis jumped up on Rarity’s lap and got her to scratch her ears. Our laughter eventually died down and I took another sip of tea. “Heheh... No, you really shouldn’t look at it like that. I mean, by all probability, given infinity, somebody out there is probably reading about us right now.”

Rarity stopped laughing suddenly. “Wait, really?”

I shrugged. “Probably. But again, that’s not something to dwell on unless you like straitjackets. It’s really best to just get on with your life.”

“Honestly, I use it as a way to keep hope,” I said. “The knowledge that there’s a world out there where things are in every way better than mine gives me hope that maybe someday our world will achieve that level as well. In fact, I know that it will. It’ll also go to hell simultaneously, but again, if you dwell on the negatives, you’ll only hurt yourself.”

She nodded. “So then, the long and the short of it is...”

“Long and the short, basically, you’ve jumped universes.”

She pursed her lips. “That was a rather hefty exposition for such a quick answer.”

I snickered. “Well, I didn’t want you to have a meltdown, assuming you didn’t actually exist like the Crimson Chin did.”

“Who?”

“Another cartoon” I said, waving her off. “Doesn’t really matter.”

The pony-turned-human sipped down the rest of her tea. “So... why then do you suppose I turned into a human like you?”

“That...” I began, “I have no idea!” I said, giving her an exaggerated shrug.

She didn’t seem to see the humor in that as she sat there grumbling. “Well, it really is quite annoying. Your center of gravity isn’t right for walking on all fours, but it’s incredibly difficult to balance on two legs. How on earth do you humans do it all day?”

I shrugged. “Practice.”

“Yes, I suppose you would get a lot of that...” she said softly. “Though I must admit, these fingers are very useful. I can really see why Spike is such a great helper now. They’re almost as good as magic!” She suddenly went silent before crying out. “Oh goodness, Spike! My little Spikey-Wikey! And my other friends, and Sweetie Belle! My parents! What do you suppose happened to them?!”

I grimaced. I should have known that question would be coming. I downed the last of my tea and sighed, gripping her hand again. “Rarity... I don’t know. It’s entirely possible they could have made the jump to this universe with you. It’s also possible that they landed in another universe entirely. And it’s also possible that they’re still safe in Equestria looking for you. At the moment, there’s really no way to know.”

It looked like Rarity was about to cry, so I grabbed her other hand and looked into her eyes. “Hey,” I said, softly. “There’s no reason to give up hope yet. We don’t know enough to do that.”

She shook her head. “But that almost makes it worse! Not knowing what could have happened to them... it feels like I’m about to throw up again.” She sniffled.

I sighed again and squeezed her hands. “Hey, come on. Why don’t you tell me how you got here. Maybe that will give us a clue?”

She nodded and told me the story of how she had come to wake up in my house. Apparently, Discord broke out once more back in Equestria and started causing trouble again. And this time, it didn’t go quite so well. The Elements of Harmony and the Princesses of Equestria fell to him this time and in a last ditch effort to stop him, Luna had charged him, only to he hit with some sort of magical anomaly. The anomaly in question then spread outwards like a bubble and engulfed not only Discord and Luna, but Celestia and the rest of the mane 6 as well. Rarity tried to outrun the magical explosion, but ended up tripping and hitting her head on a rock. I figured that was how she fell unconscious for so long, because from there, the next thing she remembered was waking up to see a bunch of cartoon dogs talking on the TV and a strange, hairless monkey-cow thing sitting across the room.

“Hmmmm...” I paused for a minute. “It sounds like you were all caught in the same blast, so it’s entirely possible that they’re all here on Earth, Rarity.” She seemed to light up at that. I didn’t bother to tell her that seventy percent of the world was covered in water, or that places like Africa or China or the Middle East would be very much less than friendly to a girl like her. It would have been cruel to let that slip at this point. “I’ll tell you what, Rarity, I’ll do my best to look into it and see if I can find your friends somewhere.”

I could barely keep track of her as she leaped out of her chair and grabbed me around the shoulders in a tight hug. “Oh thank you! You have no idea how much this means to me, thank you so much!”

I patted her hand gently. “Don’t get too excited yet. I’m not in a very good position to go looking for people who may be anywhere in the world. But I will do my best for you.” She smiled at me, her eyes watering. I really thought she was going to cry again.

I stood up, breaking free of her hug. “In the meantime, why don’t you get cleaned up and rest for a while? It could be a while before we find them, so... I guess you’re welcome to stay here for now.”

I found myself caught in a hug again. “Oh thank you, William. You’re very generous to do all that for me.”

I smiled at her. “I’d have to be cruel to toss you out on your own right now. It’s only civil.”

She grinned right back at me. “Yes, I suppose that would be true.”

“And Rarity?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Call me Will.” I said softly.

“Of course, Will.”

After that, I led her to my bathroom and let her draw a bath. I figured, given how unsteady she was on her feet, it wouldn’t be a good idea for her to take a shower. Wouldn’t want her to slip and crack her head open. I pointed her to the guest room, which was right next door to my bathroom, for her to rest in when she was done bathing.

Once I heard water running, I left her to her own devices in the bathroom. I turned only to see my sister standing directly behind me.

“I heard you talking to her. You told her that she could stay here as long as she had to.”

I cringed. “...I’ve got some explaining to do, don’t I?”

“You think?”

I sighed. “Okay, sis. You’re not gonna believe me, but-”

“She’s actually Rarity?”

I gaped at her. “How did you-”

“Oh I’ve been eavesdropping on you the whole time.” She said, a little too casually.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Dani, you know that isn’t polite.”

“Whoever accused me of being polite?” she said, raising an eyebrow. “Besides, you hear some of the most interesting things while doing it.”

I grumbled. My sister had had this eavesdropping problem ever since she was a little girl, and it had gotten her in a lot of trouble in the past. When she was only six, she heard my mother drop a swear or two into a conversation, then saw fit to repeat her in kindergarten. Another time, she accidentally failed a test when she stood behind a teacher’s desk “just for kicks” as she described, and looked in a drawer, only to find the answers to the upcoming test. Of course, she’d barely even noticed them when the teacher walked in. Didn’t get a chance to read them, but the teacher assumed she’d been cheating and failed her on the spot. We both hated that teacher, but there was no denying it was a bad move on her part.

She never really grew out of it, obviously.

I eyed my sister. “So... do you believe her?”

She sighed, glancing aside. “I’m not sure. She definitely puts on a convincing act if she isn’t.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “You think it’s all an act.”

“I don’t know.” She admitted. “She doesn’t seem dangerous, and she seems like she needs help, but it seems more likely than what you’re suggesting.” She crossed her arms. “And if it is an act, then I don’t want to know to what end.”

I considered that for a moment. “Well, if she’s violent, you could certainly handle her.” Dani nodded. “It could be, though, that she’s putting on an act to try and mooch off of us or rob us or something.” I sighed “But she really doesn’t strike me as the sort. I think she’s on the level.”

“You’re too trusting, you know that?”

I rolled my eyes. “One of my many flaws.” I pondered the possibility a little. “I really don’t think she’s up to something, but if you want to keep an eye on her go ahead. You’re good at sneaking around anyway.”

Dani nodded. “Alright, then that’ll be the plan. You go ahead and try to help her, assuming she’s on the level, and I’ll make sure she doesn’t try any funny stuff.”

“Also,” Dani said, “I assume you’re going to try and get her out of here before mom and dad get back from the Outer Banks?”

I sighed. “I’m going to try, Dani, but if she’s telling the truth, we’re dealing with interdimensional chaos magic here. I’m in way over my head here. But I’d guess if I try to talk to any quantum physicists or anything like that, they’d probably ignore me.” I shrugged. “So basically, I’m the only person she has to rely on in this world.”

“...Welp, she’s doomed.”

“Ha ha ha ha ha ha” I mocked, rolling my eyes. “You should be a comedian.” I started walking down the hall back downstairs. “In any case, I don’t know if she’ll be out of here by then. I’ll do what I can to see if I can find or friends or anything that might be described as magical or ‘Chaos-y’ or whatever and see if I can get her home but... if worst comes to worst, then we may have to help her find a more permanent residence.”

“We’ll do our best, Dani.” I said. “That’s all we can do.”

Dani nodded. “Alright then.”

I nodded back and finished my descent. Wandering back into the kitchen I sat down at my computer.

“Okay...” I said to myself, booting it up. “Let’s see what we can find...”

Author's Notes:

Again, I have to apologize for taking so long. After the last chapter I assumed this would be out in only a couple of days. That said, I didn't anticipate that I would sink back down into those feelings of depression once again. I guess you never really get over it.

And then I got turned off of ponies completely for like a week after the Alicorn Twilight announcement and the fandom erupted into civil war. (I'm less bothered about the change itself than the fact that it seems that nobody can stop talking/fighting about it. Really turned me away from all brony projects for a bit)

And then I got sick. That wasn't fun.

But, here I am again, with the fourth chapter ready for you all. Sadly, it's probably the most boring chapter so far, given that it's mostly exposition and speculation about the nature of the multiverse. I feel I should stress that I am not a physicist, so I have no idea if the way I present it is at all a valid way that it might work, and I'm not sure what Draequine and Slorg are really up to, with their multiversal theories, so it might end up being wrong in the course of the story as well.

Let it be known, though, that if I ever DID meet a fictional character, that this is basically the pep talk/explanation I'd give them. I think it'd mostly work. Probably.

Yeah, it's late and I'm tired. Maybe this song'll make this awful chapter better. Everypony loves Weird Al.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJ8taROu6BY

I could listen to that song all day.

April Fools!

View Online

The glow of my computer lit my kitchen long into the night as I browsed the internet for anything that might help my guest get back home. I searched through pretty much every site I could think of that might give me some lead about what had happened. My first thought was to check various news sites and see if there were any sightings of naked women with oddly colored hair running around, claiming that they were magical ponies from another universe. To my everlasting shame in the human race, there WERE a lot of news stories about people running around naked, but most of them didn’t look promising.

My second impulse was to inspect the whole ‘pink sky phenomenon’ as it was now being called. I didn’t have any proof, of course, but it did seem possible that Rarity’s appearance in my neighborhood could actually be connected to the strange weather earlier that day. After all, she said that Discord was the culprit behind the whole debacle, and he obviously had the ability to do funky things with the sky, given what I saw in Return of Harmony earlier that year. Sadly, my efforts to investigate various weather sites and news channels about that particular event met in failure as well. While there was definitely a lot of talk about the phenomenon on such sites, most of them amounted to scientists floundering for things that could explain it, and most had seemed to agree that it was caused by some sort of solar flare or space radiation or something. I grumbled irritably, but then again, what did I expect? That the respected meteorologists’ first conclusion would be that the pink sky was caused by some sort of chaotic demigod from an alternate universe that also happens to be a children’s show?

I yawned as I looked at the clock. It was already 4 in the morning. As much as I was eager to help Rarity find her friends and get home, I was running on fumes, and my beloved mattress had been woefully empty for far too long. The siren song of sleep was calling me, and I was helpless to resist its hypnotic spell.

I got up and tossed my empty soda can into the recycling bin, stretching as I wandered into the hall. I was just about to start climbing the stairs, when I heard breathing behind me. I turned to see Rarity, standing at the end of the hallway, dressed only in a t-shirt and panties. She was leaning against the wall with a mischievous smirk on her face. I took a step back in shock. “Rarity?” I asked, “What are you doing up at this hour? Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

Rarity smirked and sauntered towards me slowly, her hips swaying back and forth hypnotically as she slowly got closer and closer. I couldn’t help but stare at her gorgeous body as she approached, my eyes greedily taking in every little detail as she drew nearer. Her perfect hips. Her shapely thighs. Her generous bosom. Her flawless face. Everything about her was out of a fantasy. Finally, she drew up close to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, drawing me into the deepest, most passionate kiss I’ve ever had the honor of having. I found myself pulled into ecstasy as the kiss lasted ten... twenty... thirty whole seconds.

Finally though, I could take no more. This was wrong. Everything about it was wrong. I broke the kiss and drew back slightly. “Rarity, we can’t do this.” I said. “It’s wrong. We’ve only just met, and it’s just... weird.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Besides, I need to help get you back, don’t I? We can’t waste any more time.”
Rarity nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry” she said with a tear in her eye. “It’s just so hard and you’ve been so nice to me, I felt I had to return the favor.”

I smiled. “Your friendship is all that matters to me, Rarity. Now come on. We need to get you home.” I said, taking her by the hand and leading her down the long hallway.

The hallway in my house was really fancy. My dad went through his mid-life crisis a few years back and wallpapered a bunch of rooms in our house, making them look like they were straight out of Buckingham palace. He also went out and bought a bunch of fancy rugs, paintings, and other stuff like that. In the hall, there was a deep red wallpaper with a gold trim, and a long Persian rug that ran on the length of the hallway, with busts of famous people along the walls. The hallway stretched on for what seemed like miles before we finally reached the guest bedroom door.

“Go on,” I said motioning for Rarity to go first. “Ladies first.”

Rarity adjusted the laces on her shoes for a moment before getting up and grinning, walking through the door with a spring in her step. I followed closely behind as we stepped into the guest room. The room was styled after an old, country cabin. We sat down in the couch and I reached for the remote control for the TV. Clicking the television on, I was dismayed to find that every channel was only showing Superman IV: the Quest for Peace.

“This movie is horrible.” Rarity said. “Let’s go get some ice cream.”

I agreed that ice cream sounded good right about now, so I grabbed my keys and led her out the door. Elvira was sitting there in the garage. As I approached, she opened her doors and turned her radio on. “Greetings, sir. Where to?” Elvira said in her syntesized voice that sounded kinda like a mechanical Rogue from the X-Men animated series.

“Rarity wants me to help her find her friends.” I said, “So we’re going to get some ice cream.”

“Of course”

Minutes later, Rarity and I were in the car, driving down the highway. Rarity kept fidgeting with her swimsuit, which was seemingly a size too small, when suddenly a deer ran in front of the car! I slammed on the brakes, but it was too late as the deer was sent flying. I jumped out of the car and quickly ran over to the downed animal. Rarity was by my side in an instant.

“Will it be okay?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” I said. The deer was breathing, but it didn’t seem to be getting up.

“We need to get it help!” Rarity said, scooping the deer up in her arms. I sat on her shoulder as she flapped her great big bat wings, and flew off into the desert sky. Rarity soared over the oasis and landed with a thud in the yard of a small cottage, her giant dragon feet making craters in the earth when she came to a stop.

“Fluttershy!” I shouted at the cottage. “This deer needs help! It’s hurt and there’s a hunter after it!”

“Of course!” Fluttershy said, trotting out of the cottage, her robotic leg making a clunking noise every time it hit the marble floor. She pressed a stethoscope to the deer’s chest as she hemmed and hawed a little. Clearing her throat she looked behind her to a figure dressed in black wearing a nurse’s cap. “Nurse Snake Eyes, please take the patient to the operating room!”

The ninja nodded as he scooped up the deer in his arms and leaped into an air duct, presumably into the operating room on the next floor. I thanked Fluttershy and led Rarity out into the yard outside the hospital.

“Be on your guard” I told Rarity. “The hunter is near, and he’ll stop at nothing to kill that poor deer.”

Rarity nodded, as she finished buttoning up her petticoat and adjusted her tricorn hat. She held a musket in her hands as she looked from side to side. “How will we know when he’s near?”

I pulled a knife out of my bag and adjusted my kenpo gi. “Your nose will know. He smells very distinct.”

We waited in the bushes in front of the old shack where the deer was hiding. My sister looked at me and grinned. “This is going to be fun!” she squealed, throwing a few practice punches at the tree.

I nodded as I pushed some buttons on my control panel. “Everything will go fine as long as everybody plays their part. You all know the plan, right?”

Rarity grinned and stomped a hoof. “I shall distract him with fashion and then Spiderman shall leap out of the office up there and tie him up with his webs. Then you and your sister shall take the ruffian down!”

I grinned. “Then everybody is ready?”

Rarity nodded. “We’re ready!”

“Here he comes!” My sister cried, leaping into the bushes.

Suddenly, a door opened at the other end of the zeppelin, and a man stepped out. He was a rugged sort of fellow with a stoic face and white hair. He wore an old hunting outfit and carried with him a great big shotgun.

“Owen!” I shouted. “Your reign of terror ends now!” I drew my saber as the two of us stood at opposite ends of the great blimp. He drew his epee and took a fencing pose. “Release my friends and I’ll consider letting you go!”

“Never!” He screamed. “You will perish in flames!”

And so began the sword fight of my life. I danced with grace across the surface of the blimp as he matched my every mood. Steel struck steel as the our blades crossed. Owen had more experience than I with a blade, but I was younger and faster. I swung at his face, cutting his cheek slightly when he suddenly punched me in the gut. I stumbled backwards as he then did a low kick to my ankle sending me sprawling to the floor.

“No!” Rarity cried. The anthropomorphic, purple-haired tonberry tried to run toward me, but was stopped by Owen the hunter’s henchmen and tied to a post.

“You are a fool!” Owen exclaimed. “Look around you! Your friends have fallen or abandoned you, and I reign king over all! Your pitiful band of sky pirates is no match for my empire! Where are your heroes now?!”

“You may take our lives, scum,” I spat, “But you’ll never crush us all. The fight will go on!”

The mad king thrust his head back, putting his foot on my chest and laughed. “Your world will end in a sea of eldritch fire! The great ones will return, and I will reign supreme! Farewell, Son of the Boss!” He raised his sword ready to stab me through the head. But just before he could strike me down, I grabbed a fistful of sand and threw it into his face!”

“No!” he shouted, clawing at his eyes. “It’s not possible!”

Swiftly, I kicked him in the gonads and backflipped into a standing position. “Freedom lives on!” I shouted, readying the final strike!

“WAIT!” cried a voice from beyond the horizon. All of us turned to see Trixie running in from the west fields. “Don’t kill him!” she cried, leaping through the air and draping her arms around the mad king’s shoulders. “I love him!”

Everybody gasped as the mad hunter pirate eldritch king embraced Trixie in a glorious, passionate kiss that was sung about throughout the ages.

I growled, but sheathed my sword. “Very well, you may live. But I banish thee, to lands fargone. And never darken our country with your presence again.”

And so, with a flick of my hand, the mad king and his blue pony lover were gone. I turned to my friends and bade that they all enter the shack with me where Fluttershy was finishing the stitches on the poor deer. “We should be ready to go soon.” Fluttershy said, smiling.

“Oh Will!” Rarity said, hugging me tightly. “That was so brave!”

“All in a day’s work, ma’am!” I said. But now, it’s time for you to go. Your people await you.

Princess Rarity nodded, as she motioned to Fluttershy and Snake Eyes. “Come along my friends,” she said, stepping into the runic circle. “It is time we returned home.” The three of them trotted into the magical circle and vanished in a beam of light.

The deer stepped up to me and offered me a tin mug full of water. “Drink of the pure melted snow, and all your sorrows may be washed away.” She said in an ethereal voice.

And so I drank.

It tasted very metallic.

Ch5: You Give Love a Bad Name

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Saturday, April 14, 2012

I awoke once again to my sister’s incessant prodding.

“Come on, Will,” she said as she continued to prod at me. “It’s almost noon.”

I groaned as I lay there on the couch. I could feel Artemis’ weight draped over my chest, her full bulk weighing me down like a heavy, furry blanket. My neck hurt from having to sleep in such an odd position on the sofa, and my throat was dry. I fluttered my eyes open briefly before I hissed and shut them again. The light. It burns ussss...

“Bad night?” my sister asked.

I nodded, pushing Artemis off of my chest. The cat gave a little grunt of indignity before trotting off elsewhere. I smacked my lips and cracked my neck as I sat up. “Had a hell of a weird-ass dream,” I muttered offhandedly. “What’s up?”

Dani shrugged. “Well, like I said, it’s almost noon. I have to be at my Saturday Tae Kwon Do class in half an hour.”

I stood up and stretched, hearing a couple of satisfying pops from my arched back. Oh, I was going to be sore today, wasn’t I? I yawned as I shambled over to the refrigerator, snatching up my glasses as I passed the table with my computer on it. The computer was in sleep mode. I had never turned it off apparently before I drowsily shuffled over to the couch last night. I pulled a soda out of the fridge and grumbled. “Right, right. I’ll drive you there as soon as I can get some caffeine in me.”

“Well, hurry it up,” my sister ordered me. “I’m going to go change into my uniform.”

I nodded and sat down at the kitchen table. I woke up my computer with a tap of the space bar. Khan gave me a little jingle as he booted up to the page I was on last night. An utterly dismaying article that read “Florida woman arrested for trying to rob Disney store naked.”

Headdesk.

Last night’s search had not gone well. I had attempted to look for any other accounts of naked girls with strange colored hair popping up anywhere. Sadly, typing ‘naked girls’ into Google had only gotten me a copious amount of pornography, and when I finally managed to narrow my search parameters to something that might be halfway reliable through trial and error, the results were still needle-in-a-haystack insane. People are weird, man. What kind of woman strips themselves down in a Blockbuster?

I had spent several hours on news articles only to completely lose faith in most of the human race. Finally it got to be too much and I switched my search parameters to something that I thought might be more reliable. I searched for information about the pink sky that had suddenly shown up yesterday. That had gotten me plenty of results, but none of them were particularly helpful. Most of them were either forum threads that theorized crazy things like aliens or signs of the coming apocalypse, or news articles from scientific websites that all agreed that the color was the product of a solar flare. ‘Course, we all know that that’s just code for “we don’t know what the hell happened.” I smirked a little at the irony that the crazy forum-goers were actually closer to the truth in this case. Looking out the window now, I saw that the sky was its usual bright blue, so it was likely that the internet would forget that the whole “pink sky phenomenon” had even happened in about a week or so. In retrospect I don’t know what I was even expecting to find that might help me when I searched for the pink sky. I guess I was hoping that meteorologists had picked up some sort of radiation signal or something sciencey like that that would help me to track down the other ponies turned human, but no such luck of course.

Eventually I had gone back to searching for news of naked women once I realized that there would be nothing to find while searching for the pink sky and it had just been more of the same until about five in the morning, leading me back to where I am now. At one point I had considered going on to brony forums to see if I could track down some of the other ponies, but it occurred to me that that was an incredibly stupid idea. I mean honestly, what are the odds that all the other Mane 6 would be found by other bronies like me, that said bronies would be crazy enough to go onto a forum or chat room and start yammering about it with no regard to how insane they would inevitably look, and that I would just so happen to be on the same website at the same time? That’s just silly. The odds of that would be like a billion to one. Honestly, that’s not even worth trying. More likely, if somebody found the other ponies, they were non-bronies that would take them straight away to a hospital or to the funny farm. And that’s if they’re lucky. A lot of people would do worse to them depending upon where they landed...

I shuddered at that thought. The ponies didn’t deserve to be exposed to that sort of thing. Thoughts briefly passed through my head again about what might happen if they landed in Somalia, the Middle East, North Korea, Albania, Columbia, or heck, even America in one of the shadier neighborhoods. Not to mention the fact that seventy percent of the world is covered in water and the sheer number of places on land that would be inhospitable like the Sahara, the Amazon, the Himalayas, or Antarctica.

I growled a minute, my fervor to find them surging suddenly when a stray thought passed through my head. Why would any of the ponies be that far away? They were all in the same general area when they teleported here... maybe they were all still in the area? That would certainly explain why there was nothing on the internet, given that I lived in a neighborhood that was made up of mostly families and old people. My sister and I were two of the oldest ‘children’ in the area. Most kids around this neighborhood were in the single digits and not exposed to much of the horrors of the world wide web. That still didn’t mean that the loony bin or the hospital was out of the question, but my neighbors were good people. It was just as likely that they might take them in the way I did.

...it was also possible that the Mane 6 were still wandering around the local woods.

I sighed. Every way I tried to think about it, something bleak popped up. Admittedly, we didn’t have much in the way of dangerous animals in the area. No bears, wolves, or poisonous animals roamed the woods around my house. Still, that didn’t exclude possible injury, should the rest of them start to panic, or death by exposure.

Rubbing my temples, I tried to figure out my next move. If the ponies had somehow been scattered by the teleport to this world, then there was very little I could do at the moment. And if that was the case, then the only thing I could really do was hope for the best and that they’d make themselves known somehow before they got into any serious danger, as bleak as that possibility was starting to seem. What I could do was check around the area.

I pondered that for a minute. I was perfectly capable of knocking on some doors in the neighborhood. If my neighbors hadn’t brought the ponies in the way I had, then they could at least tell me if they’d seen them or called the hospital or police and had them sent to somewhere. I could check some of the hospitals in the area and visit the local mental hospital. I could also grab a flashlight and scour the woods for any trace of them.

It wasn’t much, but it was a plan. Or at least something that closely resembled a plan.

Standing up from the table, I trailed up the stairs just in time to see my sister exit her room. She had her hair tied back in a ponytail with the help of a scrunchie and she was dressed in her Tae Kwon Do uniform: a white kenpo gi with a black belt. Her belt had two orange stripes around one end signifying the fact that she was a third-degree, and could kick the ass of anyone she pleased. I nodded at her. “Ready?” I asked.

She smiled. “Yep.”

I nodded to the next door down the hall. “How’s our guest?”

Dani shrugged. “I dunno. I spent most of the morning checking to make sure that nothing had been stolen.”

“And?” I asked.

“Nothing I could see. Mom’s jewelry is all where it’s meant to be. The safe hasn’t been cracked. No electronics gone. Far as I can tell, everything is where it’s supposed to be.”

I arched an eyebrow. “But you didn’t actually think to check up on her.”

My sister crossed her arms. “Call me cruel, but I really don’t know if I care. As far as I’m concerned, she’s still a stranger in this house.”

I gripped my sides and shivered. “Brrrrr... better be careful, sis. Any colder and you’ll turn into a popsicle.”

“Uh-huh,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I’m gonna go wait out in the car. When you’re done checking up on her, come out so we can go.”

“Right, right.” I waved her off and walked down the hall to see my guest, quietly opening the door and peeking in. “Rarity? You there?”

Stepping into the room, I couldn’t help but suppress a chuckle. Rarity was slumped out on the bed, her body practically contorted as she slept. Her limbs were sprawled out over the sheets, and the covers had half fallen off onto the floor. The other half was twisted around her midsection like some sort of ineffective cocoon. Her hair, once immaculate even in her unsteady state yesterday, was now completely mussed up and wild having fully succumbed to the horrors of bedhead sometime last night. To top everything else off, she was mumbling something in her sleep. I heard her mutter something about Sweetie Belle and decided that perhaps it was best to leave her alone to her dreams. She’d had a hard day yesterday and she deserved a little bit more sleep.

Still, I didn’t want to leave her alone without letting her know where I was. My sister and I were the only people she knew in this world, after all, so I dashed into my room and pulled a piece of paper out from my printer and scrawled a quick note on it for her.

Rarity, I began...

My sister and I have stepped out for a short time so that she can go to a sports practice. I should be back in about an hour. Eat anything you want in the fridge, but you may want to stay away from anything in the lower right-hand drawer. Not only will most of what’s in there potentially make you sick if you don’t cook it properly first, but let’s just say that you probably wouldn’t want to eat most of it anyway given ponies’ usual diet. Also, you should probably stay away from watching the TV or going on the internet without me around to help you. There are some things there that it probably wouldn’t be good for you to see yet if you wish to retain your sanity.

Please please PLEASE don’t try to leave the house on your own. I should be back in about an hour.

Your friend, Will.

I looked over the note a couple times and nodded to myself, figuring I had all my bases covered, then snuck back into the guest room and left the letter on the side table next to the bed. There was no way she could miss it.

Grabbing my Dr. Pepper on the way out, I made my way out to Elvira. The day was bright and sunny, just like the previous day, though I noticed that the wind was very strong. Much stronger than before. In my area, that very often denotes a storm on the way. I groaned. The last thing I needed was another spring storm. We had only just had one a couple weeks ago.

The drive to the Tae Kwon Do studio was refreshingly familiar after the craziness of the previous day. It’s amazing how much just a little bit of normalcy can help you relax when the world is going mad all around you, and the familiar turns and stops on the way to Jang’s Tae Kwon Do was enough to help me to calm down a little bit from all the crazy I’d been having to deal with. I dropped my sister off and briefly considered going in myself to sit in on her lesson. I hadn’t been inside the studio itself much lately since going off to college. It would be nice to see Master Jang and some of the other instructors again.

I decided against it though. I had another errand in mind. Namely, driving out to the local Jewel and picking up some decent vegetables. I noticed when I looked in the fridge earlier that we had almost no veggies to speak of, and with a vegetarian like Rarity suddenly staying over it would probably be a good idea to stock up on a few. Admittedly, she could probably eat pastas and cheeses and eggs for a while, and we had all of those, but at the end of the day I figured she’d appreciate it if we had a little more to offer her. I spent about a half hour picking up some tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, and a few assorted fruits and other such things before picking my sister up from her class at the end of the hour. We managed to make it back home just after one o’clock.

And as I stepped through my door, I stepped into a world of horror.

Rarity was there, sitting at the computer.

And I recognized the site she was on.

...It was not a good site.

“Rarity!” I halfway shouted. “What do you think you’re doing?!” My sister slinked upstairs to take a shower as I dealt with our guest.

The former pony stared blankly ahead as she continued to click through the pages of the green-backgrounded website. Her mouth was opened in a state of bewildered horror and her pupils were dilated. Sweat was dripping down her forehead and her hair was frazzled, even though she had obviously taken the time to brush it that morning. It looked like she had been clawing at her hair recently.

“Rarity?” I asked softly as I approached her from behind. “Are you okay?” She had open on the screen a particularly graphic picture of her engaging in acts with some shoddy OC pony. Drawn in MS Paint.

“Ahhhh... Mmmuhhh... Gehhhhhwha...” she sputtered. Something between a whisper, a shriek of horror, and a sigh of exasperation escaped her lips.

“...what was that?” I asked.

“...I looked into the internet and the internet looked back.”

I sighed. “Alright, come on,” I said, gently pulling her hand away from the mouse and taking it in my own. I closed the page, then helped her up from the chair. The look of terror never fully left her face. “Let’s get you some water, okay?” She nodded, walking with me over to the sink. I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and quickly filled it with cold water and handed it to her. She stood there drinking from the glass, while I went onto the computer and checked the internet history.

Oh wow. I mean yeesh. No wonder.

Yeah. Those were some bad sites for her to be on. In more ways than one no less. Seriously glad that I have such a good antivirus program.

I turned around to try and address Rarity. To try and calm her down and make her feel better about what she had seen, if that was even possible.

Instead, I got a hard slap right to the face.

“Ow!” I yelped. “What was that for?!”

Rarity fumed. “WHY?!” she shouted. She then attempted to further clarify but couldn’t get more than three words of a sentence out before she had to stop from sheer rage.

“How could- You People- It’s- No. NO! Why is this- How is this... You... Bronies... Friendship... I don’t- I can’t-” She shouted every attempt before finally throwing her hands up in the air and giving out a strangled cry that sounded like something halfway between one of the velociraptors from Jurassic Park and the Wilhelm scream before finally pointing at the screen and shouting, “FILTH!”

I rubbed my cheek in an attempt to lessen the pain. “Why does everything always go for my head?” I wondered under my breath before turning back to Rarity. “I’m sorry you had to see that, Rarity.”

“But what IS it?!” she shouted. “WHY is it?!”

I sighed. “It’s known on the internet as Rule #34. If something exists, then there is porn of it.”

Rarity looked at me bewildered. “That’s a rule in your culture? What kind of people are you things?!”

“Among other things? A very horny people.” I said frankly. I massaged my temples with my fingers, attempting to fend off the coming headache. “Wow. I never wanted you to see this sort of thing. I was hoping that I could just help you avoid it.” I motioned that she should sit down. She stood there apprehensively for a second, looking at me like I would suddenly attempt to violate her or something, but eventually she took a seat.

I scratched my head, attempting to figure out how to approach the issue. “Alright Rarity,” I began, “Exactly how is sex portrayed in Equestria?”

Rarity looked at me with an unreadable face. “Well,” she started, “It’s not something that is generally discussed in polite company, or at all save between family members and the closest of friends for one thing.”

“Okay,” I said, urging her on. “Go on.”

Rarity tapped her foot. “I mean, there are some... ahem... erotic novels written, and perhaps some paintings and other artwork that are... evocative... but as far as I’ve seen there’s not all that much that’s so very explicit. The worst it gets is some magazines that are on sale in some of the dirtier parts of town.”

I raised an eyebrow. “And do you have any of those novels or magazines yourself?”

Rarity blushed bright red. “Now wait just a minute, William!” she cried. “I don’t believe I am the one on trial here! I wish to know why those images are on your device!”

I held my hands up in an attempt to get her to calm down. “Alright, you’re right. I shouldn’t have asked. That’s personal.” I cleared my throat. “But to answer your question, those images aren’t on my computer. They’re on the internet.”

“Which is on your computer!” she exclaimed, pointing at the offending electronic.

“No,” I said simply. “I never got around to explaining the internet last night, so let me explain it now before this gets any worse.” I said, turning the computer screen to face her. “The internet is a system that connects every computer in the world with every other computer in the world. It’s like a library, a marketplace, and a meeting hall all rolled into one that you can access from your home.” I opened amazon.com to demonstrate. Rarity looked at me dubiously.

“You see this website I just pulled up?” I asked. “From here I can order all sorts of products, like books, board games, clothes, and a bunch of other things, all to be delivered right to my home.” I then clicked on another of my bookmarks and opened up a deviantArt chat room that my friends and I commonly used. It was empty at the moment but it was still a good example. “And this page that I opened is called a chat room. Here, if other people are on the same chat room as I am, I can talk to them through words, like instant letters.” I then opened my deviantArt profile. “And this here is an art gallery that I have set up for myself. It has a bunch of pictures that I drew myself... and before you ask, any and all pictures I might have drawn of you were in good taste.”

Rarity eyed me. “This all seems so very hard to believe.”

“Oh really? Compared to being thrust into another world and transformed into a monkey-cow perhaps?” I smirked at her.

Rarity sighed. “Point taken.” She looked at me again, still angry. “So I assume what you’re saying then, since every computer is connected to every other one, is that somebody else made those... images of me?”

“Yes,” I answered, “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

She growled. “That really doesn’t make me feel much better. That so many people would see me and my friends as such mares of ill repute!”

“Actually, there’s probably a minority of people who see you that way.” I clarified. “Remember, there are almost seven billion people on this planet, and a lot of them are fans of the show you star in. Of those seven billion people, of which there are a lot of bronies, a number are bound to be sex-obsessed or sex-starved, and this is just one of the ways that they can see to get off: To take a character they already like and sexualize them.” I shrugged. “It makes you more ‘interesting’ in regard to their perverted interests in their mind or something like that.”

To be fair, I don’t really have an opinion on “clopping.” I don’t exactly like it per-se. It’s just something that I’ve accepted that the internet does as I’ve become desensitized to it. It’s not any more special or notable than the sexualization of my favorite childhood video games or cartoons, save for the sheer amount of it, which is only to be expected given the sheer amount of bronies in the world. At the end of the day, it was pointless to try and rail against it, and getting offended by it would only make me upset. The best thing to do would be to ignore it.

In any event, nothing I said made Rarity lighten up all that much, though that was to be expected. “None of that really makes me feel any better...” she grumbled. “Those pictures of me are still out there.”

“I honestly can’t understand how you must feel right now. Nobody has ever really seen me in this way after all, but then again, I’m not nearly as much of a public face as you are.” I sighed. “One thing you just have to remember is that those pictures aren’t real and they will never be real, okay? You’re better than that and those people are the sad ones in the scenario.”

Rarity sighed. “Right. Thank you, Will.” She said. She still sounded dismayed at what she saw, but at least I could try pulling her off the topic now.

“Anyway,” I started, “didn’t you get my letter? I remember saying that you shouldn’t go onto the internet without me around to help you.”

Rarity looked at me. “You mean this?” she said, pulling my letter out from the chair next to her.

“That’s the one. Why didn’t you follow the directions?”

Rarity cocked her head and looked at me incredulously. “Well isn’t it obvious, darling? I can’t read what it says.”

I blinked. “Wait, seriously?” She shook her head and I narrowed my eyes. “Is that a jab at my handwriting or can you really not read English?”

The former pony shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you darling, but if it’s your hoofwriting then you must have the absolute most abysmal hoofwriting I’ve ever seen.”

“That’s just crazy...” I muttered. “I mean, I’d understand if there was some sort of language barrier, but you can speak English just fine. But you can’t read written English? What kind of crazy trans-dimensional BS is this?” I said, throwing my hands up.

“Don’t blame me!” Rarity said. “Believe me, if I could have followed your directions I would have, but I just can’t read what this says.”

I narrowed my eyes agin. “But wait a minute!” I shouted. “If you can’t read English, then how did you do any sort of internet search? You have to be able to read and write to type things into the internet!”

Rarity waved a hand at me. “Oh that. I just typed in the same sequence of buttons I remembered you pressed into the first page that came up and got all sorts of pictures. I do have an excellent eye for details.”

I thought back. The word I had typed into the YouTube search last night was “Rarity” and I came up with Suited for Success. Suddenly what happened made sense. My internet homepage was just Google. She must have managed to type “Rarity” into Google from what she remembered seeing me type and then clicked on the images tab. She probably saw a porn picture in the gallery that came up, clicked on it out of curiosity or disbelief, and things spun out of control from there.

I sighed. “Alright, Rarity. Just try to forget about what you’ve seen. Try to remember that it’s not really indicative of everyone on this planet, okay? Not everybody thinks that you’re a ‘mare of ill repute’ as you said. Believe me, most bronies hate it when people make pictures like that.”

Rarity nodded. “Alright then, Will. I must say, it was a bit of a shock to my system, but you’ve been nothing but good to me since I arrived, even when I mistreated you so... I trust you.”

I smiled. “That’s good, because I have something I need you to do with me.”

She arched an eyebrow at that. “And that would be?”

“You and I...” I began, “are going on a pony hunt.”

Author's Notes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvAgDYPxSOs

Again, sorry this took so long. I've been very busy recently. Not only have I had to deal with a car accident as well as having to cancel an online college program that I had already put money into (and boy did THAT ever get more complicated than it needed to be), I've also been busy with family matters and other headache-inducing things. It was all topped off with a stomach virus that had me regurgitating my organs a couple days back.

But I'm back now, and I already have built up a buffer of a couple chapters, so hopefully those can be edited and put out a fair bit quicker than my usual schedule.

Also, in case anybody is interested, I've been working on some other fanfictions as well. Don't know when any of them will see the light of day, but hopefully that'll be relatively soon. Most are probably going to be crossovers in some way. If you're at all interested please tune in. :)

Ch6: Calling All Girls

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I put away the groceries as I explained the plan to Rarity. Basically, my logic was that all of the ponies were relatively close to each other when they were engulfed by the pink wave of magic. So, logically, when they came through to our universe, they would probably still be in the same area. As a result, most of her friends were probably in my neighborhood. If not, then they were probably out in the woods somewhere.

The plan was simple. We would spend the day knocking on doors and trying to see if anybody had noticed any strange women nearby. Inefficient, you could say, but there was very little else that I figured I could do. It probably would only take a few hours to finish and it wasn’t even two yet. My neighborhood was rather small, so I figured we would be done relatively quickly.

After we were done asking around the neighborhood, I’d check in at the local mental hospital. There was only one in the area, and it was about fifteen minutes away if traffic was good. We’d go in, ask somebody if there had been any new additions lately and if any of them were young women with candy colored hair. Rarity balked at the idea of her friends being locked up in the crazy hut, but I reminded her that her story was incredibly far-fetched. She eventually agreed that it wouldn’t hurt to check, and I continued on explaining my plan.

The next thing we would do is check the hospitals. By that time, visiting hours would probably be over, but it couldn’t hurt to ask if there had been any new Jane Does recently that had technicolored hair. Even if we couldn’t see anybody then surely we could at least ask after them and come back tomorrow.

I hoped that a lead would turn up in one of these places, but if all else failed, then we would check the woods that I found Rarity in. The woods weren’t very big, only covering a space of about ten square miles, but it was still plenty enough to get lost in. Hopefully I would find them before that point, but if all else failed then it wouldn’t hurt to check.

I didn’t bother to tell Rarity about the possibility that they weren’t even in the area. I didn’t want to crush her like that. Not after everything she’d just seen less than five minutes ago.

The plan set, I retreated upstairs to grab some proper clothes for the outing. I dressed up in a flannel shirt with my Superman shirt underneath. I put on some khaki cargo pants and loaded up the pockets with my Swiss Army knife, a flashlight, a map of the surrounding area I grabbed from my father’s side table, and a compass in case we got lost.

I may not have enjoyed my experience with the Boy Scouts, but a few things stuck with me. The motto, “be prepared,” was one of them.

I hoped that I wouldn’t need any of the stuff I packed. Hopefully, I would find the other ponies in a neighbor’s house or one of the hospitals. Admittedly, I didn’t know how I would get the ponies out of the funny farm or the hospitals should I come across them there, but at least I would know they were safe.

But I wanted to have everything I needed on me in case I did have to go into the woods with Rarity to find the other members of the mane six and the princesses. After all, if they were out in the woods, they’d surely have been out there for almost a full day now. They’d be tired, hungry, thirsty, and probably suffering from exposure.

I didn’t want to be the guy who let Twilight Sparkle die because he didn’t have a knife on him to cut away the brambles or anything like that.

I grabbed Rarity some appropriate clothes from Dani. Another flannel shirt and Babydoll tee, though I suspected that they’d be a bit too small for her, given how Rarity had several inches on her, as well as a pair of jeans from my mother’s closet and her brand new hiking boots that she fortunately forgot to take with her to the outer banks. I figured my mother would be closer to Rarity’s size, though it still might be a bit snug.

I took the clothes down to Rarity. Her nose and forehead scrunched up a little when she looked at them as she chewed on a carrot from the fridge. “I do hope those aren’t for me,” She said with a hint of disdain. “I would never wear something so... so...”

“Country?” I finished. “Do you talk about Applejack that way?”

“Well,” Rarity began, “Let’s just say that Applejack could stand to dress up a little better herself. I wouldn’t have a thing on her if she would just take better care of her looks.”

“Perhaps,” I said, “But Applejack dresses the part for her job, right?” I asked. “She’s working the fields all day, not sewing dresses or dealing with nobility.”

Rarity nodded. “I suppose so. Still, it wouldn’t hurt for her to dress up on occasion. I maintain that she would bring in twice the business she does on market days if she’d just make herself a little more presentable.” Rarity sighed. “I do hope she and the others are unharmed...” she mumbled.

I smiled, trying to calm her down. “Well, that’s what we’re going to check. And that’s why you should wear clothes like these.” I said. “You wouldn’t want to be traipsing around the forest in a dress or anything, right? It’d get all ripped and dirty and caught on the branches.”

Rarity sighed, grabbing another handful from a bag of something and shoving it in her mouth. “Fine. Where is your lavatory then?” I pointed down the hall.

“First door on your left.” I said. She thanked me and then headed down the hall. “Need any help? I know you’re still kind of unsteady with your new arms and legs.”

“Thank you, but I think I can manage,” She replied. “Besides, I rather wouldn’t appreciate a member of the opposite sex around when I’m changing. Especially not after what I just saw.”

Ah. Right.

“Well, if you do need any help, just holler.” I said.

“A lady does not ‘holler.’” Rarity said, winking, then she disappeared into the bathroom to change.

I smirked. ‘My sister is wrong,’ I thought. ‘There’s no way that wasn’t Rarity going into the bathroom just now.’

Rarity came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, looking just as great as she ever did. Damn, she really could pull off any look she wanted, couldn’t she? I cleared my throat to get her attention and she shuddered. “I really do wish that you didn’t need to see me in such ghastly attire.”

“It’s not so bad.” I said. “I’m wearing just about the same thing”

She got a teasing look on her face. “I know.”

Drat. Walked right into that one.

* * *

Elvira drove up and down the streets of my little subdivision. I can’t help but assume that I probably looked somewhat suspicious in my car, driving around the neighborhood and knocking on pretty much every single door. If I weren’t well known in my neighborhood from having lived there all my life since I was four, someone from the neighborhood watch might have called the police on me.

I started out next door. The Blustermans and my family used to be on pretty good terms, their now-adult daughter even babysitting for me and my sister a couple times when we were both still in the single digits. Lately though, my father and the man of their house had recently started some sort of blood feud. My father took a lot of pride in the trees and flowers of our yard. Meanwhile, Mr. Blusterman took a lot of pride in his lawn. He mowed it almost every damn day. One day, Mr. Blusterman decided that one of the branches of one of our trees was getting in the way of his mowing, so he went ahead and ‘pruned it for us.’

That was all it took.

No, really. That’s all it took for my father and Mr. Blusterman to get into a feud that has since lasted over five years. Then, my mother got into the feud too after the Blustermans got a new dog who habitually came over into our yard to relieve himself and she kept getting dog doo on her shoes when she went out to feed the birds.

I personally held no ire for the Blustermans, but since I was a member of the Parish family, they really didn’t seem to hold me in high esteem anymore.

Which is why I wasn’t surprised at all when the first words out of his mouth when Mr. Blusterman answered the door were, “What the hell do you want?”

I sighed, “Afternoon, Mr. Blusterman. I was wondering if you could give me a hand with something.”

Blusterman crossed his arms and sneered at me. “Depends.” He said simply.

“I’m looking for this young woman’s friends.” I said, motioning to Rarity, who waved at him gently. “They’re all young women, most of them in their early twenties? Six out of seven of them have candy colored hair like she does, the other one is just blonde?”

Mr. Blusterman growled at me. “Haven’t seen anyone like that, though I can damn well tell you that if I had, they wouldn’t be anywhere near here. I expect you to hang out with punk sluts like that, but we’re good people in this house. Moral people. Goodbye, Mr. Parish.” He half-shouted, slamming the door in my face.

I rolled my eyes. “Have a nice day, Mr. Blusterman,” I said, strolling back down his sidewalk.

About halfway back to my car, Rarity grabbed my arm. “I thought you said that people wouldn’t think I was some sort of mare of ill repute?!”

I sighed. “Trust me, Rarity, that’s just Mr. Blusterman.” I waved a hand back at his house. “He’s just a jackass that hates any and all things my family does. These past few years he’s gotten crazier and crazier too...”

Rarity followed me into the car and got into the side seat. “You’re absolutely positive?”

I smiled at her. “Trust me.”

* * *

As I said, most of the rest of the people in my neighborhood were perfectly respectful, and even sympathetic towards Rarity when we mentioned her missing friends. Almost none of them were as openly hostile as Mr. Blusterman. One nice old lady even invited us inside for cookies, but we declined. We were burning daylight, after all.

The whole time though, the big thing that Rarity noticed was my car. I can’t deny that I was rather proud of that, to be honest. Elvira is one of my most prized possessions, after all.

“This contraption is amazing!” Rarity chirped as we drove around the neighborhood. “It’s like a covered chariot or a carriage, but it moves on its own!”

“Yep. It’s called a car. Or an automobile, if you prefer. I call her Elvira.”

“Her?” Rarity asked. “It isn’t alive, is it?”

I shook my head. “Nah, I just refer to it like that. Sorta like how sailors refer to a ship as ‘she’ you know?”

Rarity nodded. “Ah, yes,” she said. “I once sailed on an airship and most of the sailors referred to the vessel as ‘she’ as well.” She looked at me. “How does it work?”

I shrugged. “Well, I don’t understand all of the technical aspects, but from what I know, it uses gasoline, which is a very high accelerant, as a fuel source to create a spark that provides energy. That energy makes it go.”

“Incredible.” Rarity said. “We have nothing even close to this in Equestria. I mean, we have trains and airships, of course, but nothing this small or personal that’s also completely automated.”

I smirked. “Well, from what I’ve seen, Equestria is about a hundred years or so behind in terms of technology than Earth is. The only place you seem to be on par with us is medical technology, and that doesn’t surprise me since your culture is so focused on friendship and taking care of each other.”

“Indeed...” said Rarity, who was currently looking out the window, mystified at the passing trees. “So how fast can she go?”

“Well, this is a Crown Victoria, so it’s basically a police car. It can go up to 120 miles an hour.”

Rarity gasped. “A hundred and twenty miles per hour?! That’s unbelievable!” she cried. “Not even trains can move that quickly!”

I grinned, pumping the accelerator a couple times. “I can show you if you like?” I gave her my best trollface as she looked at me with growing terror.

“No! No no no. There’s no need for that. I assure you I believe you.” She said hastily.

I laughed. “I’m just kidding, Rarity. I wouldn’t go that fast in a residential area, or anywhere for that matter. I’d get arrested before you could say ‘yikes.’”

Rarity shifted uncomfortably. “Why would you ever even need to go that fast in the first place, though?”

“Well, as I said, this is the kind of car that the police use. So if they ever need to chase down a really fast criminal or get to the scene of an ongoing crime, then they need to move as quickly as possible.” I patted the dashboard. “As a result this is also one of the safest cars on the market. It’s about as close to being armored as you can get with a regular car, since cops need protection when dealing with dangerous criminals. Trust me, you’re perfectly safe in here. I once got in an accident with a semi-truck in another car like this. Hit me right in the drivers’ side door. The car was completely wrecked beyond repair, but I got out without a scratch.”

“Semi-Truck?” Rarity asked.

“I’ll point one out if we see one,” I said.

Rarity nodded as we continued our trek around the neighborhood.

* * *

Eventually, we managed to run out of houses to drop by and bother, and both Rarity and I were dismayed to find that, of all 124 of the houses we managed to visit, none of them knew anything about any strange girls with candy colored hair. The weather had started to reflect our worsening mood, as clouds had started to move in over the once sunny day.

Our next stop was the Fairview mental hospital. It was only about a fifteen minute drive from our house so we managed to make it there at about 4:45. Fifteen minutes before the end of visiting hours.

I advised Rarity to stay in the car. I figured that it probably wouldn’t be good if she let anything slip about being from another world if she was around a bunch of men in white coats. They’d probably think I was checking somebody in instead of trying to get somebody out.

Rarity agreed with my assessment, though she still acted a little sore at the idea that her friends might be locked up for being crazy. Though, to be fair, she said that she wouldn’t be surprised if one day Pinkie Pie found herself locked up. Nevertheless, she agreed to stay in the car and wait for me.

I casually walked into the main building and stepped up to the counter. I rang the bell to get somebody’s attention and a young woman in a white dress wearing glasses stepped out. She looked very unthreatening, her hair set back in a ponytail and her body small and petite. “Welcome to Fairview, how can I help you today?”

“Hi there,” I began. “I was wondering if you had anybody, uh, check in in the past day or so?”

The woman nodded. “We’ve had about seven, actually. A lot for one day if you think about it.”

My heart suddenly surged with hope. “This might sound very specific, but can you tell me if any of them were young women with colored hair? They might have been making claims that they were actually aliens of some kind?”

The woman arched an eyebrow and shook her head. “No nothing like that sir. Sorry.”

I sighed. “Well, thanks anyway.”

“Sir,” she said, stopping me. “Are you telling me that you know some people like that?”

I turned around to face her. “Well, yes, actually. A group of seven young women. They’re completely harmless, but somehow they’ve all convinced themselves that they are aliens from some sort of alternate dimension. They even dye their hair to look more like their supposed natural colors.” I said, coming up with what I hoped would be a believable lie on the spot. “To tell you the truth, from what I understand their delusions are based on some sort of children’s cartoon.”

The woman tapped her chin. “It’s really not common that even two people will share such a consistent delusion like that,” she said. “Did they break out of some other hospital?”

I shook my head. “No, some friends and I have been taking care of them. Aside from thinking they belong in some other world or something, they’re generally competent and none of them are violent. They’re basically just incredibly enthusiastic otherkin, you know? This is the first time any of them has ever gotten away from us.”

The woman drummed her fingers on the desk. “I see. Well, then, how about this; you leave your phone number with us and we’ll get back to you if we get any future patients like that. Does that sound okay to you?”

I nodded. “That’d be fine.” I said. I left her with my cell phone number and went back out to my car.

“Any luck?” Rarity asked me.

I shook my head. “No. They haven’t had any new patients that match the descriptions of your friends.”

Rarity sighed. “Then we’re off to the hospitals next?”

I nodded.

The drive to the hospitals was a bit longer. Both involved going on the freeways, which gave Rarity quite a thrill as she got to see the scenery zip by at sixty miles an hour. It was also her first glimpse at any sort of human culture beyond my house and the few houses in my neighborhood. She marveled at the stores and restaurants that we passed, often asking questions about the sorts of places that we were passing.

Eventually we made it to Belnor hospital. I deigned to bring Rarity in this time, just in case they required somebody to be “family.” I could probably spin a tale about how the rest of the mane six were her sisters or something. Sadly, the receptionist at Belnor gave a similar response to the woman at Fairview. When she asked if we thought somebody was hurt, we simply said that we hadn’t seen them in a while and we were starting to get worried.

Our last stop was Ivansborough hospital, which was a little bit further away than the rest and by this time, the drive had gotten a lot less pleasant. The clouds had opened up and a light rain had started to fall from the sky, forcing me to turn off cruise control and turn the wipers on. I growled as I attempted to maneuver the wet streets, nearly skidding in some of the more dangerous turns. Illinois freeways are really dangerous when wet.

Finally, though, we made it to Ivansborough and managed to talk to the receptionist. She was a middle-aged Hispanic woman in her late forties to early fifties, and she didn’t look happy to be there at all. I rang the bell to get her attention from the supermarket tabloid magazine she was reading and she looked up, scowling at me.

“Excuse me,” I started, “I’m looking for this young woman’s sisters. They were supposed to come home last night and they never did and we’re starting to get worried.”

“Uh-huh.” The woman said motioning for us to go on.

“They’d be young women in their late teens to early twenties,” I said. “They’d have dyed hair. Very vibrant colors.”

“What color hair?” the woman asked.

I blinked. I hadn’t been expecting that question. A little bit of hope surged through me. “Um, two of them would have bright pink hair, one would have purple hair with a pink stripe, one would have hair dyed like a rainbow, and the other would be straight blonde.” I said.

The woman raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh. And let me guess... their names wouldn’t happen to be Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack, would they?”

Rarity and I both gasped. Suddenly we had immense grins and our hearts were racing faster than we could imagine. “Yes! That’s it, have you seen them?!”

The woman suddenly stood up, banging her hands on the desk and glaring at me dead in the eye, “Of course I’ve seen them! On the TV! My daughter watches that show every Saturday when I’m trying to sleep in!” She picked up a phone. “I’d heard that that damn cartoon had gotten some kind of crazy male following but I never thought that you jackasses would go so far as to come into a hospital of all places to try and play pranks. Get out now, or I’ll call security.”

Our hopes suddenly completely shattered, Rarity and I exited the hospital and got back into the car, driving back toward home.

“That... That horrible, uncouth little troll!” Rarity shouted. “I can’t believe that she would call security on us for something like that!”

I sighed. “I can. Let’s face it, it still sounds pretty damn far-fetched.”

Rarity looked at me, sighing herself. “So what now?”

“Well, none of the other plans worked out so...”

* * *

It was about six when we reached the woods near my house. The spot where I found Rarity lying in the road.

It was thundering.

Lightning arced across the sky, followed by crashing rolls of thunder as Rarity and I stepped out of the car, the both of us holding umbrellas that I kept in the back seat. I looked up at the sky and grimaced. “I dunno, Rarity. A forest is just about the worst place you can be in a thunderstorm. If lightning were to strike one of the trees we could be dealing with falling limbs or something.”

Rarity slammed the door and strode over to me. “As true as that may be, dear Will, if my friends are indeed in these woods, then this storm will only make their exposure all the worse. We must go in there and make sure they’re not still out in the open.”

I sighed. She was absolutely right, of course. If the rest of the ponies were still in the forest then spending too long exposed in the rain would leave them critically ill at best. I was starting to become less and less convinced that they were in the area, though. If they were so close to Rarity when she was teleported here, then one of my neighbors should have spotted at least one of them. Seven other panicking ponies running around, you’d think somebody would notice and call the cops to take them to a mental hospital. Perhaps I should have checked the local police stations as well. My only problem there was that I didn’t want Rarity to become involved in police business. They’d probably ask her for some sort of ID or something and if they thought she was suspicious they might decide to lock her up or something, and I didn’t want that. Heck, not only that, but they’d probably think that, since I was associated with her, I was suspicious as well.

Or maybe I just don’t trust policemen. Can you really blame me? Every single day you hear more and more about police brutality and corrupt cops and the like. I know they’re supposed to serve and protect, but at the end of the day, I think I’m just about as nervous around cops as I am around criminals. Just knowing that I’m standing near a person that could kill me with a twitch of his finger or ruin my whole life with a pair of handcuffs and a mugshot if he so chooses is enough to make me twitchy.

I dunno. Say I’m demonizing the good guys if you like, but if I’m going to be honest, I’d rather just not deal with policemen if I don’t have to.

And so here we were: Standing in the pouring April rain, looking for a bunch of not-so-fictional characters from one of my favorite cartoons in the middle of the woods.

“Alright then, we need to try and be as quick as we can!” I shouted over the thunder to Rarity. “If they’re really out here, then we need to find them fast before they get hypothermia or something. Do you have the blankets?” I asked her. Rarity held up a bundle of blankets I had in the back seat and tucked them under one arm. “Alright then, let’s move!” I said, clicking on my flashlight and heading into the woods.

The woods were dark and cold under the overcast sky. The canopy was so thick that not all that much water actually made it down to hit us, but the air was cool and damp nevertheless. Actually, it was a good thing that the water really didn’t come to meet the ground all that much, as it gave me the opportunity to look for footprints in the earth.

Admittedly, I’m no expert on tracking. I don’t know the woods inside out. I can’t ‘speak to the forest’ or track like some sort of crazy character who ‘lives for the thrill of the hunt’ or anything like that. That said, I did know a few of the signs from my time in the scouts. Footprints, broken branches, traces of blood, hair, or scat. Those were the sorts of things to look for.

“Can’t we just go to your weather team and ask them to stop the storm?” Rarity asked. “We can tell them that some people might be lost in the woods. I’m sure they’ll understand.”

I shook my head. “Earth doesn’t work like that, Rarity,” I said. “We don’t have weather teams. We have no control over the weather at all. Basically, the whole world works kinda like the Everfree Forest.”

Rarity gaped at me. “Then lurking in this wood may be...”

I put my hand on her shoulder. “No. No monsters or hydras or timber wolves or anything like that. Those don’t exist here. What I’m saying is that the animals all fend for themselves and the weather works on its own.”

She cocked an eyebrow at me. “But then however do you get your crops to come in?” she asked.

I shrugged. “It’s largely left up to chance, really. You either get a good harvest or a bad one. We have irrigation, of course, and we have numerous ways of getting things like ground water to come to the surface and stuff like that, but we have no control over the sky,” I said. A crack of thunder rolled out to punctuate my statement.

Rarity shivered, a newfound nervousness running through her body. “Well then let’s find them soon,” she said. “I don’t want any of my friends outside anywhere that might be even remotely close to the Everfree...”

We searched for well over an hour in the dark, damp wood, calling out their names the whole time. And together we found exactly jack-all. We must have covered a good three or four miles in the wood and we found exactly nothing. No hair, no footprints, no blood... a few broken branches, but most of them were pretty close to the ground and probably made by an animal. And there was plenty of scat, but none of it was human.

Maybe it’s just because I was a crap scout back in the day or because I just didn’t have any real experience in tracking or anything, but I was starting to doubt that the ponies were here. We were getting further and further away from where I found Rarity. If the ponies were anywhere near her position, there should have been some trace of them by now. Even if they headed deeper into the forest, there should have been a few traces of hair or something somewhere closer to the road.

Rarity was shivering. Even through the flannel shirt, I could see the cold was getting to her. I sighed and took the blanket from her. “What are you doing?” she asked me, as I draped it over her shoulders.

“They aren’t here.” I said. “We’ve been wandering around for an hour and there’s been no sign of them. There should have been something closer to the road, but we haven’t even found a trace of them.”

The young woman hugged her arms to her sides. “...You’re sure?”

I nodded. “I’m sure.”

Rarity looked down at her feet, tears starting to drop from her eyes. I walked over to her and hugged her close.

“Hey, listen. I’m sure they’re alright. If they’re not here then they probably ended up somewhere else in the world. Maybe going across dimensions scatters you to the winds or something,” I suggested.

Rarity looked up at me. “You really think that?” she asked, tears running down her face.

I smiled at her. “You remember that one episode... er... that one time that the Cutie Mark Crusaders asked all of you about how you got your cutie marks?” Rarity nodded. “Well, there’s your answer. Twilight figured out that the six of you all have special connections with each other, right?” Rarity nodded again, starting to smile a little.

“That’s right.” Rarity said. “All of us agreed that it was the sappiest letter she ever wrote to the princess. And that’s coming from me.” She chuckled. “Even so, if her studies into friendship and how it connects to magic hold any water at all... and they do... then she’s probably right.”

“Well there you go,” I said, smiling. If you’re so connected to your friends then there’s no way that they won’t find you eventually, right? You have that special connection, right here.” I said, tapping my heart.

This was by far the most mushy-gushy, sentimental thing I have ever said to anyone in my life, but goddamn if this woman needed to hear it right now.

“You’re the Elements of Harmony, after all,” I said. “You guys practically define friendship. That means something more.” I hugged her a little closer. “I’ll bet that even if they got sent to completely different realities when that magic wave hit them, they’ll be coming through some portal sometime soon to get you.”

She hugged me tight around the waist. “Thank you, Will. You really know what to say.”

I smirked. “I’m an author. I have to know that sort of thing,” I said, letting her go. She sniffled a little, and tears were still running from her eyes, but she wore a smile now, and that was about the best I could ask for, given the situation. I motioned back the way we came. “Now come on, let’s get back to Elvira. We’ll go back to the house and make some hot cocoa or something.”

Rarity nodded and followed me back to the car. The storm was starting to let up around us. I had given the girl a glimmer of hope.

...

...
We were about two thirds of the way back to the car when I suddenly realized something was wrong.

The storm had completely let up. There was no sound of rain or thunder or anything like that, save for the occasional roll very far away.

In fact, there was no real sound at all, save for the crunch of our feet on the forest floor.

“Will?” Rarity asked. “Is something the matter?”

“...It’s the wildlife.” I said.

“The wildlife?” Rarity asked, spinning around in place. “Are you sure? I don’t hear anything.”

“Exactly.” I said. “No birds, no bugs, no squirrels or raccoons. Nothing,” I said, shaken up. “And that’s what bothers me.”

I sniffed at the air. For a forest that had just had a fresh rainstorm it smelled remarkably stale. There was no breeze at all and the utter stillness of the twilight hour did nothing but unnerve me.

“Let’s get back to the car,” I said, shaken. “It’s way too quiet out here.”

We started back on the path to the car when I heard it.

Most people know of this sound as something from a video game. Most people associate this sound with the hit horror series, “Silent Hill.” It’s right up there with radio static for inspiring terror in gamers.

But for me, having grown up in the great plains of the United States of America, this sound meant something completely different for me. Something far more terrifying and deadly than any evil nurse or zombified dog or big muscley man with a triangular bucket on his head.

It was an air raid siren.

“Oh no...” I muttered, grabbing Rarity’s hand and holding it as I dashed back towards the road. “No no no no no no no no no...” I repeated, my heart pounding in my chest so hard I thought it might escape, my breath erratic and gasping.

“Will? Will! What is going on?! What’s that noise?!” Rarity cried, suddenly fearful, though not as fearful as I.

“We need to get back to the car!” I shouted at her. “We need to get back to the car right now!”

At some point in my adrenaline fueled haze, I literally grabbed Rarity and picked her up in my arms. She was still somewhat unsteady when running and she wasn’t moving fast enough for me. I don’t think I’d ever run a mile that fast in my life as that day in the forest, and it’s a damn good thing that I did. Because when we broke the treeline we were greeted not with a sunset as we should have been given the hour, but a sky of dull and sickly green.

And then we heard the noise.

It was a deep, cacophonous rumbling noise. It sounded like a demonic freight train, or perhaps a waterfall heard from far away. And it was coming closer.

Rarity pointed down the road. “Will...” she started. “Is that what I think it is?”

I turned to look, and it was all I could to stop myself from dropping to my knees and wetting myself. Ahead of us was a colossal force of nature. A combination of wind, dust, and debris only formed when the conditions are absolutely right and mother nature is feeling particularly mean spirited. A childhood fear of mine that I had almost managed to conquer, but now that I stared at it directly in front of me, all I could do was tremble.

It was a twister.

Author's Notes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvUKMTRdEtw

Bleh. I'm not particularly satisfied with this chapter, or the title I chose to go with. Don't get me wrong, I love Queen, and the title fits the chapter, but the song itself is meh at best. Not a particular fan of that one...

As for the chapter itself... it's rushed, choppy, Rarity is barely in character, there's a ton of 'asides' that break up the flow and make it feel both simultaneously dragging and yet like it moves to fast. The actual point of the chapter, which is looking for the other girls, is sorta drowned out under the conversation with the neighbor and Rarity's discovery of cars.

On the other hand, I was told that it was ready to be posted, so... here it is I guess. I'm not entirely satisfied, but I hope you guys like it.

Ch7: The Time Warp

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Chapter 7: The Time Warp

May, 1995

I huddled under the covers, fearing for my life. The world was a cacophony of noise around me as thunder exploded outside my room and rain pelted against my window. I hadn’t slept even a single wink that night thanks to the horrifying sounds coming from outdoors. Those terrible sounds; like taunts from mother nature herself telling me she hated me and wanted me dead. What’s worse, I wasn’t supposed to be out of my room after bedtime unless I had to go to the bathroom, so I couldn’t go hide from the thunder and lightning in my favorite hiding spot, either. All I could do is curl up into a ball under the covers and hope that the world didn’t come after me.

A deafening crack of thunder from right over my house was all it took to push me right over the edge.

I wailed and sobbed loudly, calling out for my mother. I couldn’t stay in this room tonight; it just wasn’t safe. I huddled up in the corner of the bed between the wall and the headboard, weeping in fear. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long before my cries were heard and the door opened, my mother walking into the room.

My mother made a calming, shushing noise as she sat down on the bed and put an arm over my shoulders. I sniveled, burying my head into her chest and hugging her around her waist. We sat there for a few minutes not saying anything as I let out my fear and frustration into her now thoroughly tear-dampened blouse. My mother sat there and took it, one hand around my waist and the other stroking my hair comfortingly. After about five minutes, she put a finger under my chin and lifted my head to look into her eyes. I could see them behind her glasses, full of concern and sympathy.

“Feeling any better?” she asked calmly.

I sniffed, nodding a little. “Mm-hmm...” I replied noncommittally.

She sighed. “You don’t sound like it,” she said raising an eyebrow.

I put my cheek back against her chest, hugging up close to her. “’mscared...” I muttered.

My mother shook her head. “I’ve told you in the past, Will. There’s nothing to be scared of. Thunderstorms are just very noisy, that’s it. They can’t hurt you if you’re inside,” she said, a small smile on her face, holding me closer.

“’mnot scared of thunder,” I said softly into her chest.

“You’re not?” she asked, sounding a little bit surprised.

I shook my head, not once leaving the comforting sound of her heartbeat.

“What are you scared of then?”

I said nothing for a moment until my mother hooked a finger under my chin again and lifted my face to her eyes once more. I averted my gaze, taking an interest all of a sudden with a discarded crayon on the floor. Then I sighed and softly answered.

“...’nados...”

“Tornadoes?” my mother asked, cocking an eyebrow.

My small hand gripped her arm as tightly as I could as I nodded. I was embarrassed to be afraid, even at just five years old. I wanted to be treated like a big boy, but if I kept acting like a ‘fraidy cat nobody would ever treat me like a grown up. I couldn’t help it though. Storms terrified me. “Yeah,” I said softly.

She sighed. “Oh, Will. You’ve been watching Kids Geographic again, haven’t you?”

I nodded. Kids Geographic was one of my favorite TV programs. It was fun to learn about all sorts of neat animals and dinosaurs and space and weather stuff. Well, fun until you learned that there were spiders out there that could kill you with one bite, anyway. Or that meteors could slam into the earth at any moment and wipe out everything. Or that horrible doom funnels could swoop out of the clouds and toss you and everything you loved into the sky. My mom let me watch it because it was ‘eddycasonal’ or something, and as much as I loved the show, it had implanted more than one horrible phobia in my young brain.

My mom started to stroke my hair again, her touch comforting to my fear-addled mind. “I’m not going to lie, Will,” my mother began, “tornadoes are dangerous.”

I nodded. I already knew that, of course. Why did she think I was so terrified?

“But,” she continued, “I want you to know right now that there’s no reason to be scared.”

I cocked my little head. “There’s not?”

“No,” she answered, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Tornadoes are very, very rare, Will. Just because there’s a thunderstorm outside doesn’t mean that a tornado is going to crop up.”

I pointed at the window. “But it’s not just a thunderstorm. It’s a BAD thunderstorm!”

My mom chuckled. “It’s called a ‘severe’ thunderstorm, Will,” she said, patting my back softly. “And that’s very common around here.”

That only made me feel worse.

It must have shown on my face because she quickly started to clarify. “No, no, honey. What I’m saying is that just because there’s a big thunderstorm going on doesn’t mean that a tornado is on the way.”

“But one could be on the way, right?” I said fitfully.

She sighed again. “A tornado could form nearby, of course. It’s possible anywhere, really.” I started to huddle up again but she put a hand on my shoulder. “What I’m trying to say though is this; it’s incredibly unlikely that a tornado will form, let alone even grow big enough to touch the ground.”

“But what if it does?!” I nearly shouted.

My mother shrugged. “Well, if a tornado does touch the ground, they’re usually gone pretty fast. Some tornadoes don’t even last a full minute. And if they do touch the ground, they move so erratically that they more than likely won’t hit us.”

My nose twisted up in confusion. “’Raticly?” I asked, not knowing what she meant.

She smiled. “It means that they move all over the place with no real path.” She put her arms around me again, my face in her chest. “What I’m getting at, Will, is that the chances of our house being blown over by a tornado are incredibly small. The chances are a million to one. I highly doubt it’ll ever happen.”

I sniffled again before nodding. “Okay, mommy.”

“That’s my big boy,” she said, proudly. “Think you can get to sleep now?” she asked.

I looked at the window, just as another bolt of lightning flashed in the distance. “I’unno... I dun want a tornado to get me while I sleep.”

My mother chuckled again. “You’d know if a tornado was coming. First there’d be a loud siren, and then you’d hear a sound like a waterfall or freight train coming at you.”

I still wasn’t particularly convinced. My mother kissed my forehead and pulled my Bugs Bunny covers over my shaking legs. “If it makes you feel better, though, just know that I’ll be sure to come and get you up if I think we’re ever in danger, okay?”

I nodded. Knowing my mother would be there for me made me feel a lot better, actually. “Okay, mommy.” I said again.

“Now you lie down and go to sleep, okay?” My mother smiled. “You’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”

I nodded. “’Night mommy. I love you.”

“I love you too, Will. Goodnight.” She closed the door, leaving me alone in my room once again.

Thunder cracked outside once again. I didn’t cry this time, though. I felt a lot safer, reassured that my mother would be able to help me if there was ever any danger. It was a bit difficult with the storm making such a racket outside, but I finally managed to drift into a peaceful sleep.

June, 2003

“Will, get up.”

I groaned, wiping the sleep from my eyes. “Mmrrach?” I mumbled incoherently, fumbling for my glasses on the nightstand. Finally managing to grab them, I cleaned them on my shirt a little and put them on. My vision was still cloudy with sleep, but I managed to read the clock well enough. It was four in the morning.

I looked up to see my mother standing over me. She was standing in her nightgown, her hair a mess; a far cry from the neat French braid that she usually wore it in. Her face looked relatively calm, but her posture told me otherwise. She was very rigid and tense.

“Mom?” I asked, yawning as thunder rolled outside my big window. “What’s up?”

“Your father and I need you to come downstairs,” she said, not explaining anything. “Quickly now.”

“It’s four in the morning, mom.” I protested. “Can’t it wait, whatever it is?”

My mother shuffled her feet. “We’d feel better if you were downstairs with us,” she insisted.

A flash of lightning just outside my window made me realize the situation. My stomach dropped out and horror crept over my face. “You’re not saying...” I muttered, looking out at the storm.

She took my hand and helped me out of bed. “It’s more likely than ever before...” she said softly. “No need to panic yet, but we’d just feel more comfortable if the whole family was together in the family room where we can get to the basement if we have to.”

I nodded, suddenly feeling very sweaty. “Alright,” I damn near whispered. “Let me grab Siguna.”

I reached over to my desk chair and picked up a great big ball of fluff. Siguna was our big, fluffy, long-haired Norwegian forest cat. She had a habit of sleeping in my desk chair every night for some reason, as opposed to all the various cat beds we had around the house. She’d always lie on my chest as I went to bed, and would lick my nose with her rough tongue and purr me to sleep. Once I was asleep, she’d relocate to the swivel chair. She was a good cat, and if I was going to be near the basement, I wanted to be damn sure she was, too.

I carried Siguna in my arms as I followed my mother down to the family room. The television was on and turned to the weather channel. My dad sat in his vinyl armchair, his elbows on his knees, his chin resting on his fists. He stared intently at the screen.

My sister lay on the couch sleeping.

Dammit, Dani. Can’t you give a crap just once?

I sat down at the fireplace, setting Siguna down. The fluffy cat bounded over to our other cat, Argus, and started trying to play with him. Argus brushed her off with his usual sense of entitled dignity.

I looked to my dad. “How bad is it?” I asked.

“Shush,” he snapped at me, still staring at the screen. I flinched. Even my dad was shaken up. That wasn’t a good sign.

I looked at the TV. The reporter stood in front of a big map of the Midwest. There was a big red splotch over Lake Michigan, covering northeast Illinois and parts of Wisconsin. Right over Chicago was a little white spot with an arrow pointing to it that read, “Greatest Threat.”

Crap.

I shifted uncomfortably. My mother stepped over to me and handed me a cup of tea, which I happily accepted. “Thanks,” I said.

My mother nodded and sat down in the armchair next to my father’s.

“So what do we do?” I asked.

My father snapped me a glare. He was about to tell me to shush again, but my mother put her hand on his leg and gave him a glare of her own. He sighed, scratching at his gray beard. “Not much we can do,” he said in his deep basso voice. “We just have to sit here and be ready if we hear a freight train.”

I shifted uncomfortably. “That’s it?”

“You got something else to suggest?” my father snapped, making me flinch.

“Dear...” my mother admonished.

I grumbled, looking over enviously at my sister. She scratched her stomach in her sleep, turning over to face the back of the couch. If only I could be that impassive.

We sat there in the dim light, listening to the weatherman on the television repeat over and over just how bad the weather was in our area. The tension was thick enough that I thought I might drown in it.

And then the power went out.

“Figures,” my dad grumbled, lighting up a flashlight. “A branch probably knocked out a power line or something.”

“Should we...?” I began, pointing to the basement door.

My mother shook her head. “We’ll wait until we actually hear something before we move.” She looked at me. “Remember what I said about how unlikely it is?”

I nodded.

She smiled. “We’ll get through this. One way or another, Will. Don’t you worry.”

I couldn’t help but worry. I’d always hated storms, and this was by far the worst one I’d ever lived through. We sat there in silence for awhile, the only noise coming from the tempest outside.

It took almost all night, but the storm slowly started to die down, the tension slowly going with it. The ordeal had been tiring enough that I fell asleep right there.

August, 2007

The siren woke me up.

It was sixth period. The very first day of my senior year of high school. I had a free period right after Lunch and was making the most of it by taking a nap in the lounge.

Or rather, I would have been were it not for the emergency siren going off. I looked up from the couch I was sleeping on blearily to see that everybody was filing down the stairs, nervous looks on everybody’s faces.

“The hell are you doing, boy?!” I suddenly heard from behind me. I whipped around to see Mr. Thomas, or “Mr. T” as most of the student body called him, our dean of students. He bore no resemblance to the actor in question who starred on ‘The A-Team,’ being a lanky, tall white man with a short black beard, hair, and thick rimmed glasses. His attitude, on the other hand, was very comparable.

“I was just taking a nap, sir.” I said, calmly.

“You shouldn’t be doing that anyway. Get up, Mr. Parish,” he said, his tone leaving no room for argument.

I got up, grabbing my backpack off the floor next to me. “What’s going on, sir?” I asked as I filed in behind the other students, Mr. T falling in behind me.

“Funnel clouds in the area,” he said. “We’re taking the students to the basement.”

I blinked. “You’re not serious,” I said.

“Does it look like we’re not serious?” he said, lifting a hand to his mouth. “Move along everybody!” he shouted at the group ahead of us.

I wrung my hands nervously. I had been through a lot of tornado warnings in my life, living in the Chicagoland area and all. I hadn’t been this particularly anxious about one since I was thirteen, though: That night my mother pulled me out of bed and we all sat in the family room. It turned out that there had been over eighty tornado touchdowns in our area. Almost none of them, however, did any more than minimal damage, and I heard nothing about any fatalities. Most of them didn’t even last more than a minute, apparently. My up-to-that-point lifelong fear of tornadoes had basically been shattered by the whole event. If there could be eighty tornado touchdowns in my area, and not one of them harming a soul, let alone even coming close to harming me, then surely they were far less to be feared than I originally thought.

This time, though, I felt nervous. Our school was basically built into the side of a hill and the so-called “basement” was completely exposed on the south side. Furthermore, the south side of the building was covered in big bay windows that were just perfect for breaking into a million deadly shards of swirling glass. Not to mention the trampling panic that might course through the school if a tornado did so much as approach. More people could likely be killed underfoot than by the weather itself.

It was not a good situation to be in. If a tornado warning were to happen at my house, I could handle it, but here at my school? I shook my head and looked to Mr. T. “So what do we do, then?”

Mr. T shrugged. “What you’ve always done in the drills. Head down against the walls.”

The student body filed into the basement, which was nowhere near big enough to hold every student there. Some of them were forced out of the basement halls and into the nearby classrooms.

I ended up in the chemistry room, of all places.

Glass bottles and chemicals everywhere.

The perfect place to be in a twister.

I grumbled nervously, facing the wall and putting my hands over my head.

I heard some of the students next to me giggling. One of them snickered about how she was getting out of class for this. Frankly, I’d have rather taken Algebra 2 again before living through another twister that was apparently quite close.

“I bet it’s a sign,” one of the students joked. “School is starting too early. They need to give us a few more weeks of summer or they’ll make Thor angry.”

A few students started chuckling at that. “Thor smash!” one of them called out.

“You’re thinking of the Hulk, you nimrod.”

I shook my head. Weirdly enough, their banter was having something of a positive effect on me. If they weren’t nervous, why should I be? I turned my head to look out the big window. The sky was a disturbing green, but otherwise, everything looked the same as ever. There were even cars out on the road at the bottom of the hill, going about their business as usual.

I guess there really wasn’t much to fear.

If everybody else was going to take this in stride, then there was no reason I couldn’t. After all, what did my mother say? A million to one?

There was nothing to worry about.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

The tornado loomed in front of us, like a mocking, angry god. Rarity gawked off to my right somewhere, struck dumb with terror. I wrung my hands together in awe, frustration, and dread.

“...a million to one.” I whimpered.

Author's Notes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aizCMO-mI1Q

Aaaaand we're back!

Sorry, that little hiatus took a fair bit longer than expected. Didn't mean to leave you on a cliffhanger for so long. Things just tend to happen, you know? ^^;

The good news, though, is that I've now got a bunch of things either ready or near-ready for you. In fact, chapter 8 is already written and, as soon as it's edited, will be up here as well. So for all you who are wondering how Will and Rarity are going to get out of the tornado, please be patient. It shouldn't be more than a day.

...unless the guys tell me that the chapter sucks rotten eggs, but hopefully that won't happen.

Anyway, this is just some background on Will and his history with tornadoes. After reviewing my scene wherein they have to get out of the tornado and looking over a few key lines, I felt that some background on this little aspect would be good to show. It'll make more sense once the next chapter gets up tomorrow.

So yes. A bit of an interlude for now, but I promise you that more is on the way. Stay tuned! :)

FUN FACT! Everything in this chapter is actually autobiographical, save for a certain amount of paraphrasing and the last few lines taking place in 2012. All of the previous three events in this chapter actually happened to me for real.

Ch8: Twist and Shout

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(WARNING! This chapter contains several instances of foul language. Read at your own discretion.)
______________________________________________________________________________

Twister.

Tornado.

Cyclone.

Whirlwind.

The goddamned middle finger of mother nature.

A great big “Screw you” from God himself to all the grubby, insignificant specks of transient dust we like to call ‘humans.’

And it was right there in the middle of the road.

When people think of ‘Tornado Alley,’ they tend to think of Kansas, Oklahoma, or parts of northern Texas; even Indiana or Missouri. What people often forget to realize is that Illinois is a part of the great plains and, as a result, part of tornado alley as well. We don’t get nearly as many twisters as the aforementioned places, but in the Chicagoland area we average at least one major tornado warning a year. More often than not, the ‘cyclonic action’ doesn’t even touch down and just sticks around in the sky. Sometimes, though...

For several seconds, all I could do was stand there as the worst, most fearful moments of my childhood came rushing back to me. Nights spent shivering under the covers as a thunderstorm raged outside. Those spare few times when my family actually ushered us down to the family room to keep us safe. All of it came back to me as my childhood terrors were made manifest about a thousand yards in front of me.

“We need to get out of the road!” Rarity shouted, snapping me back to reality. I had been standing there for at least ten seconds, just staring at the terrifying whirlwind and letting it come closer. Rarity grabbed my arm and slapped me, bringing me back to my senses. “William!” she yelled in my ear, trying to be heard over the tempest. “We need to go now!”

I nodded dumbly, trying to clear my thoughts despite the imminent death barreling towards us. Thinking on my feet, I rushed over to Elvira and unlocked the doors. “Get in!” I shouted. Rarity wasted no time in dashing around the car and leaping into the passenger side.

“Where are we going?” she screamed as she slammed the door behind her.

“Anywhere that isn’t here!”

Now, there are a lot of things one is supposed to remember when encountering a tornado or other inclement weather. For example, one of the things they teach you in school is that, if you are out in a storm, the best thing to do is to find shelter. If there is no shelter around, then the next best thing to do is to find the lowest ground possible, like a ditch or a storm drain, and put your hands over your head and pray to whatever god you worship that you don’t end up feeding maggots. They also tend to tell you that the worst place you can be is in a car.

These are the things they tell you for when a tornado may or may not be somewhere nearby, or has a chance of forming. They, of course, don’t tell you what to do when a tornado is actually in sight and bearing down right upon you.

Why? Well, because the chances of such a thing happening are supposed to be infinitesimal. And presumably, if you’re in a ditch and a tornado forms “somewhere nearby,” you’ll better protect yourself from flying debris than you would in a car.

All the math and statistics in the world, however, doesn’t stop it from happening every now and then. And those guys that neglect to tell you what to do in such a scenario can officially go screw themselves, because trying to hide in a ditch doesn’t work so hot when there’s a gigantic doom cloud practically on top of you.

Let me tell you what you do in such a situation. You get yourself the hell out of the way as fast as you possibly can.

And unless you’re the goddamn Flash, you’re faster in a car than on foot.

Jamming the key in the ignition, I gave a good twist and Elvira roared to life, thankfully not deciding to pull a Hollywood on us. I shifted her into gear and hit the accelerator as hard as I could. With a squeal of the tires, the chase was on.

I looked in the rearview mirror. The tornado seemed to loom still in the reflection. The sight of it, and the knowledge of what it meant, made me want to throw up in terror. When a twister seems to stand still, it means they’re either moving directly away, or coming right at you. Given that the sound of a freight train bearing down upon us wasn’t going away at all, it was obviously the latter. Trees sped by as I attempted to navigate down the forested road, caught on a straightaway directly in the path of the cyclone.

I pushed the accelerator harder. The engine roared in protest. Trees sped by in a blur and the tornado only grew closer.

“Go faster!” Rarity shouted. “You said this thing can go a hundred and twenty!”

My eyes scanned the road for a turnoff. I was already going eighty and I’d have to slam on the break to even attempt a turn. “Shut up!” I screamed at her, gritting my teeth. “If I go too fast I could hit a tree and we’d be dead!”

Rarity knelt in the seat, her knuckles white as she gripped the seat and peered out the rear window. “Well do something!” she cried. “It’s gaining!”

“I know!” I growled.

The forest was a blur as I slammed down on the accelerator. The wind howled outside the car and our traction started to slip in the wind. I blinked tears out of my eyes and desperately looked for somewhere to turn when it suddenly sprang up out of nowhere. A great tree limb lay in the middle of the road. “Hang on!” I shouted, speeding up.

Rarity screamed as I drove right for the limb. Like sledgehammer through concrete, Elvira busted right through the thankfully dead and brittle branch. Wood exploded and splintered around us. The windshield cracked when a big piece slammed against it, but thankfully it didn’t break. Elvira’s front end had been scratched and dented a little, and bits of wood might have been caught in the grill, but the headlights still worked and the tires felt intact. Rarity hid her face behind her hands as I pushed Elvira even harder.

And then I saw it. A curve in the road coming up. A yellow street sign with a triangular arrow meant a sharp turn was coming. I slammed on the break. The tires screamed in pain. Rarity screamed in fear. I just screamed as I wrung the steering wheel to the left as hard as I could. Elvira fishtailed for a second before I righted her and took off down the winding forest road.

I couldn’t build up any decent speed. Rarity had been reduced to sobbing in her seat, her head under her hands in the brace position. I tried to build up some momentum, but the straightaway had ended and I was forced to move slower to keep from colliding with a tree or boulder.

The wind hadn’t let up. We were out of the tornado’s direct path, but it was still right behind us and debris was soaring all around. Sticks, dust, and dirt splattered Elvira and made horrible banging noises against her chassis. I turned off down another road in an attempt to get away, punching the gas as the forest broke into another straightaway and out into flat farmland.

Elvira burst out of the forest like an alien out of a chest, leaves and pebbles exploding out in her wake like the ribs of the proverbial space marine. The twister was only a few hundred feet away, off to our four-o-clock. Now that we were finally out in the open I could safely put on some speed again. I stamped on the gas. The car howled. The speedometer read ninety and it was rising. I thanked my lucky stars that nobody else seemed to be stupid enough to be on the road in weather like this.

I had never pushed Elvira this hard before. I hoped she could take it. The windows rattled as our speed rose. The tornado roared just behind and to the right of us, looking like it was going to change course and start coming after us again.

A hundred and ten miles per hour. I blinked tears of terror away as I peered through the cracked windshield. Dust was clouding up the road, making it hard to see. But I knew where we were. If I could just turn left at the next intersection I’d be able to make it to the freeway. That assumed, of course, that I could slow down and see the intersection in time.

I held fast, trying to keep Elvira moving. The rattling windows grew louder and the car started to shudder. The banging on the chassis was loud and frightful. Rarity sobbed in the passenger seat. Everything around me was noise.

And then...

I didn’t hear the impact as much as I felt it; in more ways than one, no less. The car jostled and I felt the wind and dust fly in. The back right window had been shattered, sending safety glass all over the interior of the car, one or two stray shards scratching at my cheek and neck. The flying pebble that caused the window to break lodged itself in my arm.

I twisted and bellowed in agony, the shock of the impact causing me to slam into the steering wheel, making Elvira give out a loud honk in protest. My collision made the car swerve by accident and fly into the oncoming lane. Rarity shrieked, though she remained safe thanks to her braced position. Gritting and baring it, I righted the car and kept on course. Too late though, did I notice that my mistake had caused us to miss the intersection I’d been aiming for.

All we could do now was run. My arm bled, soaking my shirt crimson. I did everything I could not to let it distract me. We had to outrun it, if at all possible. Elvira was rattling in protest, her window broken, dust pouring in, and the road ahead bare of anything but farmland. I grit my teeth and pressed the accelerator down into the floor. I wasn’t going to let this thing get Rarity. I wasn’t going to let it get me.

We stayed the course. Dust stung my face and eyes. Wind chapped my skin. Blood ran down my arm. Rarity’s fair skin was red, chapped by the flying earth and wind. The roar of the storm was deafening through the broken window.

And then the car lurched.

BANG!

I felt Elvira skew. Our right side suddenly dropped out from under us as our front-right tire shredded and flew off into the oncoming storm. The car spun to the right and went into a spinout, flying across the oncoming lane, through a wire fence, and into a the field of corn across the road. Rarity shrieked in terror. I screamed in both terror and pain. The tornado roared in triumph.

CRUNCH!

The cornstalks cushioned our impact with the field, ending with the two of us staring out into the road we’d just been on, our rear end stuck in the six-foot grass stalks. The tornado was tearing up the cornfield across the street, coming right for us. It carried plants and stones and wooden planks with it, ready to smash us into oblivion. I grabbed Rarity’s hand in my own and held it tightly, ignoring the pain that shot through my right arm. Rarity whimpered, leaning over and clutching me closely. We both clutched our eyes shut.

The twister bore down on us. The noise was too loud to even hope to describe. The funnel of wind and dust was almost on top of us. Noise. Like being caught under an airplane in the middle of takeoff. Like sitting under a waterfall. Like having a train barrel straight towards you. My ears rang in anguish.

And then... nothing.

I opened one eye. The twister was above us. It had lifted off the ground.

Wincing, I untangled myself from Rarity and hesitantly opened the car door, clutching my arm. Dust still flew and clouded my vision as I stepped into the road and looked past the car.

The tornado had lifted off the ground several stories into the air, no longer touching down. The funnel cloud dashed off into the sky like an out of control helicopter, and then finally dissipated about a hundred yards off into the distance.

Unable to breathe for a minute, I collapsed to my knees, still clutching my arm. My pulse pounded so loud I could hear it in my still-ringing ears. When I finally started breathing again, I gulped down air in heavy choking gasps. I trembled in the road, adrenaline flying through me.

And then I laughed.

It started as a chuckle. Then it worked its way up to a giggle. Then a chortle. Until I finally was out and out belly laughing, tears streaming down my face in relief as I fell down in the middle of the road. I shivered and trembled with laughter and cold, my clothes soaked with sweat, rain, blood, tears and even more as I laughed. I suddenly doubled over, still laughing, and puked out my entire stomach contents on the side of the road. Then just I got up and laughed some more.

“I did it!” I started shouting between laughter. “I fucking did it!” I cried, abruptly standing up and pointing at where the tornado had dissipated. “Ram it, Mother Nature! I beat you!” I howled with laughter, pacing in circles in the road. I grabbed a loose stone off of the asphalt and threw it into the cornfield beyond the car. “Take that and shove it up your fat, windy behind you whore! I beat you!” I screeched, howling with laughter the whole time. I picked up more rocks and hurled them at the poor corn, the adrenaline helping me ignore the throbbing pain coming from my right arm. “You thought you could take me down! You terrified me my whole goddamn life! But I beat you!” I pointed at the clouds. “Tell Father Time that I totally just ravaged his wife, and she loved every minute of it! Because I. Fucking. WON!”

I continued howling with laughter, tears of relief, joy, and pants-wetting terror still flowing down my face as I leaned against Elvira’s somewhat-battered hood. Slowly, my laughter started to die down as the adrenaline started to leave my system, and I clutched my right arm tighter in pain.

And then my mind cleared. It wasn’t a gradual thing. It was like my whole brain had decided to hit refresh. And in the clarity, I remembered I had a passenger.

“Rarity!” I shouted, yanking the door open and looking into the cab of the car. Rarity was curled up in a fetal position on the passenger side of the car, tears streaming down her face. She was trembling like a kicked puppy and her perfect face was marred by worry lines. Her eyes and nose dripped, her skin was caked in dirt and dust, and her purple hair was in complete disarray. The seat was wet with what I did not assume to be water. She looked at me with big bloodshot eyes.

“Jesus, Rarity...” I said softly, climbing into the car and wrapping my arms around her. “I’m so, so sorry...”

Rarity broke down into sobs again.

“I don’t want to be here anymore.”

Author's Notes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpzggAVxLME

This chapter was... difficult. I’ve come to learn that I’m very inexperienced at writing action scenes of any form. I’m much more comfortable writing dialogue and exposition. Still, even if I feel the result is more than a little bit shaky and a touch unsatisfying that it was good for me to stretch my writing muscles.

It was also difficult for me to come up with a title for this chapter. I struggled between the one I gave it and a song called “The Twist” by classic artist Chubby Checker... which you can listen to below.
Chubby Checker - "The Twist"
Both “The Twist” and The Beatles’ “Twist and Shout” properly conveyed the joke in the title, and I love both of them. Twist and Shout eventually won out in the end, though.

We also had to deliberate on whether to keep the swearing and name calling in. That sort of thing is SUPPOSED to be left out of PonyFall stories, see. But I was mulling over that part and I tried to ask myself how Will (who is, essentially, me) would convey what is best described as losing himself in “giddy, triumphant relief.” As I got into the character and the writing, I could only see it coming out with a little bit of swearing and trash talking.

It was originally a lot worse though. The Slorg helped me tone it down a bit. What we’ve got is still rather monocle-popping, but hopefully not as aneurysm inducing as it was originally.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and if that last bit offended you any, I apologize (though I will take the time to tell you that you WERE warned). The next chapter should hopefully be fully written by tomorrow, barring any problems, and should be posted within the next few days. See you then!

Ch9: Friends will be Friends

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I called Triple-A to come and help us pull Elvira’s rear out of the cornfield. She was fully functional and, save for some easily fixable superficial damage, the only problem was the shredded tire. That was phenomenal given what she had just been through. By all rights, everything should have gone a whole lot worse. My arm wasn’t exactly in a state to change a tire myself, though, and I doubted that Rarity would know how to put the spare on. Even if she did, she wasn’t exactly in a proper state either. I cleaned up the mess in the passenger seat with some napkins from the glove compartment and then went to bandage up my arm with a first aid kit from the trunk. I may have been a crap Scout back in the day, but I still remembered to be prepared for a few things.

The two of us sat on the grass by the side of the road out in the rain. The violent storm had died down into nothing more than a light drizzle. Rarity was hunched over, her knees to her chest and wrapped up in the blanket. Meanwhile, I was going at my arm with a pair of tweezers, wincing and grunting from the pain. The bleeding wasn’t particularly bad, astonishingly enough. I’d bled worse one time when I cut my thumb on a piece of jagged metal. It hurt a hell of a lot more than any other cut I’d had though. It didn’t feel like there was anything broken, but I could feel the intruding pebble lodged in there. I could go to a hospital later if I really felt like I needed it, but for now I just wanted to get the wound properly cleaned and bandaged and a new tire on my car so we could get home.

I fumbled with the tweezers, not used to doing delicate work with my left hand, until I finally managed to grab onto something. My stomach twisted at the sight of pulling a stone right out of my own body. It was a tiny thing, only about the size of my little fingernail. It was crazy how dangerous it was when it got caught in hundred-fifteen mile-an-hour winds. I tossed the pebble away and put the tweezers aside, trading them for some disinfectant. I dabbed it at the wound, applying some styptic and then bandaged it up with a roll of cloth.

The wound taken care of for the time being, I replaced the first aid kit and stepped over to Rarity. I sat down next to her, putting my uninjured arm on her shoulder. I didn’t say anything; I wasn’t exactly sure what to say. A few moments later, Rarity shrugged her shoulder away from me.

I sighed. On the one hand, I felt practically invincible. Barring my aching, tingling arm, I was on top of the world. I’d just outrun a twister; one of my longest, deepest childhood fears. In a sense, I’d definitively proven to myself that they weren’t worth fearing and that I could beat them as long as I had enough moxie and a reliable car.

At the same time, though, I felt entirely helpless. I couldn’t stand to see Rarity like this. I had promised to help her find her friends and get home. But my attempts to do so had, in less than a day, done little more than probably crush her hopes of finding her friends again, and led her right into the heart of a deadly storm.

I leaned against the car, massaging my temples with my good hand. I couldn’t believe how fast my attempts to help Rarity had fallen apart. I mean, what were the odds that of all things a tornado would drop out of the sky directly on top of us? While I was carrying an interdimensional alien in the car, no less? At the exact time when we were at our least prepared? It almost seemed too good to be a coincidence. I shrugged it off though. After all, that’s exactly what a coincidence is. And pondering over the freak storm wasn’t going to help us move forward any.

I glanced over at Rarity, who still sat there with her knees to her chest. There had to be some way to make this better, but how I could do so eluded me. What could I say or do to fix this?

Well for starters, you could ask her what’s wrong in the first place, dummy, I thought to myself.

I took another step back towards Rarity, clearing my throat. “Rarity?” I started. “What’s got you down?” It was a stupid question, admittedly. She was in about as bad a situation as she could be in. Still, maybe if she vocalized what was bothering her it’d be a good step towards making her feel better about it. Help her get it off her chest, you know?

Rarity, on the other hand, didn’t seem particularly on board with my plan at the moment. She didn’t say anything, instead opting to turn her head away from me in silence.

“Rarity,” I sighed, “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

The purple-haired girl chuckled darkly. “Help me? Very droll, William.”

I blinked. “What do you mean?”

She turned her head toward me, giving me an askance look. “I’m sure you know. You needn’t try to hide it anymore.”

“Hide what?” I was genuinely perplexed.

Rarity rolled her eyes at me in response. “You can’t exactly help the dead, William.”

I took another step forward, cocking an eyebrow. “You think you’re... dead?” I shook my head. “Rarity, we made it out of the Twister. We’re fine! Incredibly lucky, actually.”

“Don’t be so dense, William,” she snapped at me, making me take a step back. “The twister didn’t do us in. We’ve been dead all along. I take it you just haven’t realized it yet.”

“Rarity,” I said slowly. “What are you trying to say?”

She stood up very suddenly, throwing her arms in the air and whipping around on me in fury. “Is it not obvious, William? How can you not tell where we are? How could you not have figured it out, especially since you’ve apparently been here much longer than me?!”

I paused. She was starting to sound more than a little off kilter. “Rarity, I already told you. You jumped realities.”

“Oh and doesn’t that just sound so plausible?!” Rarity snapped. “Reality jumping. Bah! That sounds like something from one of Rainbow Dash’s science-fiction books.”

“Rarity, you need to calm down,” I said, starting to feel a little annoyed myself.

“Calm down?!” Rarity shouted, advancing upon me. “Tell me, how am I supposed to calm down?! I’ve been ripped from my home and twisted into some flat faced monkey minotaur! Everypony I’ve met here so far save for you has been an utter brute. I’ve been separated from my friends and family, and Celestia knows what they’re going through. I’m told that my entire life has been little more than a broadcast cartoon. I’ve been shown images of myself engaging in horrendous acts with friends and complete strangers. And the moment it seems like there’s a glimmer of hope on the horizon, a cyclone drops upon me! Tell me just how, dear William, I’m supposed to be calm right now?!” Rarity panted heavily, her tirade coming to a close.

My eye twitched. “What does any of that have to do with me?” I said, trying to stay calm. “I’ve been trying to help you through all of that. Why are you taking it out on me?”

“Because,” Rarity began, her teeth gritting, “I’ve either never met a pony so dense as you are, or I’ve never met such an astoundingly silver-tongued liar!”

“Now that’s just not fair,” I said, my voice raising a little. “I may not have all the answers, and I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I’ve been doing my best!” I waved my bum hand towards the sky. “And heck, I just outran a friggin’ tornado! With a rock lodged in my arm no less!”

“And it doesn’t even matter in the slightest, William!” Rarity snarled.

“How can you say that?!” I shouted, that comment finally making me lose my temper. “I’ve been nothing but nice to you since you got here, and there were a lot of times that I could have lost it before now. How about when you hit me in the face? Or when you puked all over me? Or when you jumped on my computer without permission? Or when you hit me in the face again? How about just now when you pissed all over my car?” Rarity’s eyes widened in rage at that, but I wasn’t finished yet. “But I’ve been nothing but nice to you, and now you’re calling me either stupid or a liar! What have I done to deserve that?

Rarity growled in my face. “You should have to be pretty stupid to not figure out where we are!”

“Where are we, Rarity?!” I yelled. “Tell me where you think we are.”

The dam finally broke. “We’re in HELL!” Rarity screeched, the dam finally breaking. Tears rolled down her face as I stepped back in shock, my anger dissipating.

“W-what?” I stammered.

“We’re in Hell!” Rarity sobbed. “I... I died back there, in the fight with Discord. That blast of energy... or maybe it was when I hit my head on the rock, I don’t know. I died, and I was sent to Tartarus!” The poor girl collapsed to her knees and sobbed into her hands.

“Rarity...” I said softly, bending down onto one knee.

“I’ll never see m-my friends or my sister again. I don’t know if they died as well or if I’m all a-alone here. If they’re here, surely they must be going through the same sort of thing I am. And I don’t want that. They don’t d-deserve that.” She sniffled. Tears were flowing freely down her face in small rivers. “I j-just want to see my sister again. I just want to see Twilight and Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash and Applejack and Pinkie Pie again. I want to see my parents and Opal again. But now, I’m caught in this hellish nightmare with no escape!”

I put my arms around her, ignoring the sharp pins and needles that went through my injured arm. “Rarity, shhhh...” I said, trying to console her. She kept going, though.

“And n-now I’m doomed to have to deal with... with who-knows-what every day for the rest of my unlife! Boorish folk and twisters and frightening imagery can only be the tip of the iceberg!

“And you!” Rarity continued, somehow giving me a dirty look through the tears. “I don’t even know what to make of you. You act all gentlemanly one moment and then start belting out the foulest language the next. You tell me that this place isn’t terrible and show me wonders like your ‘car’ over there one moment, and then bring me to terrible ponies and drag me into terrifying forests and storms the next! What am I to make of you?!”

I cleared my throat. “Rarity, please.”

Rarity shook her head. “I can’t keep this up, William. I can’t take this. I’m not strong enough to take any of this! I’ve only been here a day, and look at what I’ve been reduced to!” she said, motioning to herself. “I’m an ugly, flabby, flat-faced, mutant thing that was found in a ditch, covered in mud and grime, dressed in the worst clothes, and crying like a mere foal! Only two days ago, I was a respected fashionista with a life, friends, and a career. I had a place to live, a family that loved me and a future to look forward to! Now all of that has been taken from me and more!” She shifted, bringing her knees to her chest again. “I can’t imagine what things will be like for me in a week. Let alone the rest of eternity. What else can this be but Hell for everything to completely fall apart on me so utterly?” Finally, her tirade seemingly done, she broke down into unintelligible sobs again.

I sat there for a while with her, taking a seat next to her. I knew when somebody needed a good cry. I’d needed one or two in my lifetime myself. She continued to sob for another ten minutes or so, when her weeping started to turn into sniffling and reason started to reassert itself in her brain. “Any better?” I asked softly.

She nodded, her nose still running and her eyes still red and puffy, but the tears no longer actively falling.

“Alright.” I said, “I don’t know how I can convince you that I’m not some spirit in denial of my own death or some silver-tongued demon or anything.” I sighed. “But I will say this: there is no way somebody like you would ever be sent to Hell or Tartarus or the Pit or anything like that.”

Rarity sniffled and looked at me with her big blue eyes. I continued. “You’re sitting here, and you have every right to feel sorry for yourself. And naturally you do, but first and foremost in your thoughts is your friends and family. You worry for Sweetie Belle and the other Elements of Harmony and Cutie Mark Crusaders. I don’t see how a person who loves their family and friends so much could ever be sent to such a place. Certainly not with everything they’ve done for their world.”

I wrapped an arm around her shoulder again. “You’re a good person who’s been put in a really bad situation. It happens. It happens far too often. And no, it isn’t fair, and yes, a lot of bad things have been happening really fast.”

“It’s a big, crazy, chaotic world out there,” I went on. “Bad things happen. I know you’ve experienced your share of crazy, bad things back in Ponyville, am I right?”

I expected her to nod and agree with me. I didn’t expect the shudder she gave as well. “Yes...” she answered softly. “Some very bad things happened in Ponyville from time to time.”

“Earth is much the same,” I said. “Good things happen and bad things happen. A lot of it is left up to chance. We’ve just been rolling nat-1’s for the past day or so.”

Rarity looked up at me. “What does that-” she started but I cut her off.

“It’s not important,” I said. “The point is that you’re not in so different a place. There are dangers here just as there were dangers there. You’ve just had a bad first day,” I said, standing up. “And let me tell you this,” I continued, reaching down a hand to help her up to her feet. She took it cautiously. “You are strong. You are not weak in the least. A weak person would have just laid down and died. A weak person would not have been able to handle being carted to a whole new world in the first place. You, on the other hand, braved that new world, all in an attempt to find your friends. That’s not the mark of a weak person. That’s a strong one.” I patted her arm.

“And for the record,” I said, starting to finish up, “even covered in grime, you make for a very pretty flat-faced mutant thing.” Rarity chuckled at the joke. I smiled. “Things look bad now, I’m sure. But it’s not all so bleak.”

Rarity smiled for a moment, but her face slowly fell. “But... how can I know?” she asked. “How can I know for sure if I’m really...?” she trailed off.

I shook my head. “I can’t say that for sure. Heck, philosophers for eons have been wondering if we truly exist or if life is merely an illusion. And with everything you’ve said, I suppose there’s no way to definitively prove that you’re not in some hell dimension or something like that.” I put my hand on her cheek. “I suppose all I can tell you is to have a little trust.”

“You mean...” she started to ask.

“I’m not necessarily talking about in me,” I said, shrugging. “I suppose after all that’s happened, I can’t blame you if you don’t trust me. I’ve been trying to help, but admittedly so far I’ve done a pretty piss poor job at it.

“I’m telling you to trust in yourself,” I said slowly. “You have five great friends, seven counting the princesses, a wonderful family, and a lot of strength. You built yourself up from nothing and made your mark on the world. You’ve got the brains to outsmart a gang of diamond dogs and the guts to kick a manticore in the face. You are NOT weak,” I declared. “You’re an Element of Harmony. You’re a sixth of a magical artifact that I could only speculate about. And I meant what I said back in the woods. I can’t even begin to imagine how the Elements of Harmony work and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if a portal opened and your friends stepped through it at any time. Or if they are here on Earth, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if you soon find yourself together with them again.”

“But...” Rarity said, still uncertain, “But what if they don’t turn up?”

“If they don’t turn up then you’ll make the best of it that you possibly can,” I said with finality. “Like I said, Rarity: you’re strong. The moment you find your footing and learn how it works here you’ll take this world by storm. I know you can do it. I trust that you can do it. But you need to trust yourself, or it’ll never happen.”

Rarity sighed. “I’ve always had my friends to help me before, though. Now I don’t have anypony.”

“I resent that,” I said, cocking an eyebrow. “I may not be a pony, and I may be a boob sometimes, but I hope that I’ve at least made some sort of impression upon you.”

She chuckled, “I suppose you have.” Rarity said, letting out a breath. “Thank you, William.”

“Feeling any better?” I asked.

The girl before me nodded. “Somewhat. I shall... require some time,” she said slowly. “Thank you though. I think I can go on now.”

“That’s all I needed to hear,” I said, stepping forward and hugging her gently. She smiled and returned the hug, finally relaxing a little. We stayed there for a few moments not saying anything, the crushing weight of the world finally off of our shoulders.

"Oh, but William, dear," Rarity said, turning to face me. "Should you ever find it necessary to reveal to anyone the details of my, ahem, accident in your car..." Her eyes narrowed. "Well, let's just say that you're right. I did kick a manticore in the face.”

Rarity smiled at me sweetly. I crossed my legs.

Author's Notes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImFc5bOEWl8

Boy, I've been using a lot of Queen in this story. Then again, save for Meat Loaf, they are my favorite musical artist.

Man, this chapter kicked my ass. I wanted to make sure that there was a sufficient cooldown after the last chapter, but getting it to work at all right was really really difficult. It was also difficult to balance the serious, legitimate trauma of that chapter with the hamminess and overdramaticism of Rarity's character. It was a fine line between too hammy, rediculous and over the top, and not hammy and over the top enough for Rarity. I think I managed to get it to work out pretty well in the end, but I'd be interested to know what y'all think.

So, anyway, this is the slow chapter after the big blowout of the last one. Rarity's not 100% yet. This sort of thing can't be fixed with just one cheesy, sappy speech. She'll still be feeling this for a while yet, but at least she still has the strength to go on now, eh?

Anyway, that's that for this chapter. Hope y'all enjoy and stick around for the next one!

Ch10: Out of the Frying Pan (and into the Fire)

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“Where in the flipping Seven Seas of Rhye have you been?!”

Rarity and I hadn’t even made it through the door when I was accosted by my sister. Dani’s face was contorted in a snarl and her fists were clenched so tightly they were trembling. She was gritting her teeth hard enough that it looked like they might crack and sweat ran down her brow. All in all, she was positively livid.

She grabbed me by the bad arm and pulled me inside with an excessive amount of force. I yelped in pain and surprise, attempting to free myself from her Kung-Fu grip. “Easy, easy,” I protested. “What’s with-” I started to say, but she cut me off.

“No!” she shouted. “You don’t get to talk!” She dragged me by my tender, injured arm into the kitchen where she practically threw me into a chair. “And you!” she said, swiveling around on one foot and pointing to Rarity who was still standing in the door. “You wait up in the guest room, because you and I are going to be having words later.”

Rarity looked taken aback. “Now wait just a minute!” She raised a finger to try and retort, but I stopped her.

“Rarity,” I managed to grunt out, “just do as she says? Please? For the sake of my circulation?” Dani’s fingers were digging so hard into my wrist that I could feel the bruises forming. The purple-haired former pony frowned and looked like she was about to protest for a moment, but eventually relented. She sighed and nodded, slowly starting to ascend the stairs. I called after her. “You know where the bathroom is if you want to wash up!”

Once Rarity was out of sight, I turned to my sister, who still seemed intent upon crushing all the bones in my wrist to make a tasty loaf of bread. “Alright, Dani what is it?” I asked, trying to sound as calm as possible despite the way she just treated Rarity.

Dani practically threw my arm away from her. “What is it?!” she growled at me, “Did you not see the weather out there?! Do you not know what time it is?!”

I looked out the window. A small bolt of lightning flashed off in the distance. I chuckled and turned back to my sister. “Believe me, I was intimately aware of the weather outside.” I took a look at my watch. “And it’s about a quarter after ten.”

“A quarter after ten!” Dani shouted at me. “Sirens were going off! The TV said there were touchdowns! I was huddled up in the basement! What the hell were you two doing out there?!”

I looked over my glasses at her. “Well, among other things, outrunning a tornado.”

Dani’s jaw dropped open as she stared at me. “You... outran a tornado?!”

I grinned. “I know! I can hardly believe it either! Scratched up Elvira something fierce, but-”

“What in the nine circles of Hell would posess you to try something like that?!” Dani shouted right into my face. “Why didn’t you come home as soon as the storm started up?!”

“Okay,” I said, putting a hand up, ignoring the pain that shot through my arm when I did so. “It’s not like I was looking for tornadoes to race. That just sorta ended up happening.” I crossed my arms. “Secondly, I didn’t come straight home because I was helping Rarity look for her friends.”

Dani slapped her forehead. “Not this, Will,” she groaned. “Don’t do this. You’re not this stupid.”

“I know you don’t think she’s actually Rarity-” I started, only for Dani to slap me. “Aggghhh!” I rubbed my face. “Why does everybody keep doing that?!”

“What is wrong with you?!” Dani screamed. “You went out looking for fictional characters in the middle of a severe thunderstorm?! You almost got yourself killed for that woman! What would ever possess you to do that?!”

“I don’t-”

“She’s putting you on!” Dani snapped. “Or she’s insane or brain damaged or something.” She threw her arms up. “Whatever’s wrong with her, she’s not actually Rarity! Do you honestly not see how insane... how downright impossible that is?!”

I opened my mouth to say something but she raised her arm to slap me again. I wisely shut my noise hole.

“You’re risking your life for a woman you don’t even know... a woman who is most likely either a crackpot or a criminal... driving into storms and tornadoes and letting her stay in our hou- Is that blood?!”

She was pointing at my right arm. My shirt sleeve was soaked through with blood from before I bandaged my injury. I nodded, “A pebble flew out of the tornado and hit me in the arm.”

“Jesus Christ...” My sister trailed off, finally slumping into a chair and inspecting it. “Is it bad? Can you move it alright?”

I flexed my fingers for her and wiggled my arm around. “It hurts a lot and there’s this constant pins-and-needles feeling going through it, but I think it’s okay.” I lifted my sleeve up and showed her my bandages. “I already removed the pebble and disinfected it. It should be fine, but I’m probably going to get it checked out tomorrow morning.”

“Jesus...” Dani said burying her face in her hands. “So you did get hurt.”

I shrugged. “Well, just a little. All things considered, it could have... hell it should have been a lot worse.”

Dani went silent for a moment, shaking her head into her hands. “So she’s actually gone and hurt you now.”

I sat up. “Okay, whoa. You can’t blame Rarity for this.”

“I sure as hell can!” Dani snapped at me, her eyes boring holes into mine. “This woman who I don’t even know... who you don’t even know... has you gallivanting all over town looking for people that don’t exist and is putting you in danger.” She threw her hands up in the air. “She’s got you so deluded that you’re risking your life for her when you honestly don’t know who she is or what she could be capable of!”

“All of that was my choice,” I said back to her, taking a deep breath. “She wanted to find her friends. I wanted to help. It was that simple.” I leaned back in the chair, massaging my temples. “It was completely by accident that we happened to search for them in the middle of a twister’s path. But if you actually want to blame somebody then it was me that suggested to go out looking for them.”

“Oh please, like you could have ever helped yourself.” Dani rolled her eyes.

I raised an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Simple,” Dani said, “You’re living a fantasy. A lady comes up to you playing a damsel in distress, claiming she’s a character from a show you like. You suddenly see yourself as a character in some big, epic story that spans time and space or some other tripe like that, destined to be the gallant knight in shining armor that helps the damsel home to her friends.”

“That’s not remotely true.” I said, glaring at her.

“You live your whole life in stories, Will,” Dani continued. “You’re a manchild. A couch potato. You’re terrified of the world outside so you’ve spent the last few months doing nothing but watching movies and cartoons and reading fanfictions and playing video games.”

“That’s not-” I stopped myself. Okay, to some degree that was true. Some of it anyway. A lot of it. Maybe.

“So this woman comes out of nowhere and gives you a chance to ‘live out a story.’ You hate the real world so much that you jump at the first chance that you might get to live even a facsimile of one of the stories you enjoy so much.”

I shake my head. “To what end? And how would she know so much about me?!”

“I don’t know!” Dani said, throwing her arms up in the air. “To rob us? To hurt you? Because she has some sort of sick fascination with you? I have no idea!”

I scratched my head. “So let me get this straight... If I’m getting what you’re insinuating here, this is what you think is going on.” I pointed at my sister, an eyebrow raised. “You think that Rarity is actually some sort of stalker from the internet or something who has latched onto me. And she’s been following me for long enough to have put together a psychological profile of me detailed enough to know I’m apparently a manchild sucker that would jump at the chance to live out any fantasy presented to me. So she disguises herself as Rarity and pretends to be stuck on earth in a very coherent act, telling a very coherent story, knowing that I like Friendship is Magic. And then she lies down in front of my moving car to get my attention, kicks me around a few times, and enlists my help to find her friends, never breaks character once, even when we’re outrunning a tornado. And this is all some Xanatos gambit in an attempt to rob me or hurt me or something.”

Dani looked at me incredulously. “Well... yes!”

“And you think this is more believable than the idea that she’s actually Rarity?”

“Of course I do!” Dani snapped. “And do you know why? Because Rarity doesn’t exist!” Dani looked like she wanted to slap me again. “The fact is, Will, that you want to believe her. You want so hard to be the hero of some epic tale. That’s what you want to be true! But the truth is that this is the real world! Fictional characters don’t just pop into being! Magic doesn’t exist! This is real life, and the lie that this woman has constructed is completely impossible!”

“Nothing is-”

“If you finish that sentence I will tear out your kidneys through your nose.” Dani growled at me.

“Okay, fine.” I said. “But you have to admit, your scenario is entirely improbable.” I shrugged. “For example, why would she stalk me of all people? I’m barely present on the internet. I almost never say anything. I’ve rarely put my picture online, and outside of online shopping I’ve never put out an address or phone number.” I started counting on my fingers. “If she was stalking me, why would she do so in a way that she would construct a fantasy for me to live out? Why would she initiate that fantasy by lying down in front of my moving car, naked no less? Why would she never break character, even when in mortal danger? After being put in mortal danger, why would she even want to keep it up? Why would she want to hurt me? How could she know to rob us when I’ve never openly stated that we’re relatively wealthy online? Nothing about your scenario makes sense, Dani!”

“Nothing about her makes sense!” Dani shouted. “No, you’re right, Will. None of it makes sense. It doesn’t hold up to any scrutiny. But it makes more sense than deciding that she’s the real Rarity, because all of that, unlikely as it is, is still possible. What you think... what you want to be true... is impossible.”

“Dani,” I said, “Look at me and tell me that it doesn’t make the most sense.” I said. “Tell me that this being the real Rarity doesn’t downright solve everything.”

My sister growled. “Of course it makes the most sense. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s impossible.”

We both sighed. We looked at each other in silence for a minute. I heard water running upstairs. It sounded like Rarity was drawing a bath. My sister’s face had changed over the course of the argument. She’d started out angry and screaming. Now she looked different. Her voice was softer and she was shaking as she looked at me with her large, brown eyes. A tear had run down her cheek at some point during our shouting match. She was scared; concerned for me, probably.

Myself on the other hand, well, I was just tired. It had been a long, long day. “We’re not going to reach an agreement are we?” I said.

Dani sighed and brought a hand to the bridge of her nose.

“What has she done to earn your distrust?” I asked my sister. She mumbled something inaudible in reply. “Ever since I brought her here, you’ve been leery of her,” I continued. “What has she done to deserve that?”

“She dragged you out into a tornado for one thing,” Dani muttered.

I shook my head. “There was no way that anyone could have known that was coming. Besides, you’ve been suspicious of her since I brought her in. What has she done to deserve that?”

“I can’t be suspicious of a stranger hanging around in my own house now?” she snapped.

I sighed. “Granted. But she’s not done anything to actively harm you, has she?”

My sister growled something out

“What was that?” I pressed.

She sighed, relenting to me. “...no. No she hasn’t.” She looked at me askance. “Not yet anyway.”

“Why are you so unwilling to budge on this?”

“Because I don’t know her,” My sister insisted. “And I’m not comfortable having someone I don’t know staying in my house so close to me. So close to you.” She clenched her fist. “She’s a stranger in my house, and that makes me nervous. Especially when she’s spent the whole time here spinning fairy tales.”

I shrugged. “If you’re so worried about her because you don’t know her, why don’t you take some time to talk to her?”

“And what good would that do?” Dani probed. “She’ll just spin the same malarkey she told you.”

I nodded. “Probably,” I agreed. “On the other hand, maybe if you talk to her yourself and spend a little time with her, you’ll get a better judge of her character for yourself.” I waved a hand at her. “If nothing else, maybe you’ll agree with me that she’s not a threat, even if you don’t believe the stories of her origins.”

“...fine.”

I grinned. “What was that?”

“I said fine, you jackass.” Dani growled at me. “I’ll talk to your crazy unicorn girlfriend.” She stood up suddenly, the chair squeaking as it skidded a few inches across the floor.

“That’s my sister,” I said with a chuckle. “Just try to be gentle, okay? She’s had a rough night.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Gentleness isn’t exactly something I’m known for...” she coughed.

I shrugged. “Eh, do your best.”

My sister raised a hand and pointed at me rigidly. “We’re not done here, you know. I’m still worried about you.”

I waved her off. “Fine. Whatever. Have a nice talk with the unicorn.”

Dani growled in reply, but didn’t say anything as she ascended the stairs. I let out a breath that I didn’t know I’d been holding. I massaged my forehead, completely exhausted. It’d been a long couple days. Felt like months, actually. I needed sleep. My bed had missed me for the past couple days, and I it. I resolved to take a quick shower and climb into bed. I wasn’t about to dirty up my sheets with the blood, sweat, and dirt that currently covered my body.

Tossing my disgusting clothes in the laundry basket, I climbed into the shower. As the hot water and soap cascaded over me, I inspected my arm. The pain was starting to dissipate but the pins and needles feeling was as strong as ever. If anything it actually felt like it was getting stronger. I’d have to keep an eye on that.

After setting a new personal record for cleaning up, I stepped out of the shower, dried myself, and pulled on my pajamas. I could hear my sister and Rarity talking in the opposite bathroom, but I couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying. It didn’t sound particularly heated, though, so that was a good sign. Maybe they’d work it out after all. Maybe... just maybe... I’d get my sister to help me with all of this.

Crawling under my covers, I quickly fell into a deep sleep, far too tired to even dream.

* * *

The phone broke me of my slumber.

I groaned in complaint. Turning over, I looked at the clock. It was 7 in the morning. Too early. No respectable human being would ever be up at this ungodly hour, and nobody with any decency would call me after what I’d been through.

Growling, I threw the covers off of me and stumbled over to the phone. Yanking it off the receiver, I managed to mumble out a coherent word.

“Hello?”

“Will?! Thank goodness you’re okay! It’s Mom. Your sister told us everything that’s happened! We’ve just landed at O’Hare and we’ll be home in an hour!”

Author's Notes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLheWEadUXM

(Apologies for the video. The only good version of this song had those stupid changing pictures that people like to do for some reason. Couldn’t find one that was just the album cover.)

Ay yi yi. Why can’t I keep a decent schedule with this? One second I manage to post like three or four chapters and I’m feeling proud of myself for being so productive. Then I go to watch one Markiplier and video and the next thing I know four weeks have passed.

‘Course, it didn’t help that I recently went on vacation for the past two weeks. Got to see my family again after nine months away. That certainly didn’t help my schedule for poni, since I spent most of my time with them and only short increments online. And most of that was spent skimming other stories rather than taking the time to actually write mine.

I should be ashamed of myself. I’ll go commit seppuku now.

On the other hand, at least I finally managed to get a Meat Loaf song in as a title, so that’s a plus.

Also, I have to thank a number of my readers for making some very interesting comments that helped to steer the story in this direction. When I first started this tale, I had no idea where I wanted it to go, but after a number of readers talking about what would happen “when mom and dad get home” everything started to click into place. So thanks for that sort of thing guys. You’re awesome. Stay awesome, friends, and I hope you liked this chapter. The next one is done and should hopefully be up soon as well.

Ch11: La La La Lies

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Sunday, April 15, 2012

“What. Did. You. Do?!” I demanded.

My sister rubbed her eyes as she groggily woke from her sleep. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I sputtered. “Mom! Dad! Plane! Home! One hour! What is meaning!?” I waved my arms around.

“Oh,” Dani yawned. “Took them long enough. I guess they couldn’t get a plane back for a while.”

I stormed over to her and roughly put a hand on her shoulder. “Why did you call them?!”

She glared at me. “Move the hand if you don’t want to lose it.” I growled, taking my hand off her shoulder. She straightened up and continued. “You honestly didn’t expect me to just not let them know about any of this, did you? After you got caught in a twister, beat up your car, and messed up your arm? They’re our parents, Will. They deserve to know what happened to you.” She cocked an eyebrow. “You honestly didn’t intend to keep them in the dark, did you?”

“I... well...” I stuttered.

“You did.” Dani rolled her eyes. “And you call me cold.”

“But Rarity-”

“I didn’t tell them about Rarity,” she said firmly.

I blinked. “You didn’t?”

Dani rolled her eyes. “No.”

I raised a finger, only to lower it again. “But you were so adamant last night-”

“And then you made me go talk to her,” she said, cutting me off. “Rarity, if that is her real name, and I reached an... agreement.”

I paused. “Oh,” I said, blankly. “Oh. Okay, well, I suppose that’s good.” I scratched my head. “What agreement is that, if I may ask?”

“Simple.” Dani shrugged. “She’s welcome to stay as long as she stays in sight and doesn’t give me any reason to suspect her. And if something valuable goes missing, she starts acting suspicious, or if she hurts you in any way, I’ll wring her pretty little neck. Until then, she has my tentative trust.”

“How very pragmatic,” I muttered.

“I didn’t call them about Rarity the first night she was here, did I? I didn’t see her as a thing to bring up last night either.” Dani smirked a little. “I still don’t believe she’s actually Rarity. I still think it’s more likely that she’s a nutcase. But I’m starting to believe that maybe she’s not dangerous.”

“Well that’s good.” I sighed. “That’s good...” I thought back a little. “So basically we’re back where we were a couple nights ago. You’re going to keep an eye on her and otherwise not bother her, and I’ll try to help her?”

“That’s about the size of it.” She nodded. “In any event, I’ve decided it’s your job to explain her to Mom and Dad.”

I balked. “My job!?”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, you are the one who brought her in here. I’m not going to be the one who tries to convince Dad that there’s a unicorn-turned-human from another dimension staying with us.”

“But you said the two of you reached an agreement!” I protested.

“We did.” Dani remained firm. “I said that I would let her stay so long as nothing suspicious happened. I didn’t say anything about how Mom and Dad might feel.”

“See, this is why you’re cold,” I grunted.

Dani threw up her arms. “Well, what would you have me do, Will?!” she shouted. “I’m going to care about your health and well-being before someone I can barely call an acquaintance! You got hurt in that storm, and Mom and Dad deserved to know about it. For your information, I didn’t ask them to come home. All I did was tell them what had happened. They were the ones that said they’d be on the next available flight home.”

I massaged my forehead with my left hand. “This is a disaster.”

“Speaking of your well-being, how’s your arm?” Dani asked, her voice starting to sound a touch concerned.

I poked at the arm a little, sending a lance of pain through the limb. I winced. “It’s sore, but it works,” I said, flexing it. “Pretty much the whole upper arm hurts a bit, but I can work through it.”

“I wouldn’t.” Dani said. “When someone at the Tae Kwon Do studio gets injured, it’s usually best to let the wound rest for a while. I’d put it in a sling if you can get one.”

“I’m hurt, not crippled,” I protested, rolling my eyes. “I’ll be fine.”

Dani huffed. “Fine. Whatever. Don’t cry to me if you hurt yourself more and end up with permanent damage.”

“I won’t,” I said, striding out of her room. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go deal with the hurricane you’ve brought down on me.”

“You do that.” Dani mumbled, slumping back down in her bed and falling back asleep.

* * *

While I take a measure of offense to being called a manchild, Dani’s recent analysis of my character got several things right. I live my life in stories. If I were a pony, stories in general would probably be my special talent. In fact, one truth I hold close to my heart is that there are few things in this world more satisfying than a well told story. I enjoy experiencing stories of any medium. I enjoy writing stories and, while I don’t mean to brag, I do think I’m rather passable at making them. I enjoy critiquing and reviewing stories as well. Oh sure, there are other things I can do. I can make almost-decent visual art if I really put my mind to it, and I made passable grades in psychology and various areas of history. I’m a halfway decent actor and I’ve participated in high-school and college theater productions several times. I’m also particularly good at puzzling out biology, though most other sciences tend to elude me. And I was a martial artist a few years back, managing to make black belt at the same dojo my sister went to, though I never achieved nearly as many degrees as she did, and five years out of practice had certainly dulled my skills a fair bit.

Stories, however, are my bread and butter. Ultimately, at the end of the day, they were what I was good at. I could tell a good story.

And that meant I could construct a good lie.

It’s something I’m neither proud of, nor particularly ashamed of. When I need to lie, I have a shiny, silver tongue at my disposal. I don’t necessarily like lying, but there are some times when it ends up being necessary.

This was one of those times.

There was no way my parents would accept the idea that Rarity was who she said she was. If I came out and told them ‘she’s a cartoon unicorn from the magical alternate universe of Equestria,’ they’d probably put both of us away. At the very least, they’d kick her out of the house and force her to fend for herself while I got a lecture about illegal drugs or something.

I sighed. My mother could potentially come around to the idea of Rarity being an ex-unicorn over time, as long as I broke it to her gradually, and only after she’d gotten to know -and like- our guest. She was very much like me in that sense. She was open to the impossible, except she was older. She’d been around the block more than I had. She probably wouldn’t accept the idea as readily as I had, even if it was a possible eventuality.

My father... he’d never accept the idea. Never in a million years. He was much closer to my sister in attitude, except even more surly. My sister was at least willing to talk about the level of sense it made, the improbability of other options, and the supposed impossibility of the truth. My father wouldn’t even do that. He’d never in his life even entertain the idea.

And if my father decided she was a loony with delusions of Equinity, well... he’d have the final say in whatever happened to her.

No. This was one of those cases where I’d have to put the silver tongue to use. Ignoring my throbbing arm as best I could, I came up with the cover story and presented it to Rarity as best I could in the twenty minutes we had left.

I found her downstairs after panicking a little when I couldn’t find her in the guest room. She was in the kitchen, eating an apple and drinking a glass of milk.

“Sorry, William...” she mumbled as she heard me approach. “I haven’t eaten in quite some time. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve eaten at all since I got here. I was terribly hungry. So I ‘raided your fridge’ as Rainbow Dash might say.” She rolled the apple around between her fingers – she’d really adapted to human coordination quickly – and took a bite of the apple, grimacing a little and placing it back on a plate that she’d removed from our cabinet.

“Chew slowly,” I said, gently. “If you’ve honestly not eaten in that long then your body may reject it if you eat too much, too fast.”

Rarity nodded, staring at the apple that she’d taken from our fridge. I sat down next to her, my arm resting in my sleeve, and looked her over. There were bags under her eyes, like she hadn’t slept well. There wasn’t a trace of the makeup that she’d worn before, and her sapphire eyes were downcast in sorrow. The once aristocratic-looking pale skin was now sickly looking, and her impeccably styled hair was messy and tangled with bedhead and stress.

“So,” I started, trying to make small talk, “how did you sleep?”

The ex-pony shook her head. “Terribly,” she muttered. “I had nightmares all night.” She didn’t look at me once as she gave her answer. She spent the whole time staring at the apple.

I cleared my throat. “I suppose that makes sense. I had a lot of nightmares after my first car accident. I can only imagine how nearly getting caught in a tornado might affect your sleep.”

She finally looked up into my eyes. “No, William. I’m afraid you don’t understand. I didn’t have nightmares about the tornado.”

I blinked. “Really? Then what-”

Before I could finish my query, Rarity gently tossed a fresh apple at me. I caught it in my left hand and looked at it for a moment before it dawned on me. “Ohhh...”

Rarity nodded. “I miss them, William. It’s only been two days since I last saw them, but... it’s not knowing what happened to them. It’s not knowing whether they’re lost somewhere out in this terrible world or if they’re lost in some other awful world, or if perhaps they all just died in the explosion.” She sighed and took another bite out of her apple, daintily chewing and swallowing before continuing. “I simply cannot handle not knowing. Last night, I dreamed about what could be happening to each of them... to my parents... to the princesses... to my sister and her friends.”

She placed the apple back on her plate and held her face in her hands. I could hear her sob once before she went on. “I dreamed last night that Fluttershy was eaten by one of the giant spiders that lives in caves in the Everfree forest. Then, after waking up and going back to sleep, I dreamed that Pinkie was so tormented by devils and demons that she hung herself. I woke up again, falling back asleep, only to dream of Rainbow Dash, enslaved and being forced to all fours in a human body, only for somebody to hit her and beat her with a whip. Then Applejack, being shot at with arrows. And then Twilight, caught in some mad scientist’s lab with blood all over her. Princess Luna was kidnapped by a sasquatch. Princess Celestia was caught in some Minotaurian Gladiatorial arena. My sister and her friends tormented by Discord before he decided to transform them into statues. And every time I was there on the sidelines, crying out for them. Trying to save them. But I was powerless to do anything.”

“Rarity...”

I tried to say something. I wasn’t sure what to say, though. Rarity just looked so crushed. Suddenly all of my problems felt absolutely miniscule compared to what she was going through.

Rarity, though, shook her head and straightened up. “It’s nothing. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be bothering you with this.”

“No.” I protested. “I’m the one that’s sorry. I’m sorry that you have to go through all of this, Rarity. You don’t deserve this. And after getting some of the worst this world has to offer last night, I understand why you’d feel so worried about your friends and their safety.” I took her hand in mine. “Believe me, Rarity. I understand. I imagine I’d feel exactly the same way if my friends went missing. Especially if I couldn’t even be assured they were in the same world as I was.”

Rarity started to say something but I cut her off this time. “Rarity, I may not have gone through what you’re going through right now. I may not know exactly how you feel. But I do understand. And I promise you now, I will do everything –and I do mean everything– I can possibly do to try and get you reunited with your friends.”

She chuckled, but there was no humor in it. “You shouldn’t make promises you cannot keep, William.”

I sighed. “You’re the Element of Generosity, right Rarity?” she nodded. “Then you know what it’s like to see somebody in need and feel an urge... not just an urge but a compulsion... to help that person somehow, yes? To give up your time or your money or something to help somebody else.”

The purple haired woman nodded again, still not saying anything. I continued, “That’s me and you right now. You need help, and I can’t stand idly by and watch you get crushed under the weight of the world.” I looked to the side and sighed. “True. I don’t have much power or influence. I don’t have any connections to politicians or investigators or anything like that, and short of sheer dumb luck, I don’t know if I’ll be able to help you find your friends.” I looked back at her, dead into her eyes. “But if nothing else, I’ll do everything I can to try and help you get acclimated to this new world. I want to show you, Rarity, that not everything here is bad or out to get you. True, you have to watch your step every now and then, but overall, I think it’s pretty okay here. I live here after all. And I want you to know that my home isn’t all bad.”

Rarity sighed and looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn’t. I kept going. “I know, Rarity. It’s tough. But there is a chance that you might never get home. And if that’s the case then, well, wouldn’t the best thing to do be to make the best of it? To get used to the place and see that it isn’t so bad before you send yourself spiraling into a depression you can never crawl out of?”

She was silent for a full minute. There was no sound except for the ticking of the clock and the pitter patter of Isis on the hardwood floor. Finally, Rarity spoke up.

“Very well, William.”

I smiled gently. “Don’t worry, Rarity. We don’t have to start too far from home. My house can be your security bubble, alright?”

She smirked a little and nodded. “Alright.”

I put my left hand on her shoulder. “And remember: never to give up hope. Your friends are perfectly capable, and I honestly don’t believe that you’ll have to worry about sticking around. Even if they are in different universes or something, remember that you’re the Elements of Harmony. Like I said, I wouldn’t be surprised if they just jumped out of a portal sometime soon. And even if they don’t, your friends are perfectly capable, and surely not all universes are bad. Why, for all we know, Twilight could be the newest princess of Narnia by now.”

Rarity chuckled, a sound that now contained just a touch of humor. “Twilight would make a terrible princess.”

“You think?”

“Oh yes.” She explained. “The poor dear is nice enough, and works wonders when disaster finally strikes, but she panics at the slightest foible in her schedule. She’d never be able to handle the high-stress environment of politics and celebrity.”

“I suppose that’s true.” I laughed. “I saw what happened in ‘Lesson Zero.’ Such a thing would be pretty out of character for her.”

We chuckled together for a minute before Rarity sighed and took another bite out of the apple. She looked a tad downcast for a while before finally whispering, “I still miss them.”

“I don’t doubt it.” I patted her hand. “But you’ll get through this, Rarity. You’re strong. Even if you have to stay here the rest of your life, I know you’ll make the best of this.”

We sat in silence smiling at each other for a while. “But you know what the worst part is?” Rarity said.

“What?”

She pointed at the fruit on the table. “Your apples are horrendous. You simply must switch to Sweet Apple Acres apples.”

We shared a good laugh at that.

* * *

“No! No! Absolutely not!” Rarity shouted, her previously alleviated mood having done a total one-eighty. She was scowling at me with a look that could send the hordes of Genghis Khan running for their mommies. I was standing several paces away from her, doing everything I could not to get slapped again. My face had taken enough abuse in the last few days.

I sighed. I had explained the plan to Rarity about how she’d have to lie about her identity to my parents. I had explained that Rarity should try and pass herself off as somebody I had known for a while. I told her she should try to pretend she was a friend of mine who had also recently graduated college with me; a girl named Shelby, who I knew quite well and had been a part of my Dungeons and Dragons group. Of course, Rarity looked and acted nothing like Shelby. Shelby was a stout, redheaded nerd girl with a penchant for science fiction, anime, and fantasy. Rarity was not any of those things.

Still, I felt it best if I acted like Rarity was somebody I had known for a long time. That would perhaps make it easier for my parents to trust her in kind. I’d told my mother about the Dungeons and Dragons campaigns I’d been a part of and she knew of Shelby already, though I’d never described what she’d looked like before, so by all rights I should be able to convince them of Rarity’s assumed identity.

Assuming Rarity would play along, of course... which at this point wasn’t looking likely.

“Rarity,” I said softly, attempting to placate her. “Please just hear me out.”

“No. No. I don’t want to hear another word of this!” Rarity griped adamantly. “I’ll stand for a lot, but this is simply unacceptable!”

“I know this is less than ideal,” I admitted, “but why are you so obstinate about this? I’m just asking you to use a different name for a while and maybe watch some movies to keep up the act.”

“Because,” Rarity started. “I’ve already lost everything, William.” She growled.

It started to dawn on me. “Oh...” I whispered.

Rarity sighed, her voice softening. “I’ve lost my home, my friends, even my own body! And it’s likely I’ll never see them again.” She trembled. “And now you’re asking me to give up my name as well?” She shook. “It’s the last thing I have.”

I sat down on the couch, patting the cushion next to me so she could sit down too. She was hesitant for a moment, but eventually relented. “I know that must be what it looks like,” I said, “but that’s not what I’m asking of you. You’re still Rarity, you just need to be... undercover for a while.” I shrugged.

Rarity shook her head. “I don’t think I can, William. After everything that’s happened...”

“Look,” I said, “I know it’s hard, but think of it this way. Consider if I were to land in the middle of Ponyville, turned into a pony for no explicable reason. Would you or any of your friends believe I was actually a ‘bipedal monkey-cow’ as you put it?”

Rarity grumbled. “Probably not...”

“And if I were to make these claims at you and your friends, would you be at all willing to put me up in your house indefinitely? Or would you more likely send me to the hospital to sit in a nice padded cell with that one pony who thinks she’s a dog?” I asked.

Rarity massaged her temples. “Alright, I see your point.” Rarity said, straightening her borrowed nightclothes. “But I still don’t like it.”

“I don’t expect you to,” I said, calmly. “That said, there’s not much else we can do. There’s no way that they’ll accept a total stranger in this house, let alone one who claims she’s a pony, no matter how true those claims may actually be.” I shrugged. “The only way they might even possibly let you stick around is if either I or Dani claim to know you personally and vouch for you. Even then, I’m not sure they wouldn’t demand that you stay in a motel.”

Rarity sighed. “Very well...” she closed her eyes. “I guess I have no choice.”

I nodded somberly. “Alright, now if you’re going to pose as Shelby we’ll need to get your story straight, and there are a few things you’ll have to know; some basic ‘nerd’ knowledge to keep you from blowing your cover. Firstly-” I started to say, but I was cut off by Rarity, who held a hand up.

“Will, do you hear something?” Rarity asked.

I listened, only to curse at the unmistakable buzzing noise.

That was the garage door.

“Tits,” I swore, looking at the clock, “They’re early. I pointed at Rarity and motioned for her to get back up the stairs. “They’ll probably want to take me to the hospital to check out my arm as soon as they get inside. Go sit in the guestroom, and if you can help it, don’t come out. If you have to come out, try and be sneaky.”

Rarity balked. “But why?”

“We haven’t gotten a story straight yet. Now please, just wait for me to get back, we can go over things later. Just don’t let my parents see you, okay?”

Rarity groaned. “Fine,” she said, climbing the stairs quickly and passing just out of sight as the door to the garage opened. I stepped forward to meet my arriving parents.

The two of them stepped through the door briskly, my mother passing through first. She was a woman of about average height, standing about five-foot eight, and of a rather average physique. She had greying red hair done up in a French braid, and wore rectangular glasses upon her nose. She wore a black, faux-fur coat and a wide-brimmed black hat, and looked incredibly stressed and frazzled. She was carrying two large bags.

My father, on the other hand, was incredibly large. Coming in right behind my mother, he stood at an impressive six-foot five. He was rather overweight but still very imposing. He was balding, most of his remaining hair a stark white, and sporting a full salt-and-pepper beard. He wore circular glasses and an overcoat over a jacket and tie, and he seemed to have a perpetual frown on his face.

“Hey Mom, Dad,” I greeted, stepping towards them. “Glad to see you home.”

My mother’s head immediately snapped to me. “Will!” She practically leaped at me, wrapping me in a strangling hug. “Oh goodness, are you alright?”

“Well, you’re making it a bit hard to breathe,” I choked out.

My dad nodded at me. “Son.”

“Dad...” I choked out from in my mother’s stranglehold.

“Are you okay?” My mother asked, inspecting my arm. “How’s your arm feel? Dani said there was a lot of blood.”

I winced at her prodding. My arm was still incredibly sore. “It hurts, but I can move it fine. I’ll be okay.”

“You should go to the hospital and get it checked out,” My dad said, putting his bags down in the hallway.

“Come on,” my mother said. “We should get you to the hospital.”

“Mom, it’s fine,” I said. “I just need to rest it for a little bit.”

“You should still go to the hospital,” My mother insisted, looking closely at my bandaged limb. “You don’t know what might be going on there. It could be infected or you could have damaged something in there and you don’t know about it yet.”

“Son...” My dad said, looking at me over his glasses.

I sighed. “Alright fine,” I groused. “Let’s try to make it quick if we can, though. Okay Mom?” I shifted nervously. “There are some things I need to discuss with you when we get back.”

“Is this about your car?” my mother asked. “We can help you with that, of course. We saw it on the way in, it actually doesn’t look too bad.”

I shook my head. “No... it’s something else.”

“Well, alright,” my mother said. “For now, let’s get your arm checked out.

I nodded, my mother bringing me out to her car. “Dad’s not coming?” I asked her.

“He said he needed some more sleep,” My mother revealed. “He was feeling a little ill earlier and he wanted to lie down. If there’s really something wrong with your arm then he’ll come down to the hospital to meet us, but otherwise he said he’s going to take a nap.”

I wrung my hands together, hoping he wouldn’t find reason to go into the guest room. “Well... alright.”

“That’s not a problem is it?” My mother asked, ushering me into her car.

I sat down in the front seat, massaging my wounded arm. “No...” I said, looking back at the house as my mother started up the car and started to pull out. I felt a drop of sweat trickle down the back of my neck. “No, not at all...”

Author's Notes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3HwczqCp-U

Jeez. This story has a mind of its own, and it’s pissed off at me... fully intent on kicking my ass all the way to Uzbekistan.
I tell myself “I want the story to go in this direction” and the story says “Okay, but only after a ton and a half of dialogue to set it up.” And then I say “But that’ll slow the narrative down a whole lot,” and the story says “yeah, but you’ll never be satisfied with me unless you do it, asshole. So get to it!” And then I say “couldn’t I just skip ahead to the good bits?” and the story says “You’ll be asking all sorts of questions if you don’t do it, so just get it over with. Besides, dialogue is what you’re best at, so shut up and take it like a man.” And then I’m all

And then I realize that maybe one of the directions I wanted to take it isn’t a good direction, so I backtrack a little to fix up some parts. Only then I realize that the story is sitting there grinning at me and holding a shiv and it stabs me in the butt and hospitalizes me for a month so I can’t write and here’s where the metaphor breaks down.

One of the things I noticed in the last chapter was a lot of people picking on Dani. A lot of people were calling her a bitch and other unseemly names. I was a little surprised. I mean, yeah, she was saying and doing a lot of things that could be potentially seen as ‘bitchy,’ but I had thought I’d gotten across the idea that it was out of anger rather than a common trait of her character. She was meant to be worried and scared at the thought that her brother was in danger, and reacting with an angry response as per her character rather than just being a bitch to be a bitch.

I hope that some of the things she’s cleared up in this chapter will alleviate some of the perceptions of her character. I also hope that the forthcoming bonus chapter (by the way, I’m planning some bonus chapters) will help characterize her a touch better.

As for the parents... I’m not entirely satisfied with their entrance. It felt a little bit awkward to me, though I’m not entirely sure how to make it better. I may end up going back in and editing a few things later.

Egh. I wish this chapter had gone a little further, but it was pushing towards 5000 words and it was beginning to drag. Parents will get home next chapter. Promise. Then, hopefully, we’ll have a bit of a time skip and I’ll be capable of catching up to the rest of the crew.

Assuming the story lets me. Seriously, that guy is a jerk.

Ch12: Razzle Dazzle

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The trip to the hospital was pretty quick and painless all things considered. We were able to see a doctor relatively quickly and he gave me a pretty thorough once-over before giving me and my mother the news.

“Well,” the doctor said, looking over me as my mother stood by my side. “You’re incredibly lucky, Mr. Parish. Your arm is going to be fine, as long as you don’t put any major strain on it.”

“That’s a relief.” I said, my mother and I both letting out a breath. I didn’t really think anything was wrong with it, but it was good to know for certain.

“Can you tell us what exactly is wrong with it?” asked my mother.

“William has a partial tear in his tricep,” the doctor summarized. “When the pebble lodged in his arm, it tore up a little bit of the muscle. Nicked some minor blood vessels but, other than the muscular damage, it didn’t do anything particularly notable. It’s really quite fortunate,”

He went on, holding up an x-ray of my damaged limb. “Mere millimeters to the left and it would have hit his radial nerve and done significantly more damage. A little more to the right and it would have nicked a vein, causing much more severe bleeding. And if the stone had been going any faster when it hit, it might have damaged the bone. As I said, you’re very lucky, Mr. Parish.”

I blinked. I hadn’t realized that my arm was so close to being severely damaged by that little pebble. I was astounded at how damaging something that tiny pebble could have been. A squeamish feeling welled up in my gut at the notion that I had only barely avoided paralyzing my arm or even bleeding out.

“What about infection?” my mother asked.

“No sign of anything growing in there,” the doctor said. “Your son said that he removed the stone and put disinfectant on it as soon as it happened, so that makes infection unlikely. Still, if you see any sign of any discoloration or feel any particularly bad pain in the area of the impact, give us a call.”

I nodded. “Will do, doc.”

My mother glanced at my arm. “So what should we do about the torn tricep?”

“Keep the arm in a sling if you can,” The doctor said, handing me a cloth sling. I slipped it over my shirt and settled my arm into it with relative ease and little pain. “That’ll keep strain off of it and help it to heal. Also you should take some ibuprofen every now and then to keep the swelling down. We can prescribe a painkiller if you like, but if the pain is as unintrusive as you say, you can just use Tylenol.”

“Thank you very much, Doctor.” My mother said with a relieved smile. “He’ll be sure to let his arm rest, right Will?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, mom.”

“If that’s all, then you can go.” The doctor strode out of the room. “You’ll be wanting to get home and rest.”

Leading me back out into the lobby, my mother turned her head back to the Doctor. “Thank you again for your help.”

I let out a breath, relaxing a little as the two of us stepped out into the parking lot. I didn’t particularly like hospitals and I was relieved to be out of there and back on the road with relatively little trouble. I moved my arm in the sling and actually found it to be relatively comfortable in that position. The throbbing was lessening and it felt a lot more soothing than when it hung at my side. I turned to address my mother...

...and then she slapped me in the face.

“Owww!” I yelped in pain and shock. “Why does everybody keep doing that?!”

“I have a better question,” my mother snapped,“Why were you out in that storm?!”

“Mom, please.” I said, putting a hand to my forehead.

“Don’t you ‘Mom, please’ me! You scared me half to death, young man! What on earth could be so important that you’d be out driving in a severe thunderstorm?!”

“Oh come on, Mom” I sighed, “I was out all day and when I first left the house the weather was fine. The storm only rolled in much later.”

“Why were you out in the first place, though?” My mother asked. “What took so long that you ended up in the middle of the woods in a storm?!”

“Well-” I started to say, only to be cut off by my mother’s phone suddenly letting out a buzz. My face went white. My mother looked at me suspiciously then looked to her purse, pulling out her phone. Her already angry face seemed to darken even more as she opened the phone and read the words on the screen.

“What is this supposed to mean?” My mother said, her voice taking on a dangerously soft tone. She handed me the phone to see what was on the screen. It was a text from my father.

There’s a strange looking girl in the house. She says she knows Will. Did you know about this?

“Well?” my mother prompted.

I sighed. It was everything I could do to keep from beating myself in the head that Rarity couldn’t keep secret in the guest room. Still, the cat was out of the bag now and all that I could do was try to pony up and mitigate the damage.

Heh. Pony up.

“Yes, mom.” I groaned. “This was that thing I wanted to discuss with you. That was why I was hoping dad would come with us to the hospital, so I could tell the both of you in the car at the same time rather than having to explain it to you both separately.”

“Who is she?” My mother demanded.

I raised my hands in an attempt to placate. “She’s a friend from college.” I lied. “Her name is Shelby.” Another lie. “I told you about her, remember? She was in my Dungeons and Dragons group? She graduated with me.” More lies. Shelby was still in college, two years behind me.

“Why would she be here?” My mother asked, raising her eyebrow.

“We kept in contact after we graduated,” I began to explain. “And apparently she’s been going through some rough times at home. Her parents basically kicked her out with next to nothing, demanding that she make it on her own now that she a college graduate. So I suggested she stay at our place a little while. I didn’t think it’d be a big deal.” Pinocchio eat your heart out. The real Shelby was at my old school in Texas. My nose is the nose that shall pierce the heavens!

“Her parents kicked her out?” My mother asked, her face softening.

“That’s what she said.” I lied. “And it gets worse.”

“Oh?”

“She was driving up to meet me when she skidded on a patch of water in the storm into a tree.” I said with a sigh. “I drove out to meet her, but when I got and was just about to load her stuff into the car, the tornado hit. As far as we can tell, all her stuff is gone.” I shook my head. “I think all the crap she’s been through may have traumatized her a bit, too.”

My mother raised an eyebrow. “That all seems a bit far fetched.”

I nodded. “I know. I was saying the same thing last night. It’s just about the worst chain of coincidences I could think of.”

“And this girl drove up all the way from Texas to stay with you?” My mother asked. “She didn’t want to stay with a friend that was closer?”

“Most of her friends are still in college apparently.” I said smoothly. “And she said on Skype that she was sick of Texas. Apparently she’s lived there her whole life and wanted to get out of the state when she was kicked out.”

“So she came up here?” My mother asked, her eyebrow cocked.

“Yep.”

“Where she came to see you, a guy she only knows from a Dungeons and Dragons campaign,” she continued.

“Well we did share a few classes and hung out occasionally...” I murmured.

“And then she drove up here, where she crashed her car in the rain.”

“That’s right.”

“And then when you went out to get her, a tornado dropped on your heads.”

“That about sums it up,” I nodded.

My mother looked at me skeptically before going back to watching the road, remaining silent.

“You don’t believe me?” I asked.

“Like I said, Will,” she began, “It sounds far-fetched.”

“You don’t believe me,” I sighed, trying to keep up the act. Inside my head I was shaking, sweating, and pissing my pants as to what would happen.

My mother sighed. “I don’t know, Will. It’s a fantastic story, but I have no reason to believe that you would let a girl stay in our house without knowing her. That’s not like you. Still, it’s also unlike you to arrange such a thing without letting me or your father know about it first, and I’ll admit, that rather pisses me off.”

“That’s why I did it while you were on vacation. I figured you wouldn’t let such a thing fly, so I arranged for her to stay while you were in the Outer Banks.” I explained.

“But if she was kicked out of her house, she’ll have to find a place to live,” my mother retorted. “And that was probably what she was planning to do when she got here, which takes time, Will,” she looked at me disapprovingly. “There was no way that you’d find her a place to live before we got back in the first place, and now, if you intend for her to stay with us still, she’ll be here even longer if she’s lost all her things. Especially if she’s lost things like birth certificates, identification, a cell phone, car registrations, insurance cards, and things of that nature.”

I blinked. I hadn’t thought of stuff like that. “...from what I understand, she has...” I mumbled.

“So basically, we’ve got a girl at our house with no ID, no birth certificate, no passport, and no connections whatsoever.” My mom shook her head. “Even if she’s your friend, I have no idea how to handle something like that.”

“Well what do you want to do?” I asked.

My mom sighed. “If what you’re saying is true, then I’m sympathetic. Believe me, I’m sympathetic, but...” she trailed off and groaned. “I think we’ll have to find a way to send her back home. I’m sure her parents will understand, no matter what their policies are.”

“You can’t!” I shouted, before wincing internally. I spoke too quickly and too loudly. The whole charade was falling apart around me and she was poking holes in my logic. Maybe I wasn’t the silver-tongued Starscream I thought I was...

My mother cocked an eyebrow again. “Why can’t we?” She asked. “I mean, sure, we can’t get her on a plane without ID, but you could drive her back down to Texas once we get your car fixed. You’ve made a trip like that before.”

“I can’t take her home.” I sighed.

“Why not?” My mother demanded.

Crapcrapcrap... Think of something, Will... “It’s not my place to tell.” I murmured.

“Will, if you want her to stay with us, you’d better tell me.” My mother said sternly.

I sighed. “Because...” I thought on the spot. “Because her father hits her.”

The silence in the car was deafening. The only sound was the humming of the engine and the occasional crunch of the asphalt as we drove down the highway.

“What?” My mother finally asked.

“You heard me.” I said softly.

My mother let out a shaky breath. “...alright, she can stay.” She finally acquiesced.

I let out a mental sigh, both in relief and frustration. “Thanks, mom.”

* * *

I remember being told a joke by my grandfather once. A man dies and goes to Heaven. As he’s being shown around by Saint Peter, he notices that Heaven is full of clocks. The man asks the angel about the clocks and Saint Peter tells him that there is a clock for every person on earth and every person that ever was on earth. He goes on to explain that the clocks show how many lies a person tells in their life. Saint Peter shows him Abraham Lincoln’s clock and it reads 12:02, meaning that he only told two lies in his entire life. He then shows him Mahatma Ghandi’s clock and it reads Midnight, meaning that he never told a lie even once. The man then asks about the current President’s clock. Saint Peter then says that Jesus keeps that in his office where he uses it as a ceiling fan.

I reflected upon that joke as my mother and I pulled into the driveway. If there were such clocks in whatever heaven may or may not exist, I figured that it was probably kicking up a hurricane right about now.

Sighing, I got out of the car, fixing my arm in the sling. I didn’t particularly like where I was standing at the moment. I had never told such a big lie in my life. Sure, I managed to wiggle out of some bad scenarios in my time with a well-placed fib. I once got let off for being twenty minutes late for a college class by telling the professor that I lost my wallet. Things like that I could pull off without any problem. Small things. Things that don’t come up again and aren’t questioned.

This was a big-ass lie I’d constructed. A terrible web of doom I was spinning for myself, and I had a feeling that it was going to come tumbling down if I didn’t remain on guard to maintain it. It was especially bad since Rarity still didn’t know all the details needed to keep the lie going.

I thought about it for a bit. Maybe I should have just let her know the truth.

I sighed. No, that wouldn’t have worked. My parents wouldn’t let a stranger, let alone a female stranger stay with me at our house for any prolonged period of time if they weren’t confident that I knew her and knew her well. And they wouldn’t believe she was actually Shelby if she didn’t have the ID to back it up... unless something happened to that ID. And they wouldn’t let her stay unless they believed it was downright dangerous to go back home.

I didn’t like it. But as far as I could see, it was all necessary.

Still, I hoped that I could find a way to get her reunited with her friends before my house of cards fell.

My mother and I stepped inside to see our family and Rarity gathered in the living room. My mother stepped up to my father and kissed him. My father stood up, then motioned to the purple-haired girl. Apparently they had just been sitting there awkwardly, waiting for the two of us to get home.

“So, this is Will’s friend Shelby apparently...” my father rumbled.

I let out a quick sigh of relief. At least Rarity remembered the name I gave her.

My father continued. “She says that she’s here because she was ‘thrown out’ of her home, and that she was a friend of Will’s in college.” My dad motioned to Dani. “Dani backs up that she’s Will’s friend.”

I blinked, surprised. Dani was backing us up? What universe is this?

My mother nodded, stepping towards Rarity. Rarity looked up at her from her seat, her eyes red and puffy. She’d obviously been crying again recently.

“I’ve heard about what you’ve been through, Miss Shelby.” My mother said, putting a hand underneath Rarity’s chin and looking at her closely. “You definitely look like you’ve been through a lot.” She smirked a little, “Though I didn’t expect the purple hair.”

Rarity remained silent as my mother continued. “I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through.” My mother said, opening her arms for a hug.”

Rarity sat there silently for a moment before falling forward into my mother’s arms, crying again. My mother made a soft shushing noise. “It’s okay now, Shelby. You can stay here for a while.”

“T-thank you.” Rarity managed to stutter out.

I let out a massive sigh of relief. For now, anyway, the fib was holding up.

My sister excused herself at that moment as Rarity lifted herself back into her seat.

“Why don’t you take a hot bath or something. Will can make you some tea, or get you a soda if you prefer?” My mother offered.

“Yes! Tea!” I said maybe a little too loudly. “Tea is good! I shall be in the kitchen making all of the tea!”

Rarity giggled a little at my antics. My father stood up and looked at my mother with a calculating gaze. “Honey, may I see you upstairs for a minute?”

My parents and Rarity all retreated up the stairs. I shuffled into the kitchen, practically trembling with relief that Rarity hadn’t been immediately kicked out, and with anxiety that they might decipher my little white lies.

As I put the water on the boil I heard someone clearing their throat behind me.

“Must have been a doozy of a story to get them to keep her around.”

I turned around to see Dani sitting at the kitchen table with a Dr. Pepper in hand.

“I don’t need to deal with you at the moment, Dani.” I muttered, pulling out a few tea bags with my good arm.

Dani raised her hands. “I’m not trying to start anything.” She said. “I’m just saying, I expected mom to come home and immediately toss the lady out.” She cocked her head. “What did you tell her to get her to let Rarity stay?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I said softly.

“Hey,” She crossed her arms, “It’s in your best interests to tell me if for no other reason than I can synchronize my story with yours.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine,” I grumbled. “I told mom that she was a friend who drove up from Texas, lost everything she had in the tornado, and couldn’t go home because her father beats her, okay?”

“Whoa, wait, what?!” Dani said. “Back up a sec, you told mom what?”

“You heard me, Dani,” I growled.

“That’s kinda sick, bro.” she shook her head. “Faking physical abuse? That’s not the kind of lie that’s right to tell. This is not okay.”

I slammed a hand down on the counter. “She was going to ship her back off to her ‘family’ back in Texas, okay?” I massaged my forehead with my good hand, leaning against the wall. “I couldn’t think of anything else to get her to let her stay here. Not off the top of my head anyway.”

“I thought that making up stories was your ‘purpose in life.’” Dani raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, well, maybe I’m not as good at it as I thought.”

My sister shook her head. “Well, you said it. I guess there’s nothing you can do but go along with it now.”

I sat down on the counter, feeling nauseous. “I know. I feel rotten about it too.” I sighed. “Still, hopefully we can get her back with her friends and be done with all of this soon.”

“And how likely do you really think that is?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” I said defeated. “I hope beyond hope that it will happen, and soon. But on the other hand, all logic tells me it isn’t gonna.”

Dani shrugged. “Well, as you’ve told me, the whole situation is completely illogical.” She stood up and walked over to me, patting my shoulder a few times. “Maybe we’re due for some more craziness soon.”

I paused, thinking about that statement. “I don’t know if that is encouraging or terrifying.”

“Me either.” She said simply, then walked out of the room.

I sighed, thinking about the tangled webs I’d woven and the unacceptable things I’d said. The kettle whistled at me that the water was boiling. As I lifted it out I accidentally splashed some on my leg. I swore, wiping up the hot mess and proceeding to make the tea.

When I was finished, I walked up the steps to the bathroom where Rarity was running another hot bath, tea in hand and leg stinging. I wasn’t sure if the numerous baths she was taking would be particularly healthy for her hair or skin. I know overbathing is something that is generally advised against. Still, whatever helps her to relax, I guess. That was when I heard angry voices from behind my parents door. Dani was standing there next to the threshold, eavesdropping again.

“What’s up? I asked my sister.

“Shh...” she held up a finger, then waved her hand in front of her neck.

I stepped up silently behind her and listened to the voices behind the door.

“-ay, it’s a sad story I’ll admit, but I don’t want a girl with no ID that I’ve never even heard of living in my house!” I heard my dad say heatedly.

“Rick,” My mom said firmly. “We can’t just send her home. Will told me she’s been abused, and looking at her I believe it! Did you see her face? She looks like she’s been through hell and back! She lost everything! We can’t just let her out on the streets and I won’t send her back home to an abusive parent!”

“Okay, but what about a homeless shelter or something? I’m sure there are programs for people like her.” My dad said, backing down a little bit. Mom was really tearing into him.

“She’s our son’s friend.” My mother said. “Are we really going to force her into one of those places when we can put her up here for a time?”

“So what, are you suggesting we adopt her?”

“I don’t know!” My mother cried. “But this is definitely the safest place for her to be right now.”

“But are we safe?!” My dad shouted. “We’ve suddenly got a stranger living in the house and I’m supposed to be okay with this?”

“She’s not a stranger, Rick,” my mother insisted, “She’s our son’s friend!”

“Oh please.” My father said. “This isn’t about Will, or this Shelby girl. It’s about Caroline, isn’t it?!”

I felt everybody present seize up. My sister and I both caught our breaths as the room went silent. We had heard our mother tell us this story.

“Rick...” my mother said dangerously.

“You’ve never gotten over what happened to Caroline, and she was abused. You think you’re responsible so you want to try again with this Shelby. You think this is your second chance.”

“Rick, I’m warning you.” She growled

“I’m not keeping a stranger in our house just so you can get over your friend, Margaret.”

Dani and I heard a cracking noise from behind the door and the both of us gasped. I was becoming very familiar with that sound lately. My mother had just slapped my father in the face.

There was a dumbfounded silence on both sides of the door. It lasted for at least a full minute before I heard my father speak again.

“Margaret...” he said apologetically.

“No, Rick.” My mother said, sounding choked up. “She is our son’s friend, and she’s a victim. She can stay here as long as she needs to.”

My sister and I quickly moved out of the way of the door as we heard footsteps approaching, ducking into her room. Moments later, our father stepped out looking angry, frustrated, and depressed all at the same time. I had never seen that much emotion on his face at one time before.

The door closed again behind him. I heard soft sobbing coming from behind it.

My sister turned to me. “You’ve really fucked up, bro.”

I nodded. “Yeah...”

What else was I supposed to say?

I sighed, handing the tea to my sister. “Could you give this to Rarity?” I asked. “I don’t know if she’ll appreciate me walking in on her when she’s in the tub.”

Dani nodded and retreated into the bathroom. I sat down in the hallway, my back sliding down the wall.

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to go...” I muttered. A pony-meets-human story isn’t supposed to work this way. It’s supposed to be happy and bouncy and full of friendship and happies. All I’ve done since I met Rarity is screw things up, put her in danger and lie to the two people who loved me the most, causing them to have a terrible fight and remind my mother of a terrible experience she had back in college. Silver tongued magnificent bastard I was not.

Still, at least I could continue to help Rarity keep safe and continue looking for her friends. I just hoped I didn’t tear apart myself and my family while I did so...

Author's Notes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5-0uPJXPlI

I hate myself.

Legit, gaiz. I do. I seriously need to stop sitting on my lazy ass and pony up on this story. But no, it averages about three months between updates and I just can't seem to get motivated on it. Oh sure, I can get motivated on pretty much any other story when I feel like it, but not the one that is (arguably) my most popular and the one that people count on my participation for.

Anyway, here's the latest chapter. It got way heavier and delved into way more uncomfortable topics than I originally intended. But like I've said in the past, stories have a mind of their own and all an author does is transcribe them. You try to go against the flow of a story and everything will fall apart.

Hopefully though, the story will go to less dark places in the future. We'll just have to see.

Also, hopefully the next chapter won't take as long. I'm sure I say that every time though. >_<

Hope everybody at least somewhat enjoyed the heaviness. See you all next chapter!

(Also, I hate these new Author's notes boxes. They make the text way too big and their margins are way too large. I think I'm going to spend some time going back through the chapters and shrinking the text...)

Ch13: Calling to the Night

View Online

Monday, April 16, 2012

“Forgive me for implying that you are refusing to help me, William, but I don’t see how this will help me find my friends, let alone get home to Equestria.” Rarity said, a white-hot sliver of ire piercing her every word.

I sighed as I hunched over, waist deep in my cavernous movie cabinet. Retracting my head from the depths of the comedy section I gave her a sidelong glance. Looking around to make sure that we were alone in the room I shook my head at her. “Rarity,” I began, “I don’t know exactly what you expect me to do,” I said, slumping my shoulders. “It’s not like I have some sort of secret network of contacts or anything that could keep me informed about where a girl with candy colored hair might show up.” I shrugged. “I mean, there’s the fandom, but the odds of another pony fan finding one of your friends is astronomically slim.” I grabbed a Dr. Pepper off of the cabinet and took a long sip.

“Well, can you honestly expect me to just sit around and do nothing?” Rarity threw her hands up, exasperated. “My friends and family are out there in a dangerous world all alone! Surely I can do something to help them!”

I groaned. “Okay, let’s put it this way…” I said, massaging my forehead. “Rarity, did your parents ever teach you about what to do if you’re lost in the woods?”

Rarity nodded. “Of course.”

“What’s the first rule about being lost in the woods?” I asked the purple-haired girl.

“Stay where you are,” she answered almost reflexively, before realizing what she said and scowling at me.

I smirked at her. “Or else, you chance wandering around and missing the people that are looking for you, running around each other in circles until both parties get exhausted and give up,” I said, “And at the same time, you risk falling into a ditch or a stream and hurting yourself, or attracting a predator and getting yourself mauled, or any number of things.”

She huffed. “Very well, William, you make your point… BUT!” she exclaimed. “One of the other rules is to blow a whistle to attract any search parties to you.”

I dipped a hand at her. “I concede the point.” I said, calmly. “But for now, why don’t you let me worry about how we’re going to handle the whistling? After all, I know these woods better than you.”

She grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. “Very well, but sitting here watching these ‘dee-vee-dees’ of yours does not sit well with me. I feel like I should be doing something.”

“You are doing something.” I insisted. “You’re keeping your cover for my parents. If you didn’t, we couldn’t do the ‘stay where you are’ part of getting out of the woods.” I sat on the floor, looking into her eyes. “I won’t be able to help you if my parents kick you out or call the cops on you or something. I don’t want that to happen.”

Rarity stared at me for a moment before sighing and averting her eyes. “No, I do not want that either,” she said, stopping to look past me at my DVD collection. “Still though, I cannot imagine why you insist I watch your collection of moving pictures.”

“Call them movies,” I said. “Nobody has called them moving pictures in decades. You’ll blow your cover pulling that.”

Rarity huffed.

“Secondly,” I continued, “that’s sorta my fault. I told my parents that you were an old friend from college, you know?”

Rarity nodded. “Shelby,” she confirmed, prodding me to go on.

“Well, the problem is that I’d already long since told my mother about the real Shelby,” I said. “I’ve never kept secrets like this from my mother before,” I mumbled, scratching the back of my head, “And one day she called me, like she did every other week… and I told her I was interested in a girl.”

“Oh?” Rarity said her eyes widening. “You… made the girl you had a crush on into my cover?”

I choked on a sip of Dr. Pepper. A moment of sputtering later I wiped my mouth with my arm. “Don’t read into that, please.” I muttered, hiding myself back in my DVD case, looking for something to have her watch. “I chose Shelby because she’s the only girl that I ever told my mother about, so I hoped that she would recognize the name and realize that I wasn’t just bringing a stranger into the house.”

I heard Rarity let out an unladylike giggle. “But you made the girl you had a crush on into my cover.”

Groaning, I pulled my head out of the cabinet and looked at her. She had the biggest grin on her face. Rarityyyyy…” I whined. “Stop making this more awkward than it is.”

“Oh?” Rarity tittered, extending a leg, pointing a foot, and cocking her head back. “Do you have a little crush on ‘Shelby,’ Will?”

I rolled my eyes, trying not to think about the woman who I still didn’t have a bra for sitting not six feet from me. ‘She’s a pony she’s a pony she’s a pony she’s a pony she’s a pony’ I continued to repeat to myself.

Stop it, little Will; I don’t have time to deal with your shit right now.

I continued, not paying attention to Rarity, who seemed to find my discomfort absolutely hilarious. “Yes, I had something of a crush on Shelby. Which was why I ended up telling my mother a lot about her. I told her that she was just about as big a geek as I was, if not bigger; that she played a lot of video games, watched a lot of movies, read a lot of fantasy, that sort of thing. That was why I had a crush on her.” I glanced askance at Rarity. “Not because she was a highly attractive woman that, frankly, any breathing man who isn’t gay wouldn’t find enticing, especially when she’s sitting on a bed in their house without a bra on.”

Rarity fell back laughing at that. I snorted and turned back into the DVD case. ’Screw it,’ I thought, just reaching into the case and grabbing at the first movie I could grab. I pulled my hand back and looked at the cover. I winced ’Oh noooo… WOW no. Not that one,’ I thought, deciding it would definitely be a better idea to pick a movie a little more wisely.

“Will,” I heard Rarity say, softly. I turned to look at her. She had stopped laughing, and was looking at me with a genuine smile; her eyes looked like they could start to tear up at any moment. “Thank you.”

I blinked “For what?” I asked.

She chuckled, looking down at her hands, which she had between her now-crossed legs. “It’s petty… but thank you for letting me know I’m still pretty.”

“Oh.” I said, nodding, “Yeah, sure.” I chuckled. “I doubt you could be anything else, no matter what you turned into. You’re beautiful, Rarity.”

She smiled at me, a tear rolling down her face. We looked at each other for a few moments before I realized we were actually having a ‘moment’ she seemed to realize it the same as me and quickly averted her eyes. “So uh…” she cleared her throat. “What’s that you have there?”

I looked down at my hand to see that the offending movie was still in it. “Uh…” I stuttered, “Nothing I think you want to see.”

“Really?” Rarity asked. “But it has a-”

“Yeah, trust me.” I said. “You don’t want to see this.” I said, turning and sliding the movie back into its spot. I could feel the heat of Rarity’s gaze upon the back of my head as I said that. I ignored it, continuing. “I think I know what we should start with though.” I said, reaching for the science fiction section. “The beginning and end of where all nerdiness begins.”

“And where would that be?” Rarity asked, an eyebrow raised.

I pulled out a movie and held it up to her. “A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.” I grinned.

Rarity stared at me blankly.

I rolled my eyes. “Pop culture references. That’s a thing we need to work on if you’re going to play a geek.”

“I can’t read what that says” Rarity deadpanned. I blinked, looking at the cover of my copy of ‘Star Wars: A New Hope.’

“Oh right.” I said, chuckling. “You can’t read English.” I pointed to the movie case. “This is Star Wars, A New Hope. It’s the first in a series of movies that greatly defined a lot of my culture. Made by one of the best directors ever before he went completely coo-coo for cocoa puffs”

“A movie defined that much of your culture?” Rarity said, sounding incredibly surprised.

“Oh you have no idea.” I said. “These movies pretty much defined a generation or two.”

“Astounding.” Rarity said, her eyes widening. “Must have been a very impressive film. Moving pictures are barely a curiosity back in Equestria. They barely last ten minutes and most of them don’t have sound.”

“Sounds like you’re still caught in the era of early silent films.” I said. “I remember there was a PSA in one episode of the show with talking though?”

Rarity waved a hand, dismissively. “That was probably a phonograph synced up with a film reel.” She said with a little roll of her eyes. “They try that sometimes to give the pictures sound, but it almost never syncs up properly and it gets very distracting.”

“Ah,” I said, understanding. “Yeah, we tried that in the early history of film over here too.” I said with a nod. “Don’t worry. Give it a few decades and you’ll be cranking out some mind blowing movies of your own. Stuff that will define whole generations of little colts and fillies.”

“If you say so.” Rarity mumbled. “It’s still up in the air, back in Equestria, whether moving pictures even counts as an art form.”

I nodded. “Humans act the same way every time a new medium is developed. We’re still arguing over that with video games. What do you think, though?” I asked, curious.

Rarity shrugged. “I hardly know enough about them to say one way or another, Will. It’s an interesting novelty, but I would prefer to spend my time at the theater or at an opera than watch a grainy, black and white, fifteen-minute reel of film go by.”

“Well,” I chuckled, “Let me tell you. Whether you think it’s art or not, I’ll bet you find this,” I said, pointing to the Star Wars DVD, “a bit more than just a ‘novelty.’”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “We shall see, Will.”

I popped the DVD into the player and turned the television to the proper channel for movie viewing, grinning like a schoolboy. Rarity just looked at me with a bemused expression, before settling back into the pillow. Skipping through the menu, Rarity watching me the whole time, I directed her attention the screen as the famous words appeared.

“A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…” the screen read.

Rarity jumped back as the opening notes of John Williams’ famous score blasted through the room. Rarity had to stop to catch her breath, glaring at me as I grinned madly at her, chuckling at her reaction. “You did not tell me it would be so loud!”

“Shhh!” I shushed her. “You have to read the opening crawl!” I said as the first words started to appear on the screen.”

Rarity crossed her arms at me. “How many times do I have to tell you, William. I cannot read your chickenscratch of a language,” she harrumphed.

I sighed. “Right right, let’s go back a little I said, rewinding it a bit to the first few seconds. “A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.” I read to her. She nodded in response.

The music played again as I continued to read the words off to her. “Star Wars!” I exclaimed, letting her take in the score. “Episode 4: A New Hope,” I said, reading off the subtitle. “It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire…”

I read through the rest of the crawl for her. By the end, Rarity seemed interested, but still dubious.

“…custodian of the secret plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the Galaxy.” I finished, pausing the film just before the action started, and looked at Rarity. “What do you think?” I asked.

“I believe that this will be my first experience with this sort of story…” she said, diplomatically. “I don’t know what to expect.”

“Then you’re in for a treat.” I grinned, handing her the remote. “I’m going to go work on that whole ‘whistling’ dilemma that you brought up earlier. Press this button to pause the film like I just did, and this button to play it again.” I said, pointing to the pause and play buttons respectively. “And press this button to eject it when you’re done, then come get me and we can either start the second part, or watch something else if you like.” I smiled at her.

“Very well, I suppose.” She said, looking back at the screen.

“Trust me.” I said. “I’ve never met anybody who didn’t like at least this part of Star Wars.” I said, getting off the bed and walking to the door. “If you need me, I’ll be downstairs.”

“One more question, though, Will?” Rarity asked.

“Yes, Rarity?”

Rarity pointed at the screen. “Why are we starting with Episode Four? Should we not start with Episode One?”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “We don’t talk about Episode One.”

She blinked at me, rearing back a bit. I sighed, chuckling. “You’ll understand when we get around to it.” I said, closing the door and retreating down the stairs.

* * *

Rarity shook her head, trying to comprehend Will’s reaction to her last statement. It seemed perfectly logical to her to start with Episode One. What if there was context she needed before starting this episode. Would she not be very confused about what was going on? It seemed pretty straightforward, but still…

She looked back at the screen. She had to admit it sounded interesting, though it really felt more like Twilight’s sort of fare than hers. Rarity was generally much more interested in a good romance or historical drama than she was in science fiction as this seemed to be.

‘Not to mention…’ she thought, looking back over at Will’s dee-vee-dee case, ‘I can’t help but be curious just what he was so intent on hiding from me…

Rarity got up, pressing the button that Will had said was the ‘eject’ button and pulled the disc out of the player, placing it carefully back in its case. She made her way over to the cabinet and started rummaging around in it. “Let’s see what he was so desperate to hide.” She mumbled to herself. After a few minutes of looking, she found it, her suspicions confirmed.

“I knew it.” Rarity growled. “The hooves and tail are wrong but there’s no mistaking it.” She looked at the door accusingly. “Why would he hide this from me? He was so quick to show us that little show about us… Unless…” She curled a hand into a fist. “That liar!” She snarled.

“He’s one of them!” She said, stomping over to the bed and falling upon it, gazing accusingly at the case she held in her hands. “One of those freaks that gets off to us! Why else would he so desperately try to hide this from me?!” She popped the disc out of the case and put it into the player, shutting the device. “Oh, I’ll show him. When I tell him I’ve called him out on his little deception, he will rue the day he thought he could pull the wool over Rarity’s eyes!”

Hitting play when the menu came up, she sat back on the pillow, face carved into a scowl and arms crossed in front of her chest.

The scene opened on a forest, lazily panning over a painted, animated waterfall, before eventually coming to focus on a barking dog and two animated humans galloping through the forest on horseback.

“I dislike the feel of these woods,” one of the animated humans said. “Creatures that live in a unicorn’s forest learn a little magic of their own in time…”

* * *

I slumped in front of the computer, lazily scrolling through a fanfiction, not actually paying attention to anything. Something about Fluttershy getting turned into a hulk-expy by standing in some sort of gamma-irradiated cousin of Poison Joke. Wasn’t particularly great

‘Fanfiction…’ I thought to myself. ‘The fiction part hardly feels that way anymore, knowing for a fact that these characters are real.’ I sighed, closing the tab and opening up Google.

I was supposed to be working on helping Rarity “whistle for her friends.” I didn’t even know where to begin with that though. We’d already gone looking for them, at least to the degree that made sense. I wasn’t sure how to get the call out to the ponies with any chance of success.

I considered this before typing in a few random searches. “How to find someone who doesn’t want to be found” was my first search. It brought up a few interesting articles about finding long lost, hiding relatives. Unfortunately, pretty much every result first said that you needed to have some information about who you’re looking for; a name, if nothing else.

I had names, but unfortunately, they were the names of fictional characters. Very popular fictional characters. If I were to try searching them, I’d get a lot of results, but nothing that would help me. Just brony sites and some official Hasbro material, and little else. Any actual information about the lost ponies would be swallowed up among the thousands upon thousands of other results. The term needle in a haystack came to mind… assuming the haystack was about the size of Alaska.

Other suggestions ranged from trying out old email addresses… which the ponies wouldn’t have… to looking through online profile databases… which the ponies also wouldn’t have.

I looked up a few private investigators on next, but I realized very quickly that there was no way that I’d get any self-respecting private investigator to actually investigate this case. Something told me that no matter how much money I offered, they would slam the door on me the moment that I brought up cartoon ponies that are actually aliens from another dimension.

After about another hour of searching through dozens of google pages, looking up multiple searches ranging from “how to find someone who’s been kidnapped” to “how to find someone with no internet” to “how to find someone who’s lost” I finally got frustrated enough to take a break. I paced around the living room, grumbling, wondering how somebody would have searched for someone who’d been lost back in the days before the internet. Sadly, when I searched that information, it didn’t even seem to exist. The internet had made everybody ditch those methods apparently. I couldn’t blame them, of course, but it sure made my life inconvenient right now.

I slumped down into my chair and pulled up a youtube video of the Nostalgia Critic. I sighed, as I settled into the cushions, my face on my hand as I watched the antics of the critic on the screen. I usually watched videos like this to cheer up but it was doing little to help at the moment.

“Having trouble?” a voice came from beside me.

I jumped, turning to see Dani leaning against the wall next to me. I hadn’t even heard her come in.

“You startled me.” I said.

“What can I say, I’m a ninja.” She said with a smirk. “Now what’s up? Rarity situation driving you insane?”

I nodded, pausing the video. “I can’t figure out what to do, Dani.” I said with a long sigh. “How do you find people that could literally be anywhere in the world right now, among any sort of people, with no knowledge of the world they’re in?”

Dani tapped her chin. “It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack the size of Ireland.”

“I was thinking Alaska, but yeah.”

Dani stood there thinking for a minute before speaking again. “Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? You have to get the needle to come to you.”

I blinked. “How?”

“You know when you’re lost in the woods and you whistle so that people that are looking for you can come find you?” Dani explained.

I nodded. “Yeah, Rarity and I made that analogy not long ago, weirdly enough.”

“Well you gotta practice what you preach, bro.” Dani said, putting a hand on a hip. “Get what you’re saying through that thick skull of yours.”

I nodded. “Yeah, okay… I get it.” I said. “I don’t look for them, they’re obviously looking for her anyway. So I get the message out on where to find her.”

“Exactly!”

“Okay, that’s great and all, but what if they’re lost in the wilderness or something?” I said. “What if they’ve been kidnapped by Albanian slavers or are caught in the middle of the Amazon jungle or something?”

Dani looked at me, her face stony. “Thinking pragmatically, Will? If they’re lost in places like that then they’re already dead.”

A knife shot through my heart. It was like I knew that already, but hearing somebody else say that… it made me feel nauseous.

“…So you can’t think about that,” Dani continued. “If some of them are lost… then there’s nothing you can do about it. What you need to do is alert as many people as possible to the fact that she’s been found and hope that somebody actively looking for her notices.”

“How do I do that?” I asked.

Dani shrugged, walking out of the living room. “Hell if I know, bro. You figure that part out.” Dani said, sauntering out of the room.

I huffed, settling back into the chair. “Yeah, thanks, Dani. Big help.”

I sat back and had the video play again, watching as the Nostalgia Critic began to compare the movie Manhunter with Red Dragon.

And then it hit me.

“I’ve got it!” I stood up so fast I nearly knocked over the computer. Letting the video continue to play, I quickly rushed up the stairs. I pulled open the door to my room and barged inside. “Rarity! I called, quickly locating her on the bed.

Rarity was sitting there with the pillow clutched to her chest, her face soaked with tears and her chest racking with sobs. Her eyes were beet red and her hair was frizzed up and tangled, her body covered in sweat. I quickly took a step back. I never expected Star Wars to incite that sort of reaction.

“Oh you stayed… you stayed.” I heard come from the TV

Wait a minute…

I turned to look at the screen. The image of a young, blond man with dozens of medals decorating his chest stumbled to his feet. “Father? I had that same dream… no… I was dead.” He said.

“I remember you… I remember…”

I shook my head and sighed. “…Dammit, Rarity…”

PonyFall: Leather and Lace

by Dusty the Royal Janitor

Prologue

Ch1: Goodbye Blue Sky

Ch2: I'm Going Slightly Mad

Ch.3 Suspicious Minds

Ch4: Everything You Know is Wrong

April Fools!

Ch5: You Give Love a Bad Name

Ch6: Calling All Girls

Ch7: The Time Warp

Ch8: Twist and Shout

Ch9: Friends will be Friends

Ch10: Out of the Frying Pan (and into the Fire)

Ch11: La La La Lies

Ch12: Razzle Dazzle

Ch13: Calling to the Night