Ch5: You Give Love a Bad Name
Saturday, April 14, 2012
I awoke once again to my sister’s incessant prodding.
“Come on, Will,” she said as she continued to prod at me. “It’s almost noon.”
I groaned as I lay there on the couch. I could feel Artemis’ weight draped over my chest, her full bulk weighing me down like a heavy, furry blanket. My neck hurt from having to sleep in such an odd position on the sofa, and my throat was dry. I fluttered my eyes open briefly before I hissed and shut them again. The light. It burns ussss...
“Bad night?” my sister asked.
I nodded, pushing Artemis off of my chest. The cat gave a little grunt of indignity before trotting off elsewhere. I smacked my lips and cracked my neck as I sat up. “Had a hell of a weird-ass dream,” I muttered offhandedly. “What’s up?”
Dani shrugged. “Well, like I said, it’s almost noon. I have to be at my Saturday Tae Kwon Do class in half an hour.”
I stood up and stretched, hearing a couple of satisfying pops from my arched back. Oh, I was going to be sore today, wasn’t I? I yawned as I shambled over to the refrigerator, snatching up my glasses as I passed the table with my computer on it. The computer was in sleep mode. I had never turned it off apparently before I drowsily shuffled over to the couch last night. I pulled a soda out of the fridge and grumbled. “Right, right. I’ll drive you there as soon as I can get some caffeine in me.”
“Well, hurry it up,” my sister ordered me. “I’m going to go change into my uniform.”
I nodded and sat down at the kitchen table. I woke up my computer with a tap of the space bar. Khan gave me a little jingle as he booted up to the page I was on last night. An utterly dismaying article that read “Florida woman arrested for trying to rob Disney store naked.”
Headdesk.
Last night’s search had not gone well. I had attempted to look for any other accounts of naked girls with strange colored hair popping up anywhere. Sadly, typing ‘naked girls’ into Google had only gotten me a copious amount of pornography, and when I finally managed to narrow my search parameters to something that might be halfway reliable through trial and error, the results were still needle-in-a-haystack insane. People are weird, man. What kind of woman strips themselves down in a Blockbuster?
I had spent several hours on news articles only to completely lose faith in most of the human race. Finally it got to be too much and I switched my search parameters to something that I thought might be more reliable. I searched for information about the pink sky that had suddenly shown up yesterday. That had gotten me plenty of results, but none of them were particularly helpful. Most of them were either forum threads that theorized crazy things like aliens or signs of the coming apocalypse, or news articles from scientific websites that all agreed that the color was the product of a solar flare. ‘Course, we all know that that’s just code for “we don’t know what the hell happened.” I smirked a little at the irony that the crazy forum-goers were actually closer to the truth in this case. Looking out the window now, I saw that the sky was its usual bright blue, so it was likely that the internet would forget that the whole “pink sky phenomenon” had even happened in about a week or so. In retrospect I don’t know what I was even expecting to find that might help me when I searched for the pink sky. I guess I was hoping that meteorologists had picked up some sort of radiation signal or something sciencey like that that would help me to track down the other ponies turned human, but no such luck of course.
Eventually I had gone back to searching for news of naked women once I realized that there would be nothing to find while searching for the pink sky and it had just been more of the same until about five in the morning, leading me back to where I am now. At one point I had considered going on to brony forums to see if I could track down some of the other ponies, but it occurred to me that that was an incredibly stupid idea. I mean honestly, what are the odds that all the other Mane 6 would be found by other bronies like me, that said bronies would be crazy enough to go onto a forum or chat room and start yammering about it with no regard to how insane they would inevitably look, and that I would just so happen to be on the same website at the same time? That’s just silly. The odds of that would be like a billion to one. Honestly, that’s not even worth trying. More likely, if somebody found the other ponies, they were non-bronies that would take them straight away to a hospital or to the funny farm. And that’s if they’re lucky. A lot of people would do worse to them depending upon where they landed...
I shuddered at that thought. The ponies didn’t deserve to be exposed to that sort of thing. Thoughts briefly passed through my head again about what might happen if they landed in Somalia, the Middle East, North Korea, Albania, Columbia, or heck, even America in one of the shadier neighborhoods. Not to mention the fact that seventy percent of the world is covered in water and the sheer number of places on land that would be inhospitable like the Sahara, the Amazon, the Himalayas, or Antarctica.
I growled a minute, my fervor to find them surging suddenly when a stray thought passed through my head. Why would any of the ponies be that far away? They were all in the same general area when they teleported here... maybe they were all still in the area? That would certainly explain why there was nothing on the internet, given that I lived in a neighborhood that was made up of mostly families and old people. My sister and I were two of the oldest ‘children’ in the area. Most kids around this neighborhood were in the single digits and not exposed to much of the horrors of the world wide web. That still didn’t mean that the loony bin or the hospital was out of the question, but my neighbors were good people. It was just as likely that they might take them in the way I did.
...it was also possible that the Mane 6 were still wandering around the local woods.
I sighed. Every way I tried to think about it, something bleak popped up. Admittedly, we didn’t have much in the way of dangerous animals in the area. No bears, wolves, or poisonous animals roamed the woods around my house. Still, that didn’t exclude possible injury, should the rest of them start to panic, or death by exposure.
Rubbing my temples, I tried to figure out my next move. If the ponies had somehow been scattered by the teleport to this world, then there was very little I could do at the moment. And if that was the case, then the only thing I could really do was hope for the best and that they’d make themselves known somehow before they got into any serious danger, as bleak as that possibility was starting to seem. What I could do was check around the area.
I pondered that for a minute. I was perfectly capable of knocking on some doors in the neighborhood. If my neighbors hadn’t brought the ponies in the way I had, then they could at least tell me if they’d seen them or called the hospital or police and had them sent to somewhere. I could check some of the hospitals in the area and visit the local mental hospital. I could also grab a flashlight and scour the woods for any trace of them.
It wasn’t much, but it was a plan. Or at least something that closely resembled a plan.
Standing up from the table, I trailed up the stairs just in time to see my sister exit her room. She had her hair tied back in a ponytail with the help of a scrunchie and she was dressed in her Tae Kwon Do uniform: a white kenpo gi with a black belt. Her belt had two orange stripes around one end signifying the fact that she was a third-degree, and could kick the ass of anyone she pleased. I nodded at her. “Ready?” I asked.
She smiled. “Yep.”
I nodded to the next door down the hall. “How’s our guest?”
Dani shrugged. “I dunno. I spent most of the morning checking to make sure that nothing had been stolen.”
“And?” I asked.
“Nothing I could see. Mom’s jewelry is all where it’s meant to be. The safe hasn’t been cracked. No electronics gone. Far as I can tell, everything is where it’s supposed to be.”
I arched an eyebrow. “But you didn’t actually think to check up on her.”
My sister crossed her arms. “Call me cruel, but I really don’t know if I care. As far as I’m concerned, she’s still a stranger in this house.”
I gripped my sides and shivered. “Brrrrr... better be careful, sis. Any colder and you’ll turn into a popsicle.”
“Uh-huh,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I’m gonna go wait out in the car. When you’re done checking up on her, come out so we can go.”
“Right, right.” I waved her off and walked down the hall to see my guest, quietly opening the door and peeking in. “Rarity? You there?”
Stepping into the room, I couldn’t help but suppress a chuckle. Rarity was slumped out on the bed, her body practically contorted as she slept. Her limbs were sprawled out over the sheets, and the covers had half fallen off onto the floor. The other half was twisted around her midsection like some sort of ineffective cocoon. Her hair, once immaculate even in her unsteady state yesterday, was now completely mussed up and wild having fully succumbed to the horrors of bedhead sometime last night. To top everything else off, she was mumbling something in her sleep. I heard her mutter something about Sweetie Belle and decided that perhaps it was best to leave her alone to her dreams. She’d had a hard day yesterday and she deserved a little bit more sleep.
Still, I didn’t want to leave her alone without letting her know where I was. My sister and I were the only people she knew in this world, after all, so I dashed into my room and pulled a piece of paper out from my printer and scrawled a quick note on it for her.
Rarity, I began...
My sister and I have stepped out for a short time so that she can go to a sports practice. I should be back in about an hour. Eat anything you want in the fridge, but you may want to stay away from anything in the lower right-hand drawer. Not only will most of what’s in there potentially make you sick if you don’t cook it properly first, but let’s just say that you probably wouldn’t want to eat most of it anyway given ponies’ usual diet. Also, you should probably stay away from watching the TV or going on the internet without me around to help you. There are some things there that it probably wouldn’t be good for you to see yet if you wish to retain your sanity.
Please please PLEASE don’t try to leave the house on your own. I should be back in about an hour.
Your friend, Will.
I looked over the note a couple times and nodded to myself, figuring I had all my bases covered, then snuck back into the guest room and left the letter on the side table next to the bed. There was no way she could miss it.
Grabbing my Dr. Pepper on the way out, I made my way out to Elvira. The day was bright and sunny, just like the previous day, though I noticed that the wind was very strong. Much stronger than before. In my area, that very often denotes a storm on the way. I groaned. The last thing I needed was another spring storm. We had only just had one a couple weeks ago.
The drive to the Tae Kwon Do studio was refreshingly familiar after the craziness of the previous day. It’s amazing how much just a little bit of normalcy can help you relax when the world is going mad all around you, and the familiar turns and stops on the way to Jang’s Tae Kwon Do was enough to help me to calm down a little bit from all the crazy I’d been having to deal with. I dropped my sister off and briefly considered going in myself to sit in on her lesson. I hadn’t been inside the studio itself much lately since going off to college. It would be nice to see Master Jang and some of the other instructors again.
I decided against it though. I had another errand in mind. Namely, driving out to the local Jewel and picking up some decent vegetables. I noticed when I looked in the fridge earlier that we had almost no veggies to speak of, and with a vegetarian like Rarity suddenly staying over it would probably be a good idea to stock up on a few. Admittedly, she could probably eat pastas and cheeses and eggs for a while, and we had all of those, but at the end of the day I figured she’d appreciate it if we had a little more to offer her. I spent about a half hour picking up some tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, and a few assorted fruits and other such things before picking my sister up from her class at the end of the hour. We managed to make it back home just after one o’clock.
And as I stepped through my door, I stepped into a world of horror.
Rarity was there, sitting at the computer.
And I recognized the site she was on.
...It was not a good site.
“Rarity!” I halfway shouted. “What do you think you’re doing?!” My sister slinked upstairs to take a shower as I dealt with our guest.
The former pony stared blankly ahead as she continued to click through the pages of the green-backgrounded website. Her mouth was opened in a state of bewildered horror and her pupils were dilated. Sweat was dripping down her forehead and her hair was frazzled, even though she had obviously taken the time to brush it that morning. It looked like she had been clawing at her hair recently.
“Rarity?” I asked softly as I approached her from behind. “Are you okay?” She had open on the screen a particularly graphic picture of her engaging in acts with some shoddy OC pony. Drawn in MS Paint.
“Ahhhh... Mmmuhhh... Gehhhhhwha...” she sputtered. Something between a whisper, a shriek of horror, and a sigh of exasperation escaped her lips.
“...what was that?” I asked.
“...I looked into the internet and the internet looked back.”
I sighed. “Alright, come on,” I said, gently pulling her hand away from the mouse and taking it in my own. I closed the page, then helped her up from the chair. The look of terror never fully left her face. “Let’s get you some water, okay?” She nodded, walking with me over to the sink. I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and quickly filled it with cold water and handed it to her. She stood there drinking from the glass, while I went onto the computer and checked the internet history.
Oh wow. I mean yeesh. No wonder.
Yeah. Those were some bad sites for her to be on. In more ways than one no less. Seriously glad that I have such a good antivirus program.
I turned around to try and address Rarity. To try and calm her down and make her feel better about what she had seen, if that was even possible.
Instead, I got a hard slap right to the face.
“Ow!” I yelped. “What was that for?!”
Rarity fumed. “WHY?!” she shouted. She then attempted to further clarify but couldn’t get more than three words of a sentence out before she had to stop from sheer rage.
“How could- You People- It’s- No. NO! Why is this- How is this... You... Bronies... Friendship... I don’t- I can’t-” She shouted every attempt before finally throwing her hands up in the air and giving out a strangled cry that sounded like something halfway between one of the velociraptors from Jurassic Park and the Wilhelm scream before finally pointing at the screen and shouting, “FILTH!”
I rubbed my cheek in an attempt to lessen the pain. “Why does everything always go for my head?” I wondered under my breath before turning back to Rarity. “I’m sorry you had to see that, Rarity.”
“But what IS it?!” she shouted. “WHY is it?!”
I sighed. “It’s known on the internet as Rule #34. If something exists, then there is porn of it.”
Rarity looked at me bewildered. “That’s a rule in your culture? What kind of people are you things?!”
“Among other things? A very horny people.” I said frankly. I massaged my temples with my fingers, attempting to fend off the coming headache. “Wow. I never wanted you to see this sort of thing. I was hoping that I could just help you avoid it.” I motioned that she should sit down. She stood there apprehensively for a second, looking at me like I would suddenly attempt to violate her or something, but eventually she took a seat.
I scratched my head, attempting to figure out how to approach the issue. “Alright Rarity,” I began, “Exactly how is sex portrayed in Equestria?”
Rarity looked at me with an unreadable face. “Well,” she started, “It’s not something that is generally discussed in polite company, or at all save between family members and the closest of friends for one thing.”
“Okay,” I said, urging her on. “Go on.”
Rarity tapped her foot. “I mean, there are some... ahem... erotic novels written, and perhaps some paintings and other artwork that are... evocative... but as far as I’ve seen there’s not all that much that’s so very explicit. The worst it gets is some magazines that are on sale in some of the dirtier parts of town.”
I raised an eyebrow. “And do you have any of those novels or magazines yourself?”
Rarity blushed bright red. “Now wait just a minute, William!” she cried. “I don’t believe I am the one on trial here! I wish to know why those images are on your device!”
I held my hands up in an attempt to get her to calm down. “Alright, you’re right. I shouldn’t have asked. That’s personal.” I cleared my throat. “But to answer your question, those images aren’t on my computer. They’re on the internet.”
“Which is on your computer!” she exclaimed, pointing at the offending electronic.
“No,” I said simply. “I never got around to explaining the internet last night, so let me explain it now before this gets any worse.” I said, turning the computer screen to face her. “The internet is a system that connects every computer in the world with every other computer in the world. It’s like a library, a marketplace, and a meeting hall all rolled into one that you can access from your home.” I opened amazon.com to demonstrate. Rarity looked at me dubiously.
“You see this website I just pulled up?” I asked. “From here I can order all sorts of products, like books, board games, clothes, and a bunch of other things, all to be delivered right to my home.” I then clicked on another of my bookmarks and opened up a deviantArt chat room that my friends and I commonly used. It was empty at the moment but it was still a good example. “And this page that I opened is called a chat room. Here, if other people are on the same chat room as I am, I can talk to them through words, like instant letters.” I then opened my deviantArt profile. “And this here is an art gallery that I have set up for myself. It has a bunch of pictures that I drew myself... and before you ask, any and all pictures I might have drawn of you were in good taste.”
Rarity eyed me. “This all seems so very hard to believe.”
“Oh really? Compared to being thrust into another world and transformed into a monkey-cow perhaps?” I smirked at her.
Rarity sighed. “Point taken.” She looked at me again, still angry. “So I assume what you’re saying then, since every computer is connected to every other one, is that somebody else made those... images of me?”
“Yes,” I answered, “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
She growled. “That really doesn’t make me feel much better. That so many people would see me and my friends as such mares of ill repute!”
“Actually, there’s probably a minority of people who see you that way.” I clarified. “Remember, there are almost seven billion people on this planet, and a lot of them are fans of the show you star in. Of those seven billion people, of which there are a lot of bronies, a number are bound to be sex-obsessed or sex-starved, and this is just one of the ways that they can see to get off: To take a character they already like and sexualize them.” I shrugged. “It makes you more ‘interesting’ in regard to their perverted interests in their mind or something like that.”
To be fair, I don’t really have an opinion on “clopping.” I don’t exactly like it per-se. It’s just something that I’ve accepted that the internet does as I’ve become desensitized to it. It’s not any more special or notable than the sexualization of my favorite childhood video games or cartoons, save for the sheer amount of it, which is only to be expected given the sheer amount of bronies in the world. At the end of the day, it was pointless to try and rail against it, and getting offended by it would only make me upset. The best thing to do would be to ignore it.
In any event, nothing I said made Rarity lighten up all that much, though that was to be expected. “None of that really makes me feel any better...” she grumbled. “Those pictures of me are still out there.”
“I honestly can’t understand how you must feel right now. Nobody has ever really seen me in this way after all, but then again, I’m not nearly as much of a public face as you are.” I sighed. “One thing you just have to remember is that those pictures aren’t real and they will never be real, okay? You’re better than that and those people are the sad ones in the scenario.”
Rarity sighed. “Right. Thank you, Will.” She said. She still sounded dismayed at what she saw, but at least I could try pulling her off the topic now.
“Anyway,” I started, “didn’t you get my letter? I remember saying that you shouldn’t go onto the internet without me around to help you.”
Rarity looked at me. “You mean this?” she said, pulling my letter out from the chair next to her.
“That’s the one. Why didn’t you follow the directions?”
Rarity cocked her head and looked at me incredulously. “Well isn’t it obvious, darling? I can’t read what it says.”
I blinked. “Wait, seriously?” She shook her head and I narrowed my eyes. “Is that a jab at my handwriting or can you really not read English?”
The former pony shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you darling, but if it’s your hoofwriting then you must have the absolute most abysmal hoofwriting I’ve ever seen.”
“That’s just crazy...” I muttered. “I mean, I’d understand if there was some sort of language barrier, but you can speak English just fine. But you can’t read written English? What kind of crazy trans-dimensional BS is this?” I said, throwing my hands up.
“Don’t blame me!” Rarity said. “Believe me, if I could have followed your directions I would have, but I just can’t read what this says.”
I narrowed my eyes agin. “But wait a minute!” I shouted. “If you can’t read English, then how did you do any sort of internet search? You have to be able to read and write to type things into the internet!”
Rarity waved a hand at me. “Oh that. I just typed in the same sequence of buttons I remembered you pressed into the first page that came up and got all sorts of pictures. I do have an excellent eye for details.”
I thought back. The word I had typed into the YouTube search last night was “Rarity” and I came up with Suited for Success. Suddenly what happened made sense. My internet homepage was just Google. She must have managed to type “Rarity” into Google from what she remembered seeing me type and then clicked on the images tab. She probably saw a porn picture in the gallery that came up, clicked on it out of curiosity or disbelief, and things spun out of control from there.
I sighed. “Alright, Rarity. Just try to forget about what you’ve seen. Try to remember that it’s not really indicative of everyone on this planet, okay? Not everybody thinks that you’re a ‘mare of ill repute’ as you said. Believe me, most bronies hate it when people make pictures like that.”
Rarity nodded. “Alright then, Will. I must say, it was a bit of a shock to my system, but you’ve been nothing but good to me since I arrived, even when I mistreated you so... I trust you.”
I smiled. “That’s good, because I have something I need you to do with me.”
She arched an eyebrow at that. “And that would be?”
“You and I...” I began, “are going on a pony hunt.”
Again, sorry this took so long. I've been very busy recently. Not only have I had to deal with a car accident as well as having to cancel an online college program that I had already put money into (and boy did THAT ever get more complicated than it needed to be), I've also been busy with family matters and other headache-inducing things. It was all topped off with a stomach virus that had me regurgitating my organs a couple days back.
But I'm back now, and I already have built up a buffer of a couple chapters, so hopefully those can be edited and put out a fair bit quicker than my usual schedule.
Also, in case anybody is interested, I've been working on some other fanfictions as well. Don't know when any of them will see the light of day, but hopefully that'll be relatively soon. Most are probably going to be crossovers in some way. If you're at all interested please tune in. :)
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While I enjoyed the interactions between yourself and everyone's favourite seamstress, I couldn't help but feel that there was a lot of filler in here.
News of a buffer makes me feel giddy.
Yay! Bon Jovi! Now all we need is a Queen, Poison, Nickleback, and some Evanescence and we'll have an epic story.
2514591
Yeah, this was something of a filler chapter, though I wanted to establish a little more about Dani's martial arts ability, as well as Will's (rusty but still existing) ability because I want those to become important later. I also wanted to get some more freak out from Rarity since that's always fun to write. Things happen next chapter, though.
2514598
Quite so. I also intend for Meat Loaf to make an appearance >B)
Are you going to explain the writing barrier more, because even I don't understand it.
2514618 MEAT LOAF
BOTH KINDS, PLEASE
2514664
Writing barrier? You mean the language barrier that makes her incapable of reading written English?
To be entirely fair, I don't understand it myself. It was a plot point in PonyFall: Dawning of Twilight that our written language was different from Equestria's written language (even though we've sen written English in the show, but that can slide since the show is only mostly accurate in PonyFall). Therefore, I had to keep that element consistent. Basically, the gist of it is, Rarity and the other ponies can't read. Our language to them is like how written Russian looks to English readers.
Ah, does that bring me back... it feels like just last year I wa...
wait a minute
That's pretty bad given we're in Chicago
Sweetie knows about your "pirate" books by the way Rarity.
2514700 Well, Pinkie can read it
2514924
Pinkie is Pinkie.
2514924 She couldn't in the beginning. She trained herself to do it and, Pinkie being Pinkie, was able to do so simply because she believed she could.
Have you heard of Florida Man by any chance?
I sense many bad things ensuing with Rarity's discovery of Rule 34...
Two things:
1. Name a chapter after a Celldweller song.
2. I wonder what Rarity would think of certain fan fictions written on this site, specifically the meta ones.
Right. The language barrier. Now that's gonna be an extreme problem everybrony has to prepare for in case of these scenarios. In my stories, the Equestrian written language uses letters like the alphabet (used in English, Spanish, French, Italian, etc.).
Oh dear...poor, poor Rarity. I'm trying not to laugh at such an event because it would suck big time, but it's still so...amusing...
Anywho. Can't wait for stuff to happen next chapter.
Dangerously cheesy.
2515173 Haha, I was about to post something like that. This entire paragraph is so tongue-in-cheek it hurts, and it's hilarious
Poor Rares
2516078 The tongue was so forced, though, that it's no longer a tongue in cheek, but a tongue through cheek.
images.dpchallenge.com/images_portfolio/25000-29999/28742/800/Copyrighted_Image_Reuse_Prohibited_625496.jpg
Great chapter as usual, but I felt that the pacing was a bit rushed and that you could've spent more time on Rarity's reaction.
2514700>>2514664 While we have seen written English in the show at times like the banner in Swarm of the Century (I think), its mostly only at plot points. Less essential points are written in an almost Roman character type font, like Russian sort of. Case in point, the Sisterhooves Social flyer:
th03.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/158/d/f/sisterhooves_social_poster_by_vectorshy-d52m09i.png
Also, Dusty, it's funny that you would mention Rarity and romance novels, because in her recently released one shot comic, it looks like she was reading something rather steamy as she laid in bed... She does seem the type doesn't she?
I can't really imagine someone being able to speak English, or any language really, and not be able to read it. Especially if they come to the world able to speak fluent English. I've taken 5 Years of German now and I don't think I could ever become fluent in it without the ability to read and understand it. Being able to read in a language is probably the most important part to becoming fluent in that Language
Edit: never mind just found a good example. China, Japan, and Korea write using Symbols, but each symbol represents a sound and/or word, so while they write using symbols they have a spoken language. So, it could be possible for them to write using symbols, and the symbols and the sounds and words they make transfer perfectly into English
2525000
th09.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2011/090/d/a/shrugpony_rarity_by_moongazeponies-d3cvk4g.png
Hey, don't tell me. Tell the guy that came up with that plot point. I'm just doing what I'm told and keeping it consistent.
Though I must contest the idea that one has to be able to read a language to be 'fluent' in it. There are plenty of children that can speak to people who can't read yet, and other illiterate people who can speak just fine in the world.
Also, you're comment 2525000. Awesome.
2525036
I swear I'm not crazy
Don't worry about it, I just spent the last twelve minutes talking to myself, and ended up proving myself wrong
To be perfectly honest, having a different written language makes perfect sense to me even if the spoken language is the same. I mean, have you ever tried writing English without fingers? It may be possible, but it would be pretty odd for the written portion of the language to develop such complicated symbols when two-thirds of the population would be using their mouth to hold the writing implement.
(... unless for a long time unicorns simply were the only sub-species that actually did any writing. For long periods of most cultures' history the only literate ones were the scribes, so it wouldn't unreasonable to just have scribe be a unicorn-dominated profession. Assuming that written language was developed after the founding of Equestria of course. Alternatively, unicorns may have simply been the only ones to develop a written language before the unification and then the rest simply put up with it rather than argue over what a new language should be.
Even in either of those situations though, I would have expected fairly radical change over time especially considering the "no fingers or magic" thing.)
By Pony hunt, you mean that we're going to hunt down some Ponies, kill them, and use them for food?
Promise me one thing, that there will be more musical refrences
Oh no
(pauses a moment and goes to rule 34 to check the back ground color)OH NOOOOOO!
Ah Rarity, welcome to the horrors of the human race. Please enjoy your stay, as it will be brief, and try not to kill Byron. Or Terry, or any of my Brony friends, really. Oh, and to the writer of this fic, my uncle lives in St. Charles, and I am a Doctor Who fan. That is all
Very nice so far. I noticed one mistake for this collab project though. There's a part in the Celestia one where, on the first day of the event, Will contacts fimfiction.net and briefly talks to.... forgot his name(I'm bad at names) the one housing Celestia. But, that's not in your fic anywhere.
Other than that though, amazing job so far.^^
Pretty great story so far, but this chapter might as well have been called the Soapbox Chapter.
The april fools chapter before this one was also filler, but at least it was funny. Also:
What?
You realize that's complete crap, right? To say that a majority of seven billion people are bronies is just insane. The show is fairly popular, but not that popular.
THAT! THAT deserves all of the internet, a tripple thumbsup, two amen and a hallejulia.
I choked on my tomato cheese sandwich while reading that line, resulting in me coughing up some crumbs, so I went bolting for the kitchen to get some water. Honestly, I swear I'll never go eat and then read something without a glass of water nearby, ever again. But in the end it was worth it...
Now this may sound strange, but just to gauge her reaction and measure it by what she saw, I'd really like to know which picture was the last one she had seen. Just out of curiosity.
I have to admit though, I go take a look on r34 sites from time to time as well, mainly when I get linked to it, or see some quality fanart (joseco, megasweet, kevin, 3mangos, audrarius, tiarawhy etc.), with explicit content, in forums that pique my interest.
Buuut the problem with r-34pa is, that when you get there while not logged in, there are no active filters, so you get every ugly smudge scribble picture spawn from the depths of tartarus there is splashed right onto your screen. So yeah it was really bad of him forgetting the other day to at least activate safe search and save the cookies necessary for the browser to remember it's on.
But then again regarding r34, while there are a lot of ugly pictures, most of them just being some scribble crap, that show explicit content, a few of them could even be considered 'real art', as in being aesthetically pleasing, not just sexually.
Some may be more erotically suggestive and others are plain dirty and rough looking (there is soft-porn and hard-porn after all). But even then the pictures with rough content don't have to be bad drawings and can, surprisingly sometimes, still retain a certain level of aesthetic. Suffice it to say, some people and their art-style can even turn shit bricks into golden mona lisas.
Equestrians just don't have the internet. All those very open distributions and commissions of sexually explicit content aren't possible without some kind of world wide web communication standard.
Yeah... that turned out well
.
I remember a fic with Twilight Sparkle turned human on earth, where she found out about r34 content. She went all radical apeshit and wanted it to be removed, even contemplated the idea to start a world wide internet campaign demanding said removal.
I do feel sorry for Rarity though, especially after probably witnessing many of the worst futaXstallionXmare scribble crap pictures (I don't even dare to call some of them art) there are, but she just has to memorize that it's all part of human nature, the multiverse, and the fact that all of them crazy humans 'know' the ponies are just fictional characters. No ero-artist would ever expect 'a Rarity' showing up, crying up a storm while bursting down their door and then sauntering into the room with the threat to either erase, edit or remove their pictures from the Internet (which is an impossible feat in itself), or else they'll get blasted to the moon.
... just not in yours
!
While this improbable circumstance is an even more impossible situation, sadly it is not the case in this fic, so she'll have to endure the impossible hornyness (that's not a word here, but I bet in some multiverse it is) of humanity.
...Alternatively, Gerald could've just prepared the computer for safe search, but no worries Rarity, this probably happened in some other universe already.
What do you say Mr. Jay?
#
thank you very much!
Yet another comment, damn twice on the same chapter.
Seriously Rarity? What the- Uhrg
. If I'm not mistaken she said something about, reading a 'romance novel' from her stash at home (which I bet some are not entirely sfw, making them more a kind of erotic contribution) suddenly feels like voyeurism to her, after Gerald got to explain the multiverse theory.
RARITY HOW COULD YOU?!
So when 'Merry Doe and Hoss Joe' make out after retrieving 'the crystal of fertilization' from the 'Temple of Eden' and have some steamy erotic fun later, I'm pretty sure they would forbid any other strange 'pony' to know about what they did. Furthermore they may be angry as heck when they learn, that all of their private fun time is laid out for a broad variety of readers and written down in every saucy detail.
Yet the books sell, and Rarity reads them.
But Rarity never has to worry about them being ashamed, in rage and out for blood slaughter, because Doe and Joe don't have any means to know about those novels. THEY ARE CONSIDERED FICTION!
Just like Rarity was fiction to humans, bronies, cloppers, and the guy from next door.
It's not their fault that an inter dimensional rule was broken in face of Discord's and Lu-Lu's combustion magic screw up, leading to Rarity discovering the existence of r34 art of herself.
... By the way, I just know she wouldn't even be half as pissed, if she saw pictures of Big Mac doing r34 stuff solo. Also, I'm talking about the a fore mentioned aesthetic pictures. Of course Rarity would be more distraught about this stuff if she only saw pictures of herself the whole time, or her close friends (which happen to be mostly mares).
But what about pictures with OCs only? What if she saw some hot hunk pegasus stallion having some rough smexy time with a lovely pristine unicorn mare (and I'm talking the 'Baywatch' ponified kind of beauty). In addition, both are ponies who she has never seen before.
She probably wouldn't mind that, nope! More likely she'd excuse herself for half an hour to take care of some business... in the shower >_>.
So much for Rarity's logic on r34:
Before hearing multiverse theory:
.
> Enjoys a good romance novel with some saucy scenes, maybe a bit soft porn in it.
After hearing multiverse theory
> Thinks reading said novels is akin to voyeurism, enjoys them nonetheless because fuck you multiverse, it's still just fiction.
~Later~
> Find's out about r34 stuff of herself, complains about it being disgusting, filthy and not worth existing.
> Forgot in the process that she was a fictional character to the humans as well.
> Also forgot that she already read, essentially, some other 'fictional' character's love escapades, and that there are hundreds of other samples of those stories ready to be read for other ponies.
Anyway that's it for now from me. It's still funny to know that of all the ponies in the other Ponyfall stories, Rarity just had to be the one to learn about the r34 content of herself
. At least Pinkies innocence was saved by the Youtube kittens.
BEWARE! THE BOX KITTENS!